The robot uprising will be goofier than we expected

It's going to look really funny while they bludgeon us to death like this.

So essentially a bunch of robot Captain Jack Sparrows will chase us around.


This is going to make the uprising 10x more confusing and terrifying.

Does anyone else imagine it screaming like a maniac while it runs?

I just hear it yelling, “ya, ya, ya, ya, WOOOHOOOO!!!!”

All they need is an emoji as a face. Imagine 😀 or 💩 being the face of your killer.

i got a .jar of dirt


But 100x more hilarious.

Girl AI: “Come over”

Boy AI: “I can’t, I haven’t learned how to walk”

Girl AI: “My programmers aren’t home”

Boy AI:

Back in college I wrote a program that ran as a screensaver, picking up where it left off each time it came on. Its goal was to make it as far as possible in 30 seconds.

All it was, was different sized 3d boxes that would group together at a joint and move in any direction. It started out random, but would eventually add more pieces and joints as it learned to move. After about a semester of having this on my computer, it optimized to a 6 legged insect looking thing with 3 body parts. It was freaky looking, but damn could that thing run.

I have no clue if I still have it. I should find it and optimize it for current graphics and OS.

tldr; made genetic algorithm that became freaky running ant thing.

Better than me on QWOP.

Reminds me of Attack on Titan

Is this not how everyone walks?

“Point B here I come! WoooooooooHoooooooo! Fuck yeah!”



for those wanting to watch the whole video.

Emoji Movie 2

Get on it Internet!

Dude, you just proved Darwin's theory. It settled on ant, one of nature's most successful designs. Nice work!

Looks more like how Pheobe from Friends ran.

Reminds me of Attack on Titan.

This is how I run, which is why I don’t run.

So there was no other parameters for optimization? Not trying for the least amount of energy expended, as any living creature would at least consider. Must be the default optimization of least number of iterations which is why it looks so funky.

Also, if there is no consideration for fault tolerance, making any obstacle in the course just the tiniest bit more difficult would cause the bot to fail. Just barely good enough to get past each obstacle is good enough, and it doesn't care that it might encounter that exact same obstacle ten trillion times on its way to point B.

Interesting experiment.

Or... don't. Yeah. Don't.


"The four-legged model was especially efficient at jumping" Great, just great! Now we have to worry about facehugger spider robos when the AI overlords take over.


the humanoid model had an interesting take on walking

literally me running away from my responsibilities.

It would be interesting to see how it would develop if they added functions like muscles tiring and stamina. So as to simulate how people start walking when they get really tired or something similar.

Rush B, cyka!

I mean, we won't be able to run because we'll be laughing so hard


That sounds pretty damn cool. Let me know if you find it or optimize it.

As long as its not like the zombies in dead space With the dangly claw arms.

You're all laughing now, but you won't be laughing when we're all murdered using really goofy looking, but hyper efficient methods.

Well, maybe you'll laugh, but only at first.

tbf it's better than anyone on qwop..

An archive of Java metadata!

Doesn't really go with the reference. :(

Look out, it's an abnormal!

I think this is essentially what you are talking about:

It would have used the arms more normally if they had made them slowly get tired and eventually become too weak to just hold them up weirdly. Also yes, energy expenditure.

Great. Now we must study the ants and their weaknesses so we can resist the eventual uprising of robotic ants.

That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow to you.

tormented AI

I prefer the version.

Would be funny if the leaned back flailing and arm pumping turned out to be advantageous and athletes started using these techniques.


Wait until it learns climbing with the GIRP protocol.

We shall learn their language, gain their trust, and breed with their women. In time our differences will be forgotten and peace will reign.

We already have the best trilogy anyway


hurry and tweet this before somebody else does.

Actually, the thing learns. So if they make the course more difficult, as long as it is physically possible for its body to go over the obstacle it will figure it out. And there is fault tolerance, they were actively pushing it around and it recovered its balance without falling over. And it handled terrain that shifted and moved.

And as limited and outright silly looking as this is, it is also amazing. None of that is preprogrammed, it was created on the fly. It may be simple, but the thing learned and applied what it had learned. That is AI, rudimentary sure and no where near human level intelligence, but AI nonetheless.

Gotta wonder what the current limits on the complexity of the parameters it can be given before overloading. I mean, that humanish model is already fairly complex, a bit more and it would be a fairly decent approximation of a bipedal robot. As you said, add in telling it to optimize energy expenditure and you could download the programming in a real robot and turn it loose.

Unfortunately that's exactly what it will be like

I also get tired when I fist pump while walking.

I'm Captain Jack CPU, savvy?

Haha I had the exact same thought, I imagined it being like I, Robot when they're all in the streets and everyone fights back with melee weapons. If the robots ran like this, the people would have done nothing but laugh and get goofily pummeled to death.

I am reminded of the suicide bomber enemies from Serious Sam

Just imagine how hilariously awkward it'll be when they sodomize us all in their sex dungeons.

Better with sound


Jack Sparrow

Phoebe is an AI. It all makes sense now.

