Markarth went absolutely nuts. Craziest experience in Skyrim ever.

Markarth went absolutely nuts. Craziest experience in Skyrim ever.

Today I had perhaps the craziest experience ever in Skyrim. Warning: this story is ridiculous and very long.

Before I start the story, I should probably explain the mods I have installed, as they’re what caused the madness you’re about to read: I have a mod that makes between 1 and 3 dragons attack cities. I have a mod that generates massive bandit raids on cities and adds in “mercenary guards” to defend cities from them. The mercenary guards look exactly like regular ones, except they stay outside the city walls and wear steel armor. Finally I’ve a mod that adds alarm bells into all the main cities, that are sounded when the city is under attack. It makes civilians run away and hide and it puts all the guards on high alert.

So I’d just reached Markarth, and was off to get some of the bloodiest beef in the Reach, and at the gates of the city there was a massive bandit raid going on. A good 30 bandit archers, raiders and mages were fighting around 25 mercenary guards and 15ish regular guards. It was nuts. Me being me, I grabbed my bow and started helping the guards.

About halfway through the battle, I accidentally shot a mercenary guard. As they’re not part of the regular guards, I got no bounty. However it did turn all the mercenary guards hostile towards me...

So when the bandits were finally dealt with, every single mercenary guard instantly turned hostile and ran at me screaming shit like “YOU’LL MAKE A FINE RUG, CAT” and “YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE!” I stood no chance at all; there were at least 20 of the bastards, all heavily armored and armed with dwarven weapons. So naturally I legged it into the city.

This is where it gets really crazy.

As I enter Markarth, followed by 20+ angry mercenary guards, not one dragon, not two, but THREE dragons swoop from the sky and start attacking the city. The alarm bell is sounded, the civilians all go nuts, and every single guard in the city goes on high alert.

It was utter carnage. Half the mercenary guards got caught up in the dragon attack, the other half kept chasing me and all the while fire is raining from the sky and civilians are running around like headless chicken. All the regular city guards are going mad too, trying to kill 3 dragons at once.

I managed to lead the mercenary guards that were still on my tail up to the highest point in the city, where I Fus Ro Dah’d them all off a ledge into the market below. That left me with 3 dragons and half of the mercenary guards on my ass.

Somehow during the battle, one of the mercenary guards had hit a regular Markarth guard. So now the two guard factions were fighting each other, and the 2 remaining dragons (one had been killed at this point).

Never in my life have I seen so much carnage. 15ish mercenary guards VS all of the Markarth guards VS 2 dragons ALL AT ONCE! I managed to take out one of the other dragons and a couple of mercenary guards, while the guards took care of the other dragon (and each other.)

When the three dragons were finally dead, the two factions of guards turned all of their attention to the other faction, and slaughtered each other in the streets. As the dragons were all dead, the alarm bell stopped sounding and all the citizens came out from their hiding places, idly stood by and watched the guards have a full on civil war with each other.

In the end, only I and one other regular Markarth guard survived. He looked at me, said “heard about you and your honeyed words,” and walked off to continue his lonely patrol. I came away from the experience with 3 dragon souls, and 5 inheritance letters. That’s right. FIVE.

To top it all off, none of the mercenary guards bodies will de-spawn, and for some reason one of the dragons skeletons hasn’t either. So now every time I come back to Markarth, there are bodies littered all over the market place, the skeleton of a dragon sitting outside Cidhna mine and civilians walking around saying “oh, what happened?” And “what a waste!”

Absolutely fucking nuts.


Good read. I had something similar happen in Dawnstar when this big battle erupted between the people of Dawnstar, bandits, a elder dragon and the khajiit caravan. For whatever reason, the Khajiit caravan became hostile and started attacking everyone in Dawnstar so I just stood by and watched as this big battle was going down.

Edit: Elder dragon, not legendary dragon.

Edit 2: As requested, heres the

I read it all and found it very entertaining. I think my favorite part was at the end when everyone was dead but the surviving guard said he heard about you and your honeyed words. So did any of the town guards re spawn when you went back after a time or is Markarth under the protection of that one guy?

The people of Dawnstar prevailed. I joined in late in the battle so I could get the dragons soul. Luckily, I manged to record the entire thing as it went down.

I think it’s 30 in game days before guards respawn. So for a month, Markarth will have one solitary guard XD

Ex-Girlfriend left me this before we broke up, I don’t play skyrim. But I think you guys can help can anyone translate it for me? Probably to see what she wants to say before leaving. There’s a second page if anyone’s interested.

Ex-Girlfriend left me this before we broke up, I don’t play skyrim. But I think you guys can help can anyone translate it for me? Probably to see what she wants to say before leaving. There’s a second page if anyone’s interested.

I'll help you with what I have so far. Part of the letter is in Filipino, according to Google Translate. English translation is my best guess + Google Translate.


