An ex contacted me after 6 months saying she misses me, thinks about me all the time, and wants me to meet her tonight at her new apartment so she can give me a tour

An ex contacted me after 6 months saying she misses me, thinks about me all the time, and wants me to meet her tonight at her new apartment so she can give me a tour

Once I was shitfaced drunk when I got a booty call text from this girl I used to hook up with. I didn't really want to go through with it for personal reasons, so I sent a prepaid for pizza to her place instead.

Never heard back from her after that, but at the time it was the most polite way of declining I could think of.

I was trying to stay friendly with Ex wife so tried to help when she had questions. Couldn't help it when she called saying her current boyfriend was breaking up with her because she was a pain to be around. Told her probably better she asked someone other than her Ex husband about that but she persisted. Finally asked her she remembered me working in the garden all those times in the winter. She said yes she did. Told her there wasn't shit to do in the winter in the garden but I'd rather stand around in the cold for hours than to be near her one more second. Got real quiet and she says I was right it probably wasn't a good idea to ask me that question.

I'm fucking hungry. You wanna get together, big guy?

Stay strong, comrade!

You have chosen... Wisely

It's a really long story. Essential we were "dating" and then I found out she had a boyfriend the whole time. Mentally fucked with me cuz I then had invested feelings with her but had to cut her out. She swore they were in an open relationship but never were. Swore she was gonna break up with him and tried to string me along into being her rebound. I Didn't know what to do, I felt like a piece of Shit. I still do. She played me pretty well. It's a lesson learned tho

Cold blooded - love it

go over there, act like you're interested, have sex with her and then never talk to her again. she will go nuts haha.

My own recent experience : Last weekend I received a random call from an ex. I answered and she immediately started talking about stuff for her job. I asked her to repeat that and then it dawned on me she'd tapped the wrong name in her contacts. I asked her "Do you realize who you called?" and I heard her pull the phone back, check the screen, say "Oh shit..." and hang up without another word.


Later that evening I got a text from her.


Her : "Can we talk?

Me : "Nah I'm good."

Her : "Then why did you answer earlier?"

Me : "Just in case you were in some kind of trouble and I was your last desperate hope for help, so I could tell you no."

"Hi, this is your ex-gf, I have this new apartment I can't afford to pay the rent on, how about we get back together and I'll just fuck other guys behind your back while you pay my rent?".


Wink your brown eye at him

You absolutely did the right thing. If she had gotten what she wanted, it would just be another reason for her to keep doing fucked up shit. Instead you showed her the repercussions of her actions, in your own way making the world a better place for us all. So, as someone who shares this space rock with you, thank you for not supporting behavior like this.

It ain't always bad. I hooked back up with an ex and now we've been together for 25 years and have 4 kids.

On second thought, maybe you made the right choice.

Did you at least alert emergency services after you burned her that bad?

Hey its me ur ex lets diddle

That's fucked up

Private message me with your email address and a chain pizza place near you that has egift cards for sale online WITHIN ONE HOUR and I'll buy you pizza. One time offer, only valid for /u/Autocorrec. You have until 8:39pm Eastern time to respond


EDIT: I was making a joke involving my username.

I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that.

How are your nuts this morning?

I'm too stupid with too many feelings. She's too smart with no feelings. I'd fall for the bullshit again so I feel it's best to just stay away


He walks out with herpes and a baby that's not his.

Dude...Did you break up with her or vice versa????? If she broke up with could have some fun with this.....

Please spare me the comments, I know I am a bad person.

Negative. I am a meat popsicle.

Still hope you enjoy your pizza!

The crazy in me says why not?

Cold blooded - because he was freezing standing around in the garden in winter?

Blue balls I'd say

If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.

Always, always, always masterbate before answering a text like this. They should subdue the crazy in you long enough to make rational decisions.

Does McDonald's deliver? Cuz that's how attractive you are.

Do you want crazy texts at all hours with her claiming she's pregnant? Because that's how you get crazy texts at all hours with her claiming she's pregnant.

rofl, were you dating my ex or what? Found out she was doing exactly this to me when one of her friends asked me,"How can you be happy in an open relationship? It would drive me crazy"

My response, "Uh, I didn't realize I was in an open relationship"

Lolololol that last line

Sounds like she has a lease and her roommate fell through.

Here is a thinking man. You have vision.

PS - where's Loiosh?

In the future, say something more mature. It will piss her off wayyyy more if you just say something like 'I have dinner plans, thanks though.'

Wow, what did she do to make herself so unpleasant to be around?

I don't know dude, a hammer?

Spoiler warning:

The tour will likely end in the bedroom.

Use a rubber..

BAM! It says you should receive within 60 minutes. Check your email!

