LPT: Play "school" with your young child and let them be the teacher. You will get a good idea of the environment at their school or daycare by how they impersonate a teacher.

LPT: Play "school" with your young child and let them be the teacher. You will get a good idea of the environment at their school or daycare by how they impersonate a teacher.

Kid: "how tall are you?"

Parent: "five foot nine"

Kid: "five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked shit that high!"

Works great for homeschooled kids too.

A teacher I know ends his open house evenings with parents by saying, "I won't believe what your kids tell me about you as long as you don't believe what your kids tell you about me."

Basically, don't think the imagination of a 1st grader is always grounds for a crusade. He's a very well liked teacher.

If my kid spit that out I might just laugh my ass off! I'd still talk to the school, but that would be pretty hilarious.


Hmmm, not sure if it works.... my kids teacher just seems to cry and shit her pants.

I agree to a point. My kids are young enough that they don't have enough life experience to hear certain things yet. Like, when my 4-year-old daughter, who watches "Daniel Tiger" and "Magic School Bus" comes home and says "I'm going to kill you and make you sleep forever", you kind of know that it's coming from school.

My daughter and I got into an "argument" a few months into her being in daycare, she had just turned 4.

Well...she didn't like that she wasn't getting her point across the way she wanted to, but instead of her normal exasperated reaction of, "Daddy, help me say it, you know what I mean!!", she chose to climb on to me, put her hand over my mouth and nose and whisper, "You shut your little mouth."

It was one of the creepiest things she has ever done, and she's already a super creepy kid. I could just hear malice in her voice and her hand shook like she was trying to put real power behind it.

Needless to say, we had a pretty interesting talk and I started keeping track of other "off" behaviors. Nothing too alarming beyond that, thankfully.

Edit- Hey guys, I appreciate your concern, but before alerting me to possible red flags, read a bit further into the comments. It's all been addressed multiple times.

I'm a super paranoid father and immediately looked into this to the best of my abilities as well as addressing it immediately with her after it occurred.

No one is abusing my child, unless you count that time I strapped her into her car seat and ate a whole box of cookies in front of her, but by god, the child's got to learn to share!!!!! /s

It is rare that I get rewarded with lollipops and stickers as an adult. This will increase the frequency drastically.

I'd give them a medal and be ashamed that my kid is smarter than me

Yeah but maybe take what they say with a grain of salt.


I'm sorry to tell you, but I think your kid is in the marines

You shut your little mouth before I shut it for you

Not a reprimand, just more of a grabbed her hand and played as confused as possible. I wanted her to know that acting like that wouldn't get negative or positive reactions, and it sure as hell wouldn't get her what she wanted which was for me to stop questioning her.

So basically I started bugging her ten times worse with questions while pretending to be hurt and confused by what she did.

It kinda worked, she felt bad and started answering questions so I would stop.

Oh wow my sons teacher seems like a real bitch... wait he's right. My wife is a bitch

They can be done separately?

This is a really unique and helpful LPT. Gotta remember for when I have kids.

In the infant-ry.

As a teacher I refuse to give out candy to my students. I don't negotiate with terrorists.

"Sometimes I call my son a son of a bitch, just to call my wife a bitch"

Unless you raised assholes. Then they will still vilify the best of teachers.

Oh, yeah. Definitely peer. If I thought it was a teacher she would not be at that school. I'm tolerant but that would be ridiculous.

Something that's invaluable.

You aren't smart enough to repeat what a teacher says?

Also, this is a line from "Full Metal Jacket" where the drill instructor is breaking down the recruits' individuality/identity/self-respect.

That's probably the best way to have handled the situation as well.

When American school kids put down their prayer mats and turn to face lady liberty.

Agreed. There are plenty of children in this world who will stretch the truth so that they get attention from an adult, especially if they don’t get a lot of quality time with a caregiver at home. The quickest way for some children to get loving attention, and to feel cared for and protected, is to go home with stories about how they are being bullied by other kids and how the teacher is mean to them. Sad but true.

One of my colleagues just told me a story about her student who was drawing all over himself and scratching himself when she wasn’t looking. She asked him what happened and he told her “my dad did this to me”. Then the other students called him out and said that he just did it to himself when she wasn’t looking. Then the teacher said to me, “he’s probably going to go home and tell his dad that I did it.”

It’s crazy how sometimes when kids tell you things it’s dead-on accurate and other times it’s completely wrong.

Hearing this kind of stuff makes me 10x more sure I am no where near ready to be a father. Thankfully I don't plan to any time soon either.

That is so messed up. Do you think she heard that from a peer? (I would hope so as opposed it s teacher).

