TIFU by having an anal prolapse on a date.

TIFU by having an anal prolapse on a date.

Well, not today. Last week actually, however considering the time spent in reconstructive anal surgery it has been difficult to find the time to post this. My story begins with me finally building up the courage to ask out the cutest girl in my communications class. There has been some notable tension between us, mainly because I accidentally gave her little sister a concussion, but that's another story. Given semester is coming to a close, I decided it was my last chance and just went for it. Expecting imminent rejection, to my delight, she agreed to have dinner with me.

Fast forward to the next night. Dinner was going remarkable well, we made great small talk and even laughed about me once knocking out her sister (accidentally). After a great time bonding, we wanted to spend more time together. She invited me back to her place, I was nervous as hell but obviously agreed. We arrive to her apartment, all her flatmates are out, everything seemed to be pointing towards sex. We opened a bottle of wine and just relaxed, which eventually lead to some great kissing. I could tell she was really into it, then told me she needed to take a "quick shower" to get comfortable. Since dinner, my stomach had been churning and aching, and was obviously not reacting well to the food. Thinking this could be a disaster in the bed, I decided to take a tactical shit whilst she showered. I ran to the toilet knowing my time frame was limited. Pulled down my pants, and unloaded a fiery, ferocious shit. I strained and strained trying to release all the chocolate magma from my bowels. The toilet quite literally looked like a snack pack with fragments of carrot and corn by the time I had finished. I stood up still dripping man gravy on the toilet seat, then felt something wasn't right.

It was kinda like a large turd was half hanging out my anus, but when I reached back with toilet paper, I realized it was far worse. During my continuous straining, I had prolapsed a large part of my anal cavity. It was far less painful than one would imagine, but terrifying none the less. I sat back down on the toilet, my dangling inner anus almost touching the water. I was confused, panicking and in disbelief. After a few failed attempts to try and reconstruct my anus by hand, I admitted defeat and started crying. It didn't take long for my dream girl to come knocking telling me she's ready, and asking if i'm okay. I broke down even worse into a blubbering mess upon hearing her voice, and yelled for her to call an ambulance. For some reason my lack of explanation had lead her to believe I tried to kill myself in her toilet. Subsequently this caused her to start kicking the door in so she could stop the bleeding from my non-existent lacerations. I begged her to stop, but eventually the door gave way, to reveal me sitting on the toilet with teary eyes wallowing in a ghastly smell. She was incredibly concerned, yet confused as hell. I then told her to please close the door until the ambulance arrived, she obliged. Around 15 minutes later, I was laying stomach down on a stretcher being wheeled out of the apartment to an ambulance. The most humiliating part was that my shit covered, prolapsed anus was exposed for the gathered crowd to see.

My lovely date was nice enough to visit me after surgery, but hasn't replied to any of my recent texts.

TL;DR Shit my anus out.

EDIT: Paragraphing

EDIT: Everyone, please. The girl truly is lovely, waited for me for hours after surgery. She did reply to a lot of texts, but clearly isn't interested in me. I handled the situation horrifically, and she has every right to be put off by it. Okay, now i'm sobbing again.

EDIT: Thanks for the Gold! Second of all, I couldn't care less about those calling me a liar or troll. The stitches in my anus don't lie. Thankyou everyone for your kind words of support, it means a lot.

Oh my god, are you okay? I wish you better luck for the future :(

NEVER EVER EVER PUSH TOO HARD.

Look at the bright side, OP. The rest of your life is always going to be better and easier than it is right now.

Yeah, I'm a bit raw down there but the pain really wasn't too bad. The humiliation, however..

I once didn't shit for 6 days, I was on a festival and the fucking port-o-potty's are revolting. The first few days I didn't really need to shit, I shit daily at home but when I'm out my shit train just never leaves the station.

By about the 4th day I did start having poo tingles, the toilets were now at their worst and I really couldn't be arsed so I held them down with not much effort.

The travel back home was early in the morning, we packed all our stuff and every bit of relaxing I did stimulated a serious need to poo. I felt 5 months pregnant and had developed some serious cramps on this day. Once aboard the train I finally had the opportunity to take a dump, but the train was stuffed as fuck and the toilets arent much better than the ones on the festival. I decided I'd be a man and hold it up till I got home.

The bike ride home was the most excruciating thing ever. I felt like my guts were ready to explode with a screeching alien poking its head out of the hole.

I came home, threw my bike against the wall, ran awkwardly through the garden and without ever saying a word to my family I immediately ran to the toilet. There was no pushing whatsoever required at this point, there was a build up of pressure that pushed outward at a formidable force. The only problem with that was that the poo was the size of a small dog and was hard as a rock. My eyes watered up and I nearly cried as my butthole got stretched to inhumane proportions in a quick flow. I let out a man-shout as the chocolate child left my bowels and made a small tsunami in the toilet.

