Con: You're endangering your health. Pro: I'm drought and famine resistant.

Con: You're endangering your health. Pro: I'm drought and famine resistant.

"Your father can be surprisingly sensitive. Remember when I giggled at his Sherlock Holmes hat? He sulked for a week and then closed his detective agency."

Hey fatty! I got a movie for you, A Fridge Too Far!

Edit- DOH!

That guys delivery is so perfect. I also love the gun episode when Homer threatens him that if he had his gun he'd shoot him and he replies "Yeah, well, ya don't."

Hey, buddy, you gotta slow your car down and let me in, because I'm a big fat guy and I can't go anywhere. Because there could be some poison gas, I mean there's really going to be poison gas, and everyone's gonna be dead, especially me!

Workers please, there'll be time for the frozen pudding wagon later. You still owe me ten more Iroquois twists!

Now where's that cake!?

Hey, my dad may have gained a little weight, but he's not some food crazed maniac!

10 Hi-ya-ya, 9, Hi-ya-ya, 8....

T-take anything you want man, take it all!

Shame on all of you. Give me my dignity! I just came here to see Honk If You're Horny in peace.

Sir, if you'll just calm down, I'd be happy to treat you to a garbage bag full of popcorn.

If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!

There's no cake

Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?

I want to see more Teddy Roosevelts, and less Franklin Roosevelts!

What? It's not Magaggagie's birthday?

Hey, Miss Doesn't-find-me-attractive-sexually-anymore...

OOO raspberry!

Oooh, that's raspberry.

The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

I think it's ironic that for once, Dad's butt actually prevented the release of toxic gas

More like HeybuddyyougottaslowyourcardownandletmeinbecauseImabigfatguyandIcantgoanywherebecausetherecouldbesomepoisongasImeantheresreallygoingtobepoisongasandeverybodysgoingtobedeadESPECIALLYME!!!!

Always cut from syndication. Sort of a call back to, is this how you pictured married life? Mostly, except we drove around in a can solving mysteries

Good, good for you.

"Dad, what are you doing down there?"

"Washin' my fat guy hat, honey!"

Hey ma, how'bout some cookies?

Give me a ride or everyone dies.


"I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

Paul Newman's going to have my legs broke.

I heard that guy's ass has his own congressman

Nonsense, the author-reader relationship is one of adversity and mutual hate.

I recently started working from home and it feels like I'm living this episode. Oooh! Mail's here!

No dice

They made being 300 pounds really comically fat; when I was that big I could still fit in regular seats and wear 38 pants with an XXL shirt. But still it made me depressed that I was that fat. I was fatter than Homer Simpson.

Push out the jive...bring in the love!

He's easily my favorite bit character. I always start giggling when he appears.

I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

Dis. Ain't. Ovah.

Mmmmm, I can feel three kinds of softness.

This might surprise you, but you can't buy me off with food!

If you want to watch your TV, and I mean really watch your TV, you'll want: the Carnivale. This TV features: 2 prong wall plug, molded hand grip well, durable outer casing to prevent fall apart.