Tinder tinder

Desperate times

Desperate times

Damn, the old 4 messages in a row trick. Go somewhere cheap.

Worked out better than expected tbh.

Jesus fucking Christ. It was already super cringey, but you had to follow it up with a 2011-style meme. This is like if a 12 year old got access to Tinder.

Idk why Colin Mochrie wasnt enough

Chelsie got me into a new Mitsubishi.

Chelsie got me into a new Mitsubishi.

I don't date anyone with less than 3 JD Power awards

I'd be careful if I were you, that profile pic looks photoshopped

Need a followup on this.

JD Powa!

"Caw caw"

"Caw caw"

Except that it's a congress or unkindness of ravens. It's a murder of crows.

You just killed your chances

Get off Tinder man. You belong in real life, messing up awkward failed pick up lines in real time. Without the look of confusion and disgust to discourage you, you may try again.

Ooooooh, bioshock infinite's vigor makes so much more sense now. TIL

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I finally got super liked.

I finally got super liked.

He could save you a fortune on your water bill.

So who the fuck took this picture

Did you recommend Tim to a friend?

This just makes us feel bad for your girlfriend

Petty theft

Petty theft

You have made a grave mistake

It may not be hilarious, but it was kind of dark and unexpected so I give it a 7/10.

Pretty sure a stolen ring would be considered grand larceny (grand theft), not petty theft.

Don't know if/how grave robbing would change it, but the only way it would be petty theft is if it was a tiny ring.

Isabella needs to get her shit together.

5/7 for me

Respect πŸ‘ women πŸ‘ fam πŸ‘

Respect πŸ‘ women πŸ‘ fam πŸ‘

CHARGE YOUR PHONE

Isn't it... your phone though?

He was just getting the inevitable, overused "charge your phone" comment out of the way.

TBD

She called it 'dark', I call it 'topical'...

She called it 'dark', I call it 'topical'...

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Classic, hope you got the condolence lay.

It only happened this morning. I'm not a wizard.

Two modern miracles here:

You matched a girl on bumble

She opened with a joke and not just a . or hitting the space bar and pressing enter

OP are you a traveling billlionaire playboy philanthropist brain surgeon with laser vision that owns a mansion with an indoor pool and saves lives during the day and fights crime at night but also has time to do charity work and help old ladies cross the street?

The ole' comedic misdirection

The ole' comedic misdirection

Can I take a moment to spread awareness on having a "big heart"?

It is estimated 1 in 500 people have a heart disease called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM). It affects the muscles of the heart. Your heart will grow bigger, which leads to thickening of the heart muscles. It further disrupts the alignment of the muscle cells.

It is common to have it, but most people who have it will not show symptoms until later in life. Most people who experience it at a young age are mostly athletes.

If you feel any of these symptoms:

Shortness of breath Chest pain Palpitations Lightheadedness Fatigue Fainting

Please go to your doctor. I almost died a few years ago at a young age. Talk to your family. If anyone died of sudden cardiac death - someone who dropped dead while heavily exerting themselves, or dropping dead in general, it is a good sign someone in the family has that genetic disorder; it is hereditary.

Edit: Thanks for the gold! I'm so glad my cherry was popped spreading awareness.

OP you better post the follow up or I will be very disappointed.

I didn't get a screenshot, but follow-up went like this:

Me: The ole' comedic misdirection 😏

Me (minute later): And with that I bid this tinder convo adieu πŸŽ©πŸ‘Œ

Her: There it is πŸ₯

[I then unmatched her because I didn't think I would be able to outdo myself with that joke and I didn't really care about meeting her in-person]

Glad you're ok that sounds awful! You're probably packing some heat though am I right?

I always see beauty in others who are at least 6'3

I always see beauty in others who are at least 6'3

Her names sounds like a PokΓ©mon

Yeah, who the hell still cuts their nails?!

Way to limit yourself to less than 4% of the population.

The classic "I love food" bitch. A person whose personality is so boring she has to make something that everyone likes appear like some sort of a unique trait. EVERYONE LOVES FOOD BITCH.

Jackpot!

Jackpot!

And still no matches

Oh, no worries, I got a lighter!

Aaaaaaand now you're shadowbanned

TFW: You think you see your ex who you're still in love with on a gif about somebody shotgunning their tinder.

Try one of these subthreads