I just came for a teeth cleaning...

I just came for a teeth cleaning...

Time for a new dentist.

God bless you for photoshopping the awkward seal so we all could appreciate the even deeper level of awkwardness of being trapped under sharp implements with your mouth open.

Blank version for anyone interested. http://imgur.com/x7C7B6I

EDIT: Version without hands. http://imgur.com/a/AHmxl

Blank version for anyone interested.

EDIT: Version without hands. http://imgur.com/a/AHmxl

I can't stop looking at the seal. lol

Time for a new dentist messiah.

Jesus will get you off those anti depressants. Jesus will clean your teeth.

Dentists already have to deal with the "not a real doctor" stuff as it is, then this nut starts running thier mouth.


We need Jesus

You are the OP we need.

Left a doctor that I had my whole childhood because at my first real visit as an adult, he told me to believe in Jesus and my ruptured disc would heal itself. Got myself a new doctor and surgery. Quack.

Those teeth are cracking me up

I had a psychiatrist tell me that the real cure to my family issues (at the time my ex and I were separated and she was keeping the kids from me) was to pray with them.

"The family that prays together, stays together." She literally said that.

This was while I was in the psych hospital, because stress (see above) made me suicidal.

This was also after she asked if I was religious and I said no. (Of course.)

Standard reddit disclaimer: Better now. Not suicidal. Joint custody. Etc. Thanks, though.

Remember, Ben Carson, a renowned and incredibly well respected neurosurgeon, believes in creationism and that the pyramids are grain silos. Perfect example of how even a brilliant person may still have no idea what they're talking about outside their field of knowledge.

No, she meant Jesus (Hey-Zeus) her weed man.

Ummmm this is very concerning to me. If a dentist was giving me medical advice they are in no way qualified to give... I'd report them to the ADA.

What if I already have Jesus? Then what do I do doc?!



I dunno man, I had my regular doctor complain to me about the democrats and how global warming is a lie

Maybe her Jesus has better stats, or is shiny.

Yeah? Jesus gunna give me a handy?

Jesus Crest

In my experience, they are not held to, nor do they even make an attempt to follow, the high standards medical doctors are held to. A dentist tells you that you need procedures because they want to be paid to do them. A medical doctor tells you what's wrong, the pros and cons of treatment, and what risks are involved.

I had so much dental work done as a kid because we had good insurance, so doing everything the dentist said didn't cost my parents too much. I was already suspicious because I finally buckled down and flossed every day, but the dentist still told me I needed a bunch of fillings. Then they told me I needed my wisdom teeth removed after telling me that they were fine until I was to the point of it being a very invasive surgery. During the consultation with the surgeon I was referred to I was told that wisdom tooth extractions keep them in business since they recommended them to everyone. Then they wanted to go up through the roof of my mouth to fix some sinus problems instead of referring me to the proper type of doctor for that kind of problem.

yeah but not the jesus you're talking about, the one in cell block C will.

Yeah, between pushing religion and not understanding medicine, I would not feel comfortable with that dentist.

I know and work with a shitload of dentists. They are like mechanics- some are honest, and some are crooked as hell. And some of them are egotistical cocksuckers who think they are gods gift.... to everyone.

An appropriate response would have been:

"Why can't jesus clean my teeth too?"


Black bear.

Maybe the bill too? Jesus pardoned the poor

Please tell me you went over her head and reported this. She should lose her license to practice medicine.

Can I pray away these cavities then?

Couldn't he very easily get nailed for malpractice if someone perceived this as actual medical advice, stopped taking their meds and was somehow hurt/inconvenienced?

My dentist complained about immigrants and how clinton was going to open the border while performing a root canal on me.

Would I rather be feared or loved?


Both. I want people to be to be afraid of how much they love me.

Saving you from cavities and eternal damnation. But only if your insurance covers eternal damnation prevention. Otherwise, you'll have to use the Groupon coupon.

cracked teeth?, you need Jesus!

Toothy blowjob seal?

Might as well speak your mind when you've got a captive audience, I suppose.

Pray the decay away.

She had a very scary drill grinding away inside my mouth. I decided the safest option was to nod and say 'Ugh-uh. Yuah. Jeegus."

This is dedicated memeing

Actually for reals... shop out the hands and tools... just the seal with the mouth... either way... top kek! :)

To be fair, there are plenty of doctors out there who don't hold themselves to high standards either. Sometimes you get a shitty dentist, sometimes you get a shitty doctor. That's why I only go to dentists or doctors who are recommended to me from family or friends.

The pharmaceutical group GlaxoSmithKline has been fined $3bn (£1.9bn) after admitting to bribing ...

FBI agents arrested former Insys Therapeutics CEO Michael Babich and five other former company ex...

Michigan oncologist Dr Farrid Fata was administering chemotherapy to patients who didn’t need it....