Pretty sure I watched a video of that pizza delivery last night

It was a pretty bad split. Felt good to get the last word.

Ahh yes so you can erase the memories from the night before.

So....did she do the pizza man?

More or less if he hammers her

That's why he was out there all night. He had to wait for the sun to come up before he had the energy to move.

I PM'd you! Wondering if this is real life right now...


Risky click of the morning...

You are an amazing, person?

It's real life! You sent me multiple chains, which do you prefer?

This. Knowing someone is bitter with you is one thing, knowing someone has mentally moved past you and you can't even rouse anything more than a half assed excuse out of them is crippling.

Now I want to put a mirror under me the next time I have a sneezing fit.

Me, wishing I could afford a pizza, never mind send one to someone else as a fuck you :(


I would work overtime and take anyone's shift just so I could spend less time with the wife. Then she left with her boyfriend and I felt such relief.

Oh then yeah do that..

Bring your own rubber too. Don't get trapped by these crazy girls that want to lock a man down with a child. I am all for the hit it and quit it but some chapters of our life are best left history and not repeated history. Think with your big head not your small head.

Don't downvote this man he made a hard decision :)

"Sure, I'll be over in an hour"

Text 50 minutes later saying, "sorry, can't make it."

Hope you at least gave her some ice after that.

OMG I wen through this EXACT FUCKING SCENARIO about 8 months ago (wanted to show me the apt, etc). Good move on not doing it. It's hard to say no but best of luck.

It is what a carpenter would use.

That may be the case, but I think comrade or other weird alternatives for it can be used if you don't want to always say the same thing, independent of ideology.


It's best if it never happened, but if it did, hopefully a condom was used. Also, skip the shower afterwards and run home, block her number and send her the fuck off pizza

There's no possible way this could backfire.

The wisdom wank

He told her to get out into the garden.

Yeah, because the word Comrade is ONLY used by communists, right? Stop being so obtuse, you just sound like a douche.

Yeah definitely don't play her. These people are toxic, you don't need them in your life.

Like I said - not in the least picky! Any of them would work! But my gf loves dominos... and we're currently sitting on the beach (cause - free!) - and I would be such a G if I got pizza delivered to us here...

My ex left me about 4 months ago and left all her stuff in my storage unit, tried to get her to come get it but she wasnt willing to work something out. I'm not an asshole, so I've kept it packed up off to the side ready to go. Out of the blue she texts me wanting to come get it. Now when we were together, we were having financial troubles. Now I'm out of debt, lost 40 pounds, and have a seriously dope downtown apartment. I'm not the one who invited her, but im curious how this is going to play out.

Dude the same fucking thing happened to me. I hope you cut all contact cause bitches like her use guys and believe they can do whatever they want at the expense of others.

Fuck you Victoria

This is the right idea, but instead you text 90 minutes later and say you're on the way, then never show up.

So are we calling it "the fuck off pizza" now? I'm all for it, just making sure.

We ordered and are waiting patiently - suns gone down and we hope to get it (we ordered it directly to the beach) before it gets pitch dark - because if you delivered, and pizza guy delivers - then we MUST deliver beach pizza pic.

Good luck man. Stay strong. Do what you want but don't fall into old patterns.


beach pizza 🍕

Hoping I did this right?

Sorry I didn't update last night but my gf and I were having a really nice time together and I didn't want to constantly be on my phone...

foofdawg - Thank you AGAIN! I'm 100% into the business of paying kindness forward and just wondering what I did to receive it in the first place! You're an awesome person who gave us an awesome time and me an awesome story.

My gf kept saying "wow you're really excited about this huh?" I said "babe they are asking for updates and calling it beach pizza!" Her: (doesn't Reddit and does noooot like how much I'm on it) "so are you like the queen of Reddit right now? Cause you're acting like the queen of Reddit" 😂

I just think this whole thing is still so cool. This pizza is also my breakfast, that I will be eating right after I post this! THANK YOU AGAIN /u/foofdawg !!!!!!!

When Gorbachev visited the us he went to a local grocery store, he said that if the Russian people saw this there would be riots.


So wait he stole a baby?

I love the internet sometimes.

"female detected"

Yes as in "Fuck you, I don't care about you, and I'm glad you're crawling back to me for a screw so I can reject you" or yes as in "You want my dick and I want to fuck you" but you fought the urge?

once a cheater always a cheater

Thank Al Gore, he created these tubes for us. If I can randomly buy a stranger who needs it pizza, and I can afford it, why wouldn't I? Lol

Just put plan b in her drink and it will be all good

You don't need people like that in your life. Good for you.

Once the sun goes down it gets chilly and we will probably leave...but if there's any conceivable way to make this's happening.

You did the right thing.