TIFU by liking someone's status on Facebook.
she unfriended because of a laugh face on facebook?, good for you man, dont want that kind of shitty person in your life =P
For those who aren't aware, there's this thing going around where women are encouraged to come forth and write a simple Facebook or twitter status with the phrase "Me Too" to indicate that they've been a victim of sexual assault or harassment.
Yeah, they should probably figure out some other way of telling people, because I'm sure that very few people actually know what it means.
Best Tifu ever
TIFU by making a North Korea joke to pay my power bill
Today I learned that Venmo takes the subject of your payment very seriously.
Every month when the power bill comes up, my roommate alerts us of in a comical manner. We've received the Star Wars title scrawl with the text reworded to describe the bill, the Stranger Things intro sequence, you get the idea. Well this time I get a link to a subtitled North Korean news broadcast, link here. So naturally I send my roommate the money via Venmo with the subject "North Korea is best Korea."
Within seconds, I get a notification in the Venmo app that my payment has been halted pending review by Venmo's compliance department per Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) guidelines. There is a 48hr hold on the payment and I'm required to submit a statement of sorts explaining my payment. It's been about an hour and I've already had a phone call with the customer service department that can be summed up as "Can you not??"
It would seem that there is a list of words that will get you into trouble on Venmo, but all the usual jokes about cocaine and hookers are good-to-go. It's been a fun morning.
TL;DR: Paid power bill with subject "North Korea is best Korea." Got flagged per Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) guidelines. Still haven't been able to pay the power bill...
Edit: Here's the Stranger Things one he did for us last month: Removed as it had our actual names on it
Edit #2: And the Star Wars one: https://brorlandi.github.io/StarWarsIntroCreator/#!/AKrfBcVlS4JDf-QEeKBw
Edit #3: Despite all this annoyance, Venmo is still really useful and I'd recommend it. Just avoid funding rogue states and terrorists while you pay for mundane items. It's hard, but I'm sure you can manage.
Edit #4: They let the payment go through. At least their CS dept is pretty quick on these things. I hope that video made someone's day at Venmo. Now back to funding rogue states and terrorist groups. My monthly payments to the KGB and ISIS are late...
Edit #5: Removed Stranger Things link due to personal info issues.
Edit #6: Looks like the link to the vid in question is currently kill. Not sure if hug o' death or what. Meh, just keep F5'ing. What could go wrong?
Edit #7: Link is no longer kill. Be gentle.
Edit #7: Obligatory "Thanks for the gold kind stranger" or whatever edit.
Edit #9: No mirror for the link available. My roommate whipped it up at his office and we don't have a local copy of it. Hopefully the reddit hug ends soon enough for people to be able to view it. Sorry :(
Promote immediately to moderator in /sub/pyongyang
I fucking died at 'Death to America' Your roomate has a good sense of humour mate
As if people will put incriminating things into the description anyway.
“Payment for nuclear missiles”
You have been banned from /sub/pyongyang
TIFU by adding 1,000,000-scoville capsaicin extract to my stovetop popcorn.
As is obligatory, this actually happend a while back. About a year, I'd guess. Fall weather makes me crave popcorn, and I'd rather eat packing kernels than microwaved (not that there's much difference). (Yes, I'm trying to make the word limit. Bear with me.)
So anyway, I get the bright idea that super spicy popcorn would be a great invention. Hell, I thought, I've never seen it in stores, so I could probably patent it, make millions, and retire to a (brief) life of coke and hookers. (I may have been drunk at the time. It passes the law of probability. And it's probably in stores already; I just never buy pre-popped popcorn.)
Anyway, so I have this bottle of 1 million-scoville extract, so I add a drop to the popcorn oil. Is one drop enough? Maybe two. Or three? Meh. Just pour in what looks right.
So I'm sitting back at my computer while listening to the popping start. And after a minute or two my nose starts running, my eyes start burning, my nose starts burning and my eyes start running, and breathing becomes like inhaling razor blades. Da fuq.
The only door to my apt is back through the kitchen, and the closer I get, the more intense the sensory attack. I can't hold my breath because I can't stop coughing. Somewhere during my mad dash to open the door, I realized that the capsaicin oil had been atomized by the heat and popping, creating an atmosphere of, essentially, pepper spray.
tl;dr: I popped stovetop popcorn in seriously intense capsaicin oil and fumigated myself and my apt with pepper spray.
