2018-02-21

The New Death [PI]

The New Death [PI]

A building this squat shouldn’t be able to loom Frank reflected, frowning at the structure. It was only one story tall, the kind of grey joyless affair that had sprung up across middle America during the 1970’s. Like a strip mall converted into office space by the most joyless architect who ever lived, someone so lacking in taste that they probably had Corn Flakes for breakfast, bread and butter for lunch, and potato for dinner, with vitamin pills to fill out their nutrient quota. Not the chewable kind, lest some semblance of flavor pass their tongue.

Frank had known men like that his entire life, the kind of fat sons of bitches that congealed into middle management and then sat there, never getting any work done, making problems for HR by making passes at the young women on staff until they finally died of heart attacks in their 60’s, mourned only by their children when the little brats realized how little daddy was actually worth. He hadn’t been one of them – he had never been one of them, wand sworn he’d never become one of them.

Of course, the economy had tanked in 08, right as he graduated college, and he’d ended up getting sucked into one of those office jobs. Making sure he never got that boring had been why he’d loved the dirtbike so much, the weekend rides with the boys and the brews, so much that even as the damn thing had lost its traction and gone careening under the semi, the last thing to pass through Frank’s head had been gratitude that he’d never turn into one of those wastes of oxygen.

Well, technically the last thing to pass through his head was the wheels of the truck, but that was a matter of semantics.

Of course, finding that his afterlife was a dour office like the ones he’d so studiously avoided in life was putting a bit of a damper on things. The sign over the front, lit with white bulbs, said “Death and Co,” at least made him slightly hope that his afterlife wouldn’t be as dull as his life had threatened to become.

Shrugging his shoulders, Frank pushed inside.

There were three other people in the entranceway. A woman in a red dress who looked like she’d just stepped off the set of some Hollywood movie about a mobster’s girlfriend in the nineteen twenties, and another man that looked like he’d just crawled out of a gutter. They were standing a good distance apart, and Frank stepped between them.

“Evening,” he said, conversationally, drawing both their attention. He got the feeling that he was the first person to speak here.

“Hello,” said the woman, and the other man just nodded.

Frank did what he did best and started conversing, offering hands to each of them in turn. The woman was Lilah Herron, and she had walked off the set – of a TV show about a time travelling Brit, so the 1920’s clothing was appropriate. She’d been shot by a fan she’d rejected – although she admitted she didn’t actually see the shooter, she just liked that theory best for who had done it. The man was Mac Ober, and he hadn’t been in a gutter, but in a swamp where his cheating boyfriend’s side guy had left him with a knife in his back along with twenty-seven extra holes.

Frank shared his story, the dirt bike, the semi. He considered talking about his life more, but what did it matter? It was behind him.

“Wonderful. Glad that introductions are out of the way.” A man stepped out of…nowhere, as far as Frank could tell. He was tall and thin and old, the kind of serious face associated with lawyers, accountants, and morticians. “I, of course, am Death. Due to some conflicts, the three of you will not be continuing on to your respective afterlives. Come this way.” With that, Death motioned them into a door that hadn’t been there before. It was a conference room, the kind of place Frank had always dreaded, and other figures were there as well. I should be freaking out. But this all seems so normal.

“My associates,” Death said, gesturing at the other four figures. “Pestilence, Famine, War, and Conquest. I trust you are familiar?”

The three humans nodded, and Death smiled. “Wonderful. Unfortunately, we are…behind schedule. The apocalypse was supposed to have happened some time ago, but has been delayed. And, to be perfectly frank, we are overworked in some cases, underworked in others. Too many humans exist, too many humans die, and very few of them die under one of those four once prestigious offices.”

“And what, exactly, does this have to do with us?” Frank asked, frowning.

“We’re looking to expand. Franchise a bit.” Seeing their mute expressions, Death sighed and leaned forward. “We need new Horsemen. The advances of science are forestalling Pestilence, eradicating Famine, grinding War to a halt, and conquest…poor Conquest is wasting away. Most humans die due to other causes, leaving the entire burden on me.”

Another door appeared at the side of the room, a single EXIT light glowing in bright red above it. “If you step through that door, you will go on to your afterlife, and whatever awaits you there. I cannot answer that question – you must decide the weight of your own souls. Or-“ and here, yet again abruptly, chairs appeared behind them, “you sit, you listen. If you agree, you become Horsemen. If you decide not to after sitting, you will serve some time as a psychopomp in my service until the Apocalypse comes, if it ever does.”