Ugh. Reminds me of when I had a horrible panic attack when I found out my teacher programming teacher had just sent an email to my mother about my grades. I wish she had believed what I said about her. I offered to do extra homework, retake the tests, literally anything but an email. Felt like a nightmare. I actually had to be helped to the nurses office because I was getting really dizzy and because breathing started to hurt. The most memorable part was when the pledge came over the school-wide intercom system and that took priority, it would be disrespectful to keep going towards the nurse's office. Me and the aid actually had to wait in the hallway for it to be over. Just...fuck that school. I'm glad I'll never go back.

Kids make shit up. All the time. Any parent or adult who takes a young child at their word without considering they may be imagining or exaggerating is an idiot.

Did you reprimand her for it? If I did that kind of stuff when I was a kid I'd have gotten a figurative asswhopping.

Second this. Anything that causes unwanted stress (homework, procrastination, lack of studying for a test, etc.) will be blamed on the teacher. Now, some parents will think logically about it and not jump to conclusions. Others, however, take their children’s word as gospel and will lash out at the teacher. I teach high school, so this is a little above what OP was suggesting (I think), but the overall concept is similar. And no, haven’t experienced this myself. I’ve been lucky to have great kids, understanding parents, or the ability to self-reflect when things don’t go smoothly. I have seen other teachers have to defend themselves because parents (and some administrators) take a student’s word without a second thought.

The only thing you missed is parents who have children with stronger personalities than they do. I've seen WAY too many parents get bossed around by their kids, because the parents are too submissive and non-confrontational. If your kid is being an asshole, fucking tell them they're being an asshole, and it's not OK.

Part is played by R. Lee Ermey, who signed on to the crew as a consultant and ended up with the unique honour of ad-libbing in a Kubrick flick.

And the peer might have heard it from a sibling who heard it from (I hope) a movie or CoD trash-talking. Very, very hopefully it wasn't a sincere comment heard from an adult that passed its way to this kid.

No he's not. But keep this quiet. It's supposed to be a secret. SHHHHH!

Personally, I don't think so. That's a huge generalisation, i know neglectful parents, chill, laid back parents, parents with close relationships with their kids, and then those smothering, babying parents.

Every parents is doing what they think is best for their kid (unless they're just selfish dicks) and when parents don't know what's best, that's when babying happens.

I’m a teacher. I discovered I say the word “actually “ a lot from listening to my students.

That's what I call hitting two birds with one stone.

Typical kid stuff, they repeat things without realizing that out of context it can come off as unsettling. The ones that are a concern, I address and would prefer to keep to myself.

Remember not to make too many assumptions though. This is a child's perspective after all.

He's such a nice old man when they drop off and pick up though.

Explain the joke? I'm ashamed for being dumb

There was kid at my school who was just weird and nobody liked him. I always felt bad for him and once we were in an after school program together I asked him why he didn't come to school sometimes.

"I tell my parents I get bullied so I don't have to come to school."

"Man whose bullying you? Ill ask them to knock it off."

"No one."

I mean, yeah I suppose, but there are very different levels of "unprepared." Some are ok, some absolutely aren't. There's a certain level of emotional intelligence and empathy someone should have before having a kid.

The teacher at school is telling that joke to the kids - the kids being the shit stacks

Iffy. If the teacher watches your child playing "house" and takes it too seriously you're going to get reported to CPS.

Pretty damn close.

I feel like we could learn a lot about how kids are learning and seeing things by doing this very thing with various situations

No one is ever ready. You just jump in and try.

Pledge is optional, man.

1) Get assaulted by an adult who gags you and tells you to "shut your little mouth" or you'll get in trouble.

2) Repeat behavior in front of parent.

3) Parent beats you for not shutting your mouth.

Sounds awesome.

Serious question. Do you think parents today baby their children too much?

What a fucking movie too. Two very distinct movies in one. Mind tripping through boot and nam.

Is it possible to learn this power?

They can be done?

No you don't. Kids generate and remix all kinds of stuff on their own.

At my daughter's preschool ten+ years ago:

Girl A: You're ugly. Girl B: Your mom is ugly.

When you are 3.5 and everything is wrapped up in your parents, that is such a sick burn.

Right right. Most likely that is the case. And I understand we can't control what our kids hear and see because of that exact scenario. But, I do my best by trying to be aware of the type of environments I put my kids in.

Not from a Jedi

For a more complete answer, it's a chant American kids recite in unison with some regularity (twice a week where I teach). It goes like this:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Might just get a reenactment of something from snoopy or recess

Hmm, the thing is, you'd have to be very very careful. For example, my sister often will put her stuffies in time-out or spank them for misbehaving, (yes, my sister gets spankings when she's being bad) But from the way she was whooping those stuffed animals and how she talks, you'd think she was getting her ass tore UP at home, when I know for a fact she is not, her spankings are very mild and she rarely gets spanked to begin with.

