Warning: PM methods troll is about
Someone is threatening to PM vulnerable SW users with suicide methods. Reddit admins have been warned.
If you receive such a PM, please realize that the sender wishes you harm and does so purely out of revenge for being banned. Then message us so we can act on it.
Also, please upvote this for visibility.
vote up if you think i should live (ha)
title is some humour because intergalactic laws dont matter right now
i dont think i will be alive much longer, a month away seems very far. my last week has been very up and down and isolated and i dont want to be around anyone
the one thing that calms me is when i think to myself and decide that i will kill myself, it is strange because then things are very temporarily a little easier to handle.
i had written up a very long explanation of my life before but it somehow got lost.
the only reason i havent yet is guilt of how it will make my parents feel and sister feel. i could see one or more of them killing themselves after or at minimum the rest of their lives being horrible. this world has hurt me so much and my family and they dont deserve to be hurt even more.
i wont be letting anyone know. part of what hurt me in the past were medications doctors experimented on me. everything made things worse and they didnt listen to me; none of them interacted with me how expected.
so i wont be telling anyone, they will end me up in a hospital and force me on medication (at least that is my fear and that is worse than being dead and i will explain that to my family as to why i didnt tell anyone)
and please respect my wishes and not say anything about medications and how it takes time to find one that works for you, etc.. i am very sensitive and medications are too strong for me. the only thing that helps are therapies i cant afford, i cant afford rent either. i dont want to explain why it is difficult for me to get work. i am very high functioning mentally however that makes more basic tasks more stressing for me or boring
there is no real support either, not unless you pay them which isnt real support imho either. i was seeing a therapist, stopped two weeks ago
Don't write "PM me if you need to talk" if you aren't going to follow through.
This has happened to me several times in /sub/depression and /sub/suicidewatch over the past couple months. I PM someone who seems genuinely interested (and asked ME to talk to them) and get either no response at all or one reply but nothing when I try to continue the dialogue. I do talk about where i'm at but it's not like i'm bitching and moaning about my problems the whole time. I want to hear other people's stories too and how they've dealt with what I'm going through, but I never do.
All i'm saying is that if you're only in this reddit because of curiosity and you have no actual experience or expertise on the subject, don't offer your support to people and then later forget about it or ignore them. It's a shitty feeling for the person on the other end.
I'm afraid to tell friends and family about my thoughts. I know it will most likely result in me being in the psych ward of a hospital (again), have my gun taken from me, and i'd probably end up with mental health issues on my permanent record as well. This is why /sub/suicidewatch is (or should be) a great resource. I really hope my experience isn't representative of this subreddit as a whole.
They're making The Hobbit. I'm going to graduate college in a few weeks. I'm going to grad school. It's a sunny day. Guess suicide is off.
I think things have started getting better on all fronts. Thanks for being there for me SW.
It's not worth it if I have to be attracted to other guys
So I took some of the comment's advice. I chilled out and met a guy who wanted to hook up. When I got back to my dorm, I had already been feeling a bit sick, that coupled with the fact that I was thoroughly disgusted with myself for enjoying hooking up with another guy made me throw up. I spent the next twenty minutes punching my concrete wall so hard my knuckles started to bleed.
I can't do this, I don't want to live anymore if it means I have to be gay. It makes me physically ill to my stomach if what society's telling me is true: I can't change this. I don't want to be gay more than anything else in the world, I would be okay with being bi, hell, even lying about it would be better. Everyone keeps telling me it would be wrong to get in a relationship with a girl if no sexual attraction was there and if I can't even do that, I don't want to live anymore.
Society would accept me, my friends would all accept me, but they would never treat me the same again. My parents are convinced that homosexuality doesn't exist, that its all based on environment and upbringing, they wouldn't hate me or throw me out, in fact they're the least of my concerns.
Its me mainly, I don't want to be gay. I tried it and it made me sick at my stomach, I hate everything about it from the culture to the fact that I can't live my dream of being married to a beautiful wife with children without somehow being a "bad person". I won't accept this, I don't give a shit if you call it self-hatred. I talked to a suicide hotline, they basically talked me out of it and told me the same thing as everyone else, you can't help it. I talked to a guy at our school's LGBT support center, he also said I have no choice in the matter. If this is truly the case then I'm done, fuck it. I will not live my life "being" gay and I will not live my life celibate.
Edit: I know this is cliche as hell, but I wanna thank everyone for the encouragement. After about half an hour of reading comments I ran over to the gym for a quick workout sesh and I already feel loads better. For now I'm not gonna worry about it anymore, if suicide is an option, as one of you pointed out, I have a self-determined amount of time before that to do whatever the fuck I want to find out who I am. On top of that, Purple_Antwerp's words really made me realize that I need to man the fuck up and not label myself so I can really find out who I am. Seeing as I'm not an atheist, liberal, or an introvert, its times like these that really make me truly appreciate Reddit.
I admire all of you.
You probably subscribe to SW for one of two reasons:
A: You suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, and you want to relate with others who might understand.
B: You want to help people in the A set, either because you've been there before or you're just a damn nice guy/girl.
I happen to be a hybrid of both A and B. Probably a little more A than B.
Anyway, I've been reading and contributing to this subreddit for about a year now, and from what I've seen, there is nothing but strength and compassion throughout this small community.
If you are in the A group, I don't have to know who you are to be able to say that YOU sir, or madam, are a badass. You are alive today despite the constant allure of death. Every day lived is an achievement for you.
If you are in the B group, you are almost certainly under-appreciated. You might have helped me through a rough time and you continue to try and assist others. Whatever your motivations, thank you.
For a lot of us, this life is fucking bullshit. It's filled with darkness, pain, isolation and despair. Things never seem to get better and everyone around us seems to be having a better time being alive than we are.
But when I log on to Reddit and check in on SW, I am always impressed with the level of maturity, empathy, communication and understanding that takes place here. It bolsters that tiny, dying ember of hope I have that humanity has hope after all.
So whether you're an 'A', a 'B', or some combination thereof...
I admire all of you.