First time here.
I've come to the end of the rope. I'm a 31 year old type 1 diabetic, and I can not seem to stop drinking. Well what truly happens is I end up in the hospital for a week and when I get out I am a very happy person. After about 5 months of sobriety I just fall off and end up repeating the same cycle over and over again. I've almost died multiple times from it.
This weekend I was hanging out with my best friend, I waited for him to go to sleep (as I was ashamed to even let him know I was drinking) and got completely wasted to the point him and my family found me passed out naked in my bathroom. I never wanted to be this. Who I am now is a monster, a bad person.
I let my family down over and over to the point they want to kick me out, they just want nothing to do with me. I can't blame them, not even the slightest. I contemplate suicide but I know that is a weak out and that it will eventually go away. I let my family down in so many ways already, killing myself would just be more let down for them and easy out for me. I couldnt end My life letting them down for a last time.
My goal in joining here today is to hopefully take a first step to really kick my butt in the right direction. I feel like regular AA or a Therapist would not work for me, ecspecialy since I have horrible anxiety problems and tend to just shell up. Maybe just writing this out and reading my own words will help a little bit.
I know its about taking everything one day at a time, but I feel like each day loses another hour and I'm just fighting the current trying not to drown. I know I feel so bad right now because of the shame and that it will get better. Right now I just feel lost and like I'm reaching for a hand to save me, even though it is only me who can do it.
My plan for now is to stay as positive as I can, and try new avenues to happiness. One day at a time is all I have left.
Thank you for listening.
You are so brave, congratulations on coming here. You can definitely do this.
It’s not all up to you. You are not alone. I’m trying to make it past Day 1 as we speak. There are lots of us here that want to quit but are addicted to booze.
If you haven’t heard of the book This Naked Mind I’d recommend it. We need to change our perception of booze from the inside out. This book helps do that.
I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you. I already feel better hearing similar stories and not feeling so alone.
Hi mate, AA doesn’t really work for me either- I’ve found coming to this sub and writing or just reading helps me more. I get very anxious sharing stories/struggles in a room full of people, and it’s actually not anonymous at all, hahah! Anyway, stay strong and IWNDWYT
Pssst...yeah you. You’ve been feeling it. You know it’s time. You have lurked long enough. We are always better off in healthy community doing life together. Come join our conversations, encouragement, and sobriety. You can do this!
How did you know? ;-)
We all started at that exact same place.
I don't know if I can
Had a hunch. :-)
I went to my first meeting today. When I got home, bf had friends over drinking beer.
I was ok. It actually wasn't too bad. Of course, I wanted it, but I have been trying so hard to accept this new outlook on my life, and...it was not terrible.
I hung out, made two different kinds of cookies for everyone, and played games right along with everyone, instead of getting too drunk by 8 pm and kicking everyone out so I can go to bed. It was lovely.
I will not drink with you today.
So proud of you, just makes me want to go out and make some cookies too :-)
lol kicking everyone out to go to bed...... I was the girl relocating all the booze to my room and claiming to be tired "yeah guys, have fun, I'm just a girl and video games are soooo difficult with like buttons, I am just gonna go to bed" lol. Awful person I know, but they really did suck drunk or sober. They mainly just yelled at people on their headsets lol. Anyway congrats on the first meeting, kinda wish you wrote something about it lol. Super proud of you staying strong in your own home, not killing the bf, and even feeding the friends lol. Way to keep a positive perspective on the situtation & used it as an opportunity to grow.
Huge win for you!!! Congrats! And BTW it gets easier, like so easy you don't even want it anymore easy... I did/do the whole AA deal, steps, etc and honestly I don't even want a drink anymore, I have way too much fun living life and enjoy all the gifts of 9 yrs sober... Its a good life
Ten minutes left to buy beer.
Hey, pretty much what the title says. I don't have a relationship with my mom and today was just a shit day in general. I've wanted to drink all day but I resisted the urge to get any alcohol. I am having some really strong cravings and I almost left to go get some beer, but then I decided to post this instead. Six minutes left to get beer now. The store is less than a minute from my apartment so I'm going to ramble for a few minutes until I can't get beer any longer. Feel free to disregard this post.
I'm not exactly sure if this post is against any rules or if it's unhealthy or whatever. I just gotta make it four more minutes. Once midnight hits I'll be good for at least another day.
Three minutes. Does anyone else have wicked cravings right before their local municipality stops allowing the sell of alcohol? I've had plenty of days where I was fine up until the last thirty minutes or so.
Two minutes left.
I think I'm OK. If I can't buy alcohol then I can't obsess about it as much. OK. It's 23:59. I did it. Jeeze that was a stupidly long ten minutes.
It's midnight. I'm good. Feel free to delete this post if it violates any rules.
I didn't drink today, hell yeah.
Oh Well done! You did it 😀 Am proud of you! IWNDWYT
Ramble on, yo.
