tifu

TIFU by eating a $2,002 McDonald’s cheeseburger

TIFU by eating a $2,002 McDonald’s cheeseburger

Obligatory this happened a month ago. I work in the car business and we are strictly commission.

It can be lucrative and sometimes you don’t have enough time to eat lunch. I had just finished with a customer that didn’t get approved and by that time it was 4:00. I was starving and I figured since McDonald’s was around the corner, I could hurry up and grab a burger and come back. I rarely eat out but I was desperate.

I hurry over there and get a $2.00 cheeseburger and I park in the lot of the dealership. I can see the customer parking from where I’m at and I see someone pull in.

Being that I had just finished working with a customer for a couple of hours, I stay in my car and just watch the customer walk around the lot aimlessly. I figure “ehh, I’m just gonna sit here and scarf this down”. This went on for about 5 minutes and no one had come out to help him.

I almost reluctantly get out to help him in case the managers see him out there and get angry that no one assisted him. Finally, a new salesman comes out and starts to help him. I’m relieved and finish up my burger and I walk into the showroom.

Well, apparently that customer came in on a specific car that we had that paid a minimum $500 commission. This brings my burger’s value to $502.00

I’m already feeling like a jackass but it gets better. This same customer brings his brother in a few days later and his brother purchases a used Cadillac Escalade that paid him a $1,500 commission.

I ate the most expensive McDonald’s cheeseburger ever made.

TL;DR - Decided on eating my cheeseburger instead of helping a customer and it cost me a $2,000 commission.

Hindsight be damned that burger felt good at the time didn't it?

I don't think I'd call this a stupid decision nor would I say that you "f'ed up". Yes, this cost you a bunch of money that you might have otherwise made, but there is no way you could have predicted that customer would come in at that time; no way you could have predicted what he'd have bought; and no way you could have predicted that he'd bring in another customer for a big sale.

What are you going to do in the future? Never take a lunch just in case a lucrative customer comes in? I hope not. This is the sort of thing that just happens in life. You'll get another sale in the future to make up for it.

That burger was delicious!

Look at it this way: Maybe the other guy is a better salesman and theres no way you wouldve convinced the customer to buy that car.

TIFU By participating in No Nut November

TIFU By participating in No Nut November

at least you have an excuse for destroy dick december

Seriously?

Yeah guys so I have some weird condition where I have to inject insulin a couple times a day, but yeah anyway I figured I'd participate in no insulin November, just a on whim you know? After about day 2 I woke up in a hospital, because apparently I lost consciousness and was taken to the emergency room.

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TLDR: totally disregarded my medical condition and wound up in the hospital.

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"They eventually discharged me" - I may need more details ;)

... that's a thing?

Edit: Bonus question, is Jack-off January a thing?

TIFU by sending my W-9 to 900 people at the apartment complex where I work

TIFU by sending my W-9 to 900 people at the apartment complex where I work

I've worked for an apartment complex for the last 2 years. We ended up getting bought out a couple of months ago and the new management company requested an updated copy of our W-9s. Easy enough, I figured I'd just do it today since most of the tours were scheduled for the afternoon.

I sat down to send out an email to all of the tenants regarding a parking lot closure for re-striping. Started as I always do with the group "Tenants", made a subject regarding the closure, then I get a phone call. After 10 minutes, I get a walk-in and get them scheduled for an appointment. During the walk-in, the other person in the office says she got an email reminding her about our W-9s.

Once the walk-in is out the door, I open a new tab and type in the HR address for the new management company for a new email. Then the phone calls start and more people come into the office for various things. 2 hours pass and it's almost lunch.

Without thinking, I get back into my email tab (the wrong one), upload my W-9 and put into the body "W-9 attached" and send it.

About 20 minutes later I get a phone call from one of the tenants. "Hi is this reallyfdupthistime? I'm a resident at (place where I work) and it looks like you accidentally sent me a tax form, did you mean to send that to someone else."

"..........yes"

And it was about at that point that I knew something had gone terribly wrong. To my horror, I looked back at the tabs and sure as shit, I had sent my W-9 to everyone under the tenant list with a subject about a closed parking lot. Got a few more phone calls this afternoon about it and sent my W-9 to the right email address.

Not sure exactly how bad IFU but I would imagine pretty horribly.

TL;DR I sent my tax information to everyone who lives at the apartment complex where I work.

edit: Thank you so much for all your help, especially kidnoodle with their enormously helpful post My social security number was on it so I'm going through the process of freezing my credit now.

