casualiama

Hi, I'm /u/bilde2910 and I made an advent calendar for /sub/me_irl!

Hi, I'm /u/bilde2910 and I made an advent calendar for /r/me_irl!

Hey everyone! I promised you an AMA and I'm here to deliver.

On December 1, I posted an image to /sub/me_irl. It showed a simple advent calendar with 25 Wednesday frogs with santa hats - labeled with the numbers 1 through 25 - where each day of the calendar would be the most upvoted post for that day on the subreddit. At 1 PM PST (10 PM for me) that night, I opened the first tile in the calendar - an image showing a "stolen meme" comic - and it took off from there. The calendar quickly became a gif, got NSFW-tagged, spoiler-tagged, became recursive, and eventually became a 3D model, all at the behest of /sub/me_irl. And as of last night, the calendar is finished! Thank you to everyone who helped me out along the way.

I will try my best to answer every question, but I know there will be a lot of questions, and some may be of a sensitive nature, so I can't make any 100% definitive my-life-depends-on-it guarantee that I will get to you. I can answer questions about anything from why I made the calendar in the first place, how I faced and solved challenges along the way, server traffic, bandwidth and analytics and how I avoided the reddit hug of death, what software I used to make the calendar and how much time I spent making the calendar, to what kind of food is my favorite, whether I'd rather face one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses, you name it. I will not be answering questions that are of a highly sensitive nature.

I'll be leaving this AMA running for a while so people from all timezones can ask me questions. Ask away!

How does it feel to enter the history books alongside /u/waterguy12?

Wednesday frog. It has done so much for the growth of memes and I really like it because it is a completely self-made meme. So many other memes are based in nostalgic childrens shows, funny faces, relatable situations, or references. Not Wednesday frog. Wednesday frog is completely absurd. It's a low-res generic toad, and an arbitrary method of celebrating Wednesday. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog did not do so out of recognition. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog did not do so because a pre-existing meme format. The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog upvoted a meme literally pulled from the ether by sheer human creativity and willpower. Wednesday frog is evidence that humans can stare into the meaningless void of eternity and force their own meaning onto to it. I will always upvote Wednesday frog, my dudes!

It's a great honor; I'm humbled to join the ranks and be a part of me_irl history! I don't know what will happen next, though.

Yes, I talked to people from my class about it, and someone who went to the same high school as me messaged me about it.

I'm an agender person with cerebral palsy. AMA!

I'm an agender person with cerebral palsy. AMA!

I have right spastic hemiparesis (meaning it affects the right side of my body), but mainly my hand, leg, and facial muscles.

How can you be agender when you have a penis/vagina?

How many genders are there?

Your response got downvoted a bit ... what does that mean to you?

In general, I got the stereotypical bullying as a kid. I still get a stare here and there now, but it isn't bad. I've had a lot of surgeries, physical therapy, way more doctors visits than most people see in their lifetime, and I have a few more dx's that were probably caused by the CP.

Honestly, the biggest thing is it caused me to be left-handed. I can't tie shoe laces, but I've adapted. I walk with a leg brace and use a cane most places.

Most people don't know as I don't make a huge issue out of it, I am androgynous as heck though. My pronouns are she/her or they/them

I have a very passable Transsexual girlfriend with a big dick. Ask me literally anything

I have a very passable Transsexual girlfriend with a big dick. Ask me literally anything

Title says it all. We are both in our 20s. Shes a couple years older than me. I thought I had a big dick until I saw hers, its at least 7 inches and mine is a poultry 6. :(

Since this is a throw away I wont be offended and am happy to answer any questions.

;) cock is cock friend

poultry

It's "paltry", just for the record. Nothing to do with chickens.

Aint no one got time for a plastic ass vag when you have a glorious dick

Hormones yes, she wants to do it all except remove the dick (exactly what I want)

Most unexpected thing is when other people find out she has a dick. People get weirded out easily.

I'm a nomad busker. I travel the world playing violin on the streets and sleeping in a van. AMA!

I'm a nomad busker. I travel the world playing violin on the streets and sleeping in a van. AMA!

Ask me anything, hope to have fun!

What music do you play? Covers? Classical? Your own compositions? A mix?

Where do you play? Streets? