Trying to hold a conversation as a guy on Tinder

You forgot the part where you throw the disk and it rolls away, never to be seen again.

Just the worst. I've changed my habits now, if they're as interesting as an old shoe, I immediately remove the match. Or if they respond to me but never ask anything back, unmatch

two matches a week

Easy there Mr. Popular

Your problem is better than ours.

Assuming I got matches to begin with 😂☠️

I've started doing this as well but I get maybe two matches a week, if I'm lucky.

Hey you guys know you can buy entire boxes of matches at the store right?

online dating is extremely stacked for men, news at 11.

women in their 20s aren't attracted to men in their 20s.

Fucking lol. You need to stop reading so much pickup theory. Most women meet guys through their friendgroup. Most people are friends with people around their own age. Ergo most women are usually having sex with men roughly their own age. There are exceptions, but they are just that. Exceptions.

If a guy is cool at 25 and stays single and not fat and gains 10 years of experience in the game then sure, 35 is great. If you have no charisma at 25 it's pretty unlikely that you will ever have it.

"You guys think it's bad that no one puts in effort to hold a conversation? I have so many people talking to me that I get 10 new messages before I respond to the ones I already have."

How does that remotely compare?

"You think it sucks not having food? Well, I get offered food so much I barely have time to eat any of it."

Nah more like a woman picks up the frisbee, looks at it, flips it over, shrugs, puts it back down, and walks away

stay in school with a good major, turn 35, and fuck plenty of women in their 20s. women in their 20s aren't attracted to men in their 20s. you have to wait. Our prime starts when theirs ends. Its actually kinda interesting watching childrenless 30 year olds pointlessly search for Good men. because they blew their fertility window away when good men were still available.

Then you turn to Bumble where the women is supposed to start off the conversation... so how do they start it??? My two encounters one said "Hi" and they other said "Hey"..... it's life wtf is this shit? If i were to open up with that shit i would guarantee that i would not get a response back.

It's still better than ours.

downside: the gay sex.

I don't think it's a question of age so much as attitude and standing. When you're older you tend to be better established and care less about things that don't matter. Conversely, you can reach your 30s and still be unfuckable, or even worse than your 20s, even if you're making ok bank.

I mean surely you aren't talking to all of these people at the same time so fucking unmatch them and stop matching new ones until you are done.

God damn it dad, go back to bed

I'm married and never used Tinder or dating apps before, so I cant tell if you guys are joking when you talk about how bad it is. 

But I did have a female coworker once show me her Tinder profile when I asked how it worked. She said she got 10 matches that day, all of which were guys who looked like this because I guess those were the only types of guys she swiped right on.

But on top of that, out of those 10 matches she said she was only talking to 2 of them because the rest were "boring". I was pretty shocked because my coworker wasn't even that attractive. She was like 5'4 200lbs and maybe a 4/10 at best. Yet she's pulling in 10/10 guys and 80% of them aren't good enough for her. I can't imagine what it's like for fugly manlets on that app.

I'm married and never used Tinder or dating apps before, so I cant tell if you guys are joking when you talk about how bad it is.

But I did have a female coworker once show me her Tinder profile when I asked how it worked. She said she got 10 matches that day, all of which were guys who looked like because I guess those were the only types of guys she swiped right on.

But on top of that, out of those 10 matches she said she was only talking to 2 of them because the rest were "boring". I was pretty shocked because my coworker wasn't even that attractive. She was like 5'4 200lbs and maybe a 4/10 at best. Yet she's pulling in 10/10 guys and 80% of them aren't good enough for her. I can't imagine what it's like for fugly manlets on that app.

It's dating pools. Women skew towards older matches and guys almost exclusively towards younger ones. So women in their 20s have a massive dating pool because there are plenty of older men, whereas the pool for men in their early to mid twenties is tiny because 18 is the hard floor.

The way to solve this is guys in their 20s opening their filters to thirtysomething women and vice versa. Seriously guys, women in their early 30s are still fit, in their sexual prime and know how to fuck.

