This is society's attitude toward suicide.
"Oh what's that? You're in so much emotional/mental/physical turmoil that you want to end your life? Well, have you thought about how that makes me feel? And what about your family? Your parents? Friends? The mailman you talked to once? Have you thought about the pain they'll go through? Shame on you for only thinking of yourself. This isn't about you. Don't you see that suicide is just passing your pain onto other people? Do you really want that on your conscience? Are you really that selfish?"
"Anyways, you need to push through this, for our sake. Live your broken life, suffer in solitude, cry yourself to bed every night, do whatever you have to. But don't you dare think of doing something that'll disturb the rest of us happy folks. Don't be selfish. And hey, we're always here to talk. I mean, don't expect anyone to be able to handle your shit cause we all have to worry about our own mental health. But we're here for you. We care. So here's this hotline number you can call. Stay safe!"
...for who? Who is anyone to tell a suffering person that they are not suffering "enough" to do something that would make them sad? To paraphrase David Foster Wallace, a suicidal person does not necessarily want to end their life. Like a person trapped on the top floor of a burning building, eventually the flames become too hot - too terrifying and painful and suffocating to endure. So the person jumps, because jumping is the far less terrifying prospect. But nobody wants to jump just to jump.
Nobody is in a place to tell anyone else to just stand there and wait for the flames to burn them alive, and nobody but the person staring the burning inferno in the face knows what that heat feels like - just how scary it is.
Suicide may not seem the answer to you for a given situation, but you don't know wilt that person's flame is like or how strongly it rages.
Not trying to admonish you or make you feel bad, etc. And I would feel the same way if a loved one were thinking of suicide, even though I've been on the edge so many times myself. It's a selfish impulse, though. Ultimately their life is to do with as they need, and our wishes for them to stick it out do not trump that free will to jump rather than to burn.
I see where you're coming from. As a person who's lost someone to suicide, it hurts. It really did fucking hurt, but the idea that they've finally ended their suffering for all eternity is what makes it feel slightly better.
If anyone close to me wanted to commit suicide, I would at least ask why they'd want to do it. I wouldn't try to stop them if their reason was good enough.
I know what your saying. But some people can't see past the "flames" they don't believe the cooling rains will ever come. My father killed himself as my mum wouldn't let him see me. If only he realised I would be an adult one day and be able to make up my own mind about seeing him, it might have saved his life. And my brothers too, because he killed himself a year later. Just like you say, it can be an urge that passes, but it can also be so impulsive and having that "obligation" to not hurt others is what saves some peoples lives. I know it has for me many times and my partners.
I love when I get that argument. I have no parents, grandparents, children etc. I literally have no family. I have one half sister I’ve not seen in 10 years and we weren’t even raised together. I have no BFF and I even refuse to get a dog right now. I have the freedom to take my life anytime I want and only my coworkers will miss me when my desk is empty for a while. I’ve even thought of the pain I may cause the first responders who find me and will leave a blank donation check for $500 that person can make out to their favorite charity. I am truly free to make this decision.
Went on a Tinder date
He kept bringing up his ex. So I started talking about my ex. So we just talked about exes for about two hours over Chinese food.
My life is so dumb sometimes.
aah, i remember i went on a date with this guy and all he talked about was how he was probably gonna get engaged to his ex in the future....fucking weird..
Met my future wife on an OkCupid date. My ex called during the date. I didn't answer but it tailspinned us into an hour long conversation about ex's. Did I mention I showed up after a 14 hour cooking shift, and forgot my change of clothes and was wearing stained pants and a soaked tank top?
If it's meant to be then the "rules" don't always apply.
Think it’s a way of affirming to you and themselves that they have had a relationship before so they must be normal
Why is this so relatable?
My girlfriend raped me on her birthday.
It was my girlfriend’s birthday two weeks ago. She asked me to wait in her room because she wanted to show me something. I waited patiently and she came out of the bathroom naked.