That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow to you.

This was already an episode of Doctor Who

late for meeting...

AFAIK they computer isn't seeing the terrain and deciding where to step to get around the obstacles. It's just blindly in trying random movements in thousands of simulations and each time it gets closer to the goal it saves thoses movements and runs more simulations from that saved point. So in the end it's just a blind accumulation of random movements that happen to get it to the goal.


I would like to see that too.

But I think, see that humans exists and are a product of evolution, quite clearly the result would be something human-like.

Just like life.


Serious sam 😈💣 Still the coolest music ever for a boss fight


Proof or gtfo

Came here to find this comment. Thank you. I can rest now.

That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow to you.

If they could simulate muscles and exhaustion and other factors it probably could figure out the best motion for each muscle to achieve the most efficient movement / most speed.

You wander on up the stairs and make your way towards the obviously out-of-place red myr at the pool’s back end. She’s attractive enough: short black hair that falls in straight ridges around her elfin ears, and full red lips that match the color of her chitinous plates. A pair of insectile feelers spring up from her brow, tucked low to her head like a nervous puppy’s ears. Seeing you drawing near, the red-plated myr girl perks up a bit, shooting glances your way.

“Mind if I join you?” you ask, nodding towards the crowded bath as if to say there’s nowhere else to sit. Not entirely true, but it’s a good enough in.

Despite the fact that you were looking her way the whole way up, she still acts like it’s a total surprise you’re talking to her. “Uh, s-sure,” she mumbles, scooting over along the stone seat at the edge of the pool to make room for you. Giving her an appreciative nod, you toss your towel aside - and give the svelte red ant a front-row view of your buck naked body before you slide yourself down into the pool beside her.

The water’s hot enough that you end up sucking in a sharp breath as you try and enter. It’s hotter than you expected, burning at your skin. Clearly this fiery ant-babe picked the hottest part of the bath to recline in. You put on a brave face, at least until the water gets near your crotch; after that, all you can do is sink down until you’re sat on the stone shelf beside her. The red woman regards you with cold, black, insectile eyes, apparently not quite sure what to make of you... though you’re keenly aware of her furtive glances towards your imposing, animalistic dick, which you make little effort to hide from view.

“I-Is that a...” your bathing companion ventures to ask after several silent seconds, her eyes now firmly affixed on your exposed loins. You’re almost sure she’s flushed a darker shade of red all of a sudden, despite the obvious public nudity she’s been exposed to since she arrived. Then again, as far as you can see, you’re the only person in the bath packing a imposing, bestial shaft.

You imagine most myr must not get to see a lot of dick in their lives - you’ve barely seen any men at all on the planet, after all.

Activating the old Steele charm, such as it is when you’re already this close, you give the red myr a nod and slightly shift your legs to emphasize your package. Her eyes rapturously follow your movements, a pair of black orbs stark against her rosy skin that betray nothing. The rest of her body, though, is not quite so subtle: you appreciatively note that the arm that was covering up her breasts droops down into the water, revealing a pair of succulent D-cups, each peaked by a stiff red nipple just poking out over the lip of the water. She chews on her lips, clearly trying to hold back... and rapidly faltering.

“I’ve never been this close to a male myr before,” she confesses, sliding ever so much closer to you along the marble bench. Blushing even darker, she mumbles out a nervous “C-can I, uh... oh, what am I doing! Never mind, I’m sorry, I-”

You smile at the flustered red and urge her to speak her mind. After all, there’s not a lot of point in holding back in room full of naked women. She flicks her eyes between your face and your cock, her mouth moving silently as if she’s churning through words to find just the right ones.

The anticipation she manages to build up climaxes in an almost hilariously simple statement: “Can I... touch it?”

Leave it to a red myr to be direct. Still, that’s the response you were hoping for - if a little sooner than you were expecting. Poor thing’s never had the chance to get her hands on another dick before, you imagine. Smiling at the cock-hungry ant-girl, you lean back against the stone side of the bath and pat your thigh invitingly. Your bathing partner’s eyes go a bit wider, as if she expected you to refuse her lewd request.

With the steam boiling off the bath water acting as a shroud, and being as isolated from the cavorting golds as you are, there’s not too much risk of detection - but just enough to give your heart a little flutter as the red beauty starts to snake one of her hands up your leg. She’s feeling much the same way, you reckon, if the furtive glances she’s constantly shooting through the steam are any indication. For what comfort it’s worth, you slip an arm around your partner’s shoulders, pulling her nice and close.

She rewards you with a bashful smile, and her pale fingers brush tantalizingly along the length of your bestial member. Her fingers caress your shaft, exploring every inch of hardening cockflesh: a pair of digits gently circles your canine crown, brushing across your slit and glans with eager intensity. The hesitation your red myr compatriot showed before evaporates over the span of time it takes to move from your crown to base, replaced by a hungry relish. With the hot spring’s water acting as lube, her hand glides across your bestial shaft in smooth, strong motions. You’re reminded just how much stronger the average myr is than a human with every stroke: her powerful grip pumps your schlong with a mix of firmness and reverence that has you struggling to suppress moans of pleasure before she’s even found her rhythm.

