When you lose track of your toddler for just two seconds...

When you lose track of your toddler for just two seconds...

One would think so but a toddlers smaller size and lack of experience in controlling their movements allows them to move at what is super human speed compared a normal adult. The reason for this is there is less distance for nerve impulses to travel. Their lack of balance also contributes to this as they are always barely avoiding falling meaning they are constantly accelerating at about 9.8 m/s. After just 2 seconds they are moving at a speed of 70.5 kph.

Thankfully nerve impulses travel at 118.8 meters per second meaning they quickly out pace their ability to react despite the shorter distance the nerve impulses need to travel and they fall over.

As a parent and a Dr. who specializes in studying this phenomenon I have to say 2 seconds is fairly plausible.

Edit: Readability

She looks like one of those weird actors in Japanese commercials about yogurt

Looks more like a solid two minutes.



I'm glad you at least got a good pic for the baby book logs. This one is pretty epic. Good one to show her future date prospects.

Everything those idiots do can be fatal

witness me

Isn't there a kennel or something where you can put those?


that is an ice cream commecial

So they're like the Typhoon fighter jet which was made deliberately unstable so as to make it more manoeuvrable? Amazing!

All of it.

they're such dumb assholes. We do everything we can to try and keep them alive and they act like dicks all the time!

If anyone made toddlers, it would be Satan.

Don't forget the wedding slideshow. That's the best time for pictures like these.

My life would have been much more fulfilling not having seen that.

I feel your pain. Just had that happen while trying to move out of my last house. Only he dumped the entire bucket on the carpet in the hallway...

If they are awake, out of sight, and it's quiet... stuff is happening.

uh, that could have been fatal...assuming you didn't kill her after...

Yeah I'll just leave this giant bucket of paint here with my young daughter cruising around the house...smrt

The time from when a child learns to walk until they begin to develop some fear of pain and death can be considered The Suicide Prevention Years. Usually they fizzle out at about age 4 or 5, but as a high school teacher I've met a number of teenagers who aren't quite there yet.

There are so many variables it is hard to say.

During archaeological digs pertaining to the Roman empire several sets of scaffolding have been found that measure just one meter tall. If my theory is correct that these were made for toddlers it is very possible a group of toddlers could have painted Rome in a day even if Rome wasn't built in a day.

To a year 9 boy who hurt himself during a science prac - "Why did you touch the live wire?"


"You knew it was live? It was connected to the battery"


"Why did you touch it?


Oh man, I never considered saving all my child's pictures for one big embarrassment bomb later in life. Thank you.

The ultimate is if she doesn't know this picture exists until her wedding day. Then you bust it out.

So they're like the Typhoon fighter jet which was made deliberately unstable so as to make it more manoeuvrable? Amazing!

deliberately made

Intelligent design?

Checkmate Atheists!

It's simple you replace the carpet. There's no cleaning a bucket of paint out of carpet.


I'm relieved that that is not a thing

Parents learn to find the humor in these accidents. If they don't, they become miserable old sods.

This reminds me of the first time I was over at my girlfriend's parent's in college.

My girlfriend was occupied by something, so her sister told me to follow her and lead me into the den. She pulls out a photo album and searches a bit. Then, actually snickering, she hands me a picture.

At that moment, from elsewhere in the house I heard my girlfriend: "Kate? [My Name]?" a pause. "Noooooooo!"

My girlfriend ran in at Usain Bolt speeds and tried to leap and stop her sister from handing the photo over.

Too late. There was toddler-her sitting on one of those little training toilets with an extremely sulky look on her face. As she flailed for the picture, her sister laughed with the maniacal glee that I imagine only a sibling can manage.

Yikes. Yeah, ths hardwood floor won't be too bad compared to that.

I think you may be using the toilet wrong if it is restricting blood flow to your head.

Not sure why people are downvoting you, this is not some normal parenting mistake.

There's a 0% chance that kid got the lid off a bucket of paint. Which means the parents left the kid unattended next to a bucket of liquid. Who cares if it's paint, there's a fucking idiot warning on the side of the bucket specifically telling you not to leave children unattended around the bucket.

And if the kid doesn't drown in paint, they can always take a swan dive off the unattended ladder. Hey let's set the ladder right next to the brick hearth, that way our little offspring can really build up some velocity before they smash their skull into the brick.

Top notch parenting right here. Having this photo staged might actually make the photographer a less shitty parent.

As a parent and a Dr. who

I misread and reread that part during several seconds

You'll do better with your next child. I assume you threw this one away cause it's broken.

Dr. highreply,

Based on this calculation, what is the approximate volume of paint a toddler could redistribute in 7.3 seconds?

Ah yes, you know exactly what happened and can tell someone is a shitty parent from one photo. Why don't you get off your fucking high horse? Honestly, I probably would've taken a photo, too. Is it really that bad to find a little humor in something that sucks this hard? People like you are so fucking annoying always assuming while really knowing nothing.

"I eat little babies...

...ice cream"

Had me going.

Our condo had 2 sides. The cat was locked on one side and the dog the other. He got into a closet and knocked over some paint cans then ran around the house. I had to get rid of all the cloth furniture (rugs, couches, chairs, etc) on "his" side of the house. Thankfully it was oil based paint so it came off the floors and wood furniture with mineral spirits and two hours of hard work. The dog we had to shave. He had paint all the way to the skin.

You act like you've never been tempted to sit in a bucket of paint.

I think you are taking my comment way to seriously.

Don't bother fixing it. Just say you hired a professional and it's abstract art...

You realize that people have been taking pictures of their children in preposterous situations for like, ever, right? My mom has tons of pictures of me covered in mud, paint, etc. Even has one of my sister rubbing herself with posion ivy because by the time we found her the damage was already done. For all you know this parent turned their back to pee for a minute and then this happened. It's just paint, she looks like it avoided most of her face and no real physical harm was done so who gives a shit? Get over yourself bud.

Actually there is. It just takes time and patience and a lot of soaking it up, rinse, repeat. I spilled a gallon of paint on my carpet, could only see the stain under black light.

I was talking this weekend with a friend about how I think these pictures are actually a good thing for kids.

It's the first ten seconds after you discover something like this that your first instinct is to tear your kids arms off. We all know that there are some parents who actually give into that instinct, so if those people decide to take a picture instead it gets them through the cooling off period.

That little bastard looks like it ain't shit to him. It's on your bed too right?

What was the cleanup and disposal like? Of the dog's body I mean...

Fucking weird.

Fuck no that shit is haunting


Toddlers gonna toddle.