I was uncomfortable from the beginning, but it was her birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it for her. We started kissing and she tried initiating sex. I told her I didn’t want to do it yet because I wasn’t ready. She started crying and asked me why I wouldn't make love to her on her birthday. She was confused why I didn't want to lose my virginity to her.
I felt guilty. I hated seeing my girlfriend cry, especially on her birthday. I let her get on top of me. It was painful. She saw that I was crying. She kissed me and tried telling me everything would be okay. She only got off after I orgasmed.
I hid myself in her bathroom and started crying. I could hear her sobbing. She apologized profusely. She said "I'm sorry for hurting you." and that we'd never have sex again without my full consent. She reassured me it would never happen again.
I broke up with her over it, and it's been fucking with my mental health for the last two weeks.
I thought she loved me, why would she hurt me like this?
That’s so fucking awful and messed up that you had to go through that. I don’t understand how someone can do that to another person. It must be really difficult going through this, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here!
What the fuck is with people grasping for any reason to tell OP he is in the wrong and his feelings are wrong. Like are you serious? Whether this story is true or not or hes religious or not or any other answer to the weird questions hes been asked, THIS is why guys do not open up about being raped, why rape victims start blaming themselves or commit suicide. You cant just start spouting how "You are a young male, you should be wanting any kind of sex just bc it is sex" flip that and say it about a girl. Sounds fucked up right?
/u/linearbestfitline do not even fucking listen to the shit stains who are telling you that you should have wanted it or are trying to blame you or your family for making you feel or "act" this way.
You did not deserve to go through that, and make no mistake sexual assault is a traumatic experience. It will have more of an impact on you than you think. You should seek help and let someone know about this as soon as you can. You absolutely can file a police report.
Your body's physical reaction shouldn't be proof that you weren't actually raped.
Woman can and , often do, orgasm during their rape. It doesn't mean they weren't raped. What should OP have done? Pushed her into a wall or slap her?
When someone is crying you STOP. End of discussion. You check and make sure they're ok. When someone says stop you stop. If they say "I don't want to do this" you don't.
The sex of who says it doesn't matter. This is the kind of backwards thinking that makes it hard for men and boys to come forward about sexual crimes against them.
What you posted here is actual rape culture. You're blaming the victim because he's a man. Guess he should have beat the ever loving shit out of her right? I don't get upset about stuff I see online very often but this right here is disgusting.
I hate Christmas
I hate Christmas. I really do. I hate the look of my parents being ashamed because they couldn’t afford to get me a gift. I hated that year my dad was drunk and was very clearly ashamed and emotional telling me he’s sorry my parents didn’t have money to get me all sorts of things like they want to. I hate that this holiday makes my parents feel like they aren’t good enough. They give me a roof over my head, they support me, and they give me food. They do the very best they can and they deserve to not feel bad. I hate them being sad. I wish they didn’t have to work continuously and always to make little money. I wish they didn’t feel bad about Christmas. I can’t wait for the day I can tell them they don’t have to work anymore. And I just wish they did know they’re the best parents I could ask for
Just love them OP, your parents seem like they think of you as their world. I highly doubt they'll feel any better when you tell them they'll not have to work, they'll probably feel guilty that you're taking care of them instead of the other way around. Just show them that you care for them as much as they care about you!
Tellllllllllllllll themmmmmm <3
You are the sweetest child, bless you. I hope success, relief, and happiness soon comes to your family
This is how I've felt this year.
I don't know how I will ever be able to truly repay my best friend for what he just did for me
I don't know how I will ever be able to truly repay my best friend for what he just did for me
I am in a very bad place. My car broke down completely, my roommate just broke our lease leaving me to cover the whole thing for two months, and I got laid off recently due to "downsizing". I was about to sell my busted car at an auction and ride the bus just so I wouldn't be evicted due to not being able to pay all my rent. Job prospects are terrible so I'm working a minimum wage temp job while I find something else.