I don't want to seem mean, but you present your case as if Tinder did the swiping for you and there was nothing you could do to stop the message flood.

The reason there are so few girls that are good at conversation on Tinder, is because the ones that can hold a conversation are very quickly no longer on Tinder.

Where do I find these women, those emails that tell me milfs are nearby?

I haven't used tinder in a few years, but it really was pretty bad even back then. For starters, you're competing with guys that look like the picture you're posted. But what OP is talking about makes it way worse. You have to literally be the greatest conversationalist of all time. A lot of girls on tinder make absolutely no effort to hold a conversation. They rarely ask questions or give detailed responses. It's like talking to a brick wall. Yeah, the wall is sitting there for you to talk to, but you're not gonna get anything out of it.

And not all girls on tinder are like that by any means. If they were, we wouldn't have any of the funny screenshots we get on this subreddit. But as an average looking guy, you're going to be hard pressed to match with the girls who want to/can hold conversations when your competition are like the guy in the picture.

What many guys dont get is that it can suck as a woman aswell. When I open Tinder in the morning it basically always looks like this:

Now if I start answering to messages, I got 10 new ones from the guys I already responded to before Im even through the messages I already have. So I either stop answering many of them or end up responding very shortly, both sucks.

"If we match please don't message me hey. Say something more."

Then proceeds to message me "hey" after we match. Fuck outta here with your double standards

Yeah same, I have one rule on tinder "Never chase", if they send a message and they don't respond I don't bombard them with messages trying to get their attention, it's tinder so move on. If I've been talking to them for a bit and they stop responding, do the same thing, never chase because it's just tinder.

When you swipe someone you imply that you are interested not that you are bored, not sure what you expect the dudes to do.


Or I'd get messages on Bumble saying 'Hi, I'm Julie!'

Yeah, I know your name. It shows it on your profile.

OKC is where you find the broke down cynical 30 something's that are like "just eat popcorn with me please".

Lmao that analogy is spot on

Yeah for real, poor her having such a wide array of partners to choose from

Holy fuck you just triggered me, I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a humble-brag, joke or serious, either way the fact that someone could unironically see this as a problem got me good.

Oh boy, is this going to appear on /sub/niceguys

Heh, old logo of ČT :) Czech television

Maybe there are lonely women out there & this

"Wnt sm fk?"

I've met plenty of girls on POF and OkCupid but never met one on Tinder.

I had a great conversation with a girl who said she'd had fun talking to me and that she'd (I'd assume) like meeting me sometime. Then she just stopped responding straight after that! :(

Easier just say "wanna fuck y/n?"

They do that because they don't have to have good opening lines. Guys will respond to "hey" just fine. If you don't, they won't even notice.

This is just how online dating is. So get fit and take pictures of you doing hobbies people find interesting.

"Trying to hold a conversation as a guy on Tinder."

You can use this gif for any dating app talking to the opposite or same sex.


Bottom line when it comes to sex, dudes will smash almost anything that has a pulse.

As a guy, this is straight-up not true. I don't know why I keep hearing this from women.

yeah man, puns really do get girls wet.

Seriously, If there were multiple girls asking me for dick pics when I was single, I'd just tell them that they'll have to use their imaginations until we meet in person.

You can opt out of harassment by quitting the app. You can't opt out of rejection.

Eh, that is until she starts getting unsolicited requests to show her tits.

I've seen the stuff that gets sent to my female friends and lemme tell you, people have no shame on the internet

girl I've been dating for over two years was from OKC. As a whole, the girls tend to be less attractive on those sites than on Tinder, but there are exceptions. I think my SO is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. They're out there but you just gotta do some digging.

I don't think they unmatch because you start the conversation first. They unmatch because they're a right-swipe spammer and when you write they actually take a look at your profile and realize they didn't really want to match with you. Source: Am ashamedly one of those guys.

To be fair I was targeting Snap Chat as I had some awesome 1 sided conversation with a girl I met at a club. Then the next day 1 message, then the next day 0 messages, but she does check on my stories !