Frank didn’t hesitate. Neither did Lilah. Marc wavered for a second, then joined the two of them in sitting. Death smiled. “Wonderful. Now then…tell me, each of you.” He leaned forward even further, till he was almost looming himself. “What do you think are the greatest killers of the modern age, if not these once esteemed offices?”

Marc went first, speaking without hesitation. “Passion. Passion gives ride to jealousy, to hate, to violence, but it also could be Passion for food, for drugs, for all manner of nasty things. Passion is what’s killing mankind right now.”

Lilah spoke next, projecting a stage voice that carried across the room. “Exposure. The heat and the cold, yes, but also visibility, social media wearing us down to our bones as everyone stresses themselves to exhaustion trying to play the most rapid-fire and unwinnable game of Keeping up with the Jones in human history.”

Frank nodded in agreement with the other two before speaking. “Neglect. Neglect for your own health, your own safety, your own wellbeing – but also neglect for others. So many people could be saved, but are left to die because lazy assholes just leave them neglected.”

Death smile broadened, and for the first time Frank saw in those features the typical skeletal visage. “Passion. Exposure. Neglect. Not quite as dramatic as the other four but…you’ll do. If you accept, you’ll oversee death resulting to your domain. You’ll ensure those who die from such things are ferried to the correct afterlife, and you’ll make sure that death from such things spread until humanity can find away to overcome those failings.”

It was Frank who thought for a moment, but it was Neglect who answered.

“When do we begin?”

Beside him, Passion and Exposure nodded in agreement.

Beautifully written. You're really slamming out these stories.

Well, technically the last thing to pass through his head was the wheels of the truck

Hah, oof.

Reminds me of that joke about princess Di

Why are you posting at 3 AM? get some sleep! don't ask why I'm still awake

Either way, we get more great stories, so thanks.

You changed your style. Me like. You used my favorite word - semblance.

3 months in to my weight loss journey. Down 20lbs. I've been doing IF for two weeks now and broke my plateau! Today was my longest fast yet, 22:2

3 months in to my weight loss journey. Down 20lbs. I've been doing IF for two weeks now and broke my plateau! Today was my longest fast yet, 22:2

Wow. You look like you've lost more than 20. Great work!

Well WE ALL noticed. You're looking great and your hard work/dedication shows. Keep going! You're doing this for you and your health, not for others. We believe in you!

So true. I do keto/IF 18:6 and burn about 1 to 1/2 pounds per week. I’m 55 and if the pounds come off slow it’s OK. They are not coming back on! I also notice about 1/2 off my waistline each month.

Awesome work girl! Have you done only IF or calorie restriction+workouts aswell?

Triumphant Tippy Taps [X-Post /sub/aww]

“Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking. We are now preparing for take off”...

why that stick? it was the only stick.

When your parents tell you that you can pick ONE toy.

I thought he was about to lift off as well

Done drawing Choji! :D

Done drawing Choji! :D

Yeah but It'll take some time since I'll be drawing the main cast first :D I got everything scheduled, team 8 will be next after Ino-Shika-Cho then team 9 :)

That's great

You’re an exceptional talent at this stuff my dude. If you take request, could you do Kurotsuchi and Darui?

Choji underappretiated imo. His fight with chojuro was magnificent also he got a fine ass wife

USA Hockey

USA Hockey

Just stayed up til 2:30am watching woman’s hockey. And rooting for the USA women. Don’t feel bad in the least. Odd, right? I mean, nationalistic fervor made me cry (yes, imma dude). And I felt sympathy for the America Lite women. Is this what it feels like to be normal-ish?

The worst. Go 3 on 3 for another 10min

I knew all the words to the National Anthem and said it in my head as I watched singers before any event.

Great game US deserved it, shootout is a horrible way to end it though

Not a fan of shoot-outs but this was still a great game. I say let them play as many periods as they need to decide the winner.

