Can I vent for a second about the [BBC myth]?
My wife and I swing. And I can't tell you how many times how many women of all different races approach me and start in on some BBC nonsense. It's so fucking annoying.
I am not a brand of fuck toy, I'm a human male. Nothing special about my anatomy at all. I do not come pre-fitted with a giant cock just because of my skin color.
Even guys (I'm bi) do this shit and you'd think they would know better! It's so fucking deflating to be vibing with someone, you think you're going to have a great sexual experience with them and then they go ahead and set an expectation you can't live up to.
Free LPT: if you wouldn't walk up to a jew and talk about how cheap they are, you wouldn't walk up to an Asian and ask them a math question, you wouldn't walk up to a gay guy and ask him where his purse is, then don't fucking assume every black male who's ever been born is packing a massive cock in their pants.
It's not flattering. Hell, even if I had a massive cock I don't think I'd find it flattering. It's dehumanizing. You're effectively communicating to every black male that's smaller than average, average, or even, in many cases, bigger than average that he's less valuable because of the circumstances of his birth.
And to the drunk girl last weekend who pulled my pants down and said "...what a let down." You talked yourself out if great oral and fingers.
People who are blaming porn are not aware of the history of this stereotype. It goes way further back than modern BBC pornography, hundreds of years in fact. The references can be found as far back as the 1500's. Black men were portrayed as hypersexual and animalistic, including huge penises, as part of their demonization as sexual predators who are coming to rape white women. Porn capitalizes on and continues to promote this stereotype, but it didn't invent it by a long shot. It was already very much in the cultural consciousness in a very negative way.
You'd be surprised by the amount of people at work that insult my boyfriend by commenting that he has small dick because he's Asian. People are really stupid. Just know that these people are idiots and not worth wasting time on anyways.
part of their demonization as sexual predators who are coming to rape white women.
Yep. And let's not forget the role that played in lynchings in the late 19th/early 20th century. Or, perhaps most famously, the murder of Emmett Till.
Shit, people have died because of this.
I've had non-Asian guys attempt to use that as a pick-up line because I'm an east Asian woman.
Like what exactly are you trying to accomplish here.
My husband caught my 16 year old daughter having sex and is now freaking out on both of my daughters, but not my son. [Sexual Discrimination]
First, let me say I love my husband. We've been married twenty years after dating for 3. He's always had a great open relationship with my daughters (18 and 16) until he walked in our younger one having sex. He gave them guy advice and was great with the oldest's Ex-boyfriend. His reaction caught us all off guard.
He was livid, nearly assaulted the boy she was with, and then told my daughter under no circumstances was anyone besides me was "getting fucked" in his household. It's the only time he's cursed in front of any of our kids and we're all still in shock. My husband was supportive of our oldest daughter joining a sorority this fall, but now he told her he's not paying for college if she does. He claims Frat guys are no good.
Here's the thing: He was a frat guy. I met my husband our junior year and my friends told me to stay away from him. I have met multiple girls he's had sex with, and know his old friends joke about him "breaking a chapter record" the year he lived in the fraternity house.
He's been an active donor and advocate of Greek life for our kids, but now he's changed his tune. Why?
He's hasn't been any less loving to our daughters, but he's definitely more skeptical of guys being around and told our daughters he doesn't want guys in the house, and that what they do outside of the house is their business but not in his house.
Our daughters are obviously on egg shells around him because they've both had boyfriends, but I don't know why the idea of one of them having casual sex frustrates him. Our oldest is heartbroken because a couple of her older friends are at a specific sorority that she's visited. He's now saying no because he doesn't want our daughter hooking up with "21 year old Frat assholes".
