tifu

TIFU big time. I slept with someone last night and they left a few hours ago. Yelling from downstairs. Turns out this is her friend's house, not hers, they are yelling because she is not allowed here and stole from them in the past. They don't know I'm here, I'm trapped. Also my wallet is gone.

TIFU big time. I slept with someone last night and they left a few hours ago. Yelling from downstairs. Turns out this is her friend's house, not hers, they are yelling because she is not allowed here and stole from them in the past. They don't know I'm here, I'm trapped. Also my wallet is gone.

go down and own it, also get your wallet back

Yeah, walk downstairs in your underwear with a hearty scratch and ask what's for breakfast

Uh...uh...oh crap... condsidering she has your wallet and everything I think you should politely call down the stairs and make your presence known and explain the situation. Staying hidden and being found will surely end In Conflict and idt it's worth a broken leg. Plus if she stole your wallet and she's a thief, they could help you get it back. That's just what I'd do in the situation though.

Listen OP in this situation you should probably go down, own up to the fact you are there, and then take the side of the rightful home owner.

Tell them you got your wallet stolen/it's missing AND BOOM, you are both victims to this POS.

TIFU by neglecting my garden and it responding by spontaneously combusting!

TIFU by neglecting my garden and it responding by spontaneously combusting!

This is very common in stuff like hay and straw. Should be similar to your situation. What happens is the dark and wet core is the perfect place for microbes to live. They produce heat, and it has nowhere to go except in the surrounding material. Eventually this leads to combustion.

There was an askscience(?) question about this very topic just the other day where someone asked 'besides lightning, what are naturally occurring sources of fire on Earth?" or something like that.

Looks like you found one!

I’ve heard of this happening. Like you said, compost can get very hot. The heat couldn’t go anywhere and it got hot and dry enough to combust. Forest fires happen like this.

Also a known thing in the organic farming / composting community. It’s why you turn your compost piles periodically.

TIFU by not putting on my glasses after showering which resulted in my little sister’s bf seeing me naked *facepalm*

TIFU by not putting on my glasses after showering which resulted in my little sister’s bf seeing me naked *facepalm*

Are you male or female bc this changes the story dramatically

OP is a 25 y/o girl that recently broke up with her boyfriend and traveled to Thailand as a moving-on trip. REDDIT DETECTIVE OFF THE CASE

I was thinking the same thing

Im debating whether or not I should tell her or keep this one to myself because I would like to know whether or not he did actually see me.

Why make it more awkward than you have to? Don't say anything unless one of them brings it up

TIFU by not taking off my Apple Watch or disabling the 911 feature and accidentally called police while i was handcuffed and being spanked by my husband and the police heard me screaming.

TIFU by not taking off my Apple Watch or disabling the 911 feature and accidentally called police while i was handcuffed and being spanked by my husband and the police heard me screaming.

To begin, I'm a female BDSM practitioner. I enjoy it, and I won't apologize. (Edit: That came out harsh. I'm Sorry)

My husband often cuffs and whips me, and on Wednesday we had a pretty hardcore session. He put these big leather cuffs on me, but failed to take off my Apple Watch. I didn't realize that if you hold the dial down, it automatically dials 911.

So we get into it, and he's spanking me and I'm pulling on my restraints, and the restraints hold down the button. Hes smacking me pretty good, and suddenly I hear from my watch "Ma'am, I hear what appears to be hitting and screaming. We are sending someone to you. Hold tight."

"Did you call 911???" My husband asked, "tell them it was an accident!!"

So I tell the 911 operator that it was just an accident, and she says is your name [She said my name here]? And I say yes... And she says "we have your address from our database, and we're sending someone over now. Im sorry, but we hear a male voice telling you what to say, and this sounds like coercion on our end, so we are obligated to make sure you're safe.

I said okay thank you, and I hung up.

"The police are coming."

Shit. I'm literally covered in bruises and welts, the police are coming to check on my well being. Within a few minutes there's a stern knock at the door. We put our clothes on and come to the door, and the police take my husband outside, separating us from communication.

I calmly explain that it was an accident and we were just having really crazy sex. I didn't mention the spanking.

Apparently my husband did. Another police officer comes in and asks about our BDSM contract. "He told you about our contract?"

"He felt it best to come clean about your extracurricular activities tonight, and thought the contract would possibly show State of Mind."

I go get our contract and showed it to the officers. After a mortifying few more minutes explaining that he was only smacking my ass and thighs, they believe us and tell us to disable the 911 feature on the Apple Watch if we're going to do that again.

TL;DR TIFU by accidentally calling 911 during a heavy BDSM session and they heard me screaming and sent the police.

Edit: iWatch doesn't exist. <3

Edit: this post is not Deja Vu. Yes. I posted it 2 days ago, and mods took it down, asking me to repost it today. The literally hundreds of people asking about if they saw this before need to read this edit. They took it down because this happened on Wednesday, and according to the rules of the subreddit, sexual content is not allowed except for on weekend, so they asked me to repost it today.

EDIT: Holy shit. Thanks for the gold!! And the front page. I'm freaking out a little because contrary to the trolls, yes this happened.

I hope the responding officers retell this story on an AskReddit post about bizarre calls.

Police : Sir we will have to handcuff you

Husband : Really, Wow!! I never expected this to turn into a threesome

Missed opportunity

Officer: Ma'am, please turn around so we can handcuff you

You : That's ok i provided my own

TIL I learned that a BDSM contract is a thing.

TIFU by trying to let the TV do my babysitting, and not paying attention what was actually going on with the kids

TIFU by trying to let the TV do my babysitting, and not paying attention what was actually going on with the kids

Honest mistake, at least you owned up right away to the brother, it would have been really bad if you tried to tell the kids “It’s our little secret”!