My mom came over to greet my after the week she hadn't seen me, also wondering why I'm doing hercules moans, instead the foulest of stenches greeted her nostrils and she quickly gained insight as to why I was making horse-in-labor sounds.

I hope you enjoyed this distasteful story

TL;DR: Never hold your shit until it becomes the size of a bulldog.

Edit: wowzers gold, now not only my anus is no longer a virgin but also my reddit gold membership, thank you kind stranger!

I'm choosing to believe that that isn't a real thing and specifically not looking it up.

Listen bud, you're an absolute hero!

Shitting one's anus out is a remarkable feat to begin with! Doing so right before sex is even more remarkable! Breaking down crying, needing an ambulance, hell that's just epic necessity!

If that girl doesn't come back to you, you just tell her: "Listen woman, I already knocked out your sister, I shat out my anus, you better give me a second chance or god knows what will happen to you!"

Man, if things with this girl doesn't work out, you atleast got the best opener for the future! "Hi, I'm shatteredglassinanus would you like a drink? Be warned though, if this leads to sex, I might just poop out my anus right before the deed"

Jesus Christ... I'm a gay man who's supposed to be bottoming in a couple hours. This is like watching Final Destination 1 before you take a flight.

Edit: Thank you for your concern. My ass is intact.

Unless he has a penile prolapse

I will never shit again.

Wow! How common is this? I would think you would have to be pushing monstrously hard to push your rectum out of your body cavity.

Never has the toilet seemed so scary before...

Hopefully OP's username refers to a previous accident that made this more likely.

shit should slide out, not much pushing required. shitting 101.

Today marks the start of my kegels routine.

Fret not, only things which are supposed to be inside you can prolapse! Which in humans this is pretty much just the rectum and the uterus. There are other uses of prolapse, such as occasionally for herniated discs in the spine, and for mitral valve prolapse (heart condition), but these don't result in internal organs falling out of your body.

The thought of a uterine prolapse is enough to make my entire body break out in a cold sweat.

That is an absolutely horrible situation, and I feel sorry for you. Now can we have the story of how you gave her little sister a concussion?

wait do gay guys have a schedule? like does it say "/u/Resdrak, Bottoming, 9pm-11pm"?

I once went three days. Had really spicy taco on the third day. Worst shit of my life.

Cool story though.

Hey hey. I said in a couple of hours. That being said, he is here and we're sharing a bong at the moment. Making goddamn sure I'm nice and relaxed tonight. GODDAMN SURE. This is still gonna be my reaction though.

Hey hey. I said in a couple of hours. That being said, he is here and we're sharing a bong at the moment. Making goddamn sure I'm nice and relaxed tonight. GODDAMN SURE.

Since I put quite a lot of work into this, I'll post it here too

I once didn't shit for 6 days, I was on a festival and the fucking port-o-potty's are revolting. The first few days I didn't really need to shit, I shit daily at home but when I'm out my shit train just never leaves the station.

By about the 4th day I did start having poo tingles, the toilets were now at their worst and I really couldn't be arsed so I held them down with not much effort.

The travel back home was early in the morning, we packed all our stuff and every bit on relaxing I did stimulated a serious need to poo. I felt 5 months pregnant and had developed some serious cramps on this day. Once aboard the train I finally had the opportunity to take a dump, but the train was stuffed as fuck and the toilets arent much better than the ones on the festival. I decided I'd be a man and hold it up till I got home.

The bike ride home was the most excruciating thing ever. I felt like my guts were ready to explode with a screeching alien poking its head out of the hole.

I came home, threw my bike against the wall, ran awkwardly through the garden and without ever saying a word to my family I immediately ran to the toilet. There was no pushing whatsoever required at this point, there was a build up of pressure that pushed outward at a formidable force. The only problem with that was that the poo was the size of a small child and was hard as a rock. My eyes watered up and I nearly cried as my butthole got stretched to inhumane proportions in a quick flow. I let out a man-shout as the chocolate child left my bowels and made a small tsunami in the toilet.

My mom came over to greet my after the week she hadn't seen me, also wondering why I'm doing hercules moans, instead the foulest of stenches greeted her nostrils and she quickly gained insight as to why I was making horse-in-labor sounds.

I hope you enjoyed this distasteful story

TL;DR: Never hold your shit until it becomes the size of a bulldog.

Why on Earth did they not put a blanket over you on the stretcher? It seems highly unprofessional to wheel you out with all that showing?