Anyway my best friend of 5 years just randomly Venmoed me $1000 with zero warning after I was venting about my life to him yesterday evening. The attached message simply said "because I care about you and I don't want to see you fail".
What a beautiful friend you have. I'm a little choked up too.
You fucking hold onto him. He's a good friend.
It's hard to find good friends like that. Out of everybody I know, I only have one person that would do something like that.
This quote finally gave me closure.
“When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.”
Goodbye, and I wish you nothing but happiness.
Sometimes, though, someone who you thought was a good close friend just drops you like a hot potato because someone "shinier" came along. This happened to me. There was no argument or disagreement. She just stopped being my friend. Worst part was, we worked in the same store so I still saw her every day. She went from being my friend to treating me like a stranger almost over night.
It doesn't mean she's a bad person, she's just transitioned you to your next phase of life - one without her friendship in it. I'm sorry you're still hurting.
Sometimes that is the case though. You could be a bad person. Or you could be very difficult to be friends with at the very least. I think we have all been there at some point.
After I was gang raped, I lost it a little bit. My behavior was self serving and erratic. Does that sound fun to be around? Absolutely not. I lost some friends which I don't blame them at all for. Once I stabled myself, I made new friends. It is a just a different chapter.
The problem is, when it happens repeatedly, to the point where you assume, you're the bad person
Should I️ stay or should I️ go?
I’ll get right to it: Ever since I️ got pregnant, my husband BEGGED me to get an abortion. It’s not that I’m against them, but I️ just didn’t want one. When I️ finally told him I️ couldn’t get one he kicked me out of our home, broke up with me, said he wished he could kill my sister, told me to kill myself, said he never loved me and that I️ ruined his life, etc.
I️ moved back in with my parents absolutely devastated. Sometimes he would call me or text me and days would go by where he acted like nothing had happened... then something in him would snap and the whole thing would happen all over again. Over and over and over.
Finally, I️ had the baby! The baby is beautiful and wonderful. Needing a partner (and he seems happy and ready to be a family and love the both of us) I️ moved in with him and his family. My child was in the NICU (premature) so it was just he and I️. He took care of me 100% and loved me and made me feel happy and special.... until the night before our baby came home a month later. He began screaming at me and tried to force me to leave the home. He shoved me into the wall, grabbed my shoulders and shook me so hard I️ had whelps and punched me in the chest. He screamed to his parents about how I️ ruined his life and that he hates me. He got over it maybe an hour later and acted as if nothing happened.
Since, once every day he has one of those tantrums. He does not work. He does not apply to jobs. He is not doing his schoolwork for the 2 college corses he takes. He does not help take care of our baby for more than an hour. But still, he blames me and calls me names and screams at me and today even threw a bottle at me.
I️ love my husband. I️ love him more than anything. And when he’s not having one of these few-hour long tantrums and tells me he’s leaving me or hurts me- he is such an amazing man. And now we are a family. I️ don’t want to leave because I know he has the potential to be an amazing man 24/7 like he used to be. But I️ am so exhausted. I’m taking care of a preemie, doing his schoolwork, doing all of the housework, applying to his jobs, and taking care of him so he doesn’t get stressed and hurt me again.
I️ don’t know what I️ want from you, Reddit. Maybe just someone who has been there? Maybe advice? Was I️ wrong for not giving in to his strong feelings of not wanting to be a father and get the abortion?
Thanks for listening!
You may think he is an amazing man, but an amazing man has a few characteristics that I’m not seeing here: Taking care of his responsibilities Control of his anger and temper Acting his age Not having meltdowns Etc
It sounds like you want to make this work, but I suggest he gets the help he needs until he does not act out in anger towards you or the child. Any man who will put his hands on you will do it again. He threw you against a wall once, what happens next time if he throws you through it. This is a precursor to your own death by abuse, if the manipulation over not having an abortion was not enough, this should be.
