Oh man, I loved it when people wanted me to do something illegal just because they didn't want to throw their $2 beer away. Also fun when they snuck them in and then left them in the cup holders for my next passenger to find...
is sparks still a thing? I know they cracked down on the caffeinated alcohol drinks, but 10, 11 years ago those cans looked exactly like energy drinks. we used to take them in cabs all the time on the way to bars.
What a bunch of assholes.
If you're too drunk to know you should be using the hundred hand slap instead of kicking, you don't need any more beer.
Everyone knows the household items were the real stars of the movie
Well they can sing they can dance
Sometimes I forget that that guy had a fucking reality show dedicated to hordes of women competing to date him.
I don't even even listen to music, I just wear headphones all the time
stealth mode engaged
Wow I've never thought of this thanks for helping me further destroy my social life
“I said you’re looking great today”
* points at headphones *
“Your dress is colourful today”
* puts on industrial noise-cancelling earphones *
“You lo- You’re really pretty”
* puts on balaclava *
“Are you seeing anyone?”
* puts on aviators *
“Can you hear me?”
* puts on astronaut helmet *
“I like you, Sarah”
* enters telephone booth *
“I’ve liked you since we first met during kindergarten”
* seals booth shut with expanding foam *
“I dream about you sometimes”
* presses button, causing telephone booth to ascend into the sky *
*Protecting your waifu.
It means we're both seeking attention that we can't get in real life and every day we live is another day caught in this void of self destructive torment that can only be appeased by another's embrace..
The type of people who say "taxation is theft" are the exact same type of person that comes to a potluck with nothing and eats a lot of food.
Oh shit I do and say that.
no fuck him I bought a deep fryer and chicken wings aren't cheap and this piece of shit comes over, eating my homemade buffalo sauce and he can't even be fucked to bring a package of grocery store cookies his life is forfeit
this is an actual life goal for me now
Yeah, I know. I'm just messing around.
I personally identify with beeper boi in between the photos
Fruit is fucking great, man.
Get a glass of water !
Fruit: Eat it up.
I am hungry and not vegan
That's a heavy band aid
A l l
But r u the glass or the bandaid
May I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?
I forgot my backup egg one time.
It was awful.
Give your wife an egg or other protein source to deter her from eating her babies