First paragraph:  

Rough translation: At this moment, I am doing research, then I checked my phone. I wiped the inbox. I do not care more about texts. You do not notice the 7:25 pm texts to someone's name and someone else's name and I know that something You do not know. You are trying to get rid of me.

At this moment, gumagawa ako ng research, then I checked the phone. sinilip ko ____ inbox ko walang magaling saza mas maraming pang text ang mga hindi ka pinapansin 7:25 pm ka to sinmsmlat and as sas as i know topos na zmng clas mo hinsi ka kmng ano ginigwa ma hindi ka na inolamkaii baka mabihin mo sobsana aka


Second paragraph:  

Rough translation: I'm not rude. I'm being clingy, or what it is you call it. I want to talk to you. Even if you have a something in your presence. Even though it's already in your mind

I'm not rude, I'm being clingy or what it ___ that. kahit sanda to picr maramdaman ka lang presence ma since na nga para ratin angmackita.


Third paragraph: her handwriting is getting sloppy at this point, so it's much harder to read.  

Rough translation: someone's name is annoyed because my marzada does not ... mean that you know that you know.

Merzo naiinis ako dahil marzada kong iniintindi zmng ganitona baggc alam ka naman na bmsr ka peda nidemezci no mtakko intindihin


   Hey, did you cheat on this woman?

Why do girls always have such immaculate handwriting, even in Dovahzul?

at this moment, gumagawa ako ng deseareyh then I...

I stopped trying there.

Honestly, I don't want to translate more of this letter. It's not a sweet ode to Skyrim. It's just detailing a train wreck relationship typical of /sub/relationships.

You can post the second page anyway. I've outlined my translation method, and someone else might translate it for you.

Did you know the Security level of Skyrim

Did you know the Security level of Skyrim

There was a post on here about it. The dragon doors were meant to keep the draugh in, not keep people out. Theu can move around and are living dead who can use basic shouts, but dont have the skills to open the basic doors.

Or something along those lines

To be fair, the dragon doors seem a lot harder to open manually than a normal door. It's a big slab of stone, after all.




User 2 gets eight billion upvotes.

So basically EA

So basically EA

This is obviously a shakedown...

Shhh, no one need to hear Ok? I'll open the gate for you

You gotta pay the troll toll to get in

"You gotta pay the troll toll, to get into that boys hole."

The Must know-lore?

The Must know-lore?

I've never played Skyrim, or any of the elder scrolls games for that matter. I've bought Skyrim SE, but I can't get into the game. The lore and history of the world just seems so huge and complex, I feel detached from the world. Is there anyplace where I could learn the most basics of the lore just to get to know the world of skyrim. I really want to get into this game.

Go to YouTube and watch the "Elder Scrolls Lore" series. It gives you a basic rundown of Tamriels's history, Pantheon and the individual races. With that info, you should understand most of the lore Skyrim references outside of in-game books, which contain the deep lore.

Other than that, you can always ask questions to the TES lore buffs over at /sub/teslore.

Fan wikis like UESP are your friend, too.

Lasagna exists.

Alright, so here's the story so far (in a nutshell):

Elder Scrolls 1: Arena (AKA: The one only grognards played) - Emperor Uriel Septim 7 has been betrayed and imprisoned by Imperial Battlemage Jagar Tharn in another realm. Tharn is impersonating the Emperor, and it's up to you to find and reconstruct the Staff of Chaos, which is the only way to rescue the emperor. This event becomes known as the Imperial Simulacrum, and you become the Eternal Champion for managing to beat the game in spite of it's really clunky controls.

Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall - Everyone wants you to help them rebuild the Numidium, a giant Dwemer golem built by Kagrenac ages ago. Long story short, EVERYONE wins due to some crazy magical shit that becomes known as the Warp in the West: basically, all possible endings to the game became canon and everyone on Tamriel just shrugged and said, "Ok, fine, weirder shit's happened." (And they're right.)

Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind (AKA - The Best Elder Scrolls, fuck whatever those Oblivion fanboys have to say): Set in Vvardenfell - the big island with the volcano in the province of Morrowind - you come to the island as a prisoner with a mission to deliver a message to one of the Emperor's Blades (basically, the Secret Service, if they were mostly awful at their jobs) and, eventually, find out you're probably the reincarnation of a long-dead demi-god. (AKA: The Nerevarine) In the process, you save Morrowind from a plague, killing a bunch of living demi-gods and pretty much destabilizing the country in the process. You also get to visit Solstheim and become a werewolf!

Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (AKA - The Best Elder Scrolls, fuck whatever those Morrowind fanboys have to say) - Agents of the Mythic Dawn assassinate Emperor Jean-Luc Picard, literally unleashing hell on Nirn. It's up to you to find the missing heir to the throne and stop the Daedric Prince Mehrunes Dagon from invading Tamriel, after which you can join some knightly orders, play around in the Shivering Isles with Sheogorath, and experience Bethesda's first major foray into paid mod and DLC scandals by downloading horse armor.