She didn't say Jésus. She said, "Hey, Zeus!" His name is Zeus. As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus!

I member.


(qualifying statement) BUT (extremely fucked up thing).

Always this fucking format. Always. Just like if you have to lead with "no offense", the next thing is going to be offensive so don't fucking say it.

The scariest one is "bless his heart", because you know some real hate is about to happen next.

A woman I work with pulls this shit on people when if she finds out their on antidepressants. It never occurs to her that maybe Jesus guided them to the doctor. That God made us smart enough to solve issues through actions not just through prayer alone. Actually if I remember correctly God wants you to take actions for the things you prayer for he doesn't just want to magically hand you a solution.

Had a hairdresser while in Alberta who was listening to Ellen on TV while cutting my hair. Ellen is doing something on gay pride and my hairdresser says:

"Ellen is a nice gay, some of the nicest people I know are gay, but i swear to god if my son ever tells me he's gay I'll slap him silly until he's straight again."

Report that crap asap. They're a dentist, not a psychiatrist, they have no ground for giving medical advice about any antidepressants. It also violates religious freedom laws that medical personnel cannot preach their religion to you while you're in their care.

It was 3 years ago. At the time, I had gone from nearly despondent to just ready to get the hell out of there. She was the last signature I needed to be discharged. So, I grinned and bore it.

No, I never reported it, although I've told counselors and so on. They've agreed it wasn't good but didn't really seem to think it was a good idea to report.

He fluoride for your sins.

I know, it is the best modified awkward seal I've seen.

The only man you should ever let cum inside you, is Jesus.

Perfect example of how even a brilliant person may still have no idea what they're talking about outside their field of knowledge.

Perfect example of how even a dumb person may still be able to exceed in one discipline if they apply themselves.

How many times have you heard recently: my dad is a very smart _______, but even he believes incredibly dumb shit.

Turning mouthwash into wine

crack, you say? you need Jesus!

Nah, your mother already has that one!

UGH. I got a new psychiatrist because I moved. He recommended a therapist in the building--before he could continue I said I'm an atheist/humanist and I don't want any religious services. He sort of stammered and was like, "Oh well, they're called 'Christian Counseling' but really they'll take anyone." yeah no thanks.

he also thought being bisexual meant I'm non-monogamous. Like, he asked me multiple times to explain why I only had one monogamous partner and had to make sure I didn't have multiple women I was sleeping with. whatever I still need my medicine so I'll put up with it for now.

My ex husband finally started seeing a doctor when he was diagnosed with diabetes. The doctor asked him if he had any other concerns while he was there and my ex said he had bad anxiety and wanted to know if he could do anything for it. He'd been buying anti anxiety meds at street value from the neighbor. Well the doctor tells him he doesn't need anything, that he only had anxiety because he hadn't accepted Jesus and wouldn't give him anything like that. 7 years later, he's mentally unstable, suicidal, an alcoholic, and a druggy. He tried to kill the dog once. He's ordered by a judge to go through alcohol and drug counselling as well as see a psychologist for his mental instability, he has to do this to keep his supervised visitation. I have no respect for a doctor who writes off a patient's concerns over religion.

Is it really that crazy to think that someone might just be smart but wrong?

There's an old Internet term (you might call it a prehistoric meme; it dates from the time of talk.origins on USENET) called "Salem's Hypothesis". It basically states, "If someone with an advanced technical degree believes in Creationism, that person's degree is most likely in Engineering, not Science".

Which is not to say that most Engineers are Creationists, just that they are more likely to be Creationists than scientists are.

I think that doctors are sort of the Engineers of the biological sciences. So while I'm still surprised and saddened to see a doctor believe in that nonsense, I can't say I'm too surprised.


I get it.

What are the side effects from taking this drug called "Jesus"?

"Oh yeh. No I togally wug jeegas."

State dentistry board would be the authority that would put the screws to them. They can lose their license to practice.

This reminds me of when I had to go into the ward for a five day med review. The new nurse cornered me in my room and said, "You ever wonder if the voices you hear are angels, and maybe you can hear them because you have a gift."

Yeah, even I'm not that crazy.

I let the doctor know right when I saw him.

That's what I don't get at all. Why does trusting Jesus mean ignoring all the science and medicine he's supposedly given us?

I would have bit him. Did you bite him?

My dentist wasn't the greatest. He straight up told me he only went into the profession for the money. He always over-prescribed any pain meds too. When I mentioned he didn't need to give me so much he just suggested that I sell the remainder to other people.

Last I heard he'd been arrested for a DUI and attempted bribery of a police officer -- offered to put the cop's kid through college if the DUI went away.

It's that ridiculous looking legendary cross on his back that gives him the good stats.

I used to have mental health problems, but then I found Jesus.

Jesus Agara is my psychiatrist, he prescribed me with Lamotrigine, and now I feel better.

