Guess we all played this DnD Version at some point...

Guess we all played this DnD Version at some point...

rolls a one

"Because I couldn't pick just one joke about your weight"

Red: Come on, high roll! avoid an argument!

Yellow: you cant just roll to avoid an argument, are you trying to persuade her? or lie to her? or are you doing a charisma check against her will?

Red: uhhh checks character sheet oh, can i use intimidate?

YellowBlue: smirks lets try that and see what happens

I always wanted to play d&d but never had any friends to play with. Finally I replied to a craigslist add from a dungeon master looking for new people to play with. I told him it was my first time and I was kind of nervous, he said it was okay, he was a firm but merciful dm and as long as I followed his rules I might enjoy myself while I learn my new role. I should have made sure we were both talking about dungeons and dragons before agreeing to meet up..... That was an interesting weekend.

divorce incoming

I prefer to play "Offices and bosses". I have a level 8 Boss's son.


"Wow, I didn't realize D&D had so much gay sex involved, I wonder if we'll do character creation tomorrow?"

Roll a natural 20 to keep your stuff

That's fucking cheating starting with a prestige class, asshole.

Blue dragon is the DM.

That's pretty clever! * critical fail * "Your wife wants a divorce."

Wanted D&D, got S&M.

Nothing's better than a couple spiced potatoes, a rainbow bowl, and a nice game of O&B.

I use Sleight of Hand to switch out my cheat d20 for my normal one.

I roll to keep my stuff aaaaand.......



Natural One

'So I says: "Biiiiiiiiiiitch...."'

Went for the DnD Stayed for the D

Pfft, just a re-skinned Noble Background, not a Prestige class. I mean, how the fuck is someone supposed to "become" a Boss' Son? Is he spending his whole campaign helping his dad climb the corporate ladder? Fuck no!

That's a choice you make at character creation. It carries the Neoptism benefit trait, but there's no bonus to any attribute scores or skill proficiencies - just better starting gear.

Silly dragon. There's no way to avoid an argument with a woman that wants to have one.

Sounds like a good way to start a prison campaign.

Which honestly sounds like it would be an actually interesting game unto its own right. Cellblocks and Guards.

Roll saving throw against Alimony

butt stuff

In case you haven't seen it, check out Humans and Households:

Short series of videos about a group of D&D characters who play a game called Humans and Households, and have to figure out our world. They interact with our world the way we interact with things in D&D and it's awesome.

It's by Dead Gentleman, a group that made another HILARIOUS series of movies called The Gamers:

Don't let the production quality throw you off. This is hilarious if you play D&D. There's also two followup movies. The first is called The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, which is a continuation with better production quality. The next is The Gamers: Hands of Fate which is a Magic the Gathering spoof.

They have a webseries, but it continues AFTER the movies.

The sex is what creates the character....


I'm pretty sure rolling 20 you probably only get 60/40 of your stuff

Depends what edition they're playing. It'll work fine in the 1950 version or lower, but in the latest 2017 edition it'll ruin your campaign/acting career.

It has a +6 Charisma bonus (Circumstance Bonus) in the office setting though. Also a -12 bonus outside the office, when interacting with people from the workplace.

Maintain the ex wife, her studs, and her kids for the rest of your miserable life.

Well, the important question is "did you enjoy your weekend?"

This feels like such a "I do a syndicated cartoon in the paper, and I've got a joke about a game I've never played" kind of joke.

Obviously I'm not saying the artist never played D&D, but it really has that "sunday morning paper" vibe to it.

But did you really say it?


Sweet, a downvote train!

You can if you are willing to waste a wish for it.

20 means no divorce, and 10 free fucks

Wanted to play D&D, got the D instead

What do you mean I haven't memorized Find Keys today? I hate Vancian mnemonics.

Craigslist obviously. But maybe bring some condoms.

More like Cellblocks and Constables.

I mean, how the fuck is someone supposed to "become" a Boss' Son?

Be adopted as an adult by your elderly Japanese boss, who has no children and is looking for someone to give his inheritance to.

Which is an actual thing that happens in Japan.

Over 90% of the 81,000 people adopted in Japan in 2011 were adult males in their 20s and 30s.

