LPT - Don't say "I'm sorry" when what you mean to say is "Thank you". As in "Thank you for going to the mall with me." Instead of "I'm sorry I dragged you to the mall."
People will be more likely to do things like that in the future instead of feeling like it was a chore or burden on them.
I'm sorry you had to post this "LPT".
Thank you for putting this comment up.
Completely agree. Saying 'thank you' shows appreciation for the effort. It acknowledges the person did something nice that they didn't have to. Saying sorry implies they were forced. It's hard for them to feel good or constructive about something you believe they were forced to do in the first place.
I try to do this. It is difficult though after having "I'm sorry" ingrained into my daily vocab for anything I've that just might have slightly inconvenienced someone.
I've been (very) slowly getting better about it over that last 10 years or so, and it really helps self-esteem when you're not apologizing for everything you do.
LPT: Caring what other people think about you is just part of being young. The sooner you can learn to let go of your attachment to other people's validation, the sooner you begin to live your real life before retirement.
As a shy individual who spends a lot of my time beating myself up, the number one thing I hear from people in their 50's if I tell them this about myself is this: "you remind me of a younger me".
Point being, caring what others think is just sort of programmed into the minds of the average young person. But nobody really cares what others think about them by the time they reach their 50's. They just don't. They've lived enough life to see that it literally serves NO point. But they're the same person. We are so attached to it that we feel like validation from our peers is literally essential to survival. But it is not, in any way, whatsoever. So many of the older people I talk to just say they feel the exact same as they did when they were in their prime, just now they are in a 50+ year old body.
So, for the love of God, stop caring what others think of you, find something you love, put the horse blinders on, and just do the shit out of what makes you happy. There is absolutely no reason, whatsoever, that you need to care about how other people are perceiving you. It is only causing you unnecessary stress, at which nothing can be gained, even if you think you're doing everything right to keep others happy. Losing battle.
Maybe your life has become so unconsciously centered around winning other people's validation, that you don't even know what I'm talking about. You have a following, and that keeps you going. But you don't really know yourself that well. You're going to be addicted to tangible, destructive things when you get older: gambling, smoking, drinking, etc. because you can't get anybody to care about what you're doing anymore. Because you're old now, and nobody really cares about what you're doing or who you are, minus maybe your immediate family, if you have any (I know that was a harsh sentence but the right people will know what I'm trying to get at). You're one of the type of person that seriously needs help before it's too late. What you may think is socialization and healthy conversation with others about your life, achievements, and why you're definitely going to heaven is just your brain subconsciously trying to get a fix of self-validation off the person: "I'm going to make sure this person knows how amazing I am and then breathe a sigh of relief " like you just stuck a needle in your vein.
Point in summary: Just about everyone who gets past the age of 50 stops caring what others think about them because they finally see that it serves absolutely no purpose. So, if you're young, take their advice. Get the ball rolling early. It's easier said than done, but with a bit of courage, you can make your path by walking. We're all made of the same thing. So trying to keep everybody happy and constantly gaining reassurance that you're okay and everybody likes you is an addictive activity that serves zero purpose. The sooner you can legitimately stop caring what others think about you and just listen to yourself and trust yourself and your true endeavors, the sooner you have eliminated a toxic addiction from your body that will have bad long-term effects.
Edit: This was posted due to an epiphany I had recently. I should have specified that this post was meant to be directed to the people out there also like me who have done so much caring about what people think that we're sick and tired of beating ourselves up and having a gratuitous, illogical and harmful amount of self-doubt. I didn't say it was easy, but through some epiphanies, I have experienced true freedom from my form of this mental prison before, and from what it felt like, it's worth it to work towards feeling this way as much as possible as early as you can in life. Just remember to treat others how you'd like to be treated, basically.
Also, it sounds like a lot of you who disagree don't have the anxiety and self doubt like us, but still are trying to develop sensitivity to other's thoughts about you to become better people. And that's really nice to see.
I hear your advice and it's really sound. But how how do you actually do it? How do you internalize it? Just thinking "I don't give a fuck" doesn't seem to cut it.
Not OP, but what helps me is just practice. When you find yourself giving a fuck, acknowledge it, tell yourself to relax and do your best to either not care or at least act like you don't care. It gets easier and eventually you're old and sincerely don't give a fuck anymore.
Needed this. Thank you.
Read "The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving a F*CK" by Sarah Knight. It's a parody of that "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" book, but it's a funny way to teach the same sort of lifestyle. It's not teaching you to be selfish, it's teaching you how to be free of LIVING for OTHER people constantly.
LPT: You can check whether you have an app spying on your audio without your consent by leaving your phone by a Spanish radio for a few hours and then checking at what language your ads are.
what apps typically do this?
I was explaining to a friend that that Facebook messenger listens for key words. Then our discussion went to pizza. Next thing you know a dominoes coupon are turning up in her inbox.