This is the stuff that cruel pranks are made of.
Oh...now you've got me thinking...strokes beard evilly
Hope you washed your hands before stroking your beard. You don't want capsaicin oil in your beard
Jalapeño salt is a thing, my dude. And it's awesome on popcorn
TIFU by letting a friend use my ps4 profile.
Bonus is you get to play through from the start again.
Time to build a pc capable of running Fallout 4.
I always thought my old PC was really bad because Fallout 4 ran like crap.
Tried it on my brother's console... less fps and worse graphics lol
I've upgraded the graphics card since then, but it definitely made me appreciate my PC more.
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TIFU by letting my toddler decide the menu
I love the way you so casually just slid in that your son shit on your dogs face, just like that's a normal toddler thing to do.
Nevertheless, props to you for powering through.
Tl;dr: Fed shitty eggs to family, became shitty family.
All things aside, you're a Tank and this is a Good Read!
Families that fart together, stay together! ... until the day the youngest one figures out what a shart is. Then it becomes laundry day.
If you've ever been around toddlers, this would not surprise you.
TIFU: wrong bus, no passport
Is a passport still required for (I'm guessing) domestic flights in the US? On Schengen/EU flights I usually only have a mobile boarding pass for airport security, gate, and boarding.
The States requires official identification and your first-born child to get through airport security.
You need US government photo ID or a passport. Most US citizens use a drivers license or state ID card, but I guess since op mentioned he's an international student, he had neither of those things and was going to use a passport.
Well at least the bus didn’t drive you to the wrong places
TIFU by bringing hot sauce to school.
Dude, I wouldn't look forward to going to school tomorrow.
You'll now be know as hot sauce dick, good luck with the girls now.
good luck with the girls now.
He keeps a hot sauce bottle in his pocket. I don't think the girls were interested in the first place.
Who knows, if a girl likes hot sauce they know who to give a bj to.
TIFU by saving my dog
Technicaly it was a today I didn't fuck up...
Doggo benis spotted
Aren't they, though? He's an absolute cutie. He was actually a stray. Kinda.
Somebody dumped him in front of my aunt's house when he was a puppy. She lives on the busiest highway in the city. It has a curve so sharp right by her house that you can't see around it until you're already there.
Poor little boy would have died if she hadn't found him.
Wow, those are some huge and cute ears!
TIFU By almost killing my boyfriend in the shower
Yesterday, my boyfriend was having an already bad day from taking a midterm and general mental health problems. It's unseasonably hot, so I felt gross from sweat and wanted to shower. He didn't want to, due to feeling upset, but I convinced him to. Eventually he cheers up a little and we start messing around by taking mouthfuls of water and spitting it out on each other (that sounds weird now I say it?). The playful spitting escalates as we each try to be annoying as possible, and I end up holding his mouth open and spitting the water into it. He immediately froze up, but I didn't understand why, I thought maybe he was upset that I did that. I go to his side, and he then vomits in the shower. I immediately realized I had fucked up, but I thought that maybe I hit the back of his throat too hard so he gagged on the water or something. He vomits twice more, and moves out of the shower towards the door of the stall. He isn't vomiting, but still is struggling, so I try to do heimlich, but he grabs my hands so I stop. He then throws himself at the door, yells 9-1-1, and I grab him and try to calm him down. After that, he was breathing frantically. Until he told me, I did not realize he wasn't breathing the entire time. After describing the trauma of not being able to breathe for 20 seconds, he apologized for vomiting in front of me. I told him I owe him anything he wants for at least a month. (We spent the rest of the night playing portal 2)
TLDR; I spit water into my BF's mouth, making him drown and think he was going to die in the shower.
glad to hear he's okay.
I'm guessing he didn't request snowballing as part of his rewards?
Saw this going a very different direction. Even after the warning I still expected something.. else..
Worse case scenario: he slipped, hit his head, and died?
TIFU by swapping nudes with my cousin.
well it's not like y'all can have flipper babies if you fuck, so who cares.
He was talking about fucking your cousin, not your grandma.
Well you know what they say, cousins are the gateway family member.
I would never be able to look my grandma in the face again.