I would never tell kids to have a secret from their parents with me, because teaching kids that makes them vulnerable to grooming and abuse. So of course I owned up to it, there was no other choice. But the talk with them afterwards was quite awkward. Basically I said I showed them the wrong film, and did not realize what I had done till I heard their reaction in the other room, and that I was really sorry about that. I also said they should talk to their parents about what they saw, and I will talk to their mum or dad abut what happened, and made clear that this was completely my mistake and they are in no way in any trouble (my panicked reaction freaked them out a bit and they thought they did something wrong). I did not get in to the sex talk really, since I thought that it is simply not my place to decide how much they need to know about sex at their age. So I was really glad I could talk to her husband abut this and leave that decision to him. Though I was ready to be part of the discussion he had with the kids, but he declined that and said he wants to talk to them alone about it, which of course he had every right to do as a parent.

Holy smoked cheese... You did what now. That's pure tifu.

Oh yes, that was quite the fuckup indeed. Believe me talking to them afterwards and explain to them what happened was one of the most awkward things I ever had to do. I needed a long time til I could see the humor in it, and was really ashamed of what I did for a long while.

TIFU by giving my cousin my old cars bed

TIFU by giving my cousin my old cars bed

LOL

Obligatory Kachowwww

Not really a FU on your part.

It's better that the school over-react to this than under-react. Think of how many children have stayed in their bad situation because a teacher said "It's just their imagination."

I can agree it's more of a I embarrassed my family.

TIFU and had to explain to my daughter's new teacher why her relaxing days at home involve her in dog cages with counterfeit money

TIFU and had to explain to my daughter's new teacher why her relaxing days at home involve her in dog cages with counterfeit money

Thats not so bad. My kid used to crawl in our dog crate too when it was set up.

But having it in her journal at school was the best part, glad the teacher understood.

and about once a week bring it outside to disinfect it, power wash it & let it dry in the sun.

That's going to be one pissed off ferret...

I had to reread it a second time because i read it and was like wtf power washing a ferret? They're hand wash or delicate cycle at most

The cage... The ferret would chew my face off.

TIFU by deciding to walk to class with an upset stomach.

TIFU by deciding to walk to class with an upset stomach.

Sounds like you had a pretty shitty day.

Unless you die, it cannot get any worse. 👍👍

That might’ve made things better. Could’ve cleaned off some of the poop.

The shit puns already have me feeling a little better

TIFU by not taking off my iWatch or disabling the auto 911 feature, and accidentally called police while i was handcuffed and getting spanked by my husband, and police heard me screaming.

TIFU by not taking off my iWatch or disabling the auto 911 feature, and accidentally called police while i was handcuffed and getting spanked by my husband, and police heard me screaming.

I...I...can't stop grinning for the officers. I bet the entire law enforcement division, firefighters and the mayor knows your name now. This is a classic cocktail party story. Enjoy the notoriety, odd nods and winks, you two kinks.

Shit.

Cops see everything. This will get passed around the officers but the mayor isn’t gonna hear about it. The responding officers are just glad that they didn’t have a bunch of paperwork to do. Don’t worry about it.

Too bad I'm not a humiliation sub. This is getting more humiliating by the minute...

TIFU by not locking the bathroom door

TIFU by not locking the bathroom door

tl;dr at bottom

So I'm a mom and as I'm sure most of you know, a kid's favorite time to bug you is when you're trying to do anything for yourself. I always lock the bathroom door when I'm in there but for some reason last night I decided, "Meh." I'm in the shower and of course here walks in my 7yr old blah blah blahing. She finally leaves and when she does she leaves the damn door open. So when I get out I normally stand on my bath mat and dry off but I wanted to shut the door so I step over to shut it and when I step back I slip on the wet tile. My leg bends in, I hear a pop and it goes jelly-fied. I fall hitting my ass on my toilet (my fucking tailbone hurts like a bitch today.) then roll off onto the floor. Starting yelling oh fuck and my kids run in. Ask them to bring my phone and call EMS because I can't move. Then I get incredibly nauseous and pass out. EMS shows up, helps me to my couch, and checks me out. Offered to drive me to the hospital but I figure they have people that need them more than I do so I wait for my mom to come get me. Fucking torn ACL. Wtf. Now I'm looking at possible surgery and months of rehab all because I didn't lock the fucking door..

tl;dr Didn't lock the bathroom door so my kid came in and left it open. Slipped tearing my acl and now possibly need surgery and tons of rehab.

Edit: Just wanted to thank everyone for the sound suggestions. Hope everyone has a kick ass day!

Hi 420Poonslayer69, uhm, I mean Mom.

Listen to me. LISTEN!

If you get it replaced, there is an option to get a brace that prevents the knee from extending in such a way to tear the new one before it is healed. It will take several months to heal fully. GET THAT BRACE AND WEAR IT WHENEVER YOU AREN'T SHOWERING. Also, consider a shower chair so you are less likely to slip and re tear it.

When you think it's healed, you have about another 6 months. I got mine replaced, then retore it. Now I have a shitty knee that is weak and aches ALL THE TIME.

Wear your brace. I'd say for a year, just to make really, truly, 100% sure the graft is healed.

She’s not your mom she’s an imposter she took you away from me when you were 2 years old

can confirm. tore mine playing soccer. 6ish months of PT. wore my brace for at least a year probably longer. its been 8 years and i still cant sit with my leg at a 90 degree angle for more than an hour before it starts to hurt.

Try one of these subthreads