Whenever I see another car pulled over by the police I always feel like a gazelle watching another gazelle get mauled by a lion

Whenever I see another car pulled over by the police I always feel like a gazelle watching another gazelle get mauled by a lion

Better you than me!

hops away

"Oh, there's 2 cops there, he must be in big trouble."

I don't have to be faster than the bear, I just have to be faster than you.

Note: does not work with cars.

Sometimes a gazelle will cut me off and I wish a lion would appear and maul it good!

Got pulled over driving through downtown in front of a popular bar one night. I'm super nervous because I've got some a bag of weed in the glove box. The cop is taking his sweet as time coming up to the car, I'm just sitting there with my window down stressin'.

As I'm sitting there a crowd slowly starts to build on the patio of the bar (maybe 10 people). They're all watching. Somebody yells out "Be strong!" As the cop finally approaches my car some people in the crowd start booing the guy, really. Somebody else shouts "let him go!"

Turns out I'm just being pulled over because one of my brake lights is out. Huge relief, he tells me to get it fixed the next day and if I got pulled over for it a 2nd time I'd get a ticket.

As he walks back to his car the crowd is all staring at me. I give them a thumbs up and a big goofy smile.

The crowd claps, and I drive away feeling like a winner. Best connection with a random group of strangers ever.

I don't have to be going the speed limit I just have to be going slower than you

"There must not be enough real crime for the police to investigate if they can send 4, 5, 6+ cruisers to a traffic infraction stop."

LPT dont put your weed in the box that you open when a cop pulls you over.

And when you see a broke down beater you're like: "the sick and the old go first man - that's nature's way..."

Unless you're black. Random drug search commences

Open the trunk PLEASE

Don't I have 4th ammendment rights?


That's exactly how I see it.

I speed all the time (as most drivers on the California freeways) and just figure getting a ticket once every few years when my number is up is just a fee for getting to places faster.

I work overnights at a gas station, I see so many people get pulled over. A second, sometimes third cruiser is guaranteed to show up within 5 minutes, every time.

The police are bored where I live. I once saw four police cars that had pulled over what must have been a 70 year old woman, in the car by herself. The car was a Prius. It's just stupid. At least they didn't have their guns drawn.

Edit: A word.

Ha! So funny, I think like that, too!

Whenever cars on the highway are driving unusually slowly, I think "The zebras are spooked. The lions must be nearby..."

I'd like to imagine after you left, granny git her gat and wasted the cops and that's why she's highly wanted. No one ever thinks she will do anything and never draw their guns on her.

You are in for a treat.


He's resisting!

Sprinkle some crack on him and let's wrap this up.

I had 3 or 4 cops behind me once. Total ticket was $50 and no points.

Never admit guilt. Or let them search your car.

They thought I was running drugs.

Nothing beats the rare moment when someone is driving like a nut, blows past you, and then you see them get pulled over.

Yeah, changed that up after that night even though it didn't end up mattering. It hadn't occurred to me before that moment, but I was sweating it then.

But also it wasn't like a loose ziploc bag that could be identified as anything just by looking.

"no fuckin way that guy was speeding, the hell did he do?"

150 mph in a 20 mph school zone. Those kids had no idea what hit them.

No, the taser is resisting.

Blacked out escalade with 20" chrome rims

Three police cars came when my friends and I got pulled over awhile ago for one of us not wearing a seatbelt.

There were three teenage girls in the car. We were all sophomores in high school, IIRC. They proceeded to search us and question us about where we were going and what we were doing. We had literally just left one of our houses.

It was completely absurd. And of course we were too young and frightened to ask why we were being searched.

They admitted to us at the end before they let us go that we were leaving the same neighborhood as a "notorious criminal."

I mean we were driving in a beat up caddy, but come on.

Open and shut case, Johnson

Currently paying out 1500 worth of tickets but I get to ride 80+ mph

So I guess it's worth it?

It's sad that we have learned to see police as a predator rather than the protector.

I drive for this

In a Prius though? She'd get maybe 5 seconds into the getaway before an officer walked up and pulled her outta the car

That big sense of self-righteousness must be weighing you down.

Do gazelles hop?

Like you're in school, and your friend is getting chewed out by a teacher

In a mason jar under the spare is best place imo. Least amount of smell at the front of the car and you won't keep looking in its direction like most people do when they're hiding something.

If all the cars in front of you have their brake lights on, they know something you don't.

At least they didn't have their guns drawn.


Cops bust the fastest cars on the road but lions bust the slowest gazelles. Me? I just hop the fuck away.

I'm pretty sure it's like mandatory safety step for a second cruiser to show up for the cops safety ever since those 4 guys overpowered a cop took his weapon killed him and drove off.

For sure. Put it under your seat next to the tube sock of cat litter. This way you go to jail for the cat litter, and the pot is of no consequence.

1500 pfuuuuu? How fast were you going?

Shhh so do i but don't admit that here. The "cool" boys will beat you up.

More like getting mildly inconvenienced by a lion. Reminds me of Mitch Hedburg: We don't want to kill a fish, we just want to make him late for something. Where were you, man? Sorry, I got caught!

Bullshit. Let me see your lip.

Everybody gets a treat!

Quick plant a gun on him while he's tazed out!

Tickets. Plural.

It's always the quiet ones!

People pay good money for that shit.

yeah, science!

With King Kong in the trunk.

That's entirely not true.

lol the spare is underneath my vehicle. Probably not the best place.

And because all the other gazelles slowed down to have a look, another one gets eaten.

Meh, that's debatable.

"I smell weed. I'm searching your car."

I don't give a fuck if you splatter your brains in an 80+ mph crash. However, I do care about the innocent commuter that dies due to your recklessness. Please be mindful.

The real LPT is always in the comments

HEY! beat it nerd

Well, well! Time to beat him his rights!


What scares me the most is when I realize I've got a huge cushion front and rear, for no apparent reason. Like the next closest car is 1/4 mile ahead and 1/4 mi behind you, and you're on a multi lane freeway. My eyes are scanning all over the road, like, "Fuck! Did I miss the cop hiding behind a sign? Why is everyone so far back?! I'm only going 72 in a 65!" Then I'll move over a lane and drive the speed limit until everyone catches up. Weird experience.

Mate you are an absolute lemon.


Having said that as a cop let me give you a tip...


Cops are always doling out penalties to innocent lawbreaking motorists and they are about 99% successful. Lion hunts have nowhere near that success rate.

That's what I always figured, 95% of the time the backup cars only stay for a few minutes.