[WP] You've died and wake up in some sort of theme park. You look at the ride attendant, with long white hair and a big beard, who says, "Wanna go again?"

[WP] You've died and wake up in some sort of theme park. You look at the ride attendant, with long white hair and a big beard, who says, "Wanna go again?"

"Alright, lad. End o' the line."

As I open my eyes, I realize that I'm sitting in front of an old, friendly-looking man with hair as white as the freshest milk, a big, fluffy beard and blue eyes that seemed to stare into the deepest corners of your soul. Looking around, I see that we're the only ones here.

"How was the ride? Did ye enjoy it?" asked the man with a calming warmth in his voice.

"What are you referring to?" I asked, puzzled as anyone would be, had they been in my situation.

"Ah, this be that memory error again. I bet ye don't even know who I am right now. That doesn't matter. Yer life, sonny. Did ye like it?" the man clarified, his smile even wider now, his face showing his genuine curiosity.

"Yeah. It was a bit short, though. I don't remember how it ended exactly, but I didn't expect it." I said, trying to recall details from what apparently was my past life.

"Well, that's the beauty of it, innit? A little surprise to keep ye on yer toes. Anyways, do ye have any feedback fer me?" the man continued his inquiries.

"There was way too much violence, especially in the Middle East. People took politics way too seriously, and overall, people are pretty vile if you think about it." I gave him an honest response.

"Nah, sonny. Ye just gotta find the good in them. After all, ye'll see the world through everyone's point o' view 'till we're done. I'm assumin' ye wanna go again. Care ta tell me what time period and location ye want?" the man then looked into the control panel of the ride, then looked back at me, awaiting my answer.

"Umm, what about Ancient Egypt? I always thought that was interesting." I said, while thinking that all this couldn't be real, and that this man was just pulling my leg.

"Sure thing, sonny!" he replied heartily.

The man pressed a button and I actually started fading away, hearing some tense people talking. I assumed that was my birth, but as it is, I knew I wouldn't remember.

"Ye have time for one question before we meet again, sonny. Shoot quickly!" the man shouted, as the people talking were louder and louder.

"Who are you?" I screamed back, eager to know the name of the one that gave me another shot at life.

"On yer ride, they call me many names. Let's just say I'm yer friend."

The man smiled again, waving goodbye. A bright light. Happy people. I was born again.

Have you ever read Andy Wier's short story The Egg?

I blinked my eyes several times as I tried to adjust to the bright lights. My thoughts were a mess, my memories all but fuzzy. I remembered sitting in a car, driving down a road during a wintry night. Something crossed the road and I swerved to avoid it, only for my car to skid and flip. There was the sickening sound of glass shattering and metal bending, and the next thing I knew I was sitting... here.

Inside a pod with a VR set strapped tight to my face. As I removed them, I began to see clearer the place that I was in. A small enclosed space with a screen in front of me, wires everywhere. And my pod was not the only one. Thousands upon thousands of similar pods laid around mine, the occupants all strapped into similar VR sets.

I stood up, wanting to get out from the place, and ask someone where I was. Just as I was about to do that, an old man appeared right beside me. His long white hair and beard grew all the way to the floor, and he was wearing a robe that was even longer than his hair.

"Hello S45678Z, I see that you are awake!" he chirpily announced, without even bothering to check if I was listening. His hands moved methodically around the electronics in my pod.

"Where am I?" I tried to ask, still groggy from the entire experience. If this was afterlife, it was not how I imagined it to be.

"Ah," he said, eyes and hands still more focused on the pod than me. "Memory lost is normal upon waking up, S45678Z. And it seems that you still have some quota to fulfill."

He started to hook me up again, pulling the VR Set to me. "Wanna go again?" he smiled, one with countless secrets hidden behind it.

"No, I need to know-" I tried to protest, but before I could do anything, I felt a sharp pain on my hand. A wave of fatigue suddenly wash over me. My body felt as if it was falling into darkness, my memories suddenly becoming fuzzy again, like slowly being erased.

Amidst the the swirls, the darkness, I heard a familiar voice around me. The sound of my mother's voice. "Honey, I feel our son kicking me!"