Yep. My kid often comes home talking in ways that emulate her peers. Some of it good, but it drives me nuts when she says things in a whiny tone like Connor. Damn it Connor.

You're supposed to make fun of your kids when they mock teach. It helps build confidence.

And I can say after seeing it at least 10 times I only ever remember the first half :/

Seems kinda dystopian

ShittyLifeProTip: don't have kids.

what were some other off behaviors lol?

Tell that to the other LPTs that hit the front page

Did you hear about that job that pays in gum? I heard it outlasted the last bubble we had.

Fuck that this is good advice from OP, my grade one teacher beat me and got away with it since media taught me it was ok for teachers to strike and pull on kids ears.

twice a week where I teach

It was every day at my school.

Depends on what you mean by "baby" them. According to my dad my son is babied because I hold him when he cries, talk to him about his feelings, and don't spank. I'm ok with it.

I actually just told my 4.5 year old exactly that the other day. He'd had a "bad day" at daycare, screaming at the teachers and throwing shit... I told him, you're going to your room when you get home, you can't treat adults like shit and you can't be a little asshole. This actually works with him. He hasn't been an asshole at school again since. Yet.

I mean I got some weird ideas just from watching the Tele and playing video games.

Not all negative behavior comes from trauma or abuse.

I had a kid (1st grade) tell his mom last year that I told the class I was voting for Trump. She wrote me a NASTY note calling me a racist, called the principal demanding I apologize, and threatened to call the school board/newspaper.

.......I was NOT a "Donal Trunk" supporter as the kid called him, and we had not even talked about the presidential race at this time in October.

i was half expecting the kid coming up to your bedroom at nighttime and whispering shit haha... Glad to hear youre dealing with it how you should! Good luck to both you and the kiddo

This is a great suggestion.

I would be super cautious about stuff like this, it sounds similar to house tree person projective crap.

I enjoy LPTs that are actually useful! I’ll use this with my younger niece

What kinda shit did you watch where that wasn't villainous as fuck

Yes. And as a teacher, I'm sure you've also dealt with many parents who are convinced they know their child is telling the truth, even when they're not.

Just not that high.

Kids are sponges and products of their environment.

too true, my toddler daughter recently started saying she was scared of bugs, in a real insincere way. later we learned it was from a 5 year old girl at daycare who often said this, according to the staff

Or at the very least to quote movies at inappropriate times?

I teach at a school where you absolutely canNOT yell at a child, very hippy parents, we go by first names, etc. We also have a no homework policy (yes it is awesome). I recently role played student with some kids and right away they were like "You're in trouble! You get tons of homework! haha!" so I think the way they play teacher may also be influenced by teachers they see in movies and on TV, and possibly even reflective of the environment at home. Not that doing this is a bad idea, but just to take it with a grain of salt (as most things with kids go).

I was going to give out carrots, but I don’t negotiate with rabbits.

If it's not useful, it's not an LPT.

Reporting to CPS is not nearly as dramatized as it's made out to be. Teachers, especially experienced ones, know full well when kids are just being dramatic. We have years of education in child development and general childhood studies. It's pretty completely understood that you should take the things that kids do with a grain of salt the majority of the time.

When it does come to reporting, there's a process to it. It's not the teacher immediately calling CPS the first time. You watch for the behavior. Patterns. You speak with principals and counselors and seek guidance. You talk with the child. You have the child speak with school counselors or principals.

CPS probably isn't getting called unless your child is coming to school bruised, bloodied, broken, etc. or sharing explicit details of abuse.

I end mine similarly. I say “I’ll believe 50% of what your kids say if you do the same. That’s being said, if you ever have any concern about anything don’t hesitate to call my cell because I’ll be calling you, at some point, as well”

I want to second this. I grew up with spankings and would exhibit similar behavior (putting toys in time out, beating the shit out of them). Spankings kind of fucking ruined me as a kid and taught me that a problem isn't fully resolved until someone is physically hurting to repay for their bad actions. Also my mom would scream a lot while spanking me, really fucked up my perspective on how adults handle disagreements and arguments. Obviously, it's different for each child, but to this day when my mom speaks of it, she always describes it as "mild" and "barely touching you". It really didn't feel or seem that way when I was a kid. Every little bad thing that happens to you as a kid seems like the actual end of the world.

Meh, pretty common. I'm quite pretty so it happens IRL as well, jk.

Good, cuz I didn't know what the fuck else to do lol.

Kids convince their parents to come to their ER for super minute stuff and we call it “secondary gain.” They do it so they can get attention from their parents, not because they need the medicine