britishproblems

If you don't end a taxi ride with the phrase 'anywhere here's great mate' are you even british?

If you don't end a taxi ride with the phrase 'anywhere here's great mate' are you even british?

Dude, that's amateur level.

True British is saying "right there please, just by [insert very specific, easy to follow instructions here]".

Taxi proceeds 50-100 yards on.

You remain mute.

"Here all right mate?"

"Yes, fine, great thank you"

Gives tip

That, my friend, is British.

I like to combine the two:

Anywhere up here on the left please mate. Just behind this car right here’s fine. That’s great, cheers, thanks.

Making damn sure that they don't park right in front of my house so they don't know which I live in, come back and murder me or steal my cutlery.

"Time you finish mate?"

I do not believe in secret underground societies controlling the world and I do not believe in the illuminati, however I do believe in the existence of one satanic cult. It’s membership you ask? 1 in 6 of us. Their evil plan? To drive at 40mph no matter what the speed limit is.

I do not believe in secret underground societies controlling the world and I do not believe in the illuminati, however I do believe in the existence of one satanic cult. It’s membership you ask? 1 in 6 of us. Their evil plan? To drive at 40mph no matter what the speed limit is.

The leaders are definitely the ones that drive at 40 through the 60 then remain at 40 when it drops down to a 30

Guaranteed membership card - the Honda Jazz

The only time they slow down is when they arrive at a wide, sweeping curve with excellent visibility. Then they hit the brakes.

Advanced level: flashing their lights when you overtake.

Codename: Wendy One Speed.

Had to go cash machine before getting the bus, it only dispensed £20's. I had to pay for my £4.60 bus ticket with that £20. And I swear the bus driver tutted, huffed and looked at me as though I was scum.

Had to go cash machine before getting the bus, it only dispensed £20's. I had to pay for my £4.60 bus ticket with that £20. And I swear the bus driver tutted, huffed and looked at me as though I was scum.

I remember waiting for a bus to work at 5am one time and the driver told me to fuck off when I tried to pay with a 20 cos he only had a few quid in his float.

That was almost 20 years ago and I’m still salty about it.

They always seem to expect people to have exact change. Which isn't always possible. Sounds like a grumpy driver

There was actually a terrible story on crimewatch years ago where a bus driver had refused to take a teen girl cos she was 20p short. It was late at night n she got raped and assaulted

I once had a ticket conductor reject my £10 pound note (that I was going to use for a £4 ticket) and said I could 'bugger off' if I didn't have change instead of a note. Luckily I did have change but, still, that was my first time ever alone on the train - I was 14.

My 18-month-old son being woken from his sleep by ominous military helicopters circling our flat, all because an insecure orange simpleton is coming to visit.

My 18-month-old son being woken from his sleep by ominous military helicopters circling our flat, all because an insecure orange simpleton is coming to visit.

I think he thinks that London has fallen was a documentary.

Alternatively, he believes that shite Fox news and the various traitorssemi/s (Katie Hopkins et al) have been spouting about Sadiq enforcing sharia law and no-go zones in London.

Katie Hopkins is a traitor. Follow the money is all I'm saying.

EDIT...are you from blackburn? Used to know a guy called Rupesh who was obsessed with uk hip hop!

A lot of us across the pond apologize and are embarrassed.

He’s like that creepy inappropriate uncle that you know is going to show up to every family gathering spouting about his next get rich quick schemes, eat all your food, hurl racial insults and make inappropriate comments about your teenage daughters body.

It’s so terrible. >.<

Parked up to a war monument near Chequers to play Pokemon Go yesterday and got moved on by the police. In a lay-by.

Being glad England lost so we can get back to hating the country we live in.

Being glad England lost so we can get back to hating the country we live in.

We've yet to suffer the damage from angry football fans, if we're trashing Ikeas when we win, whats gonna happen tonight I wonder?

That's the spirit.

I never stopped mate

"If England get beaten, so will she" poster from the National Centre for Domestic Violence (@_NCDV).

Cases of Domestic Violence go up 26% when England play, and 38% if they lose.

About 5,000 posts titled "Football isn't coming home".

About 5,000 posts titled "Football isn't coming home".

Well, there were enough titled 'its coming home' :/

The only thing coming home is some nerve agent

5001 with you now

Can't wait to see all the jokes, like a picture of a plane saying "its coming home"

Deciding between wanting Croatia to lose cause they beat us or wanting France to lose cause they're French.

Deciding between wanting Croatia to lose cause they beat us or wanting France to lose cause they're French.

Don’t you want Croatia to WIN because they beat us? Then we can say we lost to the champions. Not we lost to the runners up.

Plus that way, France loses, so trebles all round.

Don’t you want Croatia to WIN because they beat us? Then we can say we lost to the champions. Not we lost to the runners up.

Exactly. In 1986, 1990, and 1996 we lost to the champions, so 2018 should follow that trend.

They beat us now they better fucking beat France

We want Croatia to win in our house because

they haven't won it before, while France have (and have won Euros and reached 2 more finals)

they're the underdogs and we love an underdog.

we can say we lost to the winners

their checked shirts are cool

my wife has them in her work sweepstake

Football's not coming home

Football's not coming home

Don't care. The whole team did amazing stuff.

We've been on a good fuckin run the weather the football the nations never been happier

In the big picture, it did. In this match, from 46' onwards, the defeat was only a matter of time. Poor game, it was.

Officiating was shit and they did kind of bottle. But never been prouder of an England football team as a mad rugby fan. Incredible effort overall its been a brilliant run.

Got told off by a dog walker for running on the park, because "you're only meant to run here on Saturdays, it's for dogs the rest of the week".

Got told off by a dog walker for running on the park, because "you're only meant to run here on Saturdays, it's for dogs the rest of the week".

I'm not sure what her problem was really.

Should have made up an even more ridiculous rule: "Haven't you heard? It's runners on even and dogs on uneven days now, but thursday and friday are reversed and skateborders get wednesday."

Well, that's clearly utter bullshit.

It's a public park, for the use of everyone. Bylaws might prevent certain activities like motor vehicles, bicycles, and barbecues, but there wouldn't be a bylaw against running.

Why are dogs and runners mutually exclusive anyway? If the dog can't behave around humans doing human things, then that's the owners fault, not the runners.

I hope you told her to fuck off.

What if I’m not getting my hair cut, do I have to move my brother's clothes down to the lower peg?

I'm not sure what her problem was really.

Nothing a "fuck off before I eat your dog" couldn't solve, I'm sure.

When you suddenly smell burning and try to establish whether someone’s having a bonfire or whether the heat has set your house on fire

When you suddenly smell burning and try to establish whether someone’s having a bonfire or whether the heat has set your house on fire

tires

ass

Get out.

I have until March 2019 dammit

Or you're having a stroke

Plus that gnawing worry that the people at the end of the terrace who are setting fire to sausages whilst necking herculean quantities of Stella stubbies are going to set light to the whole row.

Try one of these subthreads