And so it begins again.

Edit: Grammar. Sorry wrote this in a jiffy before I went to sleep!


from above

"Morty, you were just playing a game called Roy. Snap out of it, c'mon."

I'm sorry sir you're going to have to come with us.

unlinks fuzzy sexy handcuffs

Yes! I have! I actually thought of it when I was writing the part which reminded you of it. Just hope it doesn't count as plagiarism.

Lead the way, officer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Literally the first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt.

The worst thing you can think of about being a slave in ancient Egypt is chapped lips?

no, the whole idea of being a slave is terrifying. Chapped lips on top of it is just a kick in the ass

[WP] Lead the way, officer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ancient Egypt would be scary. I would be shared to end up a slave with chapped lips

Hey everybody look at this guy! He's taken Roy off the map! He doesn't even have a social security number!!

TIL: God is Irish. 😭

All I could see were the lights getting hazy. That long lost familiar feeling of tripping to the dancing of lights came back. If you've ever attended a Pink Floyd show you would know. Suddenly, everything was white. Bright white.

I was woken up with a real comforting voice of a guy," That was something, isn't it?"

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. The words came out of a human? No way, this was something more majestic. Tall, well built, with piercing blue eyes. But what stood out the most was the long flowing white hair somehow standing out in the ever white background, along with a dense golden beard suggesting whatever kind he was, he was the male version of that. Weird. But truly, a sight to behold.

He helped me up as I was beginning to gather my senses. " Whoa! Where the hell am I? and who are you ?", I added before he could weird me out again.

"I am Tim, one of the ride attendants. You are in the Cosmic Amusement Park", he smiled and paused, as if to let those things sink in, before he continued," And you just finished your ride".

Those last words of his triggered something deep inside me as I started to feel, first my belly and then everything, dragging down. It was my memories returning to me. My parents, my brother, my first crush, my friends. The memories flooded through me all at once. I was crying, laughing, was angry, was upset. A mixture of all emotions at once. I could sense my regrets. Not having enough money to support my family, not being able to become what i always wanted, not having punched my best friend for cheating on my wife. Worst of it, I left my 3 year old baby back. " And I know she'll be the death of me" was what was stuck in my head playing over and over and over.

It took a while, but it finally died down. I was back to the white scenery all around me. I checked myself. I was in the same dress that I wore this morning with no sign of my wallet or my phone. I saw Tim attending to little kittens showing them the way to what looked like a huge line to a gate like opening on top of which was written" Life on Earth".

He faced towards me," I am sorry. It can be a little disorienting given the bright white theme. Especially from where you came from. We are working on it". I liked his honesty and his words were making some sense now.

" So I am dead ? "

"Oh, you have your memories back I see" "No, you are a cosmic entity. You cannot die. There's no concept of death in HIS reality. You just finished your experience on this ride. And from the looks of it, it was pretty intense." He paused before he finished with," Whatsay, wanna go again? Start all over? Take your time."

I was beginning to grasp what he was trying to say. I am a never dying entity who repeatedly takes this ride of life on earth. So, here I am at the end of perhaps one cycle, waiting to enter into another one. Another chance to go back to where I came from. To again be born in that world to some other parents this time, or no parents. I could be born anywhere or could I? I have so many questions. I look up to find Tim. He is helping some more kittens on their way.

"So, Tim-"

"No, Your entr--I mean birth is totally random. Your memories of your past life and of this may fade away. It really depends on how strong willed you are to remember things. Each ride is a fresh new experience."

"You can read minds ?", I asked, perplexed.

"Not really. People generally have the same doubts after I ask them if they wanna go back", he replied promptly with a wry smile. Well, I really wanted to see that new Star Wars movie.What about the presidential election? Half life 3? My mind started popping up this list of upcoming events which I really wanted to be part of. Now I really wanted to go back. "What do I have to do to go back?"

He smiled." Well pay the fees, buy the ticket and get in line."

"How much's the fee ?", I asked, hoping he would know I had nothing on me.

"One soul"

"One what now?"

