Facepalm facepalm

Yeah, your kid is the asshole. Sure.

Yeah, your kid is the asshole. Sure.

Impossible. That person can never take a cute selfie due to lack of subject matter.

I hope it’s okay that I didn’t block the child’s face, I wanted to make sure it was clear that she was calling her an asshole for crying, but if it’s not okay I will happily fix it.

This girl has been on my instagram for years now. We met once. I haven’t deleted her because she is a constant source of amazement. For example, she has a new boyfriend every few weeks and it’s goes like this: date for a day, already calling him “hubbie” and saying how it’s true love, Post constantly about how he is her daughters new father, suddenly the posts get vague and fishing, they break up and she posts about how “she don’t need no man” and how her daughter is her only love and how he was trash anyways, rinse repeat.

It’s probably a reflection on me that I’m so entranced by it. I just feel terrible for her daughter because of the constant rotation, and the constant exploitation of her for instagram purposes.

Idk, the toilets kinda ramp her cuteness up a notch

Some people shouldn't be parents.

When grammar really matters

When grammar really matters

I think he's just letting everyone know his plan of action.

Get some money at the corner, then go steal.

Nope, he wrote down exactly what he meant

Beg for money at the corner. Go steal. ????????? Profit.

but it's kinda spelling though...

A disturbing fact

A disturbing fact

Meanwhile they're hiding their armies up their sleevies.

You’ll ever guess where they’ve hidden their stealth aircraft.

(A series of hangars at military airstrips of course)

Shocking news: 100% of people who drank water eventually died.

Shit, that's where we hide ours!

Why can't I see anything?

This is one of those where, after you figure it out, you turn around and scan the area to see if anyone else realized what a dumbass you are.

Did this yesterday in a coffee shop when I opened my laptop only to see Riley Reid's beautiful butt staring me right in the face.

Luckily no one else was in the room, but the CCTV in the corner was totally pointed right at me.

It could be worse. A few years ago a guy pulled out his laptop in a class I was taking and it started loudly playing porn. The screen was locked and he was so embarrassed that he fucked up entering his password twice before he went for the power. But he had to press and hold the power button to force it to shut down, prolonging his horrible ordeal for several more seconds. He walked out of class without looking anyone in the eye and I never saw him again. This was a week before the midterm. The fremdschämen was off the charts, I can't imagine how he felt.

Had a student who did the same. He opened his laptop and hit the power button and all I hear is, “FUCK MY PUSSY, FUCK ME HARDER,”. Kid was scrambling to turn it off, lower the volume, plug in headphones, ANYTHING to make it stop. He ended up flipping his laptop and ripping the battery out. Packed up his shit and walked out. He hen started showing up late and leaving early, always wearing a baseball cap and sitting in the back, never saw him with a laptop again.

It took a reserve of willpower I didn’t know I possessed to NOT crack up. I did stop my lecturing and just stare at the spectacle. Once he left all I could pull out was a, “Moving on...”.

What is wrong with you guys

What is wrong with you guys

My friend worked at Dollar General a few years ago. They were strict about theft prevention. They lock up all the detergents because customers would open up a bottle of liquid detergent and pour it into a plastic shopping bag in their pants and walk out. Or pour it into an empty soda bottle.

I'm sure it's easier to steal Tide Pods.

You were shopping in a bad neighborhood.

Detergent is one of the most commonly stolen items in a lot of stores, especially ones in low income areas. It's reasonably expensive (in terms of dollar per ounce), it's easy to steal, and everyone needs it. The trifecta that leads to a ton of theft.

It's because tide functions as a stable currency in low income areas. Ever been to an independent gas station with a surprisingly well stocked detergent aisle? Could be that someone brought it in and exchanged it for a sweet sweet bottle of hooch.

Or "top off" the one they're gonna buy.

Fully grown man doesn’t know how multiplication works

Fully grown man doesn’t know how multiplication works

If memory serves, this is like 3rd grade math. This person's taken the tide pod challenge, haven't they?

I'd like to spend zero groups of 1.5 trillion dollars please - Republican Party.

His mother took the "nurse baby with bleach" challenge.

Request confirmed: Budget increased by $1.5trillion, backed against $0 funds in holding.

On the topic of Aziz Ansari

On the topic of Aziz Ansari

It’s funny because all Indian people look alike!

/s (just in case)

Also, fuck you Annie Coulter

So in her world, someone has to be either funny or a rapist? Those are the two options?

Not surprising coming from a supporter of the president who took out a newspaper add in support of lynching innocent black children.

It's Ann Coulter so she's saying the allegations are BS cus she believes all this sexual assault stuff is nonsense and the reason she doesn't find him funny is probably because he's brown.



Now I know that whenever I’m tired it’s because someone telepathically raped me. Makes sense.

That explains why I'm always so tired.

Now I will only masturbate to my enemies.

That explains why Brittany Spears went off the deep end.

I wonder if it is pineapple flavored

I wonder if it is pineapple flavored

I wonder what they think the picture is supposed to be then. Blue cherries?

I think the picture is of that 16 year old's family expectations...

Which are being lowered once again.

Yinz from Pittsburgh

holy shit so this is why Trump won

Ever Heard of Wheelchair Accessible?

Ever Heard of Wheelchair Accessible?

That was the best attempt at censoring a name I've ever seen.

I want to apologize to everyone that saw this and got offended by it. I know it looks like I'm ignorant and don't care about people's feelings, maybe it's true. I just want to say that I genuinely wasn't aware of the use for this design choice. I'm at fault here for not taking the time to think what it could be used for.

TLDR: I'm ignorant on this topic (wheelchair accessibility) and I 'm sorry about trying to ridicule something I knew nothing about.

Call me stupid, but can't they just sit at the end?

Genuine question I'm not trying to be a dick

As someone that's actually in a wheelchair and has run into this issue before, this is the first time I've seen a bench like this and it makes me really happy. Normally, I'm left to sit at the end of benches/booths/whatever else, and majority of the time I can't fit in all the way because either A. My chair hits the cross section B. People's legs get in the way and force me to sit far enough away that I can't reach the table.

So, yes. This design is incredible to those who deny it in the comments. I wish every bench was like this.

Try one of these subthreads