I feel like George Costanza would do the same

I feel like George Costanza would do the same

it was actually Jerry who dated a MT in hopes of a massage.

Yeah there's an expression that the cobbler's children have no shoes. If you think she's rubbing gross sweaty people all day and then giving you one, good luck.

If you meet a masseuse or massage therapist don't ever even joke about free massages. What does work is saying you'll have to let me give you a massage so you can critique my style. Then ask when the last time was that someone gave her a massage.

There was also the episode where he dates the one girl to play with her toy collection. That shit was hilarious.

I am a massage therapist that specializes in deep tissue therapy. I have to ask my husband to let me give him a massage. I wish he would ask for a massage more often. His excuse for not asking is that he sees how hard I work all day and how beat I am when I get home that he feels bad asking. In reality, he is the one person that I would happily climb out of my death bed to massage.

Edit: OMG! Gilded for loving my hubby! Thank you kind stranger!

It's the same being an illustrator, graphic designer, etc.

"Oh you do that? Can you make this poster/website/invitations for me?!"

I mean yeah. If you hire me.

He did ask, she said no so he repeatedly drugged knocked her out twice.

EDIT: He gave her meds that would make her drowsy, and a heavy turkey dinner with a box of wine (supplemented by George's home movies) the second time. No he didn't slip her roofies but for pete's sake you know what I meant.

One of my faves. Best exhibit of Jerry and George's superficiality but obsession with decorum. He can't ask the girl to play with her collection, he has to sneak around to do it.

Sounds like you are really happy with this guy.

Yet, when your computer breaks you probably take it to a "friend who's good with computers" like most designers I know.

That's kind of the point of the last episode, to show that these characters are not good people

Remindme 50 years and a day

I'm a male massage therapist. I get a lot of dates based on this information.

Sure am ;)

Are you single?

Basically every episode of Seinfeld showcases that idea. I think Kramer is probably the least fucked up of the main cast.

Reddit tends to be ugly and doesn't understand that people like touching attractive people

The best part is that "being good with computer" just means "being able to use Google".

Yea, that was kinda fucked.

I dated a massage therapist. When I found out on the first date that she was a LMT, I thought I hit the jackpot.

Turns out, not so much. Seinfeld hit it on the head.

The worst of all of them was Elaine. If you watch the episodes 500 times like I have, you notice every persons "downfall" is due to Elaine.

Also, "not being afraid to try things." Anyone cam google but if you're afraid to do anything with the information it doesn't help.

True. As far as questionable acts go, Kramer did the least. I mean, he had some bad ideas, but they were usually harmless. They weren't anywhere near the level of George and Jerry drugging that girl in the Toy episode.

Haha! No, l am happily married for 5 years and plan for at least 50 more with my awesome hubby.

Jerry dates a massage therapist. She never gives him a rub. He eventually gets so worked up about it he tries to force her to do it and she refuses. The punchline is something like "I don't consent to forcible massage".

Idk I hooked up with this girl out of town, when I found out she was a massage therapist I asked "when I'm back in town can I get a free massage?" She seemed more than happy too

My younger brother has a friend who's wife is a message therapist. Wow, I wasn't expecting anything from her (or even knew what she did for a living), but she hammered a knot out of my shoulder blade and they have my gratitude.

The last time I swiped right on a massage therapist she told me that she was offering them for $200/hr out of a local bath/sauna center.


For a while, my profile on tinder was just

"Professional massage therapist.

I like milk steak and raw jellybeans."

Then I added "seriously, not a line." To the massage therapist bit, because too many people thought it was just a pick up line. It's worked well for me.

You think he's joking...

Wags finger You bad man! You very very bad man!

Elaine gets SUPER bitchy as the show goes on. The guys are selfish but generally mean well, but she just gets mean.

Me too. I actually mention I'll give them a professional massage (if they ask) in my online profiles.

No, Kramer would sign Jerry up for the dating site using Jerry's pic, info, etc and set up dates for Jerry without his knowlwdge. Then Kramer would convince Jerry to be at the date meet up spot for dinner or whathave you. Jerry would be confused but go along with it because, you know, women.

He gets her pills for her headache and specifically chooses the ones that "May Cause Drowsiness"

Wasn't it just wine and turkey that she willingly ingested? I don't remember them sneaking her anything extra.

From all my testing massage therapist just means hooker.

I mean, that's like complaining that someone in marketing showed you only one commercial. I don't care about the commercial, I want the product.