YOU NEED TO LOCK YOUR SHIT DOWN LIKE YESTERDAY

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if in that batch of 900 people there are at least a few assholes who decide to steal your identity. Assuming this happened a few hours ago, you need to take action NOW

Get an identity theft PIN from the IRS - simple enough to do right here and I would say you qualify because 900 people now have your tax information.

Freeze your credit reports - This is free now and I'd recommend anyone who gets any information stolen do this, that can be done here

Keep an eye on your credit for years - At some point, you're going to have to lift the freezes to get a loan or credit card or something. If you're moving, having a credit freeze can be a pain in the ass if you need a credit check for utilities, mortgage/rent, etc. Even with a freeze, if someone has enough personal information about you, they may be able to lift it themselves. You can rotate out each credit report every 3 months through Annual Credit Report

What you cannot do is to sit back and think it's going to be fine without doing anything. In all likelihood, it will be fine if you go through everything above, but if you just think it will go away in a month or two you're sadly mistaken.

Edit - I don't mean to scare you (maybe just a little bit) but this is a serious thing that can reverberate long after today.

Edit 2 - /sub/stopidtheft is where I'll be posting more about this. It happened to me once, it was a shitty 3 months but I learned a lot by studying up on what to do/not do. Here's a not-quite exhaustive list of resources that you might want to consider

OP, get on this now if you haven’t already.

How much y’all wanna bet OP is actually one of those people who got the W-9 and real OP’s identity is so stole they even got his reddit account?

Those that don't know what W-9 is.

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It is a form that provides the individual's TIN (Tax ID #) to another for confirmation.

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Didn't know cause living in the alien country up north, sorry.

TIFU I accidentally proposed to my girlfriend waking up from appendix surgery

TIFU I accidentally proposed to my girlfriend waking up from appendix surgery

The good Ole Appendix Truth Serum!

So I grabbed my phone charge

I see you had your priorities straight

That's awesome man congrats

<accent>There is no such thing as truth serum.</accent>

TIFU by posting the navy seal copypasta to my friend and having someone call the cops on me

TIFU by posting the navy seal copypasta to my friend and having someone call the cops on me

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me (the meme), you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the navy seal copypasta. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also US's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into its characterisation- their personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike US Navy Seal copypasta truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in the existential catchphrase "I will wipe you the fuck out with precision," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Navy seal tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

Wew lad.

personal

TIFU by turning an exam in front of 200 people

TIFU by turning an exam in front of 200 people

Hope your ankle feels better soon! Good luck on your next exam!

Ouch! D: Good luck on your other exams!

Oh, and walking...

trampling over exam takers

Do you all sit on the floor randomly?

Oh goodness gracious, a TIFU that actually happened today!

TIFU by working in the rain and getting struck down by God.

TIFU by working in the rain and getting struck down by God.

This definitely doesn’t sound OSHA approved.

I would certainly hope not! I'm currently fighting with my boss about it, he's paying for the medical expenses and from now on if I see even a drop of rain while working, I pack up and leave immediately

If I were you, I would try to get some form of documentation from work citing that this incident happened. Just in case.

They apparently don't have any such form, but the hospital was nice enough to help me file an injured on duty form to the government, so there's that at least!

TIFU by walking out of my ACT test

TIFU by walking out of my ACT test
TIFU by walking out of my ACT test

I feel bad for laughing so hard. I could hardly read through the laughter. What terrible timing!!

The test was canceled because I left.

Wait till you get older and stop giving a shit what others think.

TIFU by farting so badly the janitor thought there was a sewage leak in the bathroom.

TIFU by farting so badly the janitor thought there was a sewage leak in the bathroom.

Shared this before but this post seems relevant.

I had a cross country flight that boarded at 5 AM, my GF stayed the night to drive me there and I treated her to pizza and beer. Emphasis on the beer. After tipsy packing was done, we finished off the rest and went to bed. Blinked and it was time to get up and shower.

GF comes into the bathroom as I am showering and while I have told her about ‘the kraken’, she has never witnessed it. The kraken is when your nether regions are completely soaped up and you let out a giant fart. It’s magical, the moisture from the soap and water not to mention the lubricating properties of both adds this intense vibrato to the whole thing.

As she begins to brush her teeth I feel a tremendous beer fart begin to form. I shout, “Release the kraken!” And what follows is a good 8-10 seconds of chtulu like growling that just echoes out of the shower like a rude, rank voice from the deep.