Edit: fixed some grammatical errors.

You have the right to remain sexy!

Oi what's wrong with the Irish then ya wee langer

Chapped lips are no joke.

'Where am I? wha- why am I here? I was doing something a while ago, and ... what was I doing?' thoughts flooded my mind as I stood in a place I'm not familiar with. thankfully I saw a man, an old man, well dressed and well ... seemingly approachable, so I went to clear my confused state.

"I'm sorry, but where am I?" I ask the gentleman offering 'another ride' as he says. "Ha ha ha, well you're in a theme park my dear", "so you wanna go for a ride?". Theme park huh. Well I can't really remember from where I came from, or why I am here, and to add to this confusion this man is offering me rides, hmm, I ask "Uhh, I think i'll pass for now, do you have an exit? I mean, where is the nearest phone booth?", "Phone booth? what will you be needing it for?" he asked and to my confusion, "well to call people naturally, isn't that their purpose?".

"you won't be needing that my dear, you're dead anyway."

"huh?" was all I can say as I wrap my mind around what the gentleman had just said. "dead?" I asked, followed by "ha ha ha, well I do appreciate jokes at times mister but I think that's a bit inappropriate.".

"oho it's more appropriate than you're ever imagine" he says as he lifts his arm pointing to the bottom of the roller coaster.

I cast my gaze to where his fingers directed me to, and as I examined I was stunned with horror "THERES A BODY IN THERE!" I exclaimed and ran towards to see if that person was Ok, or alive at the least.

As I came closer crouching for a better view my horror rose, as I saw the body was gory all throughout. "oh my god" as I thought about the poor soul that encountered a fate such as this. In assurance I placed my finger around the body's neck to see but it was a fool's game. From what I saw in the beginning this body is as good as dead. I reached for my pocket "damn it's not here" I said as I remembered that I forgot to bring my phone.

"Huh, why did I remember that now" I told myself as I lay there confused. then suddenly to my surprise the gentleman has followed me and is now at my front standing .

"Still not convinced?" he asked to further my confusion, "what do you mean?". he then told me "look at that body, is it in any way familiar to you?". Well I haven't really thought about it, all I did was to check if it was ok but ending with a disappointing outcome. "look at it's face" he said.

As I looked my mind slowly fills with my worst fears realized. "tha- THAT'S ME!", "Wha- What's going on here?" I screamed in panic as I saw that the lifeless body I initially checked upon was actually me. "No, that can't be, I'm alive right now, this has to be someone who looks like me" I attempted to reassure my thoughts.

"Miss, haven't you seen anything odd in all the time that you've been here?"

Well that's the problem, I don't know how I got here, I haven't even the foggiest of memories of what I was doing, and now I'm alone in a park with an old man!

Wait ... I'm alone ... with an old man. Weren't theme parks supposed to be filled at this time, it's noon and high time for frolicking in lines waiting for rides or in stands. but everywhere I look ... it's actually barren. A barren theme park.

"who are you?" I ask. "Aha! Finally the question I've been seeking." he was quick to reply "But first who are you?" he asked. "I don't know". "I see" he says "Well in your terms, I am what they call ..."

"... death"

I froze from where I sat. Huh, this person claims to be death, yet doesn't look the nearest from what I can say as a person fitting death. He's more like a person whose soon to be near death in my opinion.

"Well of course you are a bit dumbfounded, everyone is the time they meet with someone like me" he continued "So to clarify things further" snaps suddenly the park is filled with frozen statues of people, or from my view, its like time froze for these people, except for us. snaps and the people disappear "Well?" He speaks as he amused himself with my awe.

"The moment a person dies, they are somehow, frozen in time, at the place the moment they died", "you are dead, and I am your personification of death"

"wa-wait! but if I'm dead, why am I still here?" I asked, "you're here to revisit the moment you died, and reason for that is for a soul to reach closure at their deaths", "you see, when a soul is removed from their body, it is confused, and seeks out the reason for their demise", "usually when a person dies peacefully they know immediately how they died, and so can rest peacefully".

