Did you just puke on your boss?

Did you just puke on your boss?

I've been consulting for about 13 years, SMB market mostly. This happened about 3 or 4 months ago.

I get a call from one of my long time clients that they've hired three new employees, they're set to start Monday, and I need to get everything setup for them to start work after lunch/orientation. I config the PCs take everything out get it all setup and just hang out for a couple hours while these guys finish up their "training".

I head out to grab some lunch and when I get back I'm just walking around checking in with everybody and I come across "Mr. Awesome". Mr. Awesome is sitting in his cube grumbling at his computer. I poke my head in and ask him whats up, he responds with "F*cking IT didn't set my computer up right." I just kind of smile thinking hes just trolling me or something. I offer to take a look at it since I'm "pretty good with this computer stuff." I spend about 30 minutes showing him how to get around on the network, how to use email, word/excel shortcuts, all pretty basic shit. Every third word out of the mouth of Mr. Awesome is, you guessed it, "Awesome." I think he even said "Rad" a few times but I refuse to believe anyone still says that.

Anywho, after all that he seems happy and tells me how I should really just take care of the computers for them instead of whatever else I do because "The f*cktard IT guy never even showed up." He spends about 10 minutes making sure I know I'm awesome and the IT guy "Sucks donkey nuts." I finally pick up on the fact that he just doesn't know I'm the IT guy. At this point I don't want to mention it to him so I just shake hands and walk away from Mr. Awesome. I check in with management get signatures on the paperwork and head out after letting Mr. Awesome's supervisor know his new employee should get a placard on his cube entrance with his title of Mr. Awesome. I didn't tell him why, I didn't want to get the guy in trouble.

So about three hours later I'm just finishing up something when I get a call from Mr. Awesome's supervisor. Hes stuck between coughing and laughing as relates to me how Mr. Awesome came in with a tale of this awesome guy who should fix our computers instead of the "IT Douche No Show". After figuring out who he was talking about he started laughing and told him that I was the IT consultant. Mr. Awesome freaked out and projectile vomited on his boss. Needless to say everyone knows why Mr. Awesome got the nick name. Mr. Awesome actually showed up for work the next day and still continues to work there.

TL;DR - New employee doesn't know who I am, talks sh*t directly to me about me. Tells his boss I'm awesome/sucktastic then vomits on his boss when he finds out who I am.

Day one he VOMITS ON HIS BOSS and gets the nick, Mr. Awesome??? I would never be so lucky.

Well, at least he came back. I am not sure I would have. Of course I would never talk shit about anyone at a company I just started at.

This story is rad. Really awesome.

Sounds like a hipster ironic title and the source of many injokes for years to come.

All of my friends say rad unironically.

...scratch that. One of my friends says rad unironically, and he's pretty much my only friend.

You were correct the first time

Day one he VOMITS ON HIS BOSS and still has a job??? I would never be that lucky.

Totally rad comment, like, totally!

I'm actually impressed he didn't just quit after such a fail.

He actually had the file in hand already. Mr. Awesome destroyed it with a precision strike.

"You don't want that bile in writing."

Just a small alteration there, keeping in the theme.


It wasn't just rad. It was x-treme to the max!


I bet the boss was like,

"this guy did something hilariously stupid his first day, and is clearly now terrified out of his mind. At this point I bet we can tell him to do anything and he'll just skitter off and do it. What a valuable asset of an employee!"

That awesome story was so cool, like, it was totally radical. I mean, that bit where he said the stuff was totally wizard; it was honestly totally swell. You could say it was the bee's knee's. Smashing.

Jesus, I'm trying to imagine saying things like "fucktard IT guy," "sucks donkey nuts," and "IT Douche No Show" on my first day of work at a new company. I'm not the type of person to find these things offensive, but I just can't comprehend saying that kind of stuff around brand new coworkers that I haven't really gotten to know yet.

I get a call from one of my long time clients that they've hired three new employees, they're set to start Monday

When I get that call, it's already Tuesday afternoon and the new guys have been sitting there all day waiting for email accounts and intranet access.

I explain to the client that I'll rush the job through but it'll take an hour for everything to propagate and someone will need to configure the email accounts on each users' PC.

Invariably the client gets pissed at me because the new guys can't do any work as soon as the call ends.

If I can I mention to them that when we take on new staff, I configure and test their access and mail a week before they start (and send them a nice "welcome aboard" email), the client thinks this is a great idea.

Three month's later we do the whole sorry dance again but my face palm finale is slightly harder than the last time round.

Sounds like he learned his lesson that day. Does he avoid you like the plague now? (Side note: Elijah Wood told my friend that her drawing of Bilbo Baggins was "Radical...radical!" a few month ago. We've said, "rad" or "radical" unironically ever since.)

I'm not sure I would've stayed after a first day like that...

Man /r TIFU would have loved this from the dudes perspective.

You might even say it was double plus good.

This is too beautiful for words...

I used to say it ironically. Now I can't stop.

He does avoid me and when we do talk I go out of my way to make it as comfortable as possible which I think makes him really flustered. I have a feeling he just wants me to yell at him about it so he can move.

Not even once.

It wasn't just rad, it was x-treme hardcore to the max with vengance!

The world would be a better place if more people involuntarily threw up when they got excited

I can't figure out why you'd ever say stuff like that ever at a job.

Even if you literally loathe the guts of every single person in the office...when you quit you'd still like a nice letter of recommendation! Why burn bridges?

I have a fairly common name. One place I worked at had a guy with the same first and last name but in a different department. My initials are DMG, so everyone in my department started calling me Damage.

It was fine for a while but once it started spilling out into other departments they started calling me Damage and then people started to forget why. I got a bad reputation because of a nick name.