My boyfriend [24 M] pranked me in a horrible way and I [20 F] broke it off with him. He wants to work through it and I’m worried I’ve made the wrong decision. Who’s right here?

My boyfriend [24 M] pranked me in a horrible way and I [20 F] broke it off with him. He wants to work through it and I’m worried I’ve made the wrong decision. Who’s right here?

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a crippling phobia of spiders. And I’ve always been the first to acknowledge it’s extreme and ridiculous. I hate it, I had to swap rooms with my brother when I was younger because of how many spiders got in my room. I can’t go into a room if there’s a spider there and I can’t go into it for a long period after it’s gone. If a spider touches something of mine I have to wash it or throw it away. These are just a few examples of of how stupid it is. I have been going to therapy over it and have just gotten to a point where I can TALK about them without cringing (barely, 90% of the time). I’ve been with my Roger 3 years and he’s known all about my phobia. He’s watched me physically break down over one being close to me, crying and frantically washing my things after seeing a spider. He’s seen the full extent of my phobia and knows how debilitating it is.

Now last week I was sat on the couch, we had friends over and (apparently) none of them knew what was to come. He’d been telling me for weeks he had a ‘surprise’ for me and was ‘waiting for the right time’ to give it to me, so I’d been pretty excited for whatever it was. So you can imagine my horror when he tips a full jar of spiders he’d been collecting for WEEKS all over me in front of all our friends.

I screamed, made an absolute fool out of myself flinging my limbs around trying to get them off. I was crying and shaking more than I ever have in my life. I ran straight into the shower and showered with my clothes on, taking them off as I showered. It takes a long ass time for the water to heat up in my house too so it was a cold shower. I hear my friends outside telling me that Roger and some of the others are trying to get them all out of the living room and I’m just hysterically scrubbing myself crying and shaking. I could barely even stand.

Two hours later they manage to get me out of the bathroom, my friend has already said I can stay at her house until the spiders are all gone and said I could borrow her clothes until everything’s sorted. I eventually managed to walk over to the door and unlock it, wearing just a towel, dead soaking spiders all over the floor and I’m just sobbing hysterically. As soon as I step out my friend hugs me and brings me to her car. Roger follows us outside saying things such as “what the hell”, “where are you going”, “I’m sorry it was just a joke” etc etc. I have never ever screamed at someone before but I just freaking lost it. I called him an asshole and asked him what the fuck he was thinking, what the fuck was so fucking funny about tipping a jar of spiders he’d been collecting like a freak for months when he fucking KNEW I was TERRIFIED of them, I told him we were fucking through and that I’d never be able to recover from this.

Since then I’ve been staying at my friends house and she’s been so great, she’s scared of spiders too but nowhere near to the extent I am. She’s told me I was right to do what I did and that he’s a fucking asshole etc. My therapy has gone to shit, I can’t even look at a picture without breaking down, I’m crying just writing this. I’ll have to go right back to the beginning and work up all over again when it’s taken me YEARS to get to where I was. Roger has messaged me asking to meet and he’s apologized a lot, he wants to work this out and ‘honestly thought I’d see the funny side’, I’ve not responded at all because I’m just so hurt and broken. I know they’re just bugs and they can’t hurt me but from my perspective he may as well have thrown acid over me. I know how silly it sounds but this has just destroyed me and YEARS of progress in therapy. Am I over reacting? Should I take him back? Even if I did I don’t think I’d ever be able to feel safe with him or trust him again.

tl;dr I have an extreme phobia of spiders, boyfriend collected hundreds in a jar for months and threw them over me. I broke up with him, am I in the wrong?

Edit: spelling

Edit 2: Clarity

I'm noticing a lot of comments about the spiders themselves and from what I could tell most of them were dead (I couldn't see many moving around or running anywhere). Other than that, I don't know. I was in the room for 20 seconds tops before running out. Knowing the majority of them probably wouldn't be alive though is slightly comforting. I should also add after seeing messages and comments regarding his lack of sensitivity (to put it lightly) and his selfishness about the prank itself has only firmly established that even attempting to make it work (if I even could) would not be a good idea. Thank you Reddit :)

This isn't a "prank", it's fucking sadistic. He's either cruel or an idiot. Neither would be good relationship material.