He's an attorney, so we had to pencil in some time.

It's coming from inside the house!

Depends on the shit and how long you've waited for it to... Prepare.

Stop that, seriously. Stop it.

Will this happen to you? Probably not, but hemorroids will and they fucking suck, if you want to sample what they're like take a double sided needle and jam it in your anus width wise like you're trying to hold it open.

Four days here, because I was scared to poop in jail. Eventually had to. It was bad. The worst part of being in jail isn't all the usual stuff they say, it's having to poop in front of (literally 3 feet from) another guy. I came to a silent agreement with all of my different cellmates that we would poop quickly when the other went out to get a lunch tray.

With each meal, I take one teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil. After a few days of doing this, you will notice that you aren't "pushing" your poop out so much as you are letting it slide out. Virtually no effort is required other than spreading your cheeks.

This does take some getting used to, though. One morning soon after I started taking the olive oil I had squatted down to tie my shoe before taking my dog on our morning walk when a poop slid right out of me. Such was its ease of egress that I didn't even know it had happened until I stood up and it fell out the bottom of my shorts and onto the floor, where my dog started eating it. So use caution. Listen to your body. The first butterflies of excitement over an impending poop, you find a toilet ASAP.

I believed this story up until that point, then my bullshit detector went off.

I'm hoping you make a full recovery man. That girl was nothing nothing but an amateur if she can't get over a little prolapse.

I think pushing may be a bit better than what happened to you...

"Because I hate you." - Brain.

I'm reading from the toilet!!

That's it.

I'm done for tonight.

9:30-10:00 anal sex 10:15 meeting with client

If her uterus was anthropomorphisized, I heard it say "Hellooooooooooo nurse" like Animaniacs

hardly relief, it felt like most of my lower torso was a gaping hole, my ass felt like it just gave birth and the smell of a 5 - 6 day poo, when I was drinking every single one of those, was unnerving as fuck. It greeted my mom for me. She ran up to the door, I hadnt said anything but hi and the man groan. The stench was unbearable for me, can't imagine the force of Channel n°corpse it mustv been to her.

It went down in one flush I think, surprised it didnt clog

Is it in yet?

Chocolate child.. That was incredible.

My chunky fleshy colon-y bits are still inside me!

Back in the day in CYA (California Youth Authority) we used to take our mattress pad thingys and curve them around us like a ghetto privacy screen lol. You'd be sitting there shitting awkwardly with this crappy plastic covered mattress folded around you while at least one other guy awkwardly read a book or whatever hahaha.

wtf...I push hard all the time. I'm scared now. :(

Because i own a human :>

Was it like this?

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.. she had so many children, her uterus fell out. I believe you may have found her.

You don't have to push? What's your secret?

Resdrak is safe. I can sleep soundly now.

NEVER EVER EVER PUSH

Would probably be safer advice. Sure, in some cases, you may need to surmount issues like constipation, but when you're shitting normally, you should just let it flow. forcing it is unneeded, since your reflexes will take care of it it for you.

Totes made up. My detector started going off around the mention of suicide, and then the ambulance bit just set it off. With the popularity of this sub increasing, many different, sometimes dishonest, peeps are attracted. Quality goes down. It happens all the time.

Also, what fucking ambulance crew is going to wheel you past a crowd with your fucking prolapsed anus hanging out. Its not like he wasn't in a house and they didn't have all the time in the world to avoid that.

You won't believe my luck, it reverse-prolapsed and got stuck. Send help!

You repeat yourself.

He was standing next to her, was suddenly startled, spun around, and his prolapsed anus swung around her neck and twirled in like a set of bolos in a James Bond movie until she was struck in the temple and knocked cold.

Did you get the poop sweats on the bike ride home? That's how you know it's going to be a photo finish.

oh my days, you just put the foulest of images in my head. Blue waffle competition stuff

She seemed like a great sport, to be honest.

And there's no such thing as "a little prolapse".

If your partner likes rimming, he'd get something more like a popsicle. Think on the bright side.

After an hour, the question is: is it out yet?

well I could feel the pressure building up, and the cramps are all fine except when you have to move a lot, cycling is the worst. People mustv thought I had tourettes when they saw me on the bike.

The sweats only started the second I got on my drive-way or w/e u call it. The second the bike hit the ground the clock was ticking. Now that I think of it, this could've been a far worse story. My mom could've heard me coming, come over to greet me to then witness me groan and birth it out in my trousers, probably falling over because of the sensation. Now that would've been a TIFU story

Exactly. Trolls are definitely upping their game, adding little mundane details to give it the air of reality (the sister who got knocked out, for instance). Those details make people less suspicious. But he pushed the story way too far. 5/10 troll. Take out a few outlandish details that you already mentioned, and this might get a pass.