She gapes at me, toothbrush hanging out of her mouth, trying to work out how to respond. And that’s when the kraken’s kiss hits her full force. Gently heated by the steam, the full aroma of the kraken careens into her like a runaway stink train. She promptly gags and pukes in the sink.

This is also the story about me almost trying to find a Lyft/Uber to get to the airport by 4 AM. At this point the whole thing is rather humorous, but I was in the dog house there for awhile for ‘flagrant spite farting’.

“That’s when the kraken’s kiss hits her full force.”

Lost it at this point, good god

You tell a hella good fart story.

I took a giant, full cat sized dump in my college dorm toilets when I was that age. Couldn't get it to flush and just kind of ran scared at the beast I had left lurking.

15 minutes later my roommate comes running in yelling "omg you have to come see this" with child like amusement and takes me into the bathroom. At this point I'd completely forgot the demon I had left and he dragged me into the stall to show me the dump. He was in complete giddy amazement.

I was too embarrassed to own up to it, and he continued to pull everyone he came across in the hall to show this, what he deemed, an artful abomination. His amazement at the size almost had me want to claim my credit, because I'm a smaller guy, like 130-135 at the time 5'10.

Anyway, I understand your fear of fame from your thunder hole.

TIFU by pressing the emergency 911 button at work 348 times on my first day, causing the police to surround my workplace.

TIFU by pressing the emergency 911 button at work 348 times on my first day, causing the police to surround my workplace.

So today was my first day of work. I (hopefully still) work as a hostess at a family restaurant, and I got the job through a classmate I don’t know very well, who assured the manager that I was perfect for the job (ooooooh boy). I walk in, and my trainer goes through the whole routine. At some point he brings me up to the front desk to meet another worker, when they both suddenly get called into the kitchen on their walkie talkies. So now I’m standing alone at the front desk with nothing to do. Minutes pass, and I get tired of gazing around so I start touching things on the desk. An extra clicky pen. A clipboard. Crayons. Then, my hand rests on a large button nested in a clump of wires, just laying on the desk. I examine it, and apparently some primal monkey part of my brain thinks that it’s suitable for clicking, so I start clicking it. I just stand there for about two minutes, clicking the button nonstop. As I hear footsteps approaching I shove my hands in my pockets and pretend that I was looking over my handbook. My trainer tells me that he wants to show me how to clean the bathrooms, so I follow him. As I’m in the bathroom I hear faint sirens, but I think nothing of it (once again, monkey brain). My trainer gets called into the kitchen again, but this time he is instructed to bring the new girl. As we walk into the kitchen I am immediately met with a group of people with confused, disapproving faces, including my manager and about three police officers. My manager then asked me if I pressed the 911 button. My trainer says “I didn’t show it to her yet” and I nod along, still oblivious. So then my manager and the officers take me to the front, where they show me the 911 button. You guessed it, that’s the button I fidgeted with earlier. All I could think of saying was “Oh, yeah, that was me” (I was surrounded by restaurant guests and officers intimidate my monkey brain). When everything calmed down, my manager took me into her office to talk to me. She explained that while I was in the bathroom, the police came and surrounded the whole restaurant. The officers came in through the back, ready to catch a robbery/shooting in action. They thought that we were in imminent danger because they were called 348 times. After we talked, my classmate, the one who got me the job, clocked in. I explained to her what happened and she was angry at first, and now things are very awkward between us. Also, everyone at work things I’m dumb as shit. I don’t really want to come back into work.

EDIT: no, the button was not bright red and it did not say 911 on it.

TL;DR: I took an extra swig of dumb bitch juice and pressed the 911 button at work 348 times, causing the police to come and surround the restaurant. Everyone thinks I’m dumb as shit now.

How did you possibly press that many times in such a short time frame? That's an 80's arcade game click rate.

A data center I worked in had a button that if pressed would release fire suppressants and cost like $70,000 to replace.

Used to do drywall touch ups for a home builder. We'd do them after the homeowners would move in.

Once every 25 or 30, I'd run into a homeowner that apparently had the same instincts. I'd spread my joint compound nice and smooth and walk away to clean my tools and inevitably, I'd walk past my work and it would now have a fresh finger print in it.

I don't understand the need to press things that you don't understand. I don't walk up to my mother in law and randomly press her forehead.

how did you manage not to push the fucking button

Try one of these subthreads