I'm not afraid of spiders, but if someone poured a jar of live spiders on me I'd break their jaw.

I'm afraid of birds. Not as severely as you are of spiders, but scared enough where it's not that funny. I work at a daycare and my kids are three years old. One time we were outside and a kid told me he found a birds nest above the sandbox and asked me to come look. Another girl heard him say that and told him "No! Miss Chelsea doesn't like birds, they make her scared" and patted my leg. Three year olds would understand that what your boyfriend did was not nice and not funny. Sorry you had to go through that. :-(

A prank would be something like throwing a bunch of rubber spiders at someone like me, who has an aversion to/very mild fear of spiders.

This was not a prank. This was essentially torture. The asshole knew OPs fears and the fact that she is in therapy. It only takes an ounce of empathy to know not to do this to someone.

How fucking sick do you have to be to actively plot out something like this for weeks knowing that it will cause your SO pain?

Edit: so that I'm actually answering the op... no, OP, you are not in the wrong. This would be relationship ending even for someone with 0 fear of spiders.

OP I'm so sorry..what he did was really mean and I agree with your friend. The fact that he's seen how you react to them means he knew what kind of reaction he was going to get out of you. It's one thing to say or do something hurtful in the moment..but to actually methodically plan to do something mean AND in front of your friends shows a lot about his character...that was cruel and you deserve so much better. And don't think you've lost all those year of therapy..I mean I'm no therapist but despite what he did to you, you was horrible but you got through it and were able to wash them off..and perhaps it saved you from being in a relationship with a guy that thinks hurting you and scaring you and collecting a jar of your worst fears is funny.

You're not overreacting at all. I can't imagine how much of a dickhead a person would need to be to find that funny.

Same. OP, even if you didn't have this fear, that's a pretty fucked up thing to do to someone you supposedly love. The fact that you do makes it completely unforgivable. He purposely gave you a panic attack. He knew you wouldn't think it was funny. He is lying. Honestly, I can't fathom a reason anyone would do this to anyone else, phobia or not, unless it was specifically to be cruel. He emotionally tortured you. What a horrible person. I'm proud of you for screaming at him. Don't be embarrassed about that. If I saw my friend react that way after her boyfriend did something like that, I would completely understand. Actually, I'd be disappointed if she didn't tear him a new one.

See them! I promise you're not the one they're judging. Or at least send them a message saying you're ok. They are your support system, you need your team!

What. The. Fuck. What a horrible, horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love. I would never speak to him again. I'm so sorry, OP.

That is the most sociopathic thing I've ever heard, especially him being grumpy about it after.

That was insane, we just went WTF loudly over here.

Ofcourse you should break up with him.

"Take him back"?!? Seriously? Are you in therapy for major self esteem issues? The dude dumped a bottle of spiders over you after psyching you for a present.

I am not even afraid of spiders as such and I would dump someone over that.

Even if it wasn't evil, sociopathic and mean. It was still stupid and unfunny. And he did it with friends present. AND THEN HE HARDLY APOLOGISED.

I think you summed this up perfectly. He had weeks to think twice about this. A toddler would know that this is unacceptable behavior!

Thank you, I've been tearing my hair out over this. I'm just feel so betrayed and hurt at what he's done, I'm worried I'll have trouble trusting people for years. My friends have all asked to see me, called him a dick etc but I'm so embarrassed about blowing up at Roger the way I did and breaking down in front of all of them, I don't know if I'll ever be able to look them in the eye again. :(

Edit: wording

That's adorable, what a cute kid. :-)

I like spiders (not on me, but I don't mind having them around since I hate other bugs) and if my SO dumped a jar of them on me I'd dump them then and there too. He's either a sadist or he's just fucking stupid, and either way he's not partner material.

Not dumping a jar of spiders on someone (especially with a known phobia) is a pretty fucking baseline relationship requirement. That is not a hard bar to clear.

Jesus, I would freak out and I actually like spiders just fine. And he's trying to make it out to be your problem, because you just don't "see the funny side"? Don't get back with this guy.

The fact that he spent so long planning it is what makes it so especially sick. I mean, what the fuck kind of person puts that much thought and effort into something so profoundly upsetting???

