Nottheonion nottheonion

Mexico politician mocked for campaign hashtag '#campaignhashtag'

Mexico politician mocked for campaign hashtag '#campaignhashtag'

I find that 'stach 'stache disturbingly large

He should just say he meant it ironically.

I think he probably did.

Zapata ended up embracing the new hashtag instead of his original slogan “#PorMisBigotes” – which roughly translates as “because of my moustache”.

It is always interesting to see what happens when old people use social media.

Texas approves feral hog hunting by hot air balloon

Texas approves feral hog hunting by hot air balloon
Texas approves feral hog hunting by hot air balloon

My dreams of opening a zepplin and bbq business may finally be realized

Feral hogs are an invasive species and hot air balloons are neato - whats the problem?

Hot air balloons create an unfair advantage. Its not really hunting. Everyone knows feral hogs are drawn in to the pretty colors and feeling of enjoyment a hot air balloon brings. Its taking advantage of their naivety

This is all part of a plan. Hogs are smart. They will quickly start to associate balloons with death and flee. At this point, a line of balloons will be set up, creating a psychological barrier they won't cross. Then the floating Maginot line will advance towards the South East. This will force these razorbacks on a March across the South that will create damage on a scale not seen since Sherman's March to the Sea, and it will be awful. If it goes as planned, our children will speak of the Battle of Suwannee​ River with pride, because that will be the beginning of the end. The Hog army will be forced into the Florida swamps where the will face an on slot of pythons, anacondas, and gators. Stragglers will make a run for ocean, but sharks will take care of them in short order. It won't be easy, but we will win. God bless America! Edit: Sherman not Grant, my bad

Police: Man angry he can't pump own gas in New Jersey punches worker

Police: Man angry he can't pump own gas in New Jersey punches worker
Police: Man angry he can't pump own gas in New Jersey punches worker

I still don't understand states that require someone pump your gas. Jobs? Safety? What's the point anymore?

I used to think "You can go pump gas for a living" was just an anachronistic expression.

Nobody wants to be the politician that causes tens of thousands of people to lose their job to save a couple cents on the price of gas.

As a Texan, this made me extremely disconcerted when I was approached and the dude asked me what kind of gas I wanted. If I hadn't heard of this via the internet, I would have suspected imminent robbery or trickery.

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Beautiful scientists not taken as seriously as less attractive colleagues

Beautiful scientists not taken as seriously as less attractive colleagues
Beautiful scientists not taken as seriously as less attractive colleagues

well because tech is for nerds, not blood boys.

Oh thank god. No one takes me seriously. That can only mean one thing

Edit: I'm really sad that THIS is the first comment I get with 1k+ upvotes

Bet he has a degree in CS, fuckin blood boy

Brian Cox isn't beautiful, he looks like a salamander

Edit: for the record I couldnt care less what these scientists look like. The main thing is they know what they're talking about and are good at presenting the information in the shows they do. Brian Cox, Alice Roberts, jim al-khalili etc. are all doing excellent work to bring complex scientific subjects to the masses

Iran president waiting for White House ‘to become stable intellectually’

Iran president waiting for White House ‘to become stable intellectually’
Iran president waiting for White House ‘to become stable intellectually’

So are we, Iranian President, so are we..

I've been sitting in the Winchester with a pint waiting for it all to blow over....

I'm gonna be here a while

This headline is only considered oniony because of the west's view of Iran. It's a pretty modern place despite their theocracy, and it would be more modern if the CIA hadn't staged a coup there in the 50's.

Don't get it.

We have the best president. The best people. Excellent people. And we're winning. God. Sick of all the winning. One can only do that with the best people. And we have them. The best.

🤔

Brazil woman got longer jail term for Easter egg theft than corruption culprits

Brazil woman got longer jail term for Easter egg theft than corruption culprits

Eugh, what a deceptive headline.

She also stole a chicken breast. She's clearly a monster.

It's proportional. Those Easter eggs probably meant the world to that poor lady, whereas to the embezzlement/fraud folks it was just another couple hundred thousand clams. Points to scale of intent. \s

Brazil basically has no law, we've built a system where the judges have the authority to do whatever they want. And we need to smile and pay for it.

this is onioner than the onion.

Cabinet member praises absence of protest in a country where protests are illegal

Cabinet member praises absence of protest in a country where protests are illegal
Cabinet member praises absence of protest in a country where protests are illegal

It's also remarkable how few women get into car accidents in Saudi Arabia. Simply astounding!

This administration feels like the lady who cuts everyone in line only to go, "oh there's a line?!" and look then looks flustered and rambles some excuse until you point to the end of the line and they leave.

Except these people aren't leaving, they're noticing we noticing them and just refuse to make eye contact and stay put. Or even worse, cut even further up the line.

This was mildly horrifying. He was making his point, someone said "Well, they can't protest there," and he just brushed it off with "Uh, well, maybe, who knows? But the point is there were no protestors".

Really a perfect example of how someone can take on a sort of agnosticism about facts in order to keep feeling what they're feeling

Insurance companies hate them!

Kerala woman didn't chop off genitals, I did it myself, says alleged rapist

Kerala woman didn't chop off genitals, I did it myself, says alleged rapist
Kerala woman didn't chop off genitals, I did it myself, says alleged rapist

Gangeshananda Theerthapada said on Saturday that he had removed the organ himself as, being a swami, his sexual organs were of no use to him

Clearly they had some use

He's trying to escape rape charges by saying he cut it off himself. He thinks that if he did it, there's no way he raped her, since she would've done if it he raped her.

His comment was laughed off by everyone. The girl herself alerted the cops after she did this according to reports. The neighbors who woke up and gathered to swami's holy cries claims otherwise

Hide the salswami

Hunter dies after shot elephant falls on him

Hunter dies after shot elephant falls on him
Hunter dies after shot elephant falls on him

Story would be a lot better if the elephant didn't die.

Ironic, he could save others from the elephant but he couldn't save himself

We can act like he didnt: "After the elephant faked his death and fell on one of the hunters, other hunters got closer, he than open his eyes and stamped on every single one of them. Then slowly returned to his group, right after he pooped on a Malaria sick child, curing him."

Gets popcorn

goes to comments

Tennessee man gets $14M bond after daring judge to raise his bond

Tennessee man gets $14M bond after daring judge to raise his bond
Tennessee man gets $14M bond after daring judge to raise his bond

Well if he couldn't pay the $50,000 bond in the first place, he might as well try to get in the news.

And just like that, he has an appeal and 8th amendment case

Wait the article says:

Charles Nichols was standing before Judge Phillip Maxie on sex charges involving a minor when it all went down.

But then they just casually mention:

Nichols is also accused in the death of his girlfriend, who died in March after being run over by a car in her own driveway.

Accused or actually charged?

Cruel and unusual punishment, including excessive bail/fines.

Try one of these subthreads