This might've flown in 2004. Trolling was easy ten years ago. You wanna be a troll now, it takes some effort and talent. Up your game, man.

I didn't shit for 10 days once. Had surgery at the very top of my butt-crack to remove a deep pilonidal cyst. It was a wide excision operation that takes 1 month to recover from. So I spent a couple days in hospital on morphine, then went on a pretty heavy dose of T3's (codeine) four times a day once I got home. T3's are opiates which cause constipation, that combined with my inability to move below the waist without immense pain and bleeding led to me not pooping for fucking 10 days. By the 7th day I was in a ton of pain from both the surgery and the built up shit. It was a miserable week and I ate triple-doses of X-lax twice a day for 3 days before I finally shit. I bled like crazy and it took over an hour to catch up on all that shitting I had missed. My butt crack was kind of deformed from the surgery and all the stitches so it was impossible to tell if I was wiping properly or not, let alone trying to avoid wiping towards the wound. And oh god the feeling of the skin over where they removed the cyst made me want to puke. Like jello with lifeless, sensationless skin stretched over top. Over the next couple days I shit multiple times a day until I finally felt back to normal. Fuck that was awful.

It's fascinating to see how many redditors took interest in your butthole.

"Also you have to poop. I'm gonna make you shit out your anus." - Brain

ah, the internet

In the chance that y'all become a happily married couple, this would make for a great story to tell your adult children. Our first date!

Aw.

Eat healthy with lots of fiber.

It would have been different if I was in an "open dorm" type facility but I was lucky enough to go to a "pod" type system where I always had my own cell I shared with 1 to 3 other people. The toilet is just... there in the corner of the tiny ass cell, RIGHT across from the bunk beds, just wide open and basically putting whoever is using the toilet on a "stage" lol.

EDIT:Also I probably should have clarified even when you used the mattress it only covered the bottom half of your body lol, pretty much everything above your waist was exposed, which is why the other cellmates would have to awkwardly read a book, or work on a crossword puzzle or whatever because otherwise you would just be sitting there on a bunk trying not to look this dude across from you in the eyes while he takes a shit.

I literally read this while I was shitting.

the moment

I laughed way too hard at that. Thanks for posting and I hope your anus makes a speedy recovery!

at least you didn't have a heart attack like Elvis. On the other hand, at least Elvis wasn't you.

And today's the day I stop reading TIFU while on the toilet...

Murphy's anus: anything that can exist, can prolapse.

If she still wants to go on another date with you, she's wife material.

Being Alpha 101

I laughed so hard I broke down and cried

sigh "One guy one cup"...come on, Glass Ass is so much more fun to say

Never poo again

FTFY

But you mix the two up and then it's just awkward for everyone.

"It's nice that you found the time to fit me in, but I said we needed to handle my subpoena."

How long did it take to flush?

Also, how would you describe your sense of relief afterwards?

EMT here... We put a blanket on just about everybody...

Constipated people hate him

What a time to be alive.

I am also pooping.

I'm the same way. Home? Shit every day after dinner like fucking clockwork. Anywhere else? Nonexistent urges to poo. Until I cross the threshold of my apartment. Then oh God.

Right, never poo hard again, gotcha.

"Hey, you okey in there?" "Yea, I'm fine. The inside of my anus just came out, It'll be just five more minutes. You go ahead and start without me."

Everything will be alright. Probably. At least based on my experience. Actually, nevermind.

It's one man, one jar.

1M1J

So how'd it go?

A mouse penis is nothing like human penis...

Source: used to own a mouse

This is the second prolapse story I've read today. BRB, going to find eyebleach. And I'll be paranoid every time I take a shit from now on.

Please explain why she hadn't had a hysterectomy. I had a minor prolapse (barely bulging) and had one.

I'm pretty sure OP's username refers to this. This is definitely NSFL.

http://m.efukt.com/2339_The_Worst_Sex_Accident_Of_All_Time.html

I'm now terrified to take a shit. Let's see how long I can hold it in...

And the people in charge (I want to say juvenile officers, but that might not be right) didn't have a problem with this? Sounds like it might be suspicious to see. One might think you were making a shank or something.

I know mice can get penile prolapse but i dunno about humans

I'm reminded of when I was in college and we were outside smoking, one of the professors walks out and the guy next to me leans in and whispers, "man I'd suck a fart outta her ass and hold it like a bong hit"

oh god, didn't even realize that's one of the consequences. With the amount of beer I consumed I imagine I wasn't far off either.