Holy shit, he dumped a jar full of live spiders on your head!?!?

I don't have a fear of spiders, and that still gave me the creeps.

This isn't a prank, this is an insanely cruel act.

This is break-up worthy even for someone who doesn't have a clinically-diagnosed spider phobia.

Seriously...I'm not even scared of spiders in any capacity and I would still find it fucking horrific and sadistic if someone THREW A JAR FULL OF ACTUAL SPIDERS at me. Who the fuck even goes to all that effort for a prank? Like, collecting a jar's worth of spiders for this?? I'd drop him, OP.

You know what he did was bad when /sub/relationships is in 100% agreement about how crappy and horrible that act was. You can and will do better than him, he's not worth it.

What a horrible, horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love.

Seriously...spider phobia or not. That would be the end of any kind of relationship for me. What a dick.

Not to mention he waited til there was an audience for the spectacle. He's fucking psycho

There's nothing shameful about your reaction. Almost everyone has a fear or phobia of some kind, and you never know how you'll react in the moment. This may be harmful, but keep going to therapy, keep working at it, and don't worry how they'll feel. Because honestly, I wouldn't judge you for that sort of reaction, especially if I was already the sort of friend who was calling him an asshole for what he did.

Just take your time, and I'm sure that if they're the sort of friends they should be, they won't care and they'll be glad to see you and spend time with you again.

EDIT: Oh, and just for the record, your ex is an absolute idiot or abuser, and you're better off not having anything to do with him. If someone I knew had a phobia as severe as yours, I would do my best to help with that and I sure as shit wouldn't exacerbate it like he did. Forget him and work on yourself, then you can find someone who will also be considerate of you, unlike your ex.

It sounds like sadism really. Torturing someone you care about for pleasure.

Edit: I hate being tickled and so does my gf, but we have tickle fights a lot and it's awful and hilarious. We know when to let up. Dumping a jar of spiders on someone with a phobia is evil.

I'm not even close to as scared of spiders as OP, but I would lose my shit, that's not even close to funny, god, dead spiders?? EVERYWHERE??

Excuse me while I go shower.

Yeah, blowing up at this fucking fuck just shows you can stand up for yourself.

Oh, no, he deserved to be dumped. You are only 20, he was very unlikely your forever romantic partner, and this is a lesson he needs to learn. 24 is too old to not know it.

This is one of the first times I've felt a real, raw emotion at an /sub/relationships post. This was so fucking sick. Why would you do that to your partner of three years?

Children are some of the most genuine and empathetic people I have ever met. They also seem to be more sensitive to/pick up on emotional cues more easily than adults. It's kind of awesome.

If my car wasn't broken, I would continue my internship with the daycare I helped with.

I love spiders. I think they're amazing and interesting and important ecologically and beautiful, blah blah blah but if someone dumped a jar of them on me I'd freak. the. fuck. out. And then never see or speak to that person ever again.

Sometimes you just can't feel the same about someone after they do something stupid and cruel.

And NO ONE even suggested couples counseling. This is a first, guys.

And the huge build up, so she expected a nice surprise.. what a crazy jerk.

Right. My brother is just slightly scared of spiders and I bought a cartoon rubber one and wrapped it up for his birthday. He found it funny because it obviously wasn't real, and his fear is so mild it's a joke to him. For someone with an actual phobia like OP, I wouldn't even give a cartoon spider. It's a phobia, there is absolutely nothing funny about it. You can joke about small fears, like making someone jump occasionally, teasing someone over little things...that's normal. But when someone has a fear so big they actually have to go to therapy for it? You leave that well alone.

For what it's worth, I think I have a fairly normal attitude towards spiders, and I would still freak out if a jar was upended on me. I don't know anybody who wouldn't.

Seriously...spider phobia or not.

Yup. I have a severe dislike of spiders (definitely not a phobia). And I would have freaked the fuck out if someone poured a jar of them on to me. I can't even imagine how OP felt. OP, never talk to this idiot again.

He’s watched me physically break down over one being close to me, crying and frantically washing my things after seeing a spider.


‘honestly thought I’d see the funny side’

I don't really know what to say here... I have read a lot of nasty things on /sub/relationship, and even though this is certainly not the worst thing anyone has ever done, it is definitely taking "lack of judgment" to a whole new level.

