Possibly a great quick tip against "dead fish syndrome"

Possibly a great quick tip against "dead fish syndrome"

Hey /sub/sex.

Last night I was cuddling with my gf, kissing a bit, the usual drill... now, she's been having a bit of dead fish syndrome sometime (= being really passive + maybe slightly boring in bed). she knows this and wants to work around it, no hard feelings anywhere.

So we're talking, and I give her a really quick tip - "make sure your hands are always doing something". nothing I've heard anyone say before, I just realized it'd probably help.

HOT DAMN. what followed was probably the best sex I'd ever had. She was all over me, not in a "damn it after you gave me that slightly belittiling advice I need to rape you to recover my self esteem" way, but in a good way.

This probably seems really obvious but it helped us a lot. Any thoughts?

I'm just here laughing my ass off picturing a girl laying down taking it, while doing the robot with her arms. Then the macarena. Then snapping her fingers all 80s style. Then clapping. Then doing the palm-press-rotate-flex-middle-finger-wiggle

I also subscribe to /sub/fishing and was trying to figure out wtf dead fish syndrome was. This makes more sense.

This goes both ways! :-) Don't simply grab my ass or waist and hold on. Try gently stroking my back and sides. Switch up between rough groping and gentle stroking depending on what she's in the mood for.

Post-orgasm? JAZZ HANDS.

I disagree.

I put the hand that's not inside her when I'm eating her out over her mound and just keep it there. Nothing special at first. But when she starts getting close she starts thrashing about. That's when I use the that hand to hold her in place. I do this for 3 reasons:

make sure she doesn't drift away from me and I can keep going more pressure on the gspot power play

She loves it as well.

tone: content, dreamy

And if he throws in a gentle side-of-the-face caress with his fingers in the midst of hot & heavy sex... Mmm. Perfect.


I thought that said fisting and I was like man there must be something really wrong with your girl if you're fisting her and she is still acting like a dead fish.

Are you an elcor? Do you get that a lot?

Also saves you from a broken nose from her pubic bone...

I use this tip when I'm eating my girl out. If one hand is fingering her, the other is reaching up her navel or massaging her thighs. A static hand just lying there on you isnt very exciting. I've found it to work very well. Good tip dude.

I think your tip is hidden in your message.



Relative tip : You could take it a step further and get what you really want by being assertive. just grab her hands and put them where you want them.

I've never had a girl object to me from grabbing her hands and putting them on my junk or in my hair while Im going down on her. in fact it really helps create a hot and sexy atmosphere. She may be too scared or shameful to be aggressive in bed, but if you show her exactly what you want... Chances are she'll get on board and loosen up too.

Another step further and move past the hands to her body. One of the hottest things I've ever done was have my girl straddle my face, then instead of just having her sit there, I grabbed her hips and started rocking them back and forth. After 3 laps on my lips she took control and rode me like she was a regular cowgirl.

Obviously this is all relative to your partner and needs to be taken in context. So don't be stupid ;)

Why are you disappointed? Be proud of your gamer-cred.

I lost it, this is fantastic

I think it's hidden in his girlfriend.

Another tip. Don't even actually tell the girl that she's like a dead fish. Tell her what you like. For many many years I had issues with very painful sex which made me a dead fish while trying to relax my muscles enough to try to control the pain. I was directly compared to a dead fish by 2 different people which just made things that much worse for me, and that's something that you never forget.

here at /sub/sex we strive to be a gamer-positive community

Maybe I'm a total weirdie then because peeing sensation during sex doesn't lead ME anywhere near ejaculation, it distracts me and that makes me mad. It's hard enough to get out of my own head without that.

I HATE that. Just leaving it right there puts pressure on my bladder and I don't want to be thinking about that when I'm being eaten out. That's the fastest way to end sex with me. And that pisses me the hell off. Power play, yes. Bladder pressure, no thank you.

When I read the title I though that you were referring to your girlfriend smelling like a "dead fish" down there. Everything turned out fine and I learned a good lesson.

It's only weird if you make it weird.

I never know what to do with my hands when I'm dancing, that's why I prefer sex.

That's what I'm looking for in my future bed partners from now on... Actually maybe even my running partner and business partner...

I know wherre the bladder is, and I also have one, so I know that can be unconfortable.

I place my hand lower and put the pressure over the pelvic bone. Also, I don't actually use pressure. I just hold my hand there and don't let her move it with thrashing.

Also, peeing sensation during sex often leads to female ejaculation, which is awesome.

I am a woman and I like lower pelvic pressure like that.

Wow. I never thought I'd hear the word 'Elcor' in /sub/sex

This!!!! Especially the part about being too shameful to be assertive...people say terrible things to girls when they talk about their sexuality sometimes and it can cause.a.lasting problem

I meant that it didn't seem like she was trying to overcompensate after we were talking about how to make her be less passive in bed :)

Incidentally, Dead Fist Syndrome is also the name of my Limit Break.