He's now totally against it for both of them, but not my son and it's infuriating. Our son is 15 and got caught with the neighbor's daughter and my husband put his arm around him and laughed afterwards. My husband knows our son, who's younger has sex but claims it's different. I'm not saying I want my daughters to spread their legs for anyone, but they have urges too
He claims boys at that age think they're unworthy if they're not having sex, and that my son's just proving himself. He justifies it by saying his first time was at 14, and as long as we teach our son consent and respect that he's fine. It's infuriating because he doesn't want our daughters having sex when he was doing the same exact thing at a younger age and so is our son.
Any advice? We've talked but this has been such a stalemate. It's confusing as well because my husbands always been on the side of feminine issues. He took my daughters to CVS around puberty to buy them feminine products, talked to them about their emotions , but left the sex stuff to me. Why does he care?
VERY HAPPY UPDATE: Hey guys, so he was working from home today and I showed him your reactions. He grimaced, but admitted the people who said it was going to ruin his relationship with our daughters had an impact, as well as the commented who told me he could educate them. He apologized and talked with me and then we had a talk with as a family. He apologized to me and my daughters for his reaction, the "getting fucked" comment. He said it was the heat of the moment and things happened so quickly he just lost it since that conversation was right after he walked in.
We went on to have a very healthy conversation about sex. I lead it at first, but was extremely happy when he told them they were supposed to enjoy sex,want to have it, and that it's their business so he can't be mad. He told them he just wants them to make good decisions. He gave them both advice on staying safe emotionally and sexually. He told my daughters college and their activities in it were there choice. I can tell this was hard for him to say. I think it's a part of him realizing he's going to have to let go very soon and a part of that is realizing our daughters aren't little girls anymore.
I was the happiest when he talked to our son afterwards and told him to not think of it as a game and there's no winning, and that he was honestly too young to be having sex, but that if he was to find someone he can connect with . He described some of his own family problems our kids didn't know about and stated that it led him down a bad path that hurt a lot of people he was with . He openly admitted to them he was a jerk in college and that seeing his younger daughter having sex was like "walking in on himself during his own college years" and scared him.
Not going to say he's the happiest right now. I can tell he's upset because so much just hit him, but he knows he was wrong. I think the comments about him being a full blown hypocrite were kind of a smack to the face, but I'm glad you guys were rough. I think he realized he had a choice to make and made the best one. My daughters approached me after and seem relieved and much happier about their dad "not being mad at them" anymore, so I'm happy. Thank you guys!
My dad freaked out at me about how all men are animals when I was a teenager. Years later I found out its because he cheated on my mom in college (she already knew this), and THAT'S why he was so set on convincing me men are all assholes who want one thing.
He's got baggage about the stuff he did and he's only now fully understanding/empathizing with the implications of what he did when he was in college. He's probably super mad at himself and scared shitless for his daughters.
He needs to 1) forgive himself - there's nothing he can do now about who he used to be and 2) he needs to get over his anxiety about his daughters. Even if they don't stay in a sorority, MANY bad things can happen to them. That's life. Bad things happen. The key isn't to insulate them from the bad things, it's teaching them how to get back up.
I think your husband probably knows he did some less than morally appropriate things to girls in college and can't stand the thought of it happening to his daughters. Whether it was cheating, fucking a girl and never talking to her again or sharing pictures/stories, etc. Whatever.
The hypocrisy when it comes to your son... While I don't condone it, I do understand it. To him that's just his son becoming a man, succeeding.
But your daughter's are still his little girls. It's a tough barrier for a lot of men to get across.
It's your money too and your life. Stand up to him.
Also get the girls on long term birth control. They will have sex. Better to not get knocked up.
I'm not surprised he's freaking. I think he likely did something or saw something while in a frat that he regrets.
One critical but mundane note on this: keeping your daughter out of a sorority is an absurdly ineffective way to prevent her from hooking up with frat boys. Im shocked that he doesn't understand this. "Oh, there's no greek letters sewn onto her breasts, I guess Im not interested in them."