Should I take him back?

No. I mean... what happens next? If you say you have claustrophobia, will he lock you in a closet for a few hours? Whether his behavior is due to a lack of empathy, sadism, or being unable to understand consequences... it does not matter.

I don’t think I’d ever be able to feel safe with him or trust him again.

Well, rightfully so. You don't know what he could do next, and probably neither does he.

The worst part is framing it as a surprise so she thinks she's getting something nice or fun. That guy is shitty.

He's either a sadist or he's just fucking stupid, and either way he's not partner material.

This exactly.

Right? I was thinking 'even a jar of fake spiders would be a bit much' but then realized she meant live ones. Screw this guy.

This is prolly going to get buried, but I wanted to tell you that I hope you do not back to this asshole.

An abusive ex did something extremely similar to me and, in perspective, that should have been a HUGE red flag for the abuse that followed. I have gephirophobia (fear of bridges, go figure) and around one year into the relationship he told me he would help me deal with it. He took my hand, tenderly, and walked with me towards a bridge, then, step by step, we climbed, I was shaking and on the verge of tears, but very reassured that he was there to help me and hold me in case of a panic attack or something... then, in the middle of the fucking bridge (it was a VERY tall one, over a highway), he let my hand go and RAN to the other side... all the time laughing and teasing me... I had to crawl until the end of the bridge, where he was waiting for me, laughing all the time, like it was an innocent joke... it's one of the most terrifying things that have ever happened to me... and I stayed with him for almost 4 years after that... I was very much on love, and EXTREMELY stupid... don't be me.


I don't have a phobia of spiders, and I would be traumatized by having someone pour a jar of spiders all over me. This was violent and I agree with the person who thought it was sociopathic. It was either the act of someone totally oblivious, or worse it was something designed to manipulate you for his own reasons. I wouldn't stay around that for any reason.

Same, live or dead.

Any sane person would have blown up on him. I don't have a phobia around spiders but I would have screamed at him, and probably gotten physically violent (and I'm not someone that does that). Your friends are supporting you because your ex (NOT your boyfriend, your ex) is a sick, twisted fucker. There's no other explanation for a "prank" like that.

Yeah seriously! I mean in the end thank god there was an audience so OP could get some emotional support after this horrifying "prank".

I'm not even really that bothered by spiders and I feel physically ill at the thought of having a jar of live ones thrown at me...

This is abusive behavior. Fuck that guy, OP. If I were you I'd go no contact and never look back.

I have also known some piece of shit demon children so idk..

There really isn't a good option either way. He either collected living spiders and painstakingly fed them to keep them alive and torture his girlfriend even more...or he collected a bunch of spiders and let them slowly starve to death. Either way, he sounds seriously unhinged.

Well, I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. I think pretty much everyone would have reacted pretty much the same way if they had a jar of fucking bugs dumped on them - even people who don't have a phobia. I would have done literally exactly what you did - the crying, frantic showering, and the breakdown - and I don't even have the phobia.

Your friends will be on your side about this. They know that what he did was fucking insane and cruel, and they know that he was totally in the wrong. And the fact that they're all trying to reach out to you and support you right now proves that you don't need to be embarrassed at all.

I hate spiders, but my symptoms are nowhere near as extreme as yours. Despite that, I'd be willing to cut contact with family members over something like this. You aren't overreacting at all. I genuinely don't understand why someone even considers doing something like this to anyone but a sworn enemy. This whole situation is so messed up that it's hard to read much into it, but anyone unstable enough to do something like this is probably better off avoided.

Fine. The ex can go to couples counseling with the fucking spiders. Its been said now.

As far as OP, major high five for how she handled it. I think we're all in accord we'd pretty much all react the same or similar, phobia or no.

Do not take back this asshole. He can prank other people and find it so hilarious. Find someone with more compassion and maturity. This guy is just a dick.

I have a pretty crippling phobia of birds. I have all my life and if my husband locked me in a bird sanctuary or something, I really don't think I'd be able to get past it. And that's my husband. Someone I've dedicated my life to and had a child with.

She's young and has plenty of time to find someone that will respect her fears and not make light of them.