Nephew, let me tell you something about gay sex...

I am a 29 year old, and one of my regrets is I never had a group of friends to play dungeons and dragons with. How can I find a group?


"Does my ass look big in these jeans?"

rolls 20

"Yes honey, but that's how I like it"

Smooth talk bonus

"gain a power buff the next 5 turns, WOOHOO!"

Just get dragonite and do both

Naw Fly

But people don't play as dragons in Dungeons and Dragons. For the analogy to make sense, they should be fighting humans, not playing as them.

It's a fantasy game.

Crap!!! I'll fix it, hold on...

Fixed it! I left yellow as the person that says "you cant do that like that! you have to do that like this" I think we have all had that player in our games, right? and then everone at the table rolls there eyes, and looks at the GM to see how he wants to handle it.

We wanted D&D and ended up in a male 3 way

Who knows how to utilize "Midlife crisis"? What book is that in?

Oh, its great. For one year you get to repick a class that you are only allowed when you were a teenager and buy teenager gear, which is busted with disposable income. You get to re-roll each year if you want to keep going but you get points in pathetic manchild if you do it for too long.

But you said bitch though?

I'm so glad to see Magic Tavern references this high on the comments. Bless you, sir.

So if humans play D&D and pretend to be heroes that fight dragons, then dragons would play H&H and pretend to be Politicians and to win they have to have all the money.

and the DnA

Wait... Is Monopoly just H&H? 🤔

"Because you're beautiful & only attempting a shot at you could serve to ease everyone elses insecurities......?"


Plenty of marriages where that's not the positive outcome. For anyone involved.

boys NIGHT!!!!

I didn't say with the wife, did I?

Awwwwwww yeaaa bebey!

your game of Leather & Lashings?

This is one of my favourite comments ever. Thank you.


The +10 to Stealth really helps when you finally gut the old man and drink his blood to gain the Inheritance trait.


"Not as fat as I would like."


Intimidating your wife as the start to a campaign? Interesting -

You each awake in the dungeon of Waterdeep castle. Vague memories of shouting, thrown crockery, and being hauled away on charges are domestic abuse ring fresh in your mind. A dark hooded figure stands outside the door to your shared cell.

F:"Ahhhh, finally you rouse from your slumber. Great is your shame, but the House of Rove has a task for you. Your only hope for salvation... is to win election as a Republican senator from Alabama..."

Party:"... fucking topical jokes"

mmmmmm Chunt please!

Dungeons can't have well lit rooms with tables and chairs?

Dang, I really need to catch up with that podcast! I listen to it every time I do my dailies in WoW, but it's been months.

Roll initiative.

Edit: So how do you want to do this?

Hello from the Magic Tavern. It's an improvised podcast with a consistent theme to it and has some amazing worldbuilding as it goes on. And it is truly hilarious to boot.

Highly recommend, and start from episode 1. I promise you won't regret it.

DM = Dungeon Master

GM = Game Master

In D&D we call GMs DMs because that's what they are called in the D&D brand. But most other RPG systems call them GMs and is used as the general title for that position at the table. Technically all DMs are GMs, but only GMs who are GMing a game using the D&D system are DMs.

This doesn't make sense when the dragons are in houses, too. Maybe a dungeon would be better. ?

When fantasy creatures play /sub/outside.

Roll a D20 to see what percentage of assets you keep.


which podcast is it? sounds interesting

Is your character name Orlando Bloom? Just taking a shot in the dark



The joke is that you're not getting more than 20%.

Yeah I've known multiple men who loved to get a rise out of people and would start arguments over the dumbest shit. Literally anyone who wants to argue will force an argument.

Just watched the first video, this is hilarious.

Then you always have that one guy in the group that just doesn't get it.

"I breathe fire on him and eat him."

"You can't breathe fire and he's too big to eat."

"Then I unhinge my jaw and eat him raw."

"Humans can't do that."

"This game is bullshit!"

Maybe they're Humanborns

Or a man.

[WP] A group of dragons get together to play Offices & Managers.

Hmmm, I guess you could say that they're game is Earthbound

Green dragon is speechless