Update: I [25F] am worried I cannot trust my husband [28M] with our [3M]

Update: I [25F] am worried I cannot trust my husband [28M] with our [3M]

This is my original post.

Thank you everyone for your input and support. I got bunches of pms offering to listen and of course, loads of advice in the comments. When I was discussing help with my husband, neither of us were thinking it could be so urgent. I was planning on taking my vacation days during the week so I could go with him to appoinments and stay home with our son and him until it was figured out. I had such a hard time bringing myself to believe it was bad or urgent before. I was fighting with myself over what I wanted to believe and what I really should have. I feel like such shit for it; it was selfish and I endangered my husband and our son. It's not like I could have expected him to notice his own thinking. I should have done more sooner.

When I read the first comment about going to the ER it was all I needed to snap of it and fully realize the gravity of the situation. I called and asked one my friends to come watch our son, and we left to the hospital. I didn't even finish reading the comment. All the blood went to my limbs and felt tingly and heavy. He had gone upstairs to sleep for going in tomorrow, but I ran up, turned on the light and said something like "get in the fucking car". We drove to the ER and started reading the comments together in the waiting room until they were too scary and we stopped.

We got a scan. He has a 'cystic brain mass'. They told us it could explain the odd behavior. It is not cancer, and unlikely to become life threatening (though no gauruntees were made). He has an appointment with a nuerologist tomorrow to schedule surgery (I am driving him to all appointments). That night was a rollercoaster of emotions, and I don't think I have ever felt more relieved in my entire life. All on the trip up there I hadn't cried, but I was so so so afraid of losing him, and our son losing him, and I'd know it was partially my fault.

In the meantime I've been advised to stay on my days off, and be there for him just in case. This stress had been building for so long. I just fuck how could I have been in denial that long? What could have happened if I had been able to rationalize away your comments and let it go longer?

We've been watching shows on Netflix together, the three of us, and playing games and things. Even though we're still worried, I'm so happy things are looking better than our fears. Thank all of you for being so supportive. We owe you guys.

tl;dr: We're on our way to to treatment, and things are looking hopeful. Thank you guys so much for all the support and advice!

Oh wow, so glad that your husband got a scan and a diagnosis, and that it is treatable. Your last post really stuck with me so I'm relieved for you that your hubby is on the road to treatment and recovery.

And please stop being harsh on yourself about waiting, it is hard to know when to act and what to do when you're in the situation. The great thing is you acted on it and got your husband the help he needs.

Keep us updated!

Maybe you should also update the scumbag psychiatrist who said that your husband was just bipolar.

I figured it was something like a lesion or some kind of mass in the brain.

Thankfully, it is a cystic mass and not cancer.

Don't fret about "what could have been," the important part is, those scenarios aren't happening because you did take action. Your husband will get treated and will recover, thanks to your action. Seriously, if you want to consider what if's, what if your husband was without you, and didn't have someone close to him to urge him to go to the ER?

Best wishes.

Same, I was a bit surprised too. Perhaps OP meant therapist or psychologist? Some people use those two terms interchangeably with psychiatrist. Although even a therapist should have had the foresight to rule out brain issues if someone is turning a waterbowl sideways and trying to fill it...

But it's not a surprise that a lot of people go into this field just to make money or to make use of their useless psych BA.

Needless to say, whoever/whatever that person was, they dropped the ball. OP should send him/her a message at the very least informing them of the situation, so that they can learn a valuable lesson for the future. Had that been cancer, that would have been a very expensive malpractice case.

well, it was just the husband who went to those meetings. we don't know what he said. if he just reported that he kept getting frustrated at simple things and was having trouble focusing, than a bipolar diagnosis might make more sense.

Your original post moved me to tears, I don't think I've ever been so deeply affected by a post on Reddit - ever. This is real life stuff here. This is the man you love and the child you raise together, and to that love I can relate. I can't imagine going through what you've gone through but fuck am I glad you understand what's going on now and that some internet strangers were able to help give you the confidence in your own concerns to just get up and go right then and there.

Best of luck to you.

I have been thinking of you and your family since your post. I am so thankful you went to get the scans and have a plan with the neurologist. I'm sure your husband is feeling a slight (albeit scary) relief that he knows what is happening. Thank you for your update!

You're doing the right thing. Make sure you are supporting him throughout this entire thing. As scary as it is for you, it's even worse for him, because he is the one with the cystic brain mass. Stay strong.

Thank you for updating! I am relieved to hear you sought treatment, what a terrifying experience for you both to go through. While it's great to hear it's not cancerous, I know there's still a lot to face ahead. I hope your husband has a successful surgery and I wish the best of health to you and your family. If you can, please keep us updated!