Fuck that creepy invasive shit should be illegal.
I always had a hunch for this! Now I know. I remember talking about an old friend and next thing you know, they are on my suggested friends list. Creeped me tf out! Glad I deleted
LPT: Learn some basic information about your car, (engine type, model, year) and relay it confidently when getting maintenance. It will significantly reduce the amount of stuff they try to sell you on.
I learned this from years of getting maintenance/repairs done at various locations. You almost always get asked the engine type, or year of your vehicle. If you memorize some basic information about your car, and respond quickly and confidently, it comes across that you know a lot about cars, and they won't try to rip you off with things you don't need.
TIL there are people that don't know what model/year car they are driving.
Really? How is that even possible?
"Yo man, I bought a new car!"
"Cool. What'd you get?"
"..... no idea. It's definitely a car, I think."
I work up front at a shop. Lots of people don't know anything about the car they bought. Like, nothing at all.
Reminds me of one ex gf: - I have a new laptop! - Oh! Nice. Which one you bought? - No idea. It's pink.
LPT: If you can hear them but they can't hear you, you're the one with the weak signal.
If I haven't moved from this 3 foot radius for the past 20 minutes of the call, and they're driving and all of a sudden they're saying "hello hello can you hear me? I can't hear you" I find this a little difficult to believe.
Band: 3 Foot Radius
Album: The Call
Song: Hello Hello (Can You Hear Me)
OP please explain. I would expect that because phones are full duplex devices (different frequency for sending audio and recieving audio), either phone having a poor signal on one of the two frequencies will cause the same effect.
Hello? Hello? Sorry OP I think you have a bad signal
LPT: When taking a road trip, it's a good idea to have about $20 in quarters in your glove compartment either for tolls or parking meters.
Good for the laundromat too.
M&M minis tubes are the best for quarters.
They're also pretty good for M&Ms
Buy these for the M&Ms. Really great way to keep them contained.
edit: My first gold! Thanks /u/anonymous. Deserving... because this is some great advice I have given. ;-)
Why would you buy M&Ms at a bank?
LPT If you accidentally start a fire don't lie. Stupidity is covered by insurance but lying can get you policy canceled.
I accidentally started a fire from a cigarette ember when I was a teen. Insurance said it was negligence and didn't pay. The reason they didn't pay... I'd used the phrase "it was all my fault"
This kills the porn industry
it was foolish of your parents to let you talk to them.
you were a minor, they could have explained everything.
oh no! why the hell did I accidentally leave the cleaning rags and paint thinner near the stove in the kitchen of the home I've been trying to sell for 2 years! I am so stupid!
LPT: Initiate handshakes with professional women just as you would with men.
I'm always surprised to see men not initiating handshakes with professional women as they would with other men. I've made a conscious decision to do it with everybody regardless of sex. It's interesting that some of the women actually acknowledged it - so it must not just be me.
Edit. Thanks for the upvotes. I wanted to note that some have commented that it may not be the same in all cultures so know your circumstance. Edit 2: apparently the person of higher authority should initiate a handshake. I never really knew this and think it's kind of silly. But be aware. Edit 3: It's interesting to see so many different points of view in the responses. I'm speaking primarily about US Business. Be aware of the cultural and religious implications before initiating handshakes in other countries.
Thanks for the upvotes.
For God's sake, don't go in for a hug. Yes, this happens in professional settings. Often.
As a professional woman I notice and appreciate when a man initiates a handshake with me. You are right, it doesn't always happen. For some reason we're treated more casually in general.
Joe "Aren't you doing to stand when you meet a woman?" Dwight "I wouldn't stand for a man why would I stand for a woman?" Joe".....I like that"
I cannot imagine meeting a vendor or associate and hugging them as a greeting. I don't have the brain structure to facilitate that action.
LPT: When you have no cell service (multiple bars of service but nothing works) at a crowded event, turn off LTE in cellular settings. Phone will revert to a slower, but less crowded, 3G signal.
Carriers use multiple completely different frequencies for different generations of cellular technology. Since the vast majority of people have phones that support LTE (the fastest available now) this network will get clogged first, but the legacy network on different spectrum is indifferent to congestion on the LTE network.
TL;DR -- Toggle airplane mode a few times. If it doesn't help, force 2G only, not 2G/3G or '3G only'.
Hi. I've done work as a telcom engineer. This can work. If you're at a crowded event -- there's two things we do. In a building that regularly features large crowds, like a sporting venue, we've probably put one in the building permanently. If not, like a planned protest we expect a large turnout, we've probably got a truck or three that are portable tower masts creating few 'microcells' in the area. It'll be wired into a nearby hardline or microwave link to one of our high capacity nodes. But these aren't what your phone first connects to.
Why? We're inserting equipment into pre-existing network topologies. If we use the same frequencies, we'll cause interference in a nearby cell. LTE has over a hundred channels and each provider only uses a handful of them. We have unallocated spectrum to handle just this situation.