I suggest you go to your parents as soon as you can with you child and consider your options carefully but put divorce and a restraining order at the top of the list. I beg you to listen OP. Pay attention to these warning signs so you raise your kid instead of having them bury their mother in a few years.
Source: criminal justice degree/ Law student.
I'm no professional, but it sounds like your husband might've been traumatized as a child and the baby is his trigger to dissociate. If these meltdowns weren't happening before you got pregnant then that would be my best guess to describe his behavior. Either way, he needs help.
It sounds like these tantrums are out of his control and I would highly recommend for you to get him to see a mental health therapist if he wants to be around your baby. It will also help him get a job and lead a much healthier lifestyle, but only if he chooses to actively engage in the therapy.
You should also know that none of this is your fault and DO NOT blame yourself. It is highly unreasonable to ask your spouse to get an abortion. You sound like a fantastic mother and you deserve much better.
Lol wow so apparently I️ have the iPhone bug thing that turns the single letter “EYE” into some symbol. My bad y’all.
Wow this story is heart breaking. Sounds like he might benefit from looking for professional help. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through , nobody deserves this but also there’s a baby involved and the best I can say is for the baby and yourself talk to him about getting some kind of help and if he reacts well to it then try to be supportive but also from a distance and hope for the best. People aren’t bad, we just make bad choices and sounds like if he can learn to control his emotions and the violent tendencies then maybe you can all be happy. As for the bug, update your phone and it will get rid of the weird letter stuff. Best of luck to you! I really do hope it all works out.
Just lost $1200 by being a dumbass.
I started online gambling and I started off with $40 this morning. Literally 20 mins ago I had turn that to $1200. As of right now, I have 0. My fucking god I am so stupid... I should've just stopped, $1200 is fucking about 3x more than what I even have right now ffs.
That's a $40 life lesson to not fuck around with gambling.
If you are that pissed about $40 because you needed that money for something imagine if you were gambling with $500 or $2000 and lost it all.
Don't gamble anything you can't afford to lose.
That's a great life lesson right there.
we all make mistakes. hopefully you break the gambling cycle, so they won't end up with more money.
Well in the long term you only lost 40 past that and you just broke even, it makes the loss a little more acceptable if nothing else
Today I quit my shitty stress-riddled job for a one that pays half as much, and I couldn't feel better.
What good is money if you hate your life? Today I quit a high paying hell job for one that has no stress and less pay. It'll be tough to make ends meet to start, but I look forward to having my life back.
I feel like a whole load of bricks is off my shoulders.
awesome! sounds like you've made a super positive choice here, you should be proud of putting your wellbeing first :)
I did the same back in June, I feel great and when I talk to former co-workers they are still getting the same shit. I am at a startup so less competition and back-stabbing like the corporate world
I did exactly this 2 years ago and never looked back. Went for earning ridiculous amounts for my age - recruitment, which i was great at, but it's incredibly draining, stressful, and getting people their dream jobs while i hated mine really took a toll (but took advantage, bought my house, car etc). For an introvert it's not really an ideal career path.
I have now retrained in a career I love. I have just moved to a new employer in my field where I am slowly getting back up to the amount I was on before. Hard work and determination have really paid off, and now I have a job that i dont dread getting up for in the morning and get incredible satisfaction from.
Stick with it and always do what makes you happy!
You can do it. I paid down from $16k in debt to $2k before I just couldn't take it anymore. I had planned to wait until I had $10k in the bank, but another day there may have been the day I went full melt down.
I work the $2k off slowly at my new place, it's a small price to pay.
Just went 24 hours without a smoke
So I just passed the 24 hour mark without a cigarette for the first time in a long while.
And you know what? I feel great !!!
It's a small achievement for me and hopefully I can keep going :)
That's great, Congratulations! Keep up the good work,
Nice job! I hit 20 days tomorrow :D
Nearly 10 months for me, buddy. Keep it up!
Same here! Day and a half. Keep it going!