"On the other hand, should a person die by means not of their own, they are left with questions unanswered" "and with these questions unanswered come intense regret, negative emotions fill the soul and corruption takes root"

"souls unaddressed, on how they died end up being the ghosts of your world, unable to leave, corrupted due to dissatisfaction.". "you better try and find the reason for your death soon, the longer you stay, the worse the consequences"

"so, you want another ride?" he ends.

"wait, all of this is too much to handle, even my dying I can't even comprehend still at this moment", then I continued "let me ask, why are you here anyway? If I'm to find out the reason for my demise, why do you need to be here?"

"I'm here to be your aid", "Well, even though I might be what you call death, i'm not as mortifying or eerie as your legends have spoken about me", "Actually my true purpose is to ensure that your soul gets to leave this world, if not I'm stuck with you, well, forever". "so to speed things up i'll just help you in your way, although you not finding what you seek wont be a problem for me."

"won't you be busy?" ,"Lot's of people die as we speak, aren't your hands full?" I asked.

"Like I said, i'm not exactly like your concept of death", "in actuality, there is more than one me ", "per person that lives, a personal death is assigned to harvest their soul", "I'm you're personal death, and I've been with you since you were born"

That was a bit creepy yet reassuring for a bit. I now understand that this man might not be as dangerous as I feel when I'm around him, according to what he says at least. Lots of things are still unaddressed, but i'm spent "hmmm, this is a frozen world anyway, maybe I can do anything I want for a moment" I thought.

So I asked "am I, free in this world?", "what do you mean?" he asks, "free as in the notion of space, can I roam the world?". He replies with "yes, but only to the extent of what your body remembers of the world".

"One more question", "sure" he replies, "what time do I have till I become corrupted or so you call it?"

"usually souls tend to corrupt after a week of their death" he answered.

"that's more time than ill need", "guess ill have fun for a while" As I smile.

(continue this)

edits: some typos

I grabbed the old bastard by the beard, kicked him square in the balls and tossed his cloaked ass into the coaster car. I kicked the seat restraint down pinning the groaning geezer to the seat. The old man took a break from nursing his neutralized nuts long enough to see me walking towards the control booth. "Wha...wha..what are you doing??" He shrieked in a high pitched voice unbecoming of a deity. I turned, looked the asshole square in the eyes and said "Your turn motherfucker." With a push of a button the old man disappeared; his screams lazily following behind him. There was silence. Such a peaceful silence. It didn't last long. I could hear the sound of the returning coaster car and could only think "Damn he didn't last long." Sure as shit, there's the old man in the coaster car nailed to a goddamn cross. "What the fuck happened to you?" I asked out of curiosity not concern. All he could do was mumble between fits of drool and incoherent sobs. "Tho...tho...those people" he stuttered "They're horrible!" "Yeah? No shit." I replied as I walked to the bearded mess hanging on the cross stuffed into the coaster car. I leaned into his battered face. "Ask me." The old man started shivering "Wha...wha...ask you what?" He tried to break a nonchalant smile through his cocoon of fear but knew I wasn't buying it. "Ask me if I want to go again!" I yelled with no regard for volume. The old man pursed his lips tight and shook his head quickly from side to side "That's what I thought." I scowled, spitting on the ground for good measure. I walked towards the gate of the amusement park but not before hitting the button, one...more...time.

That fookin green midget-arse bollix is about as Irish as Haughey is a competent politician.

Nice story. It's actually very close to my personal beliefs. We are the universe experiencing itself, in every possible way. The rider and the ride :) !

I open my eyes and the memories of my lifetimes past come back all at once. It takes a moment for me to regain awareness of my surroundings and to process what the old man said.

"This ride was really fantastic. 'Earth' has been a great addition to your park and it was full of interesting creatures. I can say that after about 34,000 rides, I have had my fill. Maybe I'll ride again another time."

"Ah, it's a shame that you've become bored with the ride, but fret not, as I have some expansions in mind. I am sure that you have also felt the potential that humanity has?"

"Yes. They are a very resourceful race and have minds unlike any other that I've encountered. Their massive egos are cute; it's too bad that once their race ascends, that innocence wears off."

