WhitePeopleTwitter

His first heartbreak

His first heartbreak
His first heartbreak

That shit just breaks my heart, man.

Poor kid already finding out what it’s like to be friend zoned

"I'M PUTIN TOGETHER A TEAM"

"I'M PUTIN TOGETHER A TEAM"

"I wanna be a president. The best in the Galaxy."

My father would whoop my ass if I mowed the lawn that bad. Boy I'll tell ya what!

Booobbbyyy

Son for the last time you cant take over the family buisness i already fired you

Nothing like your first heartbreak.

Nothing like your first heartbreak.

Not even 6 hours before you repost? Come on dude.

Feelsbadman.jpg

Feelsbadman.jpg

I too thought my babysitters wanted to "be together". I realized much how glad I was that those girls never found out what I was thinking.

Edit: leaving it for comedic effect

You mean girls will take money to hang out with me?

Now you need to explain to him that his parents not only pay you, but they require constant breaks from him just to retain their tenuous grip on sanity.

Much how glad you were? Be honest

This is a true definition of first world problems

This is a true definition of first world problems

I’m 33 and I still make an attempt to look cool when behind a bus because of this. This isn’t helped by the fact that there’s a dick permanently engraved on the hood of my car(seriously, I have terrible friends).

What does this have to do with first world problems

Maybe It's time to have no friends.

Way ahead of ya. 👈🏻😎

Scottish Twitter

Scottish Twitter

Scottish twitter just ended transphobia.

Mmmm. Fud is such a pretty name for a vagina lmao

pure foamin at the mouth

why are you so sick ae other cunt’s genders as if it’s any yer actual business? sittin up at night pure foamin at the mouth hinkin aboot other folk’s genitals like a fuckin weirdo

I’m not really parenting

I’m not really parenting

I usually hold mine like a football as I pretend I'm Le'Veon Bell crashing through 400lbs linemen (shopping carts) only to be taken out at the knees by the center linebacker (Toyota Yaris runs me over) and I toss the ball back to the ref (trash can).

I don't believe any kids start off well behaved. You're raising a tiny being that you had to teach how to eat with a spoon, they have to learn to behave too. They will definitely act out grocery shopping at least once.

When I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, my son who was 3 decided to flip his shit in the grocery store. I had to finish shopping we had no food in the house. I got to carry a flailing 3 year old while pushing a full cart. I cried and it sucked but this is literally parenting.

what even is a joke?

Thou is woke

Thou is woke

Thou art woke

Woketh

Whomst've'd this repost idea.

Not to one-up on actuallying, but would is, in fact, the past tense of will. English doesn’t have an inflected future tense as such, so we use present-tense will to indicate future time. As you pointed out, we also use would to indicate the conditional mood. But the joke nevertheless stands because will>would, just the same as shall>should, may>might, can>could, and motan (obs.)>must.

Okay

Okay

It does lose something with the "imagine going to church and finding Jesus" response cut off.

See now I went completely the opposite direction on that

This joke is stolen. I've seen it previously on whitepeopletwitter from another acc.

Go on...

I need to make 20 copies of this and keep them in my glove compartment

I need to make 20 copies of this and keep them in my glove compartment

Gonna need a lot more than 20 copies if you drive where I drive.

Im sure if you practice with one or two at first you'll be ok OP, you don't need 20. you're not as bad as you think you are.

I am not trying to feed them, just help them park better

You think it's bad where you drive? Well it's nothing compared to were I drive

Try one of these subthreads