Mini-Guide on what Builds to go for and Why

Mini-Guide on what Builds to go for and Why

I found myself posting this over and over on the numerous builds threads that popped a few days ago. Since the revert just came out and some theorizing is going to happen, and some new players are going to join the hunt, here's a short miniguide with all the main viable builds Rengar has:

LETHALITY EXAMPLE BUILD: Duskblade->Tiamat(GET FIRST IF JUNGLE)->Ionian's/Ninja's->Ghostblade->Edge of Night->Mortal Reminder->Ravenous Hydra->Sell Boots for TriForce PROS * Excellent mid-game * Linear power curve (i.e theres no sudden power spikes, it's all a ramping game) * More reliable, can adapt his build with items like Mercurial, Maw, and even transition to a bruiser. CONS * Doesn't have the sudden spike that crit has. * Falls off late-game. * Has an overall low DPS * Is countered even more by Ninja Tabi/Armor items than Crit is

CRIT EXAMPLE BUILD: Duskblade->Tiamat(GET FIRST IF JUNGLE)->Ionian's/Boots of Choice->Ghostblade(Get this for a smoother mid-game)->Stattik Shiv->Infinity Edge->Sell Boots for ER->Ravenous Hydra PROS * You can make NB3 style of clickbait videos with this build * You have Master Yi's levels of DPS late-game, and high burst * Can deal with tanks more effectively than Lethality * Spikes hard mid-late game * Good for cleanups CONS * No real way of adapting to threats on the enemy team * Has a weird power curve, by mid game, before you get your 2 crit items you'll feel a bit awkward * Doesn't take full advantage of Bonetooth Necklace's bonus AD by outfitting AS/Crit items * Is weaker/more easily countered the higher you climb (i.e: do you really see Crit Yi that often in high elo?)

BRUISER EXAMPLE BUILD: TriForce->Tiamat->Ninja's/Merc's->Sterak's->SV->Titanic/Ravenous->Randuin's Let me preface this, i'm not really sure about the true synergy Rengar has in TriForce alone (it always seemed like a luxury item you take when you want to win more), but there seems to be a consensus this is the best build for bruiser Rengar. I'm not going to insert my own opinions because i don't think i have the street cred or elo to do so, what is shown below is an amalgamation of opinions i've seen, and some of my experiences as well. Take with a grain of salt. PROS: * Good mid-game * Has good DPS * Good Survivability * Splitpush god CONS: * Can pale against other TriForce bruisers after they get their items * Awkward early game period (i.e you can't keep buying Longswords, all your spikes are concentrated in 1 item) * Damage does fall off late game, although its not much detrimental * Not much bonus AD heavy items (which Bonetooth amplifies)

RUNES: Rengar can take pretty much any rune. Here's a quick summary of them: * Electrocute: The standard choice. Good for cheeses in top lane. * Aery: Top Lane only. Take for constant harass. * Predator: 1100 MS RENGAR ONESHOTS 1V9! MY MOM ABORTED ME FOR THIS! Feels really underwhelming IMO. * Dark Harvest: A controversial one. Some take it, some don't, but something clear is that if you fall behind with this Keystone, you're fucked. * Press the Attack: Meh. Sure, you can apply it pretty fast as Bruiser Rengar, but there's simply better options available. * Grasp of the Undying: If you are a tankier Rengar and you wish to survive laning phase and take some really iffy trades with the help of Resolve's rune tree, then go for it.

Sidenote: Can we update the wiki and resources for this iteration of Rengar? I understand he just came out, but we need to make a community effort to avoid the common "What do i build" or "What Keystone Do I Take?" threads. Good luck with the New Rengar brothers.

EDIT: Updated crit build, added a rune section. Will add a build section for Tank/TriZhonya's later.

To be fair, Silencee only played Crit Yi to Challenger.

I never build warrior on rengar jungle. Other items are much more valuable I feel.

Duskblade->Tiamat->Ionian's->BF->Zeal->Stattik Shiv->Infinity Edge->Essence Reaver->Sell Boots for TF-

Tiamat > Duskblade > Youmuu's > Shiv > IE > ER

This build is way better, the tiamat first makes clears much better and adds to the burst with the active, no idea why you're buying a BF sword, what a waste of gold, just finish an item in this case Youmuu's offers far more, I wouldn't even bother with Trinity Force, it doesn't do as much damage as people think it does, Youmuu's is better, the only time I'd ever considere Trinity Force is on a bruiser build. Lastly build boots whenever the fuck you want of course.

No real way of adapting to threats on the enemy team

Has a weird power curve, by mid game, before you get your 2 crit items you'll feel a bit awkward

Doesn't take full advantage of Bonetooth Necklace's bonus AD by outfitting AS/Crit items

Is weaker/more easily countered the higher you climb (i.e: do you really see Crit Yi that often in high elo?)

