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And they always seem to have it cranked to max volume, too...

And they always seem to have it cranked to max volume, too...

Every time this happens, I have this brief moment where I think to myself “am I awake or am I in the middle of a dream and that’s my alarm going off?”

The worst moment ever is when you wake up get ready, go to work and are just packing up to go home and hear your alarm and it was all a fucking dream and now you have to fucking go to work again

checks heart rate profile And that spike at 2:14pm is when Janice's phone went off.

"It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free."

-Waking Life

No bananas this time

No bananas this time

It was down so long I had to check Facebook. Damn you reddit.

I did not know what to do. I ended up on YouTube for 2 hours watching videos of a guy restoring power tools , then somehow on that primitive technology page. Lol

I actually went outside. What the hell reddit!

You guys remember when reddit was always down? Goddamn reddit servers used to be some low hanging fruit. Now I can't remember when the last outage was before this one.

The more rancid, the better

The more rancid, the better

Everybody likes their own brand

All this time we thought you were a smart feller, only to find out you're just a fart smeller.

And I'm quite disappointed when they dont smell too

Yes, everyone loves their own brew.

Where does the money go after the offering plate?

Where does the money go after the offering plate?

$3 billion just In the United States so far

https://www.npr.org/2018/08/18/639698062/the-clergy-abuse-crisis-has-cost-the-catholic-church-3-b...

As a Catholic, I've begun to wonder if maybe we need to start a movement where we stop donations to the church during the offering as a sign of protest. I know the religion is all about forgiveness but we are letting people get hurt. Predatorial priests are not stopping themselves because they know all they get is slap on their wrists and the protection of the Church. I mean forgive if you have to and remain silent if it comes from a confession. But if it comes from a law enforcement front, do not cover this shit up. Acknowledge it. Acknowledging it is the first step to a solution. For all we know sexual predators would rather join the priesthood if it knows that it gives them access to kids and the protection of an organization more worried about their image.

Is that true? 3 Billion?!?!?

I know the religion is all about forgiveness

You should forgive people. But not organizations. Organizations are unliving beings. And there is nothing wrong with a death penalty for them. Because nothing of value is lost.

I should just be pleased to be wanted

I should just be pleased to be wanted

Look on the bright side: you correctly used Socially Awesome/Socially Awkward Penguin, and that's more than money people can say these days.

if you cant decide just go with the event you were first invited to.

Yeah, dollar those people use it incorrectly, and it gets really old.

You should have gone. You missed out on a good time.

This is the 3rd home issue I've had this month so I've learned to appreciate the small wins

This is the 3rd home issue I've had this month so I've learned to appreciate the small wins

Fix that immediately so you don't have to deal with a burst pipe and collapsed kitchen ceiling like I am right now :(

Yeah, but it will just burst into the sink.

I before E, except after C.

Owning a home is the best biggest pain in the ass someone can ever have.

Just stay seated and enjoy the wedding, folks

Just stay seated and enjoy the wedding, folks

My mom and mother in law were the ones that didn’t care. We had explained many times prior that they more than anyone should enjoy our wedding and let our photographer and videographer do their job. My videographer included them recording with their phones in tacky cases in my video. I actually like that part because it makes my mom cringe.

My wedding photographer had a policy reserving the right to cancel services if too many people were taking tons of pictures or videos for this exact reason. He wanted to give us a good set of photos which becomes impossible if every photo is of guests taking cell phone shots. The result was the best collection of photos I have ever seen. Good policy.

The photographer for my daughter's wedding last summer was about $2,500. Video woukd have been another $2,500.

The officiant made a quick announcement before the ceremony telling people just to enjoy the ceremony and to keep their phones put away. He did a very nice job of explaining how others will interfere with the professionals if they try to take video or photos.

He said there would be plenty of opportunities for their own photos and videos at the reception.

Everyone complied.

I saw a wedding video where the officiant stood up before the ceremony and said something along the lines of, “At this time, please silence your cell phones and put them away until the cocktail hour. There is no text message, email, call, or photo opportunity more important than sharing this special moment with the bride and groom.” The guests loved it. If I ever get married, I will be doing the same.

They always do

They always do

that is so fucking bad it's funny.

The meme is bad joke eel after all...

lol.

This joke was literally posted on /sub/darkjokes

Getting my 3 year old through her bedtime routine

Getting my 3 year old through her bedtime routine

"It's easy" says people who don't have kids or have forgotten over time

Preaching to the choir.

There’s a reason I do everything in my power to keep the babies from forming.

I have a nearly 4 year old. It's totally easy.

You simply set a bed time for your kid and then at that bedtime you spend the next 2 and a half hours getting them to actually go the fuck to sleep.

How my weekend began

How my weekend began

That is how every single day of my life begins. My bladder always wakes me up before my alarm.

Me too! But instead of being a responsible adult and just staying up and doing something productive, I go back to bed for another hour until my alarm goes off, hit snooze 8 times and barely make it to work on time.

Wait until you get older. Slowly over time, the discomfort from having to piss overcomes your ability to stay asleep at 3AM.

Are you me? Don't lie

Try one of these subthreads