Then I tried one of those random people on tinder that leave their snapchat for "faster" response. Killed it with the name pun, killed it with a small rap rhyming her name all over, a lot of crying smiling emojis were had and then nada. Like talking to a wall that acknowledges you for the first 10 messages only and doesn't really contribute to the conversation during that period or afterwards. BUT she does check on my stories !

Wait, I just got that... Tinder... matches...

they were her friends at some point.


women in their 20s aren't attracted to men in their 20s

Wat. I have no problems getting women and I'm 24. You have to be somewhat good-looking and not boring af tho.

In all fairness girls on tinder also get inboxes full of "hi" "hey" and "what's up" too. I've come to notice people are just bad at breaking the ice in general.

I hate it when they barely have a bio and a boring name. Like wtf do I say other then "hey what's up?"

As a 20's guy dating 30's women, I agree 100%.

Gay tinder is awesome tho. There at always a lot of people willing to hold a conversation. Unless you're really ugly, in that case, no matches, so holding a conversation is not necessary xp

Not to be a dick but every time I've been on a date or talked to a girl on tinder, POF, bumble, OKC over the age of about 26, and they were actually interested in talking to me, its was like a job interview especially if they have a kid.

Gone was the fun, travel and adventure. It's what do you do? Where do you live? What do you drive? Where do you like to hang out? All asked in context to the conversation.

But I noticed a trend, if I said expensive places(not places I frequent because I don't need to go to them often, i am content cooking my own food more then going out) my nice truck that i just bought, and a my actual job, I have their interest.

But, If I say I live with a roommate, and drive a okish car (my winter beater chevy cobalt) suddenly I'm not funny or interesting and the messages fall off instantly. Or I don't get a second date.

It's kinda depressing to realise that you are seen as just a paycheck, and need to be completely stable financially. I'm not just a paycheck that gets spent on you , or shit you like, or your kid that's not mine.

It seems like everyone on there is bisexual as well.

But I don't want to date a lonely woman with no friends and women who are not lonely and who have friends don't want to date me.


Do you want to talk about the box I found under your bed?

Yup, this.

My female friends are always whining about constantly being hit on.

I feel like a hobo starving in a gutter, while someone is whining to me about people always giving them money and food. POOR FUCKING YOU.

I guess that's just what happens when you've been desired for your entire life. You take it for granted.

No fucking wonder nobody writes back to you, your personality is shallower than an evaporated puddle of water in the desert.

I can't tell if the post belongs in Incels or TRP.

Being a guy on Tinder and being expected to be incredibly engaging conversationally, over and over and over and over, is incredibly draining.

You try carrying dozens of conversations, day after day, always expected to be witty and fun, while your partner is the conversational equivalent of a wet paper bag.

And when you ladies say shit like you just did, all I hear is "Dance, monkey! Dance for our amusement!"...


what's this

My ex-roommate was 33, with a PhD in Computer Science, and decently attractive and he still struck out constantly on Tinder because he was trying to date hot 20-somethings that didn't want an "old guy".

Nope. I'm in my 30s, poor as fuck, but have dated plenty of women in their 20s (and also dated heaps while I was in my 20s).

Women care about your perspectives, your passions, and your willingness to spend time with them and create a sense of togetherness. Women don't care about money as much as men think they do. Men just like using that as an excuse.

two matches per week!! rolls up and cries like a baby

It's a new cougar/milf trend though

Citation needed.

Seriously though, 'Mrs. Robinson' is from the sixties, its not a new trend. Like everything, the internet & its apps magnify it, but it was there before.

It's almost as if people on the internet are the same people as in real life

This is what I've begun doing but I literally haven't had a conversation since. Oh well, rather find someone that's actually interesting.

Say something besides "Good Morning", for starters. Fuck's sake, my dudes.

Edit: worst comes to worst, use This for unresponsive matches. Not mine but appropriate as fuck.

Say something besides "Good Morning", for starters. Fuck's sake, my dudes.

Edit: worst comes to worst, use for unresponsive matches. Not mine but appropriate as fuck.

Can you post your bio here?