"I know right! Their focus on both entertainment and conflict has been part of what has made the ride so successful."

"So, what was this expansion you speak of and when will it be added? Perhaps I should stay?"

"Hehe. You know me too well. But, you're right - if you wait for just a couple of decades, the next expansion will go into effect."

"Decades? So soon! You just never want me to leave."

"Well, as the owner of this park, it just wouldn't be the same if you left. The last time you left, the temporary owner that replaced you really loved fucking with the creatures within our rides and so he gave the humans some really fucked up books throughout his stay. Anyway, take it as my personal request that you stay for the expansion. I KNOW you'll love it."

"Fine. Fine. I trust you. Send me in."

"The usual?"

"No... I want it totally random this time. I am still haunted by my experience as the creature who became the 45th President of the United States."

"Yah, I am sorry about that one... there are occasionally humans like that - I didn't want that WW2 expansion either but we aren't allowed to directly interfere with the human's actions."

"Enough, I am going now."

pushes button

"See you when the next expansion comes!"

Name checks out.

Anything you say can and will make me BUST a NUT

I woke up in this odd, theme park? I couldn't tell. It was too bright and my eyes weren't adjusted to the light yet. I… remember being in an explosion inside of a theme park. Maybe… this is the theme park? Ugh, I don't know, too many questions for me to answer by myself right now.

"Wanna go again?" Sounded a man with a long white beard.

I looked around for him. He was standing next to some sort of controls that were near a roller coaster. "What?" I answered back, confused on what he was asking.

"Wanna go again on the ride of li- your life?" Continued the man.

I was so confused on what he was talking about. I couldn't even think about what he meant. Oh I wish I did, "Sure, but you have some high bars to reach," I said jokingly.

He directed me on to a train for a roller coaster. It's side was purple and had various characters on it. Some resembled something like a dog, then also a mouse and duck. I knew them. But I couldn't tell where from.

"Hop in," he commanded politely.

I hopped into the train and the safety clamps shut. This was when I realized something, "Where is everyone else?"

"Everyone's busy with, other, stuff I am guessing, just sit back and enjoy the ride," he answered.

"Wai-," and he pulled a lever and the train sped up faster and faster until it reach the peak of a massive drop. The train went down the drop. But, instead of hitting bottom and continuing on. It phased through the tracks.

That was the last memory I had of it. I started remembering this incident when I was four. No one believed me. But then again. Who would want to? I'm just a kid with an imagination. Being thirty though and telling this story, I'm a lunatic. I know I'm not wrong. I died that day. I've researched it. There was an explosion at Disney Land many years ago and only one person died from it. Peter Washington. I was Peter. I was reincarnated by the man with the big white beard

Just quickly read this and whoa! Puts a lot of things into perspective.

I pictured a really old hagrid lol

You should've said somewhere that he was a ginger

I am a broken man. For eighteen long years, my life had been a living hell, and now all I wanted was to end my torment. It seemed as though I was the only one who saw the world as it truly is: a piece of shit. So, I did the only thing I could. I started by writing the note.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

I just want you to know that this isn't your fault. I can't take it anymore, I just have to end it all here. I have tried my entire life to fix things, but it all keeps ending up worse. Everyone I know has left me alone but you. Thank you for all you have given me. I hope that you can forgive me and move on with your lives after I'm gone.

Love, Your son"

After I finished writing the note, I left it on my bedside table and stepped on to the stool. I then tied the rope around my neck and took one last step.

After a few seconds of darkness, there was a flash of white light as what appeared to be a VR headset was lifted from my eyes. Before me, I saw a large old man with a white beard looking back at me with kind eyes. He then began to speak.

"Wanna go again?'

"No. I'd rather not."

Well...The Lucky Charms Guy isn't the best ambassador to your country. ;)

God is Hagrid confirmed

And, you know those ancient Egyptians were big into balm!

Did they share with their slaves, hell no!

They might be like, "here, see if you can get some balm from these nuts!"

Old reference for you, but they were way ahead of their time!

I was sitting down in a cheap plastic chair when I heard the voice to my left.