When your phone connects to the GSM base station, it is also told about the other networks. It bootstraps from GSM (2G) to 3G, and then LTE. Flip on airplane mode, then off, and watch the displayed network type -- you can sometimes see this happening. Your phone is designed to connect to the base station with the strongest signal -- but it will connect on all the other network types based on what the base station tells it to. We can usually change the config for the base station to start handing out these 'extra' LTE slots. It's the same for all the other protocol types. 3G doesn't have extra slots to hand out, so depending on where we have to setup, we might be able to set up a 3G AP, but sometimes not, especially in urban areas.
Our portable equipment usually signals both as LTE and 3G. Forcing 3G won't speed anything up if we couldn't provision a new cell. So the 3G is still a bag on the side of the GSM base. If the backhaul link there is saturated it's going to the same place just on a different protocol. LTE is a better choice -- but you may want to try toggling airplane mode a few times to see if you can get a different list of LTE channels on the next handover. It could get you on a new backhaul link. We can't balance the links because they're physically different. We cheat by telling the phones to connect to randomly assigned channels. Sometimes that load balancing work-around doesn't go well. And until the phone tries to reconnect to another GSM base, it won't go hunting. We have to do this because LTE spectrum isn't contiguous. Some phones can access these other bands, some can't. The ones that can't all get lumped in to a subset of these and can't take advantage of some of the new channels we've made available (sometimes). Newer phones should have RF baseband chips to let them access it, but some manufacturers are cheap and don't upgrade that part of the design for awhile but keep releasing new phones based on it. Shame on them. D:
All this said, if everything is swamped, don't kick it to 3G only -- drop it to 2G. Everything we've setup is to take pressure off that base station to maximize bandwidth out of it for voice calls. We don't want that to fail because that's the only station that sets them up. The same pipe that handles all of our signaling and routing for voice calls also has a data line: The 2G one. If nobody's making voice calls, the data line for 2G will be pretty idle. Almost nothing uses it these days except in rural areas. But it's still provisioned. It's still gonna be slower than you're used to but if everything else has a buffer a mile deep, you'll get through faster because that link won't be sharing with anyone.
If you're lucky enough to not have a data roaming fee tacked on (rare, but some people have international plans that strike it), you've got one more trick: You can force your phone to login to a different provider's network. It varies by phone and OS version, but go hunting for the 'data roaming' toggle, and the network selection screen. You'll have to disconnect any calls in progress but you can tell it to search for other providers. Try connecting to one manually. See if it helps. Remember to switch it back later.
One last thing: Don't tell us if you've done this, but if you rooted your phone, especially android, you might be able to override which tower your phone connects to. See official rules for details. Hunt for the weakest GSM station you can find -- it'll probably be a few miles away in an uncrowded area. Hook it up. It's most always at a traffic level typical for that tower's service area. But don't move around much after you do this if you're in a concrete building, especially on the lower levels. It's going to be a weak enough signal as it is. If it hits the noise floor it'll die and go back to its default behavior. You won't notice that, your data link will just go back to sucking. Try to get up high or outside if you can when you do this. This is a bit of black magic though. You need to know how to read tower IDs and country codes, etc., because even on Android they've made the API stupid and it won't decode it for you. That's too much to get into here, but if you're tech-savvy google it for awhile and play around!
I'm interested in testing this now. It seems like it makes sense.
It works best at events that are holding an abnormal amount of people. Most dramatic effect I experienced was at new year's Eve time square. Helpful at music festivals too.
So that's what I should do with my Sprint phone when there are more than 2 people around me. I knew there was a fix!
LPT: Speaking negatively about a person's indefensible traits is an effective way to ensure that person remembers you and the words you speak. In the worst possible way.
A comment you make about someone, and forget about moments later, may stick with them for the rest of their life.
In my early 20's, a co-worker told this to a much sharper-tongued version of me, and it had a profound impact on how I treated people from that moment forward.
I immediately thought about all of the shitty, terrible things that people said to me or about me over the course of my life, and how their words made me feel, and the thought that I had made others feel that way, without even realizing it - countless times, probably - completely struck me.
The thought that I could have caused a lifelong, negative impact on someone, and that they associate me, as a person, with some stupid, thoughtless comment was a pretty big thing to take in. That I could have made fun of something completely indefensible about them, causing them to feel insecure and lack self-esteem for something that they couldn't even help or control.
And that was just thinking about actual in-person interactions, without even considering all of the shit I said to people online in my younger days.
Hopefully these comments stick with some of you, and it causes a person or two to act less shitty to the people around them, even if they don't like them. It's a pretty cool thought to consider this same idea, but with a positive impact.
People may not remember all you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
"Indefensible!" "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
LPT: learn what big words mean before trying to use them.
What exactly do you mean by indefensible?