roastme

Untouchable

Untouchable
Untouchable

That's for sure.

Let me give you some good life advice. Don't go to college, you could have a very promising career as a pedophile trap. Pedophiles would see your hair and assume it's a little boy. When they get closer the police swoop in and arrest them. The best part is there's no way anyone will ever have sex with you so you aren't actually in any real danger.

Have you touched food recently? I've seen penises thicker than your arms.

No friends, no job, soy boy, hobbies: eating pizza, watching netflix and playing world of warcraft. Do your worst

No friends, no job, soy boy, hobbies: eating pizza, watching netflix and playing world of warcraft. Do your worst

Your "R" looks like what a child would draw for a fucking bird

Before we start, are you a boy or a girl?

Or v for virgin

Do your worst? I think life already did.

I just woke up from a bomb ass nap do your worst

I just woke up from a bomb ass nap do your worst

Its a shame you woke up really

Your nose is so thicc it looks like it’s trying to teabag your mouth

Looks like you got a lot you trying to hide, shoulda hid your face too.

With all those roses on you why do I get the feeling you still smell like shit.

17, broke my back jumping off an 85 foot cliff into water. My girlfriend is making me get roasted for being a dumbass

17, broke my back jumping off an 85 foot cliff into water. My girlfriend is making me get roasted for being a dumbass

Wow you came so close to seeing what life is like from her perspective. Can you imagine not feeling anything below the waist? Count your blessings, man

Your girlfriends making you do this? What do you even need a back brace for if you’re spineless?

At least your girlfriend was kind enough to hold the “roast me” sign for you.

The true story: Broke Back Mountain.

18, going to university. make me cry.

18, going to university. make me cry.

You are just asian enough to get into university but not asian enough to do well.

i didnt know martin shkreli was released from prison

You’re definitely gonna be that bitch in sweatpants who holds up the dining hall line because you can’t decide which cereal you want

📣📣📣HE SAID WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING, NOT WHAT GRADES YOU'RE GOING TO GET

Stuck at mom’s place on a friday night, my vape is bigger than my dick and I always cry at Pride. Remind me how it felt to get bullied in middle school

Stuck at mom’s place on a friday night, my vape is bigger than my dick and I always cry at Pride. Remind me how it felt to get bullied in middle school

You're a dude?

You're not stuck with your mom, she's stuck with you.

You look like Lena Dunham fucked a pomegranite.

She never said that

I've got nothing better to do today

I've got nothing better to do today

As if you had anything on your schedule besides "jack off to underage anime characters and drink two litres of mountain dew".

I take offense to that... I don't drink mountain dew.

Paul Giamatti as a sex offender

It’s sad to see what child fame did to Chuckie after the Rugrats.

Your chance to be heroes. Destroy my massive ego before it collapses into a black hole.

Your chance to be heroes. Destroy my massive ego before it collapses into a black hole.

The kind of guy that acts gay to become friends with hot girls but in reality he's just gay

Your handwriting looks like the preteen lesbians in 5th grade

The time it took you to make that sign. Can be used to go fall off a cliff.

I don’t know what’s more embarrassing, the uneven slope of your written words, or the uneven slope of your forehead.

20 and dying of cancer at the reddit HQ, had lunch with Spez, please tear me a new one!

20 and dying of cancer at the reddit HQ, had lunch with Spez, please tear me a new one!

No need to keep guilding, he's got a lifetime supply already.

I’m surprised Spez took you to lunch. 20 is a bit old for his taste.

Spez: this shouldn’t be top comment.

Every once in a while cancer gets it right.

The kid from Pixar's Up grew up.

And got cancer.

I have 2 overdue assignments, an upcoming midterm, and surgery in 2 days. Please destroy me.

I have 2 overdue assignments, an upcoming midterm, and surgery in 2 days. Please destroy me.

You can't call them a surgeon when they use a coat hanger....

Cutting your wrists isn't considered surgery

You look like the type of girl who would spit after a blowjob and try to use it to get yourself pregnant.

What surgery? Are you reversing the sex change?

Try one of these subthreads