Hello friend! I'm also terrified of birds. It seems to be a fairly uncommon phobia. I've dealt with the terror my whole life but I'm just now starting to do cognitive behavioral therapy to treat it. Birds are the fucking worst.

If anyone close to me ever did anything like his, I would cut them out of my life completely. It is horribly cruel to do something like this, joke or not. This is the kind of thing someone who HATES you does to punish you. Not something anyone who loves or cares about you should ever even think about doing. OP's ex-boyfriend is either a psychopath who loves to terrorize people or he's inexcusably stupid.

Fucking oath, I was thinking "oh he is going to pour rubber spiders over her, that's a pretty cruel thing to do to someone with such an intense phobia" then when I realised she meant REAL spiders I almost cried. That mother fucker has some serious issues to think that there was anything okay about that "prank".

He didn't think you would find it funny, he was being selfish because he knew it would make him laugh and disregarded your feelings entirely. He probably imagined himself telling the story again and again everyone gasping in laughter at his hilarity when in REALITY it is not funny at fucking all and he looks like a loser asshole. end of story

You may think you had an irrational reaction, but honestly it sounds effing rational to me. I loath spiders as well, though not quite to your extent. You should have heard the sound that came out of me 20 minutes ago while cleaning the house. And it was dead! I had my husband finish that room... It's okay to be embarassed, but he should be down right ashamed. Don't give him the time of day, he doesn't deserve it. That was an act of someone who is not mentally stable. You were totally in the right.

Rule #1 regarding friends'/loved ones' phobias: you don't pull pranks using that phobia.

What he did was wrong. He took personal information and used it to hurt you. He spent days collecting spiders. Which means he knew full well what he was doing. He thought it would be funny to him. He knew it would freak you out and he wanted to get a good laugh out of it. But it backfired on him. Doesn't matter if it was just a 'joke'. You don't fuck with someone like that.

Do you really want to be with someone who exploits your weaknesses for a joke?

I wouldn't even say I'm afraid of spiders, and I would still never speak to that guy again. What a jerk.

My boyfriend knows I hate bugs and if he sees one in the room he'll look at me, close the door, kill the bug, and then let me in. I'm TERRIFIED of bees, and I've never had to worry a day in my life that he'd let a jar full of them loose in the room with me because that's pretty much standard practice for being a decent fucking human being. OP definitely deserves better than someone who can't understand that you don't dump a jar full of spiders on someone you care about (unless, I guess, they're really into that).

He spent WEEKS preparing to be an asshole and never once said to himself, "what if I weren't a totally shitty human being?"

Yeah, absolutely dumpworthy.

Oh, I just assumed they were dead spiders. Live spiders? That's a whole new level of what the fuck.

Fuck this guy. If I saw this happen, knowing the extent of your phobia, I would punch his teeth out. If he honestly didn't think he would cause such harm, his stupidity is worth leaving him over. How can you ever trust him not to be so stupid again?

This was my reaction as well. Im generally more a long the lines of "lighten up" but this was cruel and obviously not impulsive. How does one collect a jar full of spiders? Spiders need to eat and poop and need space to live. How could they stay alive on top of a bunch of other spiders for weeks? How does this work?

And the burn the house down, right? I sure would.

Plus he got her excited and looking forward to his 'surprise' wtf

This is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. He sounds like a serial murderer in training. I am not exaggerating or joking. Other posters used words like "sadistic" and "torture" and I think they are spot on. What kind of sub-human species would do something like this?? I don't give a damn if it was a jar of real or fake spiders, his behavior is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he ends up in the news. Talk about red flags! Oh, and please stop minimizing your fears by calling them stupid. We are all wired differently and your fears are as legitimate as the next persons. Good on you for seeking therapy, please continue and leave that scumbag of an ex alone.

i'd say that, depending on the degree of the phobia, it can be closer to giving someone with a life-threatening allergy to hazelnuts nutella as a joke.

phobias are irrational, but your mind is only one part of the equation. i have a phobia that i have a pretty extreme physical reaction to (blacking out), and while i can logically rationalize in my head that the thing i'm afraid of isn't going to kill body doesn't. so while someone else might think the thing i'm afraid of is stupid (it is), and that i should get over it (i'd love to), and that if i was confronted with it, it wouldn't kill me...they could actually be wrong.

it's pretty clear that OP has an extreme reaction to her phobia, and that's not something to mess with. therapy, etc. those are ways to deal with it...not this.

