dadjokes

My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice

My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice

I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...

PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?

Sorry, I realize this is dumb. I could have just found a good lawyer online, but I didn't know where to look.

I guess I'm not a great Internet Explorer.

All I can give you is OneNote. You should get back with your Ex.... Box.

...That was another pun, wasn't it?

Okay, I'm done now. There will be no SQL to this.

LPT; Always check for the red ring of death before sticking it in your ex’ box

It All

It All

The best part about this one is that it works even without context. Just look at the title, it says it all.

Thanks for helping me get it

Nice

MOTHER...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

. ....FUCKER!!

I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

That’s good for you, but I couldn’t chair less

You otto-man up and be a nicer person.

Is it bad that I find this sofa -king funny

Dont be such a bed guy.

Saw a guy standing on one leg at an atm. Confused, I asked him what he was doing.

Saw a guy standing on one leg at an atm. Confused, I asked him what he was doing.

He was just checking his balance

This joke is right on the money.

That's only thing half of it

Perfectly balanced. As all things should be.

Ha. Take your upvote. That’s rad!

My wife said "nothing rhymes with orange"

My wife said "nothing rhymes with orange"

I said "No it doesn't"

Eminem did it... Kind of.

I don't remember the name of the song but he rhymed syringes with oranges (pronouncing it oringes).

Mom's spaghetti

Door hinge.

Four Inch

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

She didn't laugh but I hope you folks did.

Ya know, on one hand, I like this joke. On the other...

This guy gets me.

Whole handedly

Divorce her

The only thing Flat-Earthers fear, is sphere itself

The only thing Flat-Earthers fear, is sphere itself

If people all stood on the equator in a single file line that wrapped around the world, most of them would drown.

its a good thing the world is round, if it were flat all the chinese would fall off!

Good old 1538.

That just sends them over the edge

The only thing flat earthers have to fear...

The only thing flat earthers have to fear...

Is sphere itself.

This is a well-rounded joke.

Glad somebody got the ball rolling here

You disgusting karma thief

Repost

Edit: This repost is just 11 days old for those saying it's good to repost to keep old post relevant. Just crosspost to give credit to where you found it.

Punchline threw me a curve.

John Cena: *wakes up in hospital* Where am I? Doctor:ICU John Cena: No you cant

John Cena: *wakes up in hospital* Where am I? Doctor:ICU John Cena: No you cant

🎺 🎺 🎺 🎺

🎺 🎺 🎺 🎺

This is less of a dad joke and more of 2011's meme.

Dun dunnnaaa dunnnnn....

"Look! Kiddo, look, I've done a maymay. I'm so EPIC WIN. Remember to dab on the haters, son." - Dad, memeing retroactively into 2011

Rest in peace boiling water.

Rest in peace boiling water.

You will be mist.

Could be holy water, if you boil the hell out of it

You can say "heck" on the internet. We won't tell on you.

Wait so do they boil the h*ck out of priests and nuns? Does the pope bathe with boiling lasaga?

Most mist

Try one of these subthreads