For me, especially early on, I found that going to AA meetings helped me keep the squirrelly away. Two to four meetings a week was good for me.
Thank you so much. I know it's silly but I feel a huge wave of relief after midnight. Hearing someone tell me they're proud also makes me feel super good. I will not drink with you today, either. These 24 hours will surely be easier than the last now.
Thanks my dude! IWNDWYT
555 days sober have been the best 555 days of my life.
Coincidence? I think not.
Everything changed for the better when I stopped drinking. All my problems didn’t just magically disappear, but I was able to start dealing with them.
Every day I wake up still this day, I am thankful I was able to quit. Not once have I EVER regretted quitting. There is nothing I miss about alcohol, not even the glorious feel good golden hour, that precedes all the doom and gloom of being a drunk.
I guess if I had one regret, is that I didn’t awaken to sobriety sooner in life. Better late than never I guess, I’m just going to enjoy the rest of my life, in glorious clear headed sobriety.
Oh what a glorious feeling.
I will not drink with you today,
Wonderful palindrome you have there!
I sometimes catch myself wishing I'd stopped drinking 10 years ago or more. But I try and just see it as part of the process that led to my decision to stop, and that was an important and sort of magical thing that happened.
Good for us, for making this awesome choice for our lives! IWNDWYT
Congrats on your 555 day record! So cool!! I want to get to the point where I can feel about my life without alcohol just like you are feeling now. IWNDWYT.
You are well on your way my friend.
Can’t change the past. And a lot of of it I wouldn’t change. I now appreciate life so much, possibly because I was so low... so very low. Now, every day I wake up is a bonus.
Hi, I am an alcoholic that can't smoke weed
I stopped drinking for a few months, things were going well. Then I got back into smoking weed. Next thing you know when I ran out of weed I wanted my mind to be altered so guess what? I went back to alcohol. Moral of the story: Just stay sober you freakin' alcoholic!
I basically did the same thing, except I never ran out of weed so I was able to stay off the booze for almost 5 years.
And when I did start drinking again it took me 22 more years to finally decide to stop trying to get fucked up all the damn time. I can see now that had I just quit everything way back when, my life would have been so much easier and much more rewarding.
Never too late though!
I can understand how someone could be like this. However, it is interesting as weed alters my mind but, I am honestly like a 2-3 times a month smoker. Otherwise, I just do not care. Obviously, that was not the case for me and alcohol.
Glad you were able to figure it out and nip it in the bud.
I’m the exact same way. I had an intern ask me if it was alcohol or substances in general I struggle with. It took a second for it to hit me and then wham! Like a ton of bricks. If I start doing one thing weed it leads me to pills. If I dig too deep of whole with those bam booze. First time in my life I have realized I have to be sober or I can’t make rational decisions. IWNDWYT
Made it through a wedding sober! Thanks, SD!
Just wanted to thank those of you who offered kind words, support, and advice about attending a wedding sober. I did it! And I had a good time! I was super productive on Sunday, too, which would totally not have been the case had I drank at that wedding. IWNDWYT!
Very Nicely Done! iwndwyt
And next time it’ll be even easier! Congrats!
Congratulations to you! I found that drinking stopped me from enjoying things . I’m glad you had a good time!
Whooo!! It’s so nice to hear about when people have a good time at special events without drinking. Encouraging for the rest of us to know that yes it’s possible! Way to go!
An old friend and drinking buddy wrote me out of the blue yesterday. We don't talk much anymore now that I'm sober. My old co-worker and his really good friend of 15+ years is in the hospital. Liver failure. Given 48 hrs. Not sure if he is still with us this morning.
Sorry your liver couldn't keep up with you, Glenn. I'm sorry you are losing your friend, Stallone. I wish I could take all my other old drinking buddies by to show them where their bad habit and addiction are going to lead them. But ... Everyone's got to live their life their way.
Was curious so I looked up how many days since I quit. Yesterday it was 1999. This morning is 2000 days. Take care of yourself out there. Chin up. Fight the good fight.
HighFive for 2000days, /u/Crash1369!👍🌺🍀🌷🐡
It's in each of us to drink, quit, live or die. I choose to live!
Here's to 2000 IWNDWYT
I'm coming up on 1,000 days. Thousands of mornings sober, whether they were mornings we could barely get out of bed, some where we counted down because that day was a big deal.
Thankful that we don't have to live life "our way" anymore, that it incorporates the needs of others and is full of hope for the future.
Cheers to 1000 more. IWNDWYT.
Congrats and continued succes to you
It’s been 6 months already? Time flies fast!
I quit drinking on Oct 20th, 2017. It’s amazing to think I’m half a year into my sobriety.
I used to be a piece of shit alcoholic who truly believed my drinking was fine, it wasn’t hurting anyone, and it made me more sociable.
Now I’m a sober man who believes if I can quit, anyone can, too.
