Funny funny

Making my way downtown, walking fast...

It's Phoebe

love how they didnt stare or look back at her, but just acknowledged something fucking funny just passed by

ministry of silly walks

You look like a cross between Kermit the frog and the Six Million Dollar man.

The oldest trick in the book.

The bunny is in the "maybe if I ignore it, it will go away" stage of dealing with this problem.

Oh wow I didn't know my ex used Reddit

That's how I prefer to handle life.

*teleports behind you* *plants petunias*

Hey. You ever tried prostate massage?

I have a confesion. If this hand came out of nowhere and started giving me a handjob, I'd let it finish. If it were it in public, I'd scream, but still let it finish.

pfft nothing peonnies, kid

No, but flaccid roosters, on the other hand...

http://imgur.com/FVd3i

No, but flaccid roosters, on the other hand...

A little gem found at Goodwill today!

A little gem found at Goodwill today!

Kind of funny except NASA has nothing to do with Pluto being classified as a planet or a dwarf planet... That's the IAU.

Hence the shirt being at Goodwill.

In Goodwill but in bad taste.

/sub/comedycemetery

Choose your stylist

Choose your stylist

I know this is a joke but I would actually love to be able to choose silent people for stuff like this.

Yasmin all the way

I can never see the same hairstylist more than 3-4 times due to this. It starts with small talk, next thing you know they want to ask ALL about that thing you mentioned the last time you were in. I know I could just man-up and explain that I don't want to talk, but I'm torn between not wanting to sound rude and not wanting to piss off the guy who's snapping a pair of scissors all around my head...so I just google the next place to try, and the cycle starts again.

I was gonna go with Yasmin up until I saw Bernice.

Spotted this cool van on a morning walk

Spotted this cool van on a morning walk

When my wife tells me she has a headache I always tell her it's from listening to herself talk. Because I always get a headache when she talks. She has a great sense of humor. And I love sleeping on the couch.

Wow!!! Thank you so much for the gold friend.

Her: "My knee hurts."

Me : "Does your face hurt? Cause it's killing me."

I'm now single.

Imagine loving a 6-7/10 joke this much. I'm actually jealous. I don't love anything as much as this person loves that joke.

That's a lot of effort to put into a mediocre joke.

They mentioned we might see bats during the eclipse....

They mentioned we might see bats during the eclipse....

Dammit Bruce, this is my turf. Iron Man rules here.

There is a Stark difference between you two. You aren't afraid of a Lil Wayne are you?

Did he just say he never forgets a child?!

Sioux Falls represent! I see him downtown all of the time. As far as I'm aware, he dresses up like that and visits the Children's Hospital in town.

You haven't eaten...

You haven't eaten...

That neon sign looks like it alternates between flaccid and erect pizza

It may be deliberate

And it's fucking genius

I heard somewhere that pineapple makes your pizza taste better

High on weed? (wait for it)

Bro we made it to taco bell wake up.

That there is a gremlin

More like waking up after a bender.

"High on weed"?

Are you 85 or 12?

Saw this, laughed out loud, very witty

Saw this, laughed out loud, very witty

Just be a good room mate buddy and wash your dishes.

Saying that when I was un-married and living in a shared house, the two girls decided they didn't like me because I was unsociable, so they made a huge mess and called the landlord, not knowing that the landlord was my uncle who knows I hardly eat and I'm a neat freak, he came over, knocked on my door, asked me to come in the kitchen where the two girls were sat, told me sit down, pointed out the mess and then turned to the two girls and said "now clean this up and if you pull this stunt again, your our, he is my nephew and a known neat freak that used to drive his mother mad" - Moral of the story, don't lie :P

A roommate who keeps to himself and is a neat freak? That's the dream! Those girls are dumb af for not wanting you around.

Exactly. That's what I look for in a roommate.

Try one of these subthreads