standupshots

Xenophobia is so foreign to me, it scares me.

Xenophobia is so foreign to me, it scares me.

The idea, to me, is that everyone is upset because someone had the (bad) idea to dress up as Hitler for Halloween. The woman thinks maybe someone should go talk to the Hitler guy and tell him that this is not okay.

The narrator, meanwhile, is thinking of all those would-you-go-back-and-kill-Hitler scenarios. He's saying he doesn't think that that's what this is.

Yeah I mean Rodney Dangerfield, what a shit comedian.

Mitch headberg, who thinks he's funny?

Carrot top has never sold out a stadium.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9p33dBNyII

as usual, my link to YouTube:

Mom? Is that you?

I’m still cool right???? Right!!!!

I’m still cool right???? Right!!!!

This might be funny for people who get the reference I really can't say. However it will definitely be a miss for a significant portion of the audience.

I Keep Forgetting

the melody for Warren G's "Regulate" was sampled from Michael McDonald's song ""

I don't get any of this. But I am late 30s so that is starting to happen more frequently.

I'm 22 and have no idea what OP is talking about.

Standards

Standards

Nice! You did it! You trolled applause

When I was 16, my favorite movie was "Everything is Illuminated." the dog is named Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., so I added it to my Facebook name. Then it stuck. So it stuck. Now, ten years later, everyone calls me "JJ" "JR" "J.R." all sorts of versions haha.

(That is, if you aren't a comic yourself already)

Hahaha I have youtube videos that say I wasn't the funniest as a kid, BUT I thought I was slaying comedy at the time, so I guess that counts for something haha. And I think the comedians feed off of hatefulness and negativity. It kind of gives our job a purpose, to take the horrible things going on around us, and use them to try and make people laugh for a moment. You should give comedy a shot!

Also- to answer your question: I was in Second City teen improv classes in 11th grade, and they didn't have enough students fill their teen standup class. So they basically made me join. At first, I was really pissed about it. But then I basically became obsessed with standup and stopped pursuing improv almost entirely! that was in 2008, the rest is history.

Deadly Emojis

Deadly Emojis

Yeah Sikhs ain't done shit. Give up.

Not funny and a bit dumb confusing turbans with Islam.

Right? How many of the 9/11 hijackers wore turbans?

Professor Quirinus Quirrell, not a Sikh or Muslim, still a full blown bad guy.

It explains why they wear sheets though.

It explains why they wear sheets though.

They’re naming sheets after ghosts also because ghosts famously wear sheets.... next they’re gonna start naming them after KKK members.

I would personally love to go to bed every night on the Jefferson Beauregard Sessions model.

The bed must be so relieved.

Narrator: The list did not go on.

You haven't heard the half of it!

You haven't heard the half of it!

So, does he read right handed only sign language?

You made me spit my tea out, sir. That's one of the best responses I've ever encountered to somebody finding out I was partially deaf!

Joke is great, title is better

Liam is so adorable, too.

Liam is so adorable, too.

I dunno how many times I've come across it, but now, drunk, I realize "Liam" is "mail" backwards.

Mail Neeson.

Go drink some water.

Cold and effective

Better yet get a rat. Shorter life spans and equally fun.

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Haha thanks, I was really drunk and fat that night.

I like how in all your posts I can FEEL your sweat. Great choice of picture

That's one of the best punchlines I've heard lately.

You're a funny guy

*singing* I wanna be, where the gringos are.

*singing* I wanna be, where the gringos are.

Under the Si?

So Ariel is Cuban?

¿under the si?

Taco Belle

All is fair in love and wake up calls

All is fair in love and wake up calls

My ears are an erogenous zone, so you better be wanting to talk about having sex

Shouldn't it be "Start poking his ear hole with your tongue to let him know you wanna talk."?

*then

Am I the only one that finds being woken up that way incredibly hot? Don't tell my man to stop!

Try one of these subthreads