comedycemetery

Ok this is epic

Ok this is epic

insert kirby thanos Ok this is epic

What’s the deal with this one face?

What does wth means??

It means what the hell

Women are so dumb 🤣🤣😂😂

Women are so dumb 🤣🤣😂😂

For some reason I'm able to picture exactly the kind of person that would post this in my head.

Does he post it in your head often?

/sub/tendies

/sub/braincels

I don't like Donald Trump either, but this is just bad.

I don't like Donald Trump either, but this is just bad.

Because if there's one thing James "I tell everyone my name very clearly, regularly become romantically involved with my targets or people in their periphery, drink every day and love to ramp motorbikes over people while racing through busy urban centres" Bond is good at, it's subtlety.

Guys

GUYS

guys

guys

What if

Hey you guys listen

What if the president

gUyS

died

OrAnGe MaN BaD tHo

I am going to to rape Donald Trump

Hmmm.....

Hmmm.....

Man I sure do wish minecraft stopped existing sometimes

A Snapchat meme about a green alien air-humping to a reggae beat that says Dame Tu Cosita (Give me your little thing).

Snapchat is well known for being full of bottom of the barrel lowest common denominator bullshit and Dame Tu Cosita perfectly embodies that. It takes the worst from both comedy (hahaha it's an alien dancing!) and meme culture (remember those very early annoying memes like Crazy Frog or Gummy Bear? It's like those only that people dance to it instead of singing it). It's garbage and it deserves to be put in the Hall of Shame of the Internet.

EDIT: so apparently it was popularized by Musical.ly. that doesn't make it any better. In fact, Musical.ly is even worse.

Real talk, does anyone really think Dame tu Cosita is funny? I think most people only watch it so they can practice humping their dakimakuras. I mean, not that I do so. How desperate would you need to be just to practice air humping to a reggaetón beat? It’s depressing in that sense. Again, not projecting but maybe people find the little green alien attractive. It’s skinny and slimy. Who doesn’t like that? Rubbing your dick against it probably feels good. Like a giant frog. It’s huge mouth would be great for blowjobs if you think about it. Again, just a thought. Not like I could ever find that green Martian sexy.

nightmare fuel

Gay sex lol

Gay sex lol

This is how gay sex works. Trust me, I've had all the gay sex

This is actually funny though (if seen as shitpost)

I really don't think you know how gay sex works

I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow unsubstantiated claims here. We're going to need a picture of your asshole and written statements from the managers of at least three night clubs that can attest to the veracity of your claims.

Hah millenials

Hah millenials

American anti-theft device would be more fitting.

Hey daughter I bought new car.

I can use?

Can you drive manual?

No!

Then u can’t use, millennial!

FUNWAA!

Can we get fifty likes?

I made this specifically for you.

jokes on you millennials have euro truck simulator to train them

Well, that’s one way..

Well, that’s one way..

That guy has a BEEFY ass neck

That’s an understatement

Yeet

Yeet
Yeet

aren’t these the 3 commandments from the bible

that's funny and doesn't belong here

No, it's the sermon on the mount as told by Yeetsus Christ

The Beatitudes 3. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Salt and Light

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. The Fulfillment of the Law

17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. Murder

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. Adultery

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. Divorce

31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[f] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Oaths

33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.[g] Eye for Eye

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[h] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Love for Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[i] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Giving to the Needy

6 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Prayer

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10 your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation,[j] but deliver us from the evil one.[k]’

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Fasting

16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[l] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy,[m] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Try one of these subthreads