She was a milf

There are three occasions in the episode they knock Celia out:

Jerry gives her pills that cause drowsiness (instead of the ones that don't) Jerry brings George to dinner with his girlfriend and they eat turkey and she drinks a box of wine with it and passes out later so that George can play the old handheld football game Elaine brings the Sidler (creepy weirdo coworker) to Celia's apartment for another wine and turkey dinner to make her pass out so that Elaine can steal gumballs from some old gumball machine for the Sidler. This happens after Celia has angrily confronted Jerry about drugging her (on Kramer's Merv Griffin Show) and breaking up with him.

Yep, this is quite true - I've dated a masseuse once. I ended up giving her massages all the time.

There is nothing someone who does something for a living appreciates than not having to do it with their significant other and being able to relax with them.


That's the joke

I dated one once, she straight up told me she wouldn't give me a massage unless I was in legit pain. She basically said she did it all day long at work and didn't want to have to keep "working" after she got home. It didn't last long.

She doesn't. She enjoys getting paid.

I hope to meet a massage therapist like you one day.

I feel like massages are one of the most romantic gestures possible. They are totally selfless: "I just want to make you feel good without any reward for myself."

If I had to choose between back rubs and sex for the rest of my life, I would choose back rubs. That's how much I appreciate them. They relieve pain, they feel great, and they can be so intimate.

When I go to a professional massage therapist I am usually in love with them by the end of the hour. The euphoria is out of control. I have to quietly let my brain return to normal so that I can speak complete sentences.

Except for that one lady who tried to bruise my sternum with a back massage. I always say I like deep pressure, but ouch. I don't think I'll marry that one.

Ive never seen the show, what did they hit on the head?

Jerry didnt need an app, just the produce section of the grocery store

"I'm sorry, let me get this straight... You've swiped right... on Newman?!"

Step 1. Be Attractive

Step 2. Don't be ugly.

Step 3. Get the Girls.

Something distinguished full-on rapists eat.

That's true, and the risk of trying something and failing is why I really don't like to fix other's computer problems.

No, Jerry gave her pills at one point, too.

Dated a stripper for two years, got one lap dance

Does he treat you well? Because I probably wouldn't

That's why I only date prostitutes, in the hope of a free, half-hearted handjob!

You think she's joking...

George's masseuse turned out to be a masseur..and it moved..

Anybody could search for solutions. You still have to know what keywords lead to appropriate solutions, and then deciding which one is helping. There are a lot of shitty guides on the net. If you follow them blindly your OS will suffer greatly from it.

Step 2 is actually Don't be unattractive.

Don't they start drugging her essentially? Pressuring her to drink until she passes out and making the meal turkey haha

racist explosion toward a heckler

The dude is talking about Kramer's real life I think.

She's a message therapist? Maybe she can explain why you send texts to your hamper when you're black out drunk.

Just don't include Kramer's real life stunts...

If you think she's rubbing gross sweaty people all day and then giving you one, good luck.

Massage therapist here. Most people I massage are neither gross nor sweaty (does occasionally happen though). The main issue is that over the course of the day massage is tiring work, especially if it's a day where everyone wants a ton of pressure. There's also an issue or wear and tear from doing too many massages in too short a time frame. Yeah, one more probably won't make a difference, but it might make one in the long run, especially if it's not a one off request (and people always say it is but it never is).

If you meet a masseuse or massage therapist don't ever even joke about free massages.

Haha, you can joke. I will probably give a canned laugh and then change subjects to something else. I will give "free" massages sometimes, but I want something free in return of equal value (like another professional service).

As far as people critiquing my style, I'm not too worried about that. I'm a professional with a fair amount of regulars, so I know I don't suck that badly.

Edit: Mixed up who was critiquing whom. If I critiqued anything it wouldn't be style. I might say something about technique of the other person complains their hands are tired for instance. I might also say something if they start pressing close to a pressure point. But that's pretty much it.

Can confirm, am a male massage therapist, only ever had one person I dated want to give me a massage instead of asking for a free one. I've been told it is intimidating to give a LMT a massage but it all feels good to us, I'm not asking you to drop some bows one me, but it is nice to be touched. With all that said I still love giving massages to someone I care about, especially compared to all the rehab and deep tissue I normally do. Besides giving a free massage to a date just means I can be as sensual as I want.

It took me too long in life to figure out what rhymed with "Dolores".

Is your name Raymond?