All your cons are because your build order sucks, get Youmuu's and THEN build crit, you wont have that weird power curve anymore and you'll be stronger early-mid and even late.

On my 2 games, tri + BC + DB + Yom + Hydra with Transcendence deals more damage than full lethality build and i got more ad that way (640ish vs 440 ish).

Q hits about 1k with Tri build while it hits about 800ish.

[Fun]Healthy Food!

[Fun]Healthy Food!

Finally some good fucking food

Never thought I'd wanna be Natsuki...

Is this vore? I hope this isn't considered vore...

nah, just finish this edit like 1 minute ago

L E G

Shame 🔔🔔🔔

Poor thing. Nerves

spotter : " dammit, i said : aim right ahead... target, yellow center of bulls-eye, 12 o'clock, 50 meters off"

If my child performed like that, I would've disowned them in a heartbeat.

Seriously was expecting them to pan over to the arrow in someone’s heart

Many Contenders Australia matches have been scheduled during work hours on weekdays

Many Contenders Australia matches have been scheduled during work hours on weekdaysAlmost every Australian Contenders match has been scheduled on workdays (Monday, Tuesday) during common work and commute hours (2PM, 3PM, 4PM, 5PM).

This can be seen here and here with screenshots of our Contenders Australia scheduling for weeks one and two. This schedule has been confirmed by our local AU Contenders organiser ESL.

This is absolutely absurd, as a massive proportion of the competing teams will simply be unable to play during these hours due to employment or education. 

It appears Blizzard expects teams being paid $147 per map win split across a 6 man roster ($24.50) to forego employment or education in order to compete in their tournament, which simply isn't possible.

Even the top teams in the ANZ region are not full time; the team which commits the absolute hardest to this game competing in our Contenders puts in five hours a day, all OUTSIDE of work hours as people do in fact have jobs or study.

Our entire region is going to be unable to make half of the scheduled games for Australian Contenders. Please change this immediately Blizzard.
Many Contenders Australia matches have been scheduled during work hours on weekdays

Almost every Australian Contenders match has been scheduled on workdays (Monday, Tuesday) during common work and commute hours (2PM, 3PM, 4PM, 5PM).

This can be seen and here with screenshots of our Contenders Australia scheduling for weeks one and two. This schedule has been confirmed by our local AU Contenders organiser ESL.

This is absolutely absurd, as a massive proportion of the competing teams will simply be unable to play during these hours due to employment or education.

It appears Blizzard expects teams being paid $147 per map win split across a 6 man roster ($24.50) to forego employment or education in order to compete in their tournament, which simply isn't possible.

Even the top teams in the ANZ region are not full time; the team which commits the absolute hardest to this game competing in our Contenders puts in five hours a day, all OUTSIDE of work hours as people do in fact have jobs or study.

Our entire region is going to be unable to make half of the scheduled games for Australian Contenders. Please change this immediately Blizzard.

absolutely ridiculous

Apparently this is the same for South America. Basically take this twitlonger, find+replace South America with Australia and you can guarantee the whole community is behind it. http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sqeo8f

Perhaps the Academy teams in EU/NA contenders can afford to do this with their larger prizepools and access to more salary + sponsorship money but Aus Contenders is an amateur, semi-professional at BEST tournament.

We also understand the restrictions:

cannot be during OWL hours all contenders broadcast on the same channel so cannot overlap

But there MUST be a better way to do this. It is honestly more feasible to have super late night games than for people to have to give up work, school or uni.

This will not only kill viewership (who tf is going to watch in the middle of the day???) but will also eliminate most if not all top teams from contention. Having a diametrically opposed timezone surely makes it possible to put some of the games on the same days as OWL, in our night-time after they've finished?

This is not hyperbole: If this doesn't change, the league may as well not run.

I don't understand why they can't have multiple twitch channels and just have them overlap. You'll probably get more viewers overall because most people will only care about their own region. Sure Australian contenders will have some competition from the Korean one but you could always put them on different days to each other to fix that issue

I'm all for not having it clash with OWL, I understand it. But it's ridiculous to expect these teams to take time out of work or school (given the times are 2pm, 4pm and 6pm AEDT mostly) and play for next to nothing. This will neuter all of the Australian players, who were already on the back foot to begin with.

Try one of these subthreads