Girls do get a lot of "Hi" and nothin else. But with some of my friends I noticed they had either no Bio at all or one that doesn't allow for any conversation to start anyway. It's like if your bio says something along the lines of "I like cooking". How the hell can someone message you about that? "Hey I'm Mike. I like cooking too".

Instead you have to write specifics that someone can refer to. "I'm trying to cook more at home instead of blowing money on restaurants every week. Keyword there being 'trying'" etc. something that someone can definitely relate to and can write a message about.

Haha, is that so?

insert emoji



This is why most women take issue with sluts. They throw the market price through the floor when they walk into a room.

It's not even just the internet. My girlfriend has been propositioned by longtime guy friends that knows she is in a relationship. She hates it and ends up cutting contact which makes her sad, because they were her friends at some point.

R/incels is leaking

Average guy here. I've used top comment opening lines from this sub on Tinder. They don't work because average guy.

Datable, ey?

Yeah that sucks.. but you never know what happens on the other side. Maybe she met someone else, maybe just busy with work or someth. In the end I don't hold my hopes up until the first meet.

Because he's gay?

How is it shallow to know what you like and go for it ? These scales are not universal, an 8/10 for me might look like a 5/10 to another guy, who are we to judge. Not sure why you want me to be with someone I find unattractive, I will make their life a living hell if I have to pretend loving/liking them all the time, so it's really really bad for them, not for me. And as I tried to explain above physical attraction is the first barrier, a small one too, character and chemistry are the meat of the whole deal and they are supposed to be determined in the dialogue phase of the interaction. /sub/totallynotrobots

But I appreciate you letting me know you don't like me, it's much better than having to wonder why you swiped left, but then just ghosted me. Thanks RequiemAA I will no longer wonder why you don't write me back, good luck with your future matches.

"All the whores want to do is fuck old men for their money. All you have to do is wait until they're out of their prime like and overripe banana"

You're hanging around the wrong people then.

Their logo is fire

Sometimes we're kinda interested depending on how much you like us

A.K.A. shower me in compliments and show me validation and you may get a reply

Men grow up a little slow, so I'm sure women in their 30's find them a bit childish. I don't think anyone in their 20's would refuse some fun with a 30+ year old or maybe even be serious. It's a new cougar/milf trend though, anonymous dating apps do seem to be helping.

Since there's little-to-no point for a guy to do a detailed read till post-match unless they're Zac Efron.

Not at all, the amount of chances and choices a guy and a girl has on tinder regardless of looks is exponentially higher for a girl leaving many great options in the dust

Who says OP isn't already doing that? This goes both ways.

You could say the same for good looking guys (that want a relationship), couldn't you?

one text, two text, no reply, move on.

When I was 21 I have sooo many messages I couldn't keep up with all the guys I was even interested in.

When I turned 26 those messages were cut in half and even half of those were copy and pasted messages and the other half were creepy or weird.

Praying to the dating lords I won't ever have to go back to that. Would be scared to try now.

She was like 5'4 200lbs

wasn't even that attractive

Jesus Christ. Over here in Korea, she would be completely incapable of finding someone to date her. That's crazy fat.

This fucking sad

Or perhaps the good women ignore idiots that make massive sweeping generalisations based on simplistic biotruths...

For me that's the upside. And I don't even use tinder for sex. For me, tinder is for finding the one. Grindr is for sex

60% of the time it works every time.

You know that most people just play through the stories to get rid of them right? Just because she "watched" your story doesn't mean that she actually watched it

How about just trying to hold a conversation on Tinder. Don't swipe right unless you intend to actually chat.

If they have a bio at all, like 3/4 of them are like "I like netflix and nights out"

Not really much to start a conversation on there, so it's either a boring hello, comments on their looks or a pickup line.

It's fuckin tinder. The whole thing is based on shallowness.

False. Women suck at responding and when they do start up conversations even on Bumble it's dumb as if ":)" is a good way to start a conversation yet a man has to be the worlds most interesting man to get a response off the hop, and I've been told I'm a good looking man. shrugs these apps make dating in this era the worst for women and their ego's.

