Nottheonion nottheonion

Texas judge interrupts jury, says God told him defendant is not guilty

Texas judge interrupts jury, says God told him defendant is not guilty
Texas judge interrupts jury, says God told him defendant is not guilty

"uh... Cool story your honor, but she totally did it."

The Jury

The jury went against the judge’s wishes, finding Gloria Romero-Perez guilty of continuous trafficking of a person and later sentenced her to 25 years in prison.

That's exactly what happened.

Thank god? at least the jury seemed to understand their job.

I really want to think this'd be enough to get him removed as a judge.

Though in our FUBAR system, it's probably not. Fuck everything.

The jury went against the judge’s wishes, finding Gloria Romero-Perez guilty of continuous trafficking of a person and later sentenced her to 25 years in prison.

"Tell God he's wrong." - Jury

China's pink, oversized women-only car parks slammed as sexist

China's pink, oversized women-only car parks slammed as sexist
China's pink, oversized women-only car parks slammed as sexist

Ah, I read it as oversized women only. That hyphen makes it a tad better

This isn't new, I remember reading about this several years ago. So this means it is still around and expanding?

The article mentions other female-only infrastructure in other East Asia countries. Daheck is going on over there?

EDIT: I get it, Germany does this too and there are a lot of edgelords on Reddit. You can stop repeating yourselves now.

Some of them make sense, like female-only train cars in India, since there's a cultural problem where men would grope on women.

These parking lots, on the other hand, make no sense at all.

EDIT: I was primarily talking about the size when I said it made no sense at all. As others have mentioned, placing these closer to the grocery store does actually make sense.

That is sexist. I'd want to be able to use those too, I suck at parking!

Montreal man fools police with fake car made of snow

Montreal man fools police with fake car made of snow
Montreal man fools police with fake car made of snow

Officers did end up writing Laprise a ticket--one that said, "You made our night hahahahaha :)"

Glad the officers had a good sense of humor about it

All good things must come to an end, however, and snowplows destroyed Laprise's creation the next morning.

Only to find a real Delorean covered in snow.

Not much acceleration, but it's good at drifts.

Tom foolery

WHO calls for the decriminalization of drug use

WHO calls for the decriminalization of drug use

How’s this onion-y?

We're good thanks.

-U.S drug enforcement agencies

If the us decriminilized drugs how could they continue to profit off of the labor received from overcrowded, privately owned prisons? Without slavery, historic or modern, the US just isn't the same place.

Selling, producing and carrying drugs would still be illegal as far as I can tell. But the point is to lower incarceration, something the USA has an insanely high rate for already.

It's just treating substance abuse as a health issue to be dealt with as such. Arresting someone hooked on pills doesn't stop them being hooked on pills unless they get medical help anyway and it's expensive to keep locking people up.

Being arrested also ruins any small opportunity to self improve later if you are in a poor situation.

Koreas to march under single 'united' flag in Olympic Games

Koreas to march under single 'united' flag in Olympic Games
Koreas to march under single 'united' flag in Olympic Games

2018 is starting off weird man.

Kim: new year, new me

There’s a conspiracy here. I don’t know what it is but it’s there...

I am Call of Duty

Nope a South Korean will accidentally trip one of the North Koreans and the 230 NK cheerleaders (whom are just the first wave) will attack the crowd and secure hostages from over a hundred country's. Only a coalition of special forces from all over the world can save them...

Call of Duty 17: Mount Olympics

Edit:

Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee

Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee
Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee

Well he fucked up. You know how hard it would be to expose yourself with that much clothing?

Could he BE wearing any more clothes?

With a name like Ryan Hawaii he was probably hoping for exposure.

How does anybody wear 8 pairs of pants and walk around normally?

NYPD Union Sues To Stop Release Of All Bodycam Footage Because It Violates Officers’ Civil Rights

NYPD Union Sues To Stop Release Of All Bodycam Footage Because It Violates Officers’ Civil Rights
NYPD Union Sues To Stop Release Of All Bodycam Footage Because It Violates Officers’ Civil Rights

What is it they say when they search your car?

"If you've got nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about"

Yeah...

Is it possible that the footage could violate their civil rights? Sure. It shouldn't be recording them on breaks, in the restroom, in private moments, et cetera.

But that's not what this is about. At all. It's about not wanting people to see that fucking footage because they know a lot of it will make them look dirty as fuck.

Wait, in what universe do you have a right to privacy at work? My work monitors me from the moment I clock in to the moment I clock out.

Seems like "How to make the public distrust you 101".

Hawaii officials: ‘Employee pushed wrong button,’ mistakenly warning of inbound ballistic missile

Hawaii officials: ‘Employee pushed wrong button,’ mistakenly warning of inbound ballistic missile
Hawaii officials: ‘Employee pushed wrong button,’ mistakenly warning of inbound ballistic missile

Where's that "Are you sure you want to panic a few million people?" Windows dialog box when you need it?

What's the "right button" that's so close to the "wrong button"?

How about " Don't hit that dummy"

I've made a huge mistake

Swiss government rules lobsters must be 'stunned' before being boiled

Swiss government rules lobsters must be 'stunned' before being boiled

Don't see what is oniony about this

The government explained the crustaceans can be “stunned” by the “mechanical destruction” of the crustacean’s brain.

Thats probably the best way i have heard someone say "bashing its head in".

Why is this posted here? What is "Oniony" about this article?

The government explained the crustaceans can be “stunned” by electrically shocking the sea creature

Lobster: "Don't taze me, bro!"

Try one of these subthreads