ScottishPeopleTwitter

It's a good feeling

It's a good feeling

We’ve just repainted our spare room and every time I go upstairs I find my wife standing in the door way admiring it!

It's better when you're younger, shouting your mum in to show her your new room and make her proud, those were the days.

Describing where yer gonny keep things n that.

We’ve just ripped the plaster off the lining boards and repainted my sister’s room. I’ll take you up on that 8 year-old offer to switch rooms now!

Cannae beat a jam piece

Cannae beat a jam piece

Weirdly enough, both of these in each country are brought to school

But a jam sandwich is a police car.

As the American prophet Danny Devito once said, “thank god I had my pieces”

I remember at Uni an English guy asked me where I wanted to go for lunch and I said "don't mind, I've got a piece with me"

And he's like "You've... Got a gun with you?"

And then this lassie who was with us, who had a short temper (especially with this guy) says "He means a fucking sandwich you moron".

Time to fly the nest bro

Time to fly the nest bro

Bless Scottish English. Truly the most beautiful language in the world

Image Translation: Twitter Post

My mum and dad exclusively buy dine-in for 2s from shops now, and I get death threats if I touch my dad's microwavable chicken risotto and with fuck all else to eat there's honestly no way like it to tell your child to get the fuck out your house. Subtle but poignant.

Edit: see comments below.

Line three, its "my dads". If i touch ma da's.

Ah! I had a doubt because effectively he writes "mum" = "maw" and not "ma". Thanks!

Fly flying while flying

Fly flying while flying

I always think about that when a bug is chilling on my windshield, poor little buddy is so far from home now.

I live in South Florida and lizards are everywhere. About 1/5th of the time I'm driving away some lizard pops out from under the windshield wiper with an "of fuck" look on his face. I always wonder if they jump off when I park or hang on until I get back home.

Or maybe it was away from home and is now travelling to meet his gf

He's going on holiday, the lassies will fall for his accent and he'll be baws deep in foreign fly fanny.

If there was anything else to do

If there was anything else to do

Literally the top post of all time on this sub fuck off

Certified nonce

Worst type of person

fuck off ya wee bastard

FIFY

A nice wee suppressed shite

A nice wee suppressed shite

Yea but did she knoe how tae FLUSH AFTER SHES HAD A SHET

Alternatively put some paper in the bog first. Dirty scrote.

DISGUSTAN

I wonder how many people are going to shit in their hand tonight after reading this.

DILF Hunter

DILF Hunter

god every time this subreddit posts it feels like a fever dream

A fuckin love Fern Brady.

Used to describe the action of sticking ones tongue out and blowing to make that pbbltltltltbtltltlt-sort-of-fart-sounding noise

I just googled her and she definitely getting that DILF.

DISGUSTING

DISGUSTING

DISGUSTENG!

World's greatest mystery: Who actually posted this video?

A SHET

I think I remember a Facebook post from the girl's older sister. She borrowed the laptop and found the video on it and uploaded it for her mates.

Plump DNA

Plump DNA

Naw Jamie. It's all the chocolate you keep shoving in yer face ya fat mess.

there's heehaw scottish about this

I'm so lucky in that I can just inhale fast food, run every day and stay in shape. I'll probably fuckin' die at 55 but that's how it goes eh

Yeah, this was pointed out last time this was posted.

It's groundskeeper Willy Scottish, not Scotland Scottish.

Sound as

Sound as

who's the second coolest guy in the hospital?

​

the hip replacement guy

Who’s the worst guy at the hospital?

Therapist.

Ultra = very

Sound = chill/cool

I don't get it. 😔 Shame upon my house.

Try one of these subthreads