I usually just ramble about whatever's on my mind. I mean I've gotten laid so it can't be too terrible of a strategy. Better than "Good morning." Let's say you're a cutie with no bio. I'd say "Who is your favorite Guardian of the Galaxy? In the first one mine was Groot but now I think it's Drax because I feel like his character got a lot more depth in the new one. I bet your favorite is Star Lord."

Then you might be like "Lol why do you think my favorite is Star Lord? It's actually ____"

And I'd be like "I thought you swiped right on me because I look like a fat, broke-ass Chris Pratt."

If you are honest with your matches and tell them you are interested/not interested once you've figured it out for yourself then your conversations will be a lot shorter and to the point. Otherwise, you are just leading people on for your own amusement, which is a whole different issue altogether.

Lol calm down my dude

"You looking to chat, fuck, or somethin in between?"

I've learned to just lead with the obvious and see what the intent is.

Thats the most important criteria? Sad.

What am I supposed to do? This is an honest question, not trying to argue. Like, I match this girl, look at her profile, all her photos are selfies and his bio is either blank or says something in the lines of: "I like traveling and shit". What can I say other than "good morning" if there's nothing to work with?

You must admit though ... your problem is kind of a luxury one.

You're literally just sitting back, waiting to get funny/charming/different people served at you - and then complaining that most are just regular guys.

I completely understand, and it's not a direct critique, just more of a "try and view it from a different perspective" - which is exactly what you were trying to do with OP.

I'm curious though, what is interesting enough to trigger a response?

I mean what do you usually respond to? Not necessarily what you'd say, but what you actually found yourself doing.

For instance: I love blondes & gingers, but realized that the vast majority of girls I've been with actually have dark hair.

I think kingli was satirising the above. Attractiveness and wealth are equally shallow.

aww that sucks so much!!!

That's pretty good. 'Preciate ya. Last week I googled "tinder opening lines" read maybe 2 before I felt like a total dork and shame washed over me.

Id like to think you're female, because for a guy putting this much effort into a first message is futile.

I tried explaining this to a girl once who went ahead and typed all these interesting things she thought women would like to hear and all she got back was; "yeah" "okay" "cool" etc. She was very confused.

...hence this gif to illustrate how it looks from the other side, maybe you will be able to emphatize or just see things from a different angle.

If that's the kind of messages you're sending out it's no wonder women aren't replying.

It really says more about the males than the females. Bottom line when it comes to sex, dudes will smash almost anything that has a pulse. Dating is obviously a different story. I suppose it's a case of "a bad day fishing is better than a good day at work" for dudes. The laws of supply and demand cannot be fucked with.

If you're being harrassed, you can Uninstall the app, or pick one of the many blokes and ignore the rest. But there's little you can do if you're not unattractive but are still unable to get attention in the first place.

You seem able to handle criticism well...

Guys often swipe right on everyone because they don't really get that many matches so it's easier to filter your matches than your potential matches. However, If you can't really find anyone who holds your attention even after matching with so many people then either your standards are too high or Tinder isn't for you.

Out of curiosity, what kind of opening lines are you actually hoping to get, since I noticed you are pretty much disgruntled with a lot of them.

I'm in my early thirties and guys in their early-mid twenties are most attractive to me. The problem with that is that they're at a different life stage and usually just after something casual.

not that im wizard or anything but assuming the op is gay = gay sex is better if you are gay.

That logo was my childhood! :)

The 'im trying to be nice'-excuse is bullshit. You arent trying to be nice, because leading guys on who dont have a chance is not being nice, youre just afraid of confrontation.

If you want less matches, unmatch the guys you dont want and just swipe on guys you are really interested in. You dont seem too interesting yourself if you just sit back and want people to entertain you. Play boring games get boring prizes.

The comment above was about looks. Why don't you say that one is sad too?

They didn't say earnings was the most important criteria either, you just added that.

Seriously this works the best

Reminds me of a teenager

Life's always there to reject and harass you. Solution: Deadify yourself.

I... I wasn't sure how to answer his question, I mean, I seems pretty obvious...