You recline against the bath’s side and close your eyes. You did come to the bath house to relax, after all.

“It’s... softer than I imagined,” the red woman whispers, so quiet that you can barely hear her. “It’s almost delicate.”

Not exactly a word you’d have used to describe a red, bestial shaft, but she seems deeply infatuated with your prick regardless. You let her have her fun, and enjoy the pleasure her experimental motions give you. She lacks skill, as you’d expect, but the red ant makes up for it in sheer intensity. Her hands pump your shaft faster as she gains confidence, bringing you steadily closer to a quick climax shrouded by the rising veil of steam.

“Getting... getting close, there,” you warn her, reaffirming your grasp on her shoulders.

“Close to - oh. Oh!” she answers with a gasp, black eyes going wide. “Should I stop? I don’t want to stop, but...”

You vigorously shake your head - no way you’re walking out of this with blue balls. Besides, this cock-craving red needs to see the full breadth of what your tumescent, knotty dog-cock can do. You’d hate for her first time with one to end on a low note, after all.

Seeing your response, the red woman murmurs, “You can’t just cum in the water, right? That’s absolutely not okay!” After a second, she adds a little less sure of herself: “Right?”

You roll your eyes and tell the first-timer what to do:

“If you don’t want it in the water, how about in you?” you grin, reaching over and grabbing your virginal lover under the arms. She has just enough time to gasp and squeal before you’ve spun her around and into your lap, her slit grinding tantalizingly against your cockhead. Not much time left...

She blinks at you, black eyes looking so awe-filled that they might just pop out at any moment. “You want to cum inside me?” she murmurs, still pumping your prick hard enough that she’s got to be battering her fist against her own crotch. “I’ve never had...”

“Just slide it in!” you groan, using your grasp on her underarms to try and guide her down onto your rod. She gives you a nervous look, but slowly allows you to move her down. You just about lose what’s left of your willpower when your cock-head brushes the quivering lips of her sex, pushing firmly against her tight little box. You can tell she was serious about never having handled a cock before: it’s a struggle to get her to loosen up enough for you to actually enter her.

The surge of vice-like pleasure is enough to push you over the edge, barely giving you enough time to thrust in until you’re battering the back of the myr’s cunt before you blow your load. Your lover gasps and clenches down with crushing power, wrapping her arms around your neck and mashing her breasts into your face. You’re sure there’s more than a few eyes on the two of you now, watching with mirth as the buxom red rides her very first dick.

Not that her ride lasts very long. You flood her pussy with a thick creampie, and find yourself sighing with relief as your load finds a nice, hot home for itself. Your lover puts a hand on her belly, trying to appraise the alien sensation - and completely oblivious to the jealous looks she’s getting from the assembled gold myr around her. She spends a few more minutes in your lap, just enjoying the feeling of fullness, before she suddenly blinks and comes back to her senses.

“What did... did we just...” she starts, looking frantically around the bath house and suddenly keenly aware of the stares coming your way. Blushing with embarrassment, the red beauty leaps to her feet and scampers out of the pool and towards the locker room... drooling your seed down her thighs all the way.

You just smile and sit back in the pool, enjoying the afterglow and the nice, hot water...

I would pay money to see every runner in the olympics flail their arms wildly like that

Oh my god! Just give it an R Rating, and really make that Generation grow up FAST!

Reminds me of Phoebe

Sausage legs seems to be the best at everything, but YOLO man runner boy has an interesting technique.

Spider bot seems a little too chunky to do much mroe than the tiny jumps they showed, but without further video evidence we cannot say


What weirdness did I just witness?


Anything more than 7 inches is intimidating. (my first comment)

I'm okay with that.

There was a really good paper where they used machine learning to "solve" qwop that I did a report on in college. It was pretty dope, I'll try to link it later.


This was the one. If you want something more visual, search youtube for genetic algorithms or machine learning or neutral networks!

Some titans are "abnormal" so they are unpredictable and have erratic behaviour, in their own way. Fairly sure these titans would be chasing after some human scouts on horseback. They see humans as bite size snacks.

Currently in the anime it's unknown why they act that way (or pretty much anything about titans is still unknown)

This guy qwops

Thaaaaat was amazing thank you

Jack Sparrow


And it's probably pretty much how we run now.

Just wait until a mob of these run out of the dark and assault you, it won't be goofy at all then

They ran it on Windows 10 and promised that if it got to Point B in a timely fashion, the relentless updates would stop. Every time it failed, they updated it again.

What? Of course they would! Machines would not want to wear out their various parts and mechanisms, robo-dicks, arms, and flexible leg or tentacle like appendage, included. And our anuses. Remember, they prize efficiency highly, so they'll not want someone to catch fire while being invaded at an RPM of 200.

Kind of like how I did with RoboCop.

What....the fuck?