People 'see the funny side' of someone putting sticky notes all over their car as a prank. Not tipping their literal worst nightmare over them in front of their friends.

I am terrified of spiders too (have to bleach things they've touched, won't be in a room with them etc) and I think I'd have thrown up from fear if that happened to me. What a douche.

That's a really good perspective. It was a horrible experience, but it's over now, she made it through. And she absolutely will be better off without this either profoundly dumb or exceedingly cruel person in her life.

Its very much like giving someone with a severe (read: potentially fatal_ allergy to hazelnuts, nutella as a joke. Its idiocy at best and at worst barbarism.

EDIT: I underestimated it, for that I apologise.

Seriously. She doesn't have anything to feel bad about. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

I think that somewhere in his weird head, he was thinking that somehow using the therapeutic technique of putting you in this extreme but "safe" (non-living spiders) situation would help to cleanse you of your phobia.

No he didn't. It was a joke exploiting her severe arachnophobia (he said so himself: "it was just a joke," "[he] honestly thought [she]’d see the funny side"). The thought of 'exposure therapy' (which is done with the consent of the person with the phobia, in a controlled environment) never crossed his mind.

Don't make up excuses for him. What he did was wrong, regardless of his reasoning.

And where are you getting 'non-living spiders' from? Yes, the spiders that went into in the shower were dead, but it sounds like he dumped a full jar of at least some live spiders on her and her friends...

Totally unacceptable. I'd have freaked out just as much as you did, and if I'd seen him do it to someone else if have punched him. Total, total dick. Stay away from him.

I called him an asshole and asked him what the fuck he was thinking, what the fuck was so fucking funny about tipping a jar of spiders he’d been collecting like a freak for months when he fucking KNEW I was TERRIFIED of them, I told him we were fucking through

You absolutely did the right thing. There's no excuse for what he did. IMHO, if he knew about your phobia of spiders and still did this, it is borderline, if not full on, abusive.

Hell, I don't have a phobia of spiders, I just dislike them, and if someone did this to me I would be FUCKING PISSED.

Don't even consider taking him back, he doesn't care about your feelings or well-being. You deserve way, waaay better.

I just had the same thought. I adore my husband, trust him with everything and we have a kid together.

One stunt like this and it would be over. How could I ever trust someone who gets pleasure out of the thought of my terror?

I'd never sleep soundly again. Nope.

Woah woah woah, hold the phone. You absolutely do not need to feel any shame about this whatsoever, and if any of your friends think less of you for reacting the way you did then fuck em. However, given they all wanted to talk to you it doesn't seem that way at all, and the girl you stayed with certainly understands and empathizes with your situation. You did not overreact AT ALL to your dickhead ex boyfriend, in fact I think you under reacted. You seem to be really ashamed of your phobia and you shouldn't be. It's the way you are and you are taking steps to work on it, there is no shame in that.

...spiders he’d been collecting like a freak for months.

All the while smiling to your face knowing he was planning to do the shittiest thing that's (presumably) ever happened to you. I'm not advocating violence but I'd be so furious that it wouldn't be a question of taking him back. The debate would be whether or not to get someone to beat some sense into him.

Seriously, I wouldn't even pull something like that on one of my friends without expecting to get punched in the face, what the fuck did he expect

Saying he's reptilian makes me want to come to the defense of reptiles.

It sounds like your friends aren't judging you at all, just him. They probably want to make sure you're alright and probably aren't even thinking of your reaction as dramatic but probably more as what a lot of people would do in that situation.

I agree with this assessment. Sick, twisted fucker. That wasn't a prank. It was cruel torture. You should never take this guy back. In the words of Maya Angelou, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." This is a deeply disturbed person who does not love you. Run. run away quickly. I also agree you should open up to your friends. They clearly love you and want to help.

100% agree. How divorced from reality to do you have to be to think this is a good idea in any circumstance let alone with someone who is deathly afraid of spiders? He is a grown ass man, he should have known better. OP was right to dump him.

I say he is both. This was the act of a sadistic moron.

