You can only travel so far North until you start going South, but you can travel East for as long as you like and never ever begin going West
Umm, then how do you explain what happens when you fall off the edge? /s
The fact that there's a highway to Hell but only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic volume.
"Less" is just a boneless "Boneless".
Def woke af
Mos def woke af
The closest thing in front of you is the furthest thing behind you.
now this is a high quality shower thought.
If "behind you" also followed the curviture of the earth
You’re assuming that the earth has curvature
I'm currently pretty drunk and this took me a mighty fuckin minute to wrap my head around
Insomnia is like being tired of being tired.
In tired of insomnia
Look, I'm sure you were being helpful but I haven't slept in a while and I just want to punch you in the face for this. Sorry.
So you're tired of being tired of being tired
Taking showers at 3 in the morning
Kids probably don't realize it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives.
Would much rather have the ability to pretend I was awake.
i pretended to be asleep once and i can vouch for this post; it works really well! when i was a teenager i used to stay up late past my bedtime reading books. one particular night i had stayed up late i heard footsteps coming down to my room. i quickly hid my book and tossed over on my side and closed my eyes. i heard my door open but i never heard it shut, when suddenly i was surprised by the pleasurable feeling of my uncle shoving my dead gerbil in my ass.
True, that’s how I get out of every speeding ticket. Can’t give me a ticket if I’m not ‘conscious’...
Dude. That is so wrong. He should have used a live one.
The most underrated part of being a superhero with unbreakable skin must be their immunity to mosquitoes.
Mr. Unpierceable died of appendicitis.
Ticks. The ability to be immune to ticks is much greater than mosquitoes in my opinion.
Calm down Dwight.
What if Supergirl got diphtheria because she couldn't get vaccinated?
At the age of 60, Snoop Dogg will be 420 in dog years
And by September, this will have been reposted 420 times.
Technically it'll only last for a month
Oh, true. Because the next month he’s be 421? Should’ve said that instead but I can’t edit the title, RIP
Just funnier with Snoop Dogg IMO because he’s known for engaging in some... specific activities
Someone missed a great oportunity when they named them "organ transplants" and not "reorganization."
."My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart."
-- Masai Graham
Great shower thought by the way. So nice to see something original and funny. :D
Thank you! Not to mention I actually had this thought in the shower today so everything worked out well!
They say laughter is the best medicine, so when their liver has failed I'm sure patients would appreciate a good pun.
Music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it
As of more recently post Malone springs to mind as being ugly and popular anyway good ehh
“I’ve been fucking hoes and popping pillies”
They still do. You just don't see their face as they are one of like 9 people listed on the label for creative purposes as opposed to one, maybe two back in the day.
The Buggles were right: video killed the radio star.