The doctor is a doctor for a reason, meaning he shouldn't just take the patient's word as truth. People lie first of all, and even if they didn't, this is psychiatry, how many diseases can be confounded by delusions, memory loss, personality changes and pathological lying. It would be stupid for him to simply take whatever the patient says as plain without even considering alternatives.

Thank god! I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Sometimes people just need a third party to snap them back into reality. OP, don't be hard on yourself! You made the right decision by writing here in the first place, you obviously knew something was wrong and did a great job fixing the issue!!

OP, what if your husband didn't have a wife who would drag him out of bed and to the hospital? He's lucky to have you, you've done everything right, you got him to a psychiatrist and a neurologist. Its not your fault the first made a mistake.

Glad to hear its a cyst disorder as opposed to cancer - the symptoms reminded me of a family friend who was diagnosed a couple years back. Of course you two still have a tough road ahead, but you did awesome.

As someone who has gone through cancer treatment, you might be surprised. You sometimes feel a lot more in control than those around you. You often feel like you are taking care of them.

Me too! I was genuinely worried for him. Glad things are looking up.

many psychiatrists i've seen have been fucking retarded. just because they have an MD doesn't mean much.

The doctor is a doctor for a reason, meaning he shouldn't just take the patient's word as truth. expert diagnosis.

ftfy, I don't have any reason to believe the op's husband or op lied. It is well known in therapy that what people report as the chief complaint is not the real problem. I'm sure for psychiatrist and doctors it's no different (e.g., heart palpitations = anxiety disorders).

That's why it's important to listen and explore with proper questions what's really going on. In the end the psychiatrist who is a MD like you are saying misdiagnosed his/patient. This is not unusual where people with specialists must fit their treatment plan. It doesn't, however, excuse their malpractice in the slightest.

I had seen one Psychiatrist who treated me like shit while I complained about many of my similar to the OP symptoms. I even showed him tremors holding my phone. We got in argument about me getting there on the wrong time and I was like fuck you doesn't that mean something to you?

Went to a different psychiatrist showed him the tremor just like the other psychiatrist and he did simple test. He was like -- dude you need go see a neurologist -- few months later I was diagnosed with encephalopathy.

The culture of MDs are really some of the least present people that hide behind their credentials and Lab coats. They are no different than anyone one else in personal morals, greed, personalities, etc. The only difference is people assume they are way better on average, and the industry is more than happy to take advantage of it.

And to support my rant is this long version of they find themselves burned and left with...

So there you are, like Cuchulain the legendary Celtic warrior, wading into the ocean and, in your rage, trying to fight the invulnerable tide and improve the health of your patients. You pour all your earnestness, good intentions and expertise into it, and — not a whole lot happens. Your efforts bear no fruit. So you suck it down and move on, sustained by the occasional kid who does get better, that eyesight that does improve, that bronchitis that doesn’t turn into pneumonia. Win some, lose many more.


You have only ever envisioned yourself as a doctor and can only derive professional fulfillment in life by taking care of sick people.*

There’s really no other reason, and lord knows the world needs docs. Prestige, money, job security, making mom happy, proving something, can’t think of anything else to do, better than being a lawyer, etc are all incredibly bad reasons for becoming a doc.


From how she described it in the last thread I got the impression he went to the appointment alone,* so they might not have had much - if anything - to go by besides his own account and behaviour while he was there. I'm not any kind of doctor but the whole 'parts for the cat tree' story gave me the impression he was at times cruising through life unable to question the logic in anything, sort of like a dream you don't realize made no sense until you wake up from it, and if he did go without her I wonder if he might've got the weird diagnosis by providing a very inaccurate and/or strange description of what had been happening.

*'He is going to see some doctors. I think he lied to the the [sic] one last time.'

Always remember that the person who graduated last in his or her class at medical school is still called "Doctor".

As a psych resident, I agree. A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and should have known better. Unless she's confused the term with psychologist, she did do the rhe right thing (take him to a doctor), and he failed.

In OP's first post she said that she took him to the doctor, but she did not say that she went with him or that she spoke to the doctor directly. You have to consider that if her husband was speaking with a psychologist, he might very well have not been able to explain what was really happening with him because he did not realize that many of the things he was doing made no sense (like becoming frustrated that the bowl would not fill with water because he did not understand that it was sideways. He clearly has no capacity to comprehend what he was doing incorrectly, and so he would not be able to explain some of his symptoms in the same way someone looking from the outside in, such as his wife, could.) This very well could have led to the improper diagnosis.

What counts is that you snapped out of it and you're working on it now. Good for you guys, and best of luck!

I'm so incredibly glad you went to the hospital, and that they figured out what was wrong. I hope that your husband's surgery goes well and he recovers quickly. In the mean time, though, please don't blame yourself! You aren't a doctor; there is simply no way you could possibly have known what was going on. I mean, he went to actual doctors before and they missed it, right? So, how could you have known.