The girl I'm dating said some pretty racist stuff to me during sec [dirty talk]
So I lost my virginity to her on Valentine's day (fucking hooray, right?) and we've been having tons of sex since. It's been getting better and better until earlier today.
Don't get me wrong, it was super hot. We rushed to her place after working out together and things were going great. Then she started calling me a nigger over and over again. We never spoke about this before hand. I would have been open to it, it just felt kind of messed up that she didn't ask first.
Anyway, I was altogether okay with her calling me a nigger within the context she said it but after a while she went from some pretty sexy race play to some overtly racist and degrading comments.
"Fuck me you stupid slave" "You don't deserve this white pussy"
Those are two of the things she said. Trust me there was a lot more and a lot worse. Towards the end it was comical like something out of a Dave Chappelle skit.
I talked to her about it afterward and she was apologetic and very remorseful. It's just weird and I'm new to sex so I thought I'd post here.
Wow, I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like she's very into raceplay -- which is a thing -- but it was NOT okay to spring it on you and involve you in it without your consent. That's really, really the kind of more hardcore kink that you absolutely have to get consent about first.
I would understand this being a dealbreaker for you, but if it's not, I would have a frank conversation with her about whether this is a sexual kink for her and if it is set clear boundaries about what you are and aren't okay with in the future. If she crosses them, no third chances.
To any men of sexxit who feel [neglected, unappreciated, and not sexy], especially in a sexual relationship..
Obviously this issue can happen to both men and women, but as a woman who has heard about and read about a lot of guys who feel like their partners aren't hot for them or they never receive compliments from women, I just wanted to say this to you.
You guys are freaking awesome. Some of you are big and gruff and manly, some of you are slender and refined, some of you have rockin dad bods and some of you are chubby or hairy or hairless or tall or short or muscly or muscle-free. I don't give a damn which one you are, you're a sexy-ass guy with a smile to kill a special someone and a fantastic dick that makes us feel awesome regardless of size or shape. Your hands make us feel safe, your little grunts and moans are hot as hell, and when you give us a cheeky spank or put your hand on our hips, or plant a kiss on our foreheads, you make our day. The effort you put in to make our bodies feel amazing is appreciated, and your bodies are amazing for us to touch and kiss and play with too. Thank you for sharing them with us.
There's a reason your partner or anyone chose to bang you. You're hot shit to them. Rock on you sexy thangs.
That is all.
Edit: really happy this seems to have struck a chord with so many people, I almost didn't post it cos I worried people would think it was lame. Glad I did in the end. Thanks for the gold, I've never had that before! :) Keep spreading the sex positivity and love you sexual beasts <3
The noises....I so wish guys made MORE noise
I love inhaling the scent of my girlfriend's vagina [sexuality]
Seriously, though. Sometimes I get a whiff of that intoxicating aroma from my girlfriend's pussy, and it drives my testosterone though the roof. I caught her scent today, while lying in bed. Instant, throbbing boner. She gave me this coy smile, which just made me harder. I ended up pulling off her panties, flipping her over, and burying my face in her pussy. I just feel that visceral, all-consuming desire when I get that scent.
I love her, we connect in so many ways. And that smell makes me so hungry for her. Her brown eyes, her pale soft skin, her personality, the memories, her legs. Ugh, she's so beautiful. And when I smell her pussy, I feel so much closer to her; this is the woman I love, and these are her most intimate pheromones. And knowing that I am possessing her, no one else, make it hotter. Knowing that I'm bending her over, making her pussy juicier, her heart quicken, is so hot. Her back arched, ass in the air, eager to take me into her — all of it makes me want her so badly.
I think this is actually kinda sweet.
[21M] Girlfriend [21 F] has been telling her mom EVERYTHING about our sex life. Insists it's not a big deal when her mom makes comments about it [Disclosing sexual Info]
I've been dating her for 8 months. I'm very close wth her family, they've brought me on trips, sent me gifts for my birthday a couple months ago. They're great people, really funny.