Bigotry and believing your way is THE truth and not your truth

E: someone asked for the side effects... Which normally means the worst outcomes that can happen when taking medicine.

I didn't knock Christianity only those that are bigots and believe that their version of jesus is the right one and everyone is wrong. I.e. Westboro Baptist Church.

It's not even the mouth!

"Just clean my teeth buddy"

That is not quite fair.

It takes intelligence to excel in a field like surgery. Carson is intelligent.

However his intelligence does not translate well. He's a good surgeon but an idiot of a politician.

Pretty much everyone is like that, talk to me about political theory and I'll debate, lecture, break it down, whatever you want. Physics? I would be a joke.

It's when you start assuming your ignorance deserves equal merit to an informed opinion is where we have a problem. For some reason in this country that particular issue just seems to get worse and worse.

My doctor knows I'm in law school. His ex wife is a lawyer. Every time I see him, he tells me how miserable she is, how little she makes and how I made a bad decision and should drop out to go to med school.

Edit: yes I know the legal field is not as prosperous as it was. However I really want to be a lawyer and am in a unique position that makes law school the right choice for me.

As someone who chose dental school over medical school for the patient to provider interaction - ouch :(

Btw just saying, every single thing you do at a medical doctors office is costing you money as well. I've spent a lot of time in both, there's not really that big of a difference other than perception in my eyes. Dentists will definitely tell you the pros and cons of each procedure and try to be informative about it, but it seems like they're trying to sell you something because you percieve it to be elective.

When an MD tells you the pros and cons you see it as very important health information and take it seriously. I've met way more people going into medicine who are in it for the "wrong" reasons, it's part of why I switched.

That being said, another issue I see is that people go to really cheap dentists trying to save money, the reason they are so cheap is they're trying to get you through other ways. If you want good dental healthcare go to a respected dentist (I'm not saying you didn't in particular just remarking) those types of people looking to exploit others are represented in every industry, just look at the Medicare fraud in medicine.

Also an oral surgeon is a dentist as well, and when a general dentist refers you to them the general dentist doesn't make any money, so that line in your story doesn't make sense.

Well maybe that dentist just needs Jesus.

31's across the board, shiny, impish Jesus

The ADA isn't important, they don't have any sanctioning ability. It's the state board that is important.

Atheist dentist

No! This is a Christian Nation! So... Pay it yourself. Oh what are you a good for nothing free loader? /s. This is seriously the attitude I get from some self proclaimed Christians, I don't get it.

That's just as bad in my opinion. Listening to Hawking and NDT on issues of physics and astronomy makes sense. Anything else, you have to realize they speak with no real authority.

Perhaps the memeing of life?

The airplane awkward seal was pretty awesome too, but nothing compared to this one.

To be honest there are constantly threads on reddit about how the industry has crashed and burned.

I'd leave a yelp review stating what he told you too. Just because that's fucked up.

My SO is a consumer affairs attorney. These sorts of things are the source of his wet dreams...ouch, I insulted myself.

I'm glad you continue to use a psychologist or psychiatrist. I did a few years back after both parents died a year apart and my 18 year old cat as well. Throw in the stress from work and I pretty much had a tree picked out that I planned on slamming my car into. The psychologist was the best thing I ever did. I still fight depression but understand and handle it better.

Maybe OP needs the antidepressants because he feels like he's letting Jesus down.

You and I both know that I am never going to do that no matter how easy it would be. I am more likely to fake the death of a nonexistent horse and pretend that I am very upset and don't want to talk about horses and be reminded of the lose of my beloved Muffin Flanks.

what do we call it now?

Wisdoms teeth are fine until they start coming in sideways and mess up your other teeth. That's what happened to me and it sucked. Constant pain and headaches until I finally sucked it up and went to a dentist who got me in to see a surgeon who fixed me up.

I can't stop laughing at it.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

See what hilarity ensues when I stick my dick in all the things?! Zeus!

He's with Jesus.

I want people to love how much they are afraid of me.


Fortunately for me my doctor has a note of conversation topics on all the patent records. Somehow he got the misimpression that I was really into horses when I was about 16 and I have had to talk about horses for 15 minutes every time I get a checkup for the last 13 years. But that is a hell of a lot better than talking about Jesus or politics.

Oh, well that's debatable. There are basically two school of thought-

20 years ago and he was probably close to 70 then. I'm sure he's long retired or worm food by now.

You think your dentist is bad? Mine spread HIV and was convicted of money laundering

To shreds you say


Proof: 1) Ted Haggard, the late Jerry Falwell, and Exodus International all say that you can pray the gay away. 2) Gay sex is sinful sex. 3) Sinful sex is depravity. Ergo, one can pray away depravity, and since a cavity is a type of tooth depravity, one can pray away the cavity!

Checkmate, atheists.