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MRW someone picks me up at 6 am

I can hear the morning groan.

Is this ?

This dog is either begrudgingly waking up, or suffering from a heart attack.

Did I just watch a dog die and laugh about it?

My morning groan is nowhere near as cute.

MRW people tell me not to look at the eclipse without eye protection

When the eclipse is occurring, the amount of ambient light is lower. Meaning your eyes will dialate, allowing more light into your retinas but you are still taking in just as much radiation as you would normally, and your retinas have no pain receptors so you'll be burning your eyes causing more and more damage without knowing.

Don't look at it without proper protection. unless it's in totality, meaning the Moon has completly covered the sun. You're safe to view it during that time but when the sun becomes exposed, you need protection again.

Is the eclipse somehow more damaging to eyes than the sun usually is? I feel like all children have stared at the sun at some point and most are fine.

Edit: Guys I'm not sitting here staring at the sun or advocating anyone else do that. I was just curious.

I can't tell if this is askscience or shittyaskscience material

That's a clean burnin' sun I tell you hwat.

MRW I'm telling my wife that we didn't talk to any girls at the bar and my friend says, "No dude, remember that one chick who was all over you as we were leaving?"

MRW I'm telling my wife that we didn't talk to any girls at the bar and my friend says, "No dude, remember that one chick who was all over you as we were leaving?"

OP wants you to know that none of this is real and it's just a funny gif.

I think OP just wants us to know that a girl hit on him.

I don't believe you. OP is a phony!

Your friend is an asshole

MRW after 683 pages, I find the porn from last time

and it's not nearly as good as you remembered.

Memories..

Never happens for me. No matter how many variations on what I think the title was.

That's why you just make a free Pornhub account and save it to favorites. Step up your jerk game.

MRW I see a freshman arguing with the prof

"Stone took this opportunity to let the audience know this was her first time presenting at the Oscars, and she was looking to make it memorable. The “Easy A” star suggested a variety of ways to make this moment memorable, even suggesting a song and dance number. “I can just pull someone up from the audience and have them dance with me. Oh my God Jonah [Hill]. Get up here! Let’s dance, let’s dance,” Stone said. The camera shoots to Hill while he shakes his head “no” at Stone."

Hahaha saw this happen several times today. For some reason when it comes to syllabus week freshman think they can argue about the professors rules and or they form a massive line after class to ask for special permissions because they think they're unique. It's always a great moment when you get to see the exact second freshmen realize this is the real world and your professor doesn't give a shit about your situation.

I saw a new philosophy student tell one of our department's professors that he failed the paper because he was so deep he blew the professor's mind. He then let us read the paper. It was not deep enough to blow anything we'd rightly call a mind, it was mostly just poetry. A lot of people really don't understand what philosophy is doing.

What's the source of this gif? I've always been curious about it.

MRW I'm on a road trip and have been in bumper to bumper traffic for 2 hours and my friend wakes up from a power nap.

MRW I'm on a road trip and have been in bumper to bumper traffic for 2 hours and my friend wakes up from a power nap.

I was the napper in this situation the other day. I wanted to try to go back to sleep but it's like a rule- You're in it together now

On the 35, after I just saw a girl piss into a big gulp and throw it out the window. Welcome to the fucking show.

I'll let you keep sleeping but no way in hell I'd let you forsaken me in a time of need if you wake up.

One time when I was 10 I peed in a Gatorade bottle in the back seat because I was embarrassed to tell my parents I had to go again so soon after I had just gone.

An hour later when I was sleeping my mom reached back looking for the unopened bottle of Gatorade and took a sip of my piss instead.

I'm sorry mom :(

MRW I see all these celebrities and companies virtue signalling against Nazis lately

MRW I see all these celebrities and companies virtue signalling against Nazis lately

Why does speaking out against Nazis need to be "virtue signalling"?

Edit: alright, since half of you don't get the greater context of what's going on:

Just because you speak out against something doesn't mean you're doing it to demonstrate what a saint you are or to earn brownie points with PR. What happened this past week was a public demonstration by a group who is defined by their hate, bigotry, and ignorance. Not everyone is able to be part of a group that isn't targeted by those people and can feel secure from their hatred by default, and given the recent increase in hate crimes I think it's reasonable to feel threatened by these groups and the message they spread. The POTUS missed a chance to immediately condemn them for those exact things, and that sends a message itself. These celebrities and CEOs aren't doing whatever it is they're doing (OP hasn't provided any egregious examples) because they're here to sell you more shit and feel superior, they're doing it to reach out to those people who feel affected by the increasingly hostile atmosphere towards them in this country as a way of saying that "hey, those nazi assholes are just a vocal minority". It's supposed to be a reassuring gesture that the world doesn't hate you as much as those groups want it to.

Instead of grandstanding about grandstanding, the next time you use the phrase "virtue signalling" ask yourself when the last time you yourself provided comfort, assurance, or a kind word for people who are being targeted by this sort of hate. Since you're all arguing that such a stance is the default and obvious answer, it should be an easy position for you to take and an even easier act of kindness you can provide. Say something like "hey, those nazis are assholes, they're wrong, and you're alright". Maybe the person will blow you off and say "duh", but more likely than not they'll at least say "thanks". And if you DON'T have any ethnic/religious minority friends being targeted by these guys, consider discussing it amongst your friends then.

Got an email from Uber detailing their firm stance against Nazis and racism. Thought it was odd to tell me. Figured it was just the default.

Because OP posts in T_D.

Based on his comment history, I'm sure he uses the phrase "I'm not a racist, but..." fairly regularly.

It kinda makes it seem like we can't assume that everyone is opposed to racism anymore.

MRW I'm eating and my dog keeps inching closer to me.

"Boom..... SEE YA!"

"Poop...........CITYYYY"

He was ejected for not shaving his sideburns.

This is the best ejection I've ever seen... and boom goes the dynamite.

MRW I hear they're hiring someone new who does my exact job.

MRW I hear they're hiring someone new who does my exact job.

I once knew a guy who chased racoons all over town. He thought they were actually people who were trapped inside their little bodies. He used to take me fishing a lot. He is in jail now though.

I always enjoyed this scene because it's the first time you see him acknowledge he was slow and how he wants more for his kid.

Edit : People keep saying that he mentions he isn't smart a lot. There is a difference between dumb and slow. Yes he says he isn't smart often but on the contrary he is rather smart...just slow. In this scene he actually acknowledges he has a mental condition....one that can be genetic.

Same here. It changes the context of the movie so much. The movie did a great job of making him seem oblivious to his developmental disability. This scene shows that he knew all along, that all the mean things people said and all the struggles he had, he was aware of but he just kept on working. So so good.

https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/uyQSAJz4SWmbbQvFzcuixn4voi4/fit-in/1024x1024/fil...

MRW it dips below 60 degrees in August

MRW it dips below 60 degrees in August

Shit. In Florida we barely get under 80 at night.

I live in Florida. That doesn't happen until January or February. I don't think I'd be ready for it this soon. Brrrr.

As an American person, what you Irishmen consider "hot" always fascinates me.

As an Irish person, what you Americans consider "cold" always fascinates me.

Try one of these subthreads