Funny funny

Googly eyes make everything better

He has a weird resemblance to Bender

"Kiss my shiny metal aaaaAAAAAH! WHOAH! THE ZOMBIE IS ATTACKING ME!"

amazing loop

Pleeeeassseee.

Pleeeeassseee.

The galaxy lies on Orion's Belt...

Want perfect sunny side up eggs? This technique will likely result in the successful use of this mold.

LOW AND SLOW!

Put a non-stick skillet on low heat. Add a small, small amount of oil. Add the egg, and walk away. With low heat, you're able to cook the white all the way through without burning the bottom. The yolk will stay beautiful and runny.

Walk away and prepare the rest of your breakfast while the egg cooks until the top of the white is set. Don't move it!

MFW

when you yolk, but she keep on fryin

My brother's dog looks like Hitler.

My brother's dog looks like Hitler.

Bad time to be a cat...

Sieg Heel, boy! Sieg Heel.... Oh who's a good Fuhrer? Mein Doggo!

In uniform

Haha! Actually her best friend is a black cat.

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Looks like I found your mom's parking spot.

Looks like I found your mom's parking spot.

Definitely not my wife's parking spot.

I agree, definitely not your wife's

I legit went to high school with a guy named B.J. King. Poor bastard.

I second this.

Bird's nest in a tree

Bird's nest in a tree

TIL Birds can read.

Some crows are smarter than 5 yr old children, who can kinda read. The only logical conclusion is that crows too can read.

Source: Am science.

Source: Am science.

No you're.... sees name

Oh. I guess you are.

He has problems taking things literally.

Like a kleptomaniac.

"No stains means it never happened"

"No stains means it never happened"

She's already planning her next one.....you can see it in those cold blank eyes

Sociopath here! Did you know that a UV light is good for more than just finding out how much semen has collected on your bedsheets? They also have the distinct benefit of breaking down DNA. Blood from a messy murder get on your carpet? Shine it right on there and then ammonia it down. Sure it's blood officer, but who's blood is it? ;)

She's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.

What's the opposite of reddit gold, and how do I give it to you?

Not your average vampire

Reminds me of the scene in The Mummy where, after the crucifix didn't work on Imhotep, Benny pulls out a hundred other religious symbols from around his neck.

Soooo that means he was carrying the swastika for entirely unrelated purposes....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDWR5RkWRTY&ab_channel=Movieclips

One of my personal favorite moments.

I expected a star of David. I imagine a swastika would only piss off a Jewish vampire.

Pickup master

Pickup master

A pickup master always knows how to let a girl down gently.

What? I thought she fell for him.

Hey bby how about... fuck she left

And this is why you lower the bar

Can't dispute the importance of a good font

Can't dispute the importance of a good font

I read the bottom one in Dwight's voice

Truth.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

http://imgur.com/a/96tWu

Some racoons are working hard to break the dirty 'trash panda' stereotype

He looks like a drunk custodian and the boss just showed up to check on him.

I really wanna know where all these cute racoon gifs are coming from. N.J racoons will fuck your whole shit up, they are vicious little bastards.

Why are raccoons suddenly pet material. Like 5 years ago i had never even heard of someone owning an animal known for rabies and rummaging through trash. Now it seems like its a common thing. I blame broadway plays.

So they don't actually dip their food in water to clean it. Raccoons actually have very sensitive paws and dipping their food in water and rolling it around gives them a lot of tactile feed back allowing them to get a better idea of what they're about to eat.

TL;DR, raccoons dip their food in water to help them feel it up before they eat it.

Try one of these subthreads