My girlfriend and I were at her parents house last weekend recovering from syllabus week. I was laying on her boobs after sex, and then started sucking them. I'm mostly under the covers, her mom knocks and my girlfriend tells me to keep going and throws the covers and a pillow on top.
her mom comes in to ask what we want for dinner, and I hear both her and her mom start chuckling at the same time. She leaves, and as she is, she jokingly says "when tims done nursing, I have some baby powder you can rub on his ass and a bottle in the car" and laughs.
My girlfriend laughed, I tried to be a good sport about it but I asked why she did that. and she casually goes "it's not like my mom doesn't know everything we do. She's my best friend"
She went on to tell me that she's told her mom everything. size, what I like, what she's dressed up as, done, everything. She assures it's no big deal.
She called her mom back in the room, and asked her to tell me it was no big deal. and her mom is still laughing drops another bomb. "Alexis has showed me your dick before" (understood why she took that screenshot on snap now)
I'm big. It's not like I have anything to hide, but I would rather my girlfriends mom not see my dick hard. Or have her make fun of it
To top this off they think it's hysterical now that I know and constantly make jokes references about me, in front of me, and laugh. Stoned-for-the-first-time howling.
It finally came to a head/ a fight yesterday. I was with her at her parents place and it was her mom, aunt and sister and us. We had kinda been going it all day (a lot of this due to underlying tension about this and her telling me it's not a big deal and all girls talk)
We're kind of arguing and she says something about wanting to shove her foot up my ass, and right on cue, from the other couch in the living room, in front of her sisters and aunt, says: "you told me he only likes fingers during a blowjob!" What.
Her sister then chimes in and goes "you may be a bit of a butt boy but at least you're not small like mark! her fucking husband). It was like a band of hyenas.
I said fuck that shit and left right after the mark comment.
It's been a huge fight because she's mad at me for storming out on her family when I was supposed to meet her grandma that day. And I told her she's fucking ridiculous that she gives that information out to her entire family and even more ridiculous that her mom, a grown ass women, with a career thinks it's ok to take it as far and much as she has and that I had every right to leave and that her moms relentless immaturity caused me to not meet her grandma.
How do I get this through her skull? things were so good before this. I love her, I genuinely think her mom is hilarious, but I don't want my sex life to Be the running joke of the women in her family.
Her mom texted me apologizing, but then tagged me in a facebook video of that Mexican guy with the worlds largest penis.
I told my girlfriend I'm not going back there. I'm not going to her family events because fuck that shit. She's livid and telling me I'm overreacting .How do I get her to understand this isn't just girls gossiping?
This is gross. I wonder how she would feel if you did this with your family/friends.if all your friends saw her nude pics and every kink she liked. Its one thing to discuss it but to show pics and specify what you like and for her mother to feel so comfortable as to comment and make jokes about it is beyond crass and they all sound incredibly immature.
You are not overreacting, this is a serious breach of trust and a violation of privacy and they have made it a family joke. Talk about adding insult to injury.
I doubt it will change at most they might get better as mentioning it in your presence but this just sounds like a normal thing to them if she cant wrap her head around how awful this is.
Using [mindfulness techniques] during sex is a total game changer
TLDR: I discovered that I can use mindfulness during sex to get my head back into the experience, or just get completely mentally absorbed in what's happening, resulting in coming faster, way harder and much more often. My partner has also found it helps him when he gets anxiety around staying hard.
Before I figured this out, I'd be enjoying myself having sex, but then maybe some thought would pop into my head, or I'd be reminded of something I definitely didn't want to be thinking about right then, and I'd start to get lost in my head. Sometimes I could easily come back to being present, but sometimes I couldn't, then I start to dry up and my enjoyment of the experience would drop quite a bit. For my partner, he'd experience something similar and that would also be reflected physically, especially with new partners or threesomes (we're monogamish).