I really /like/ spiders (I've named the ones in my house...) and I just read OP post in complete disbelief. What the HELL?

I'd press charges, personally. That's assault.

Holy crap. That is psychotic.

It'd be one thing if it was plastic spiders - still in bad taste and still a bad idea, mind you - but at least it wouldn't be traumatic. This is not okay. This is not funny.

You are not overreacting. He crossed a line, shattered your trust, and made a spectacle out of your biggest vulnerability in front of your friends.

do you have any idea how small a spider's jaw is???

Totally. I'm fine with spiders, at least compared to most people, but anyone who did that would be fucking dead to me.

I couldn't tell based on the story whether the spiders in the jar were dead or alive, or where exactly they were poured, but frankly with what her boyfriend knew about OP's phobia, I think any spider-related prank would be an absolute deal breaker.

This reminds me of a horror movie I watched. I think it was based on a true story. Some guy terrifies his girlfriend with spiders and some other things. He was a psychopath who ended up turning into a killer. Your x reminds me of that guy.

I don't think your x is THAT stupid to think this is funny. He's psycho. He purposely tortured you and spent a long time planning it. If you stayed with him it would just get worse. Your x is not a normal person.

Some spider bites can hurt you. Even people who are not afraid of spiders don't want them dumped all over them. Nobody wants bugs on them. It's like from a horror movie. I once had ants all over me and I still have a phobia of bugs all over me because of it. And they're just ants.

Don't respond to him. DO NOT MEET HIM ANYWHERE! Especially not alone. Cut all contact. This guy is dangerous.

Damn do I feel you. I have a intense fear of having my nose/mouth covered (enough that having a stuffy nose, swimming, having a mask on, or having oxygen placed in my nose triggers an immediate panic attack) and my ex did the same thing to me. He'd place his a hand over my mouth and then tell me he was going to cover my nose. I'd panic, he'd do it anyway, we wouldn't talk for days.

.... I dated him 6 years. I'm a goddamn idiot.

This was psychological torture. I can't begin to imagine how he could do that to his partner, but don't look back and good luck with the therapy.

Yeah seriously. I fucking love spiders, and even I would flip if someone had been collecting spiders for weeks and putting them in a jar and then tipped the jar on me.

Seriously! As soon as I read the title and saw phobia of spiders I assumed Roger was going to have a fake spider. What the actual fuck.

A 'prank' would be seeing a fake spider, buying it and presenting it immediately.

He fucking saved all these real spiders. Built up the anticipation. He was planning this for ages.

If I were OP I would never speak to that guy again. Not once.

That's so fucked up. I like spiders. My boyfriend is almost (not quite) as scared of spiders as you, and you know what I do when I see them? I kill them and throw their bodies away before he notices. I don't collect them in a fucking jar to throw on him at just the right moment.

I joked with him about putting a rubber spider on his pillow as a prank and he said our relationship would be in danger if I did. And that was 1 fake spider. What your boyfriend did is like a million times worse so you are a million times justified to break up with him.

OP is lucky there were other people there to help her out. Just imagine what this freak would have done had she not been able to get out with help from someone. :( it's not worth it, OP, I'd leave him.

My aunt is so afraid of snakes she had a small heart attack when my cousin dropped a boa on her at a fair. She's ok, but even toy snakes make her have panic attacks.

Same. I don't enjoy them, but I'll trap them and put them outside. That doesn't mean I'd be at all cool with having a bunch dumped on me. Plus I don't know where OP is, but we actually do have poisonous spiders in my area that can give you a bite that is not fun at all.

Tell that to hell spawn siblings who were raised in the same environment as their brothers / sisters. It's not nature versus nurture, but nature plus nurture.

Same. I catch and release spiders to save them from squeamish people, and a jar of spiders over the head would have led to an immediate ass kicking. That shit's not funny under any circumstances.

Oh, yeah, and if any of the spiders were alive they COULD bite and cause hospital trip level problems, so this is not just a sense of humor thing. What's this asswipe's next trick, antifreeze in your mixed drink? (Lethal)

I read the title and thought "they must be overreacting." Then I read the post. This is horrific. You are not overreacting. Make sure you have support when you get your stuff and dump his ass. You'll be better for it, and while it looks bleak now you'll bounce back, guaranteed.