You haven’t hit rock bottom until you find yourself drinking on the way to work regularly; you’re not the biggest piece of shit around until you drink alone, around company, and any time your significant other isn’t home while you’re responsible for watching your child; you’re not an embarrassment until you can’t look yourself in the mirror the morning after yet another drunken night out, wondering how many relationships you might’ve ruined hours earlier.
Well, maybe you are all those things and then some, but you don’t have to be.
If you’re starting today but you’re not sure if you can do it, please remember: I didn’t think I could either. 6 months maybe feels like nothing in the grand scheme of things...
One day, I’ll stumble onto your 6 month check-in, and maybe I’ll comment and/or maybe I’ll just give you an upvote, but I’ll know you must’ve felt like I once did, and 6 months does mean a lot in the grand scheme of things.
Congratulations!!! It is a much better life for sure. We are almost sober twins. Can't wait to celebrate a year with you!
Six-monthers for the win! Feels like the poison is finally out of my system and my liver is functioning normally again. IWNDWYT
6 months is definitely something, one day is definitely something. Every moment we control our mind to not desire alcohol is something special because the alternative is not acceptable. Way to go OP
My girlfriend is pregnant, I missed two job interviews, and I think my probation officer might arrest me tomorrow.
It's a drug. Hell, the founder of AA's only dying wish was a drink on his deadbed.
You don't see ads on the TV for heroin, or cocaine. I can't walk down the street and get an illegal drug. I guess what I am trying to say is, I hate how socially acceptable drinking is. It's just a drug, I hate people calling it 'drugs and alcohol'. No, it's just drugs.
Here's a relevant couple paragraphs from an article I wrote
Abstaining from alcohol provides a perspective many people never get to experience - life without alcohol. In our culture, most begin drinking in high school, then, we turn 18 and enter “the college years”. Next, we turn 21 and never look back. The overwhelming majority of Americans do not experience adult life without alcohol. As a new beer commercial so eloquently puts it, “it is not about whether the glass is half full or half-empty, it is about filling it up”. Live your life behind the curtain of alcohol, and never question why. We love our alcoholic culture. When a person like myself, who grew into an adult under the impression that everything in life revolves around alcohol, decides to quit drinking, they must relearn how to function as a person in society. Much like living in a new state, everything you know is different. You must learn how to live a social life again, how to bond with friends and family, how to date, have sex, fall in love. Quitting is a difficult path, much more difficult than sticking with the drinking culture that is so deeply ingrained in our comfort. It takes courage and strength to embrace a lifestyle that is so unaccustomed. Fear is the source of our dependence. We need alcohol, because without it, our social lives will diminish to naught, our problems will surface with demand to be faced, or whatever blend of rationalization rings true to you.
I pledged as a non-drinker that I wouldn’t turn into a preacher who constantly badgered my friends and family about why alcohol is so awful. That wouldn’t do anything but harm my relationships. I’ve done a good job at that, but now is my chance to convey my dismay with the world of alcohol. With my sobriety came a great existential plight, sometimes teetering on nihilism. Our culture is built around alcohol, materialism, media, and hardly anything less superficial. The futuristic hivemind of our society tells you how to live your life. Fate is no longer mysterious as it is carved out by the expectations of our peers. You’re told what to learn, when to learn it. Go to college, buy a house. Live your life enslaved to the man-made concepts of money and debt. Regardless of your theological beliefs, it is almost certain that life itself is among the rarest and most precious of phenomenons our universe has to offer. Yet, here we are hiding behind LCD displays and Pinot Grigio. Whittling away our finite seconds at jobs we don’t love, accomplishing tasks that don’t matter for people we don’t know. So, what is the point? We must love, learn, breathe,and truly experience this existence. Alcohol hinders your ability to do so. It is a mind-control device used by billion-dollar corporations to brainwash the masses into thinking we need something we do not. As unsettling as that is, it is even moreso unsettling how effective it is - how we accept it, promote it, embrace it. Yay, alcohol! Okay, so maybe I just need a tinfoil hat. The evidence is all around us, though. We are submerged in a world dominated by alcohol and the people who sell it. There is no conspiracy theory here, just an unfortunate reality. There are 90,000 deaths every year related directly to alcohol in the United States alone. That’s enough people to fill the stadium at the University of Nebraska. Annually.
Been there bro. I got arrested due to vioation of probation. Sucks. Also got gf pregnant. And lost job due to drinking. All i can say is..im at a Better place now because im sober and working hard to keep it that way. It is a slow process but i promise you it is only improving on a daily basis. You will be okay.
Not only is it a drug, but one of the most dangerous drugs out there, more dangerous than most of the illegal substances
Agreed. I hate the term drugs an alcohol. It's only worded that way so people don't FEEL like it's drugs cuz drugs are bad mkay? But you are dead ass correct man, shit is drugs through and through