Fun Fact: All of the above games took place within a handful of years of each other, during the reign of Emperor Uriel Septim 7 (AKA Patrick Stewart for like 5 minutes). Once he dies, everything quickly begins falling apart.

Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim (AKA: Coming soon to a smart refrigerator near you!) It's 200 years since the Oblivion Crisis, and Alduin the World Eater is back after being defeated under mysterious circumstances several thousand years ago. It's up to you to run around the world yelling at him until he stops his silly world-ending shenanigans. Along the way, you can enjoy yelling at vampires (or yelling at vampire hunters, if you like), go back to Solstheim to yell at the first guy who ever tried yelling at Alduin and friends (hint: it didn't go well), and yell at empty plots of land until houses appear.

There are a bunch of other games set in the universe too, but they get a lot less attention. There's also Elder Scrolls Online, which is set so long ago that introducing that lore would only serve to raise more questions.

To summarize: if you like lore, TES has a lot of it, and it gets really weird in spots.

I'll tell it to ya right now and each have their own provinces, mostly.


Beasts, Elves and Men


Nords (Where Skyrim is set! Basically Vikings) Imperials (Own an Empire that is crumbling due to Thalmor! They are basically Romans. Cyrodiil is their country, setting of the previous game.) Bretons (GoT is basically their life, they come from High Rock) Redguard (Basically Arabian pirates, come from Hammerfell)

Elves (Which in Elvish is 'mer'):

High Elves (They are the stereotypical elf, most magic of every race and arrogant cause of it. They have an extremist group called Thalmor who want to kill all the humans. Hail from Summerset Isles) Dark Elves (Kinda like normal Dark Elves. They enslave the beast races and are pretty into ancestry and are good at magic too. Very politicky, but nothing like Bretons. Hail from Morrowind, major island was the setting of the third game. Have their own state sponsored assassination guild) Wood Elves (These elves are pretty unique, formed a pact with a god to not harm flora, so they make sure to use every part of animals. They are basically cannibal elves. They hail from Valenwood) Orcs (Normal elves who worshipped the god Malacath. Malacath was eaten by another god and defecated out. This affected all his followers turning them into your stereotypical Orc with tribes and what not. Have always been attacked and killed, but managed to finally have city country in Hammerfell called Orsinium.)


Khajiit (Cat people who basically are barred from entering cities in Skyrim cause they have the bad rep of selling drugs and being criminals. Weird sense of humour and come in many different shapes and sizes. Come from Elsewyr) Argonian (Lizard people who were slaves to the Dunmer for a long time. Great all-rounders. Are all connected to ancient God trees which made them. Come from Black Marsh)

That good enough? I can do a brief explanation of the countries too if you want or anything else really :D Of course, these are generalisations, but should get the point across. All of them have very unique twists, but this should be enough to get you started :D

Me right now

Me right now

Bethesda ain't perfect but they could sure as hell be a lot worse

I care, I'm really afraid that TES6 will include this bullshit mechanics. Creation Club is the first step in that direction.

To be fair, we're teetering on an edge with the Creation Club.

If we ever get TES6. I haven’t paid much attention to Creation Club but survival mode interests me.

Serana keepin' me going.

Serana keepin' me going.

I'll have to go thru my mod list... but I'm notorious for drunk modding so I don't always remember what things are when I download them....

honestly this dragon surprised me which is why I took the screenshot.

That's really sweet <3

Husband got me into Skyrim, had never played a video game before. Fell for Serana so fucking hard lol. I’m glad someone else enjoys her companionship and I’m not alone :D

Is that the famous... Wizard lizard?

When a paleontologist plays Skyrim.

When a paleontologist plays Skyrim.

Don't even ask me how it does the fire thing.

I know how!


Tor Shul

It's not hard, you know?

postmortem decay set in SERIOUSLY quickly

This cracked me up xD

It's actually a dwemer in a pouch with a can of deoderant & a lighter.

Nah if he's actually correct that's an interesting post.

Just outside Falkreath. That place is cursed

Just outside Falkreath. That place is cursed

College of Winterhold is notoriously bad for dragons too I find. So is Dawnstar. The buggers never leave me alone there!

Anywhere you often fast-travel to will have more dragons. While you're fast-travelling, game time is still passing and after a while the game will decide it's time for a dragon encounter... but if you're fast-travelling, the encounter has to wait until you arrive at your destination to spring itself on you.

A few times, I've been attacked by dragons the instant I fast travel to Riverwood. I was also attacked once on the roof of the College of Winterhold.

I keep quicksaving my games while inside cities at night because of these damn vampires.

Adrienne has died so many times though...

Worst of all: This vampire attacks tend to leave their bodies in the city. Forever



Lanterns of skyrim is so underrated. Great mod

"I Can't Believe It's Not Riften"

Mod list please.

why “riften”? are we supposed to believe it’s not riften?

Try one of these subthreads