Mmmmmm... power play.

Belly dancing. For serious. You learn to do insane things with your hips in belly dancing classes.

I was picturing the Hand Jive.

I use my hands a lot during sex, but one of my boyfriends still thinks I'm too passive in bed. He wants me to use my hips more. This is proving incredibly difficult for me. Moving my hips independent of the rest of my body, to me, is comparable to asking someone to roll their tongue who just can't. I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with them, anything I try feels unnatural to me. I have trouble maintaining rhythm on top, too.

Advice would be appreciated :<

Yeah I'm not fond of the term rape to mean anything other than uh, rape.

not in a "damn it after you gave me that slightly belittiling advice I need to rape you to recover my self esteem" way

Where did that come from?

Well, true, that's probably a bit of it. We do communicate a lot though, and it's not exactly the first time she's confessed that she knew she was being a bit passive, but didn't really know how to fix it.

I had the same reaction being subscribed to /sub/aquariums.

...I'm disappointed in myself for getting this reference.


I'd be proud of knowing a Mass Effect reference. Incredible games. You'd be in dangerous waters if this were a COD reference.

I learned to masturbate while humping a pillow, so from the very first time I ever had sex, I've been using my hips. When we swing guys apparently think this is pretty awesome (and I get the impression it might be a slightly unusual thing for women to do). Maybe if you tried humping a pillow (you can also slip a toy up in there) it'll help with the muscles, and muscle memory when you have sex. No promises, just a thought.

"damn it after you gave me that slightly belittiling advice I need to rape you to recover my self esteem" way

What did you mean by this?

Dead Fist Syndrome, called it, new band name.

You're just going to have to accept that video games are ingrained into our lives as much as sex is, culture wise.

CoD bashing is going to happen when it's a lowest common denominator release.

I think we've learned by now that the female sexual experience varies by person, and the most important part is that you know what does and doesn't work for you, and tell your partner.

I have no problem doing or not doing whatever my partner wants, I just need to know. Interesting, though, how elusive orgasms can be for some women and how little things can change the experience.

...One of your boyfriends?

hear hear!

picturing a girl laying down taking it, while doing the robot with her arms. Then the macarena. Then snapping her fingers all 80s style.

Would wife with approximately 100% certainty. This has made me sad that that's never happened to me!

I come to read the articles, and I always end up getting worked up!! Haha.

That is what he is talking about. That feeling could be a build up of female ejaculation, it is one of the reasons it is rare in women because they can't move past the initial feeling of having to pee. This happened to an ex of mine too.

God DAMMIT. I work in a 50s themed character diner and we have to do the hand jive. So now when I do that, I'm going to imagine myself doing it while having sex with my SO.

I now can't wait for work on Friday.

African dance,

Only the hips and butt move. Takes a bit of practice but it tones those muscles that make your body rigid while allowing others to remain limber and your bf will drop his jaw in amazement when you move like that

EDIT grammar & spelling


Typical front page Reddit is your own subs. If your front page sucks, change your Reddit browsing habits.

Nope, I only have one tab open. The only time I open up multiple tabs for Reddit, is when I'm responding to messages in my inbox, I'll open up the context link in a new tab.

To me, and I could be wrong, but you seem really jaded.

Girl here, and I was not very good...not bad, just a little boring. Not knowing what to do with your hands is difficult. What helped me the most was when my boyfriend talked me into going to a strip club with him. After watching the girls move something just clicked for me. I am still not the best lay, but hey, I get the job done.

Also, if your girl is a little wary of going to a strip club, get her to drink first...not get drink, but just enough to relax her. It helped me a ton.


That doesn't sound bitchy at all. I don't know how you got that. She sounds like she cares about her partner's experience in bed, has taken on his feedback and is now trying to change despite it feeling totally unnatural and awkward for her. She is actually going out of her way to please her SO. Your comment was way off and completely unnecessary.

I sometimes don't know what to do with my hands, but I've discovered that some favorites include caressing or lightly scratching his back, holding his neck/shoulders/head, caressing his hair, and grabbing his legs or ass to pull him deeper into me.

Sometimes I feel a bit lost on what to do, but ones my hands are doing something things seem to get a bit steamier, and then my hands just seem to take care of themselves.

Oh, and I guess grabbing the bedding in tight fists or using a hand or two to brace against the wall or head of the bed don't seem fairly acceptable too. Even though I'm not touching him, he's got visual cues that I'm enjoying myself.

what about a hair pull

I get that sometimes, I get so engrossed, my nose presses against her pubic bone and when I (we) have finished my nose is killing me

Thank you! I guess I'll try downloading a teach-yourself series or something.

More tips? I can be a dead fish sometimes :(

Press the fuck out of that mound!