At 31 years old I've just realised that Penguins are basically just chocolate covered bourbon biscuits.

At 31 years old I've just realised that Penguins are basically just chocolate covered bourbon biscuits.

The biscuit in a penguin definitely has a softer texture. The cream in a penguin is more fluffy. Far from a Bourbon in my opinion.

Step your biscuit knowledge game up, son.

You are now a moderator at /sub/ukbiscuits

41 subscribers - 37 here now. They may be small, but fuck me they're dedicated.

That's not true, that's not p-p-p-possible!

What's the world's coldest profession?


-Help I'm trapped in a biscuit factory

Yeah but they also have a joke.

-Why did the penguin cross the road? -Because it did.

No, that's just everyone from this thread who just subscribed!

-How do penguins travel to work?

-Penguins don't even have jobs.

They should make an albino version, a custard cream covered in white chocolate or caramac, it might be disgusting though.

Get a fucking penguin, bite both ends off it and suck tea through it. It is amazing.


That's just made me question why the marketing team decided that if a penguin would be able to talk, it would stutter.

Or.. was there a different reason, like it was cold?

Bad word? Being compared to a bourbon? That's a high compliment for any biscuit.

youtube 31s

It was a stutter that is supposed to imitate shivering I think.

For anyone interested who may stumble in here and not know what the tagline is about, here is the first 1970s advert which featured the p-p-p-pick up a p-p-p-penguin:

It might, but that shouldn't stop us trying.


Known in the colonies as a "TimTam shooter". They have tim-tams. Basically a slightly worse penguin, but they do work better for the tim tam shooter.

I want to downvote this so badly, but it wouldn't be proper.


They should call them polar bears

What do you mean "just", you've just described biscuit nirvana.

I've always heard it called the Tim Tam Slam. Sounds a lot better than Shooter.

Custard creams with a tan.


Penguins have Dad jokes on them though. Your move, Bourbon.

to stop you eating 10 at a time

Challenge accepted.

My dad would say "Can penguins fly?" and when you said "No" he'd throw a Penguin bar at you and say "Yes they can."

Meh, you prefer what you're used to I guess. I prefer penguins. He aimed to make a better one, doesn't mean he succeeded!

I do this with a Twix. It's incredible.

Hey, watch it! I'll not tolerate your biscuit racism.

Genuine Penguin joke from my childhood that still makes me laugh because of its stupidity: Why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was tied to the chicken.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I once questioned why they're called penguins at all. What do penguins have to do with biscuits?

After extensive googling the best explanation I found was that like the bird, penguin biscuits can't fly. I don't know if it's the right answer but I want it to be.

He keeps him in his evil underground laboratory where he spends his half his time analysing biscuit/chocolate tea reactions, and the other time coming up with devices to do evil with.

It's a Stafford thing.

My science guy says the chocolate seeps into the biscuit somewhat and causes them to be softer

Same as when you leave them out too long

You're one of the joke writers for Penguin aren't you?

Your science guy

Yeah but the where's the dedication? I preferred them when they were more underground.