Several years ago I started learning about mindfulness and the psychological benefits it can offer. For those of you who don't know, mindfulness is quite different from traditional Buddhist meditation and has substantial research showing it's value in regulating mental processes and fully experiencing what's happening. It works by focusing more on the senses overall, instead of just the breath.
The Farb study shows there is a whole other way of experiencing experience. Scientists call this type of experience one of direct experience. When the direct experience network is active, several different brain regions become more active. This includes the insula, a region that relates to perceiving bodily sensations. The anterior cingulate cortex is also activated, which is a region central to switching your attention. When this direct experience network is activated, you are not thinking intently about the past or future, other people, or yourself, or considering much at all. Rather, you are experiencing information coming into your senses in real time.
There's tons of apps, courses and information out there about learning how to do it, but honestly, it's super easy to just do right now in a minute or two:
Start by thinking about the physical sensations you're feeling. How does the chair feel beneath you? How do your feet feel on the floor? What does the temperature of the room feel like on your skin? Just tune into all of the physical sensations that your body is feeling. Then move to the sounds you hear. Let every sound drift into your ears and listen to them intently. Can you hear traffic outside? Can you hear white noise? What sounds are happening close to you and which ones are far away? Just feel and listen. You can breathe deeply or just normally. Notice your breath as well, but focus more on your overall senses. I like to then turn my attention inward. How do I feel emotionally? Is there anxiety, joy, sadness, stress, anticipation? I try to just accept whatever I find there without judgement. Those feelings are mine. Try to accept yours as yours. Maybe even give them some tenderness, compassion or a mental hug, before letting them fade as you look for anything else that's there. If you get stuck on any of the feelings, just go back to your senses (hearing, touch, smell and maybe even taste) for a bit, until you're ready to come back to your emotions. You can keep going after this, and lots of programs recommend 10-15 minutes a day, but I usually just do this for a few minutes throughout the day instead of trying to dedicate a bunch of time all at once to it.
Of course there's a ton of different ways to do this and this is just the method that works for me. Here's another good resource that explains the technique: http://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/mindful_breathing#
Mindfulness is a habit, it's something the more one does, the more likely one is to be in that mode with less and less effort.
A study by Kirk Brown found that people high on a mindfulness scale were more aware of their unconscious processes. Additionally these people had more cognitive control, and a greater ability to shape what they do and what they say, than people lower on the mindfulness scale.
I find that if I take 20-30 seconds before meals, some time while I'm in the shower (the water sensation really helps) or if I take 10 minutes a day mixing this with a simple yoga routine, it doesn't disrupt my schedule and I still get the benefits.
Now to the good part, using this during sex. So there I am fucking, and get lost in my head. Maybe I'm just not getting there, or I'm anxious/insecure about how I look, or if I'll stay wet. Or maybe I'm suddenly thinking about some BS from the past that's hard. I usually close my eyes and turn my attention to how my skin feels against the bed and the sheets, I think about how the temperature of the room feels on my skin, and about physical sensations I'm feeling that don't really have anything to do with the sex I'm having. Then I think about what I can hear. Maybe there's music playing, can I hear anything besides the music? Is the bed creaking, are there sounds coming from the traffic outside or the rest of the house? Then I start to listen to the sounds coming from our love making. I go back to the physical sensations I'm feeling, and this time start to focus on the sexual sensations I'm feeling. Maybe I'll bring more senses into this- Is there a sexy smell I can breath in? A candle or the smells of sex between us. Maybe I'll open my eyes at this point and take in what I'm seeing. I'll enjoy the sight of passion on his face, ways I can see our bodies responding like goosebumps or hard nipples, body parts that really turn me on, or the sexy way he looks when he's doing what he'd doing.
