Nottheonion nottheonion

Guns Rights Advocate & NRA Member Ted Nugent Bans Guns at His Shows

Guns Rights Advocate & NRA Member Ted Nugent Bans Guns at His Shows
Guns Rights Advocate & NRA Member Ted Nugent Bans Guns at His Shows

All I heard was "pedophile proves again what a hypocrite he can be".

Good news - draft-dodging pant-shitters still welcome!

I'm sorry... I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA!

I don't understand how this will work banning guns won't... Solve... The- nevermind.

Burger King Offers Terminally Ill Dog Cheeseburgers For The Rest Of His Life

Burger King Offers Terminally Ill Dog Cheeseburgers For The Rest Of His Life

I misread that thinking the terminally ill get to have a lifetime supply of dog hamburgers

Dogs life expectancy is now 8.7 minutes.

Do you know the owner of that particular BK franchise personally or is this a conjecture about all franchise owners?

I was like, what? How did you get that from that title?

Then I reread it.

“An almond doesn’t lactate:” FDA to crack down on use of the word “milk”

“An almond doesn’t lactate:” FDA to crack down on use of the word “milk”

I knew buying the rights to "Almond Squeezin's"™ was gonna pay off eventually.

Nut juice.

It would be highly amusing to see the defence in the first court case turn up with nothing but a dictionary and a coconut.

This is really going to take the enjoyment out of sucking on almonds.

Man dials 911 to see if he has an active warrant, gets arrested

Man dials 911 to see if he has an active warrant, gets arrested

Well... he got his question answered

The answer was no, but they arrested him for misuse of the emergency line.

The article says he didn't have one, but was arrested for misusing the emergency line.

I actually feel kinda bad for them.

Police cars drive around with the instruction "Dial 911" written on the sides of them. If they don't want you to call 911 just to reach the police, they really ought to do more to publicize the non-emergency numbers

Ted Nugent bars guns from his concert in last-minute switch

Ted Nugent bars guns from his concert in last-minute switch

Turns out, the presence of guns increases the odds of being shot.

Turns out a guy who shit his pants and sat in it for a week to avoid war but advocates for right wing politics isn't intellectually honest.

You wouldn't want Ted to get scared and shit himself.

Did he make up the underage girl he adopted and then fucked?

Mgm Resorts Sues More Than 1,000 Las Vegas Shooting Victims To Avoid Liability In Massacre

Mgm Resorts Sues More Than 1,000 Las Vegas Shooting Victims To Avoid Liability In Massacre

Man there's a lot to unpack here.

It seems they are doing it to get all these individual lawsuits lumped into a class action lawsuit and take it to federal court. It's cheaper to fight off one big lawsuit than tons of others. Federal court is known to favor companies

MGM insists the security they hired for the venue was approved by Homeland security so that doesn't make them liable in any way so they are moving forward with a counter suit. This could also be an attempt to to force a settlement.

-Not a lawyer

Edit: Clarifying: They are saying that since homeland security approved their hired security, the liability is on the security company, not on them. They are passing the buck essentially.

Edit Edit: It seems more like they are trying to get a declaration from a judge that they aren't liable. It's not quite a counter-suit. With the declaration they avoid lawsuits altogether. They say the problem is too is that should be a state issue but they filed it federally.

I don't see why the hotel would be liable anyways. Sure it was suspicious him going into the hotel/room multiple times with multiple luggage, but that's easy to say in hindsight. Even in hindsight, I can't really blame the hotel for not catching on to things.

Its a sad reality of the fact that many of those impacted are in a rough situation, especially as even if some of their medical expense are covered a lot arent. SO they are being sued by people who have no one else to sue to keep their life at least somewhat on track

Edit: im not saying the hotel deserves to be served or that i think its right to sue the hotel. Im just saying i understand why they are suing even if i dont agree with it

If I understood the article Mgm is sueing for all the lawsuits against it to be dismissed.

US Republicans endorse arming toddlers on Sacha Baron Cohen show

US Republicans endorse arming toddlers on Sacha Baron Cohen show
US Republicans endorse arming toddlers on Sacha Baron Cohen show

He added that children can process images quicker than adults, "meaning that, essentially like owls, they can see in slow motion".

TIL children are basically Spartans from Halo.

“Aim at the head, shoulders, not the toes, not the toes!”

Catchy.

"Joe Walsh saying the programme: "introduces specially selected children, from 12 to four-years-old, to pistols, rifles, semi-automatics, and a rudimentary knowledge of mortars."

MORTARS?! What the shit

Well, they are uncorrupted by homosexuality and don't have well defined morals, making them effective little soldiers.

^That was literally said in the show

Cave diver criticizes Musk's kid-sub rescue plan. Musk suggests he's a pedophile

Cave diver criticizes Musk's kid-sub rescue plan. Musk suggests he's a pedophile
Cave diver criticizes Musk's kid-sub rescue plan. Musk suggests he's a pedophile
Cave diver criticizes Musk's kid-sub rescue plan. Musk suggests he's a pedophile
Cave diver criticizes Musk's kid-sub rescue plan. Musk suggests he's a pedophile

That's kind of a serious accusation to just toss around with no proof, he literally just called him pedo guy and said he bets a signed dollar it's true. Tf is that supposed to mean musk? I bet a signed dollar that Scarlett Johanson is into me but it ain't gonna make it true

Okay you don’t like the submarine idea, why so toxic tho?

I've worked situations like this - multiple traumatic and mass casualty events.

You know why we hate guys like Elon Musk? They show up uninvited . They pimp themselves. They get in the way. They decide that they know how to do our jobs better than we do. They take time and effort to manage, time and effort that would be better used doing what we're supposed to be doing.

Elon Musk shoud've offered from afar and done nothing else. Instead, he forced himself on them, and when told "Leave cave rescues to cave rescuers" reacted like a petulant child.

This guy is more and more turning into Donald Trump of the tech world on Twitter.

Some MAGA hats made in China may increase in price because of tariffs

Some MAGA hats made in China may increase in price because of tariffs

Well, I suppose the commitment to buying American could go horribly right. Irony duly noted.

I'm surprised people are still buying them. I would have thought that everyone who wanted one would have purchased one already.

Yeah, I don't understand how Trump, mr. Business guru doesn't understand that importing/exporting works better than making all American products. Cuba has tried that since the 50s and the quality of the national products is not great. Not shitting on Cuba, I loved the people, it is beautiful, and they love mexicans, but you can't deny that countries working together and sharing their natural resources makes better things.

Because it's mostly fake. Just propaganda...

Try one of these subthreads