It's called "The Merv Griffin Show" because Kramer finds the old Merv Griffin set in a dumpster and turns his apartment into a tv show set. It's the 6th episode of the last season.

I know it's available on Hulu. I'm not sure where else.

The funny thing about my back is it's located on my cock.

They can still rub one out

I'm NOT a massage therapist, but wish I knew the techniques. I give my fiance a massage every night we're together before bed, usually for 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes more. He hurt his back(lower lumbar/coccyx) when he was 17, he has a lump between his cervical vertabrae from hunching over that occasionally causes migraines, and he's in pain often. I don't want him to be in pain. I like making him feel better, and I like hearing the sounds he makes. I got a tip from a LMT who comes into my bar to rub his glutes, and youtubed it, and that helps him tremendously.

I only get one from him every once in a while, and have to tell him to slow down. For some reason he rubs really fast, doesn't use enough pressure. He's getting better. He treats me so well in every other way, how could I NOT help him, y'know?

In my experience you start out loving it and then become to just tolerate it at work, when you go home there's no way you want to continue doing the same thing you've spent the last 10 hours doing.

Like trying to sun tan with butter, most of Kramer's ideas were harmful to himself. Although the episode where they bet who can hold out on masturbation the longest, he was the one who wanted to spy on the naked neighbor. That's the only bad things I can think of. A lot of his ideas were detrimental to his friends too, he'd never take ownership of his mistakes.

Well he did let his intern Darren go away for a "long long time" for something he did. He also helped kidnap a dog which would have most likely devastated the owner if the dog hadn't been able to Homeward Bound home.


Tinder has an algorithm that is basically punishing you for doing this. The more you swipe right, the less your profile is "valued" meaning you are near the bottom of the stack when someone else starts swiping. Since most people don't have the patience to go through the entire stack unless theyre really bored or getting no matches, your profile is rarely seen. Head over to /sub/tinder for more info and maybe a little profile critique

"more heavy gravy?"

Massage therapy has been proven to release endorphins. So, in a way, you are "falling in love" chemically. It is a good thing that, after a massage, you have the good sense to get your head together before you do or say something you regret.

Massage can be intimate (I save that for my hubby), but it is also very beneficial health wise to keep all those muscles happy and moving! Plus, don't forget the endorphin release. Who doesn't love that?!

Damn Jerry Cosbyied her.

"What's that chemical in Turkey that makes you drowsy?"

In unison: "Tryptophan."

Jerry: I think...

Late to the party, but Massage Therapist checking in.

After a long day of work, treating multiple clients and getting paid for my skill, the last thing I want to do is come home and give a full massage, for free none the less.

That being said, if my fiance is having a specific pain, sore neck, headache, etc, I'll treat those areas because I love him, I really don't mind giving him a fifteen minute session before bed. If he wants a full hour "real" massage, with the table and the music and all the works, I make him schedule with me. I can treat him better in a professional setting. In return, maybe he'll take the dog out more one day or buy a nice dinner or something.

Massaging is my passion but it's also my job. It's hard work and I get paid for it.

Edit: also, massage already has sexual conitations I'm actively avoiding. I'm super strict about not mixing even flirting and bodywork, for both my license's sake and my creditablity. Now though 99.9% of my clients come to me for therapudic work so there isn't much concern there.


"What about a discount?"

What about my groceries?

That last statement is ridiculous. If I like doing it for a living (as a passion) why would I not like doing it for them? If I like fixing up cars would I not like fixing someone's I deeply care about?

Sooooo you're saying I have a chance?

Yeah but when they're dead they're just a hooker!

You'll have to let me give you a haircut so you can critique my style

I don't know, for someone who bitched about never having a girlfriend, George had a lot of women.

I simply like every girl but get no matches :(

Except that it wasn't a joke. Really happened. In SF there are a bunch of Asian massage parlors that are just brothels in disguise. Sometimes the women free-lance.

I get a lot of dates based on this information.

Are the dudes hot?

Fun fact: the name "Dolores" came from a suggestion of an audience member at the taping.

But George is much more likely to use the app than Jerry is.

Almost had Marissa Tomei at one point as well.

She was a massage teaser!

Pretty sure Jerry was a much larger womanizer than George.

"You want money? I thought we were friends.."

Hello Jerry!

That's the beauty of his character - he was always able to effortlessly punch above his weight, but he was never satisfied with that

You didnt tip enough for another one.

Where are the cameras?