By the time I get to this point, I'm completely lost in the moment and I usually come shortly thereafter, or at the very least, have a really damn good time. I might have to go through this a few times if I'm really in my head, or if I slip back into my head later. The whole thing takes about 20 to 30 seconds and, because I'm not actually doing anything different, aside from shifting my mental focus, my partner's experience is that I just closed my eyes for a while and then opened them and am turned the fuck on and totally focused on the experience we're having together. It's just hot as fuck.
Happy fucking! :)
This is so well written, thank you! Going to try myself and recommend my partner too.
What is the best way for a man to react when his female companion is sexually [harassed]?
I have had two experiences, one with my younger sister and one with my girlfriend, when we have been out in public and strangers have shouted lewd comments about their appearance. Both times, I had no idea how best to react. I am a level-headed and peaceful guy, so both times I decided to ignore the harassment and walk on by, to avoid further trouble. But afterwards I felt feelings of shame for my perceived cowardice, guilt for my inaction when my sister and girlfriend were being humiliated, and anger at the perpetrators.
So, what is the best thing for a modern, civilized man to do? I'm most interested in answers from women, or men who have been advised by women.
Pretend they're talking to you obviously.
[Emotion and Care] How wonderful it was to feel wanted again (M,21)
Over my college winter break, I unexpectedly went home with someone who did an amazing thing: they made me feel wanted and desirable. I recently left a two year...well it wasn’t a “relationship”, she always made sure I knew that, that everyone around us knew we weren’t together. The last eight months of that affair were spent feeling absolutely undesired, unwanted, and in many ways worthless. I was good enough for a bedmate she “had feelings for” but not worth choosing to be with in any official or permanent way. Even after being told she loved me, a year into everything, I still wasn’t worth choosing to be with, a moment of absolute rejection and worthlessness that still stings.
This new partner did the opposite in the brief time we were together. I felt cared for, I felt like I was worth wanting. After we had sex, we just laid there and cuddled, and even though there was nothing emotionally between us I didn’t feel emotionally neglected. I excused myself to the bathroom a little while after and I cried. Not because I was falling in love or anything crazy, but because it was the first time in months I’d felt emotionally cared for by a partner. She was caring and attentive...I felt comfortable, which after months of being made uncomfortable and upset felt like a release. Like removing a splinter you’d just gotten used to living with. We went to sleep soon after (I washed my face before returning) and I woke up with her pressed against my side. No compulsion to leave quickly, no demanding I not be seen when I left...pleasent morning conversation, we made breakfast, we talked and laughed. We enjoyed each other’s company, and after a little while I made my way out, and I wasn’t made to feel bad about myself.
I know this is longwinded (and that this snapshot makes me seem awfully pathetic), and I’m sorry for that, but I hope I got across the importance of my experience. I felt wanted and cared for sexually and emotionally for the first time in almost eight months, and it put into perspective what I’d allowed to be neglected for so long. You’re worth feeling wanted and desired by your partner. Neither of you should forget that.
I miss this.
It's been, shit, almost seven years since my wife died. There hasn't been anyone else.
I wonder if I will find anyone. I don't go out of my way to look or anything like that.
I've sent a couple of messages on OKC and received no reply, which I'm trying not to let affect my self-esteem.
I am lonely.
[Oral sex] Gave a blowjob for the first ever time and I didn't think I'd feel this satisfied.
I did it mainly to please my boyfriend because he had come home early as a surprise from another country, where he was deployed. I knew how much he wanted this and he knew I hadn't done this before. I thought I'd not like it, honestly, and was a bit apprehensive about the whole thing but wanted to do it at least once and check it out before telling him I didn't like giving head. But I felt great! He guided me at times and I almost orgasmed when he did. It made me feel confident too.
I'm 26, was made to follow Catholicism till 25 and was taught that all this was wrong. I changed my views gradually and it took a long time for me to even come to terms with the fact that sex is a very normal thing. So when you see it in context, this is a huge thing for me and I feel happy about it.
Just wanted to share.
Yay! Giving head is like my favourite thing ever. So glad you're able to explore this new side of you. Have fun!!