"Wanna go again?"

The voice was intact in a way the face was not. There was a deep, bloodless cut down the length of his left cheek. I stared at the man, at his long white hair and his piercing blue eyes, and I could not for the life of me understand what was going on.

"How...how long have I been going on for?"

"About thirty eight days, give or take. This ride will be your six thousandth and seventy fourth one if you so choose to step on."

I looked around. The two of us, the old man and me, appeared to be in a shack where people mounted and dismounted from the coaster cars. The air here always seemed to have an unnatural fog associated with it, and the sky beyond looked only the slightest shade of blue, as if it were early dawn and the sun was just starting to peer over the mountains. All across the scene I could see the twisted snakes of metal and wood. There was the drop tower, off to my right. In the midground I could see the ‘mild’ coaster, the one that people who were dragged her by their friends went on and said they had conquered. And of course, there was the ‘extreme’ coaster, right before me, a menacing red steel snake ribboning through the air.

And the strangest thing was, I didn’t remember any of how I got here.

“Where am I?” I asked the old man.

With a surprising agility the man sprung out of his seat. He gestured at the theme park with one sweep of his hand, and I noticed that it seemed to be somehow deformed – almost like it had been caught in a piece of machinery. “This? Oh – I just thought this would be a fun place to spend the afterlife. It does seem a little bit flat though – what’s the use in taking a risk if you know for sure you cannot die again?”

“But – but –“ I struggled for the words. They seemed as lost and as stuck in my throat as the fog that covered the world with mist. “But what about my friends?”

“In time they will join you here as well. I’m afraid it’s just you and me for the moment.”

I stood up. “Surely not,” I muttered. “Surely there has to be some kind of –“

“If there is, you will not find it here,” the old man said. Suddenly his face broke into a smile, and I saw the gash on his side outlined in even starker detail. “There isn’t that much meaning to be had here. I myself have been trying to find it – and there’s nothing much.”

I sat back down. Something in the old man’s voice tasted like steel in my own – something unbending and unbroken that seemed to suggest Fate was somehow at work here. “So what can we do?”

“We can ride the coaster again,” the old man said. “I didn’t get to go on them that much.”

One of the perks about death is that seatbelts are unnecessary. Being thrown free of the cart was but a mild inconvenience in this world, and so this should be the ultimate thrill. When we started up the steep incline we felt nothing.

“So how did you get here?” I asked the man as we neared the top of the drop.

“Similar to you, actually,” he said. “You know, old men were kids once – kids like you too, kids with loves and lives and summer jobs. But watch, this is the drop – now smile for the cameras-“

I saw the cart teeter over the top, then rocket down. We screamed.

“You find it fun too?” I yelled as the track flattened out a bit.

“Yeah, a little bit,” he said. “Even when you’ve been dead for as long as I have a part of you remembers to live. But hold on here! We’re about to invert.”

I said nothing as the cart inverted. I felt the misty wind blow through my hair. I felt the blood rush through my head and my hands just about holding on to my seat. It would be a long walk back if I fell out now and I didn’t want to miss the man again.

“How did you get that cut?” I asked, as the world righted itself.

“Oh, I was in an accident,” he said. “It was the same ride as yours, actually. It was the first time they let me try the coaster.”

“Wait a moment,” I muttered. “You’re the-“

“The Coaster Crusher, yes,” the man smiled. And in the smile I saw, for the first time, his rotting front tooth, and his slightly askew eyes…

And my entire body shuddered as we were starting to come back.

“Life is strange, isn’t it?” the old man laughed. “Funny that seventy-six years after the first accident there’d be another one.”

I stared flatly at the old man, but inside I knew the truth.

“I was…killed too? By the same coaster?”

“The very same one.”

The roller coaster was starting to come back to the start.

“It’s like a loop, life,” he said. “There’s always next year, there’s always next season…until there’s not. Until spring turns to summer turns to fall then stops.”

The cart came to a halt before the old wooden shack. I said nothing as the old man disembarked and took my spot on the side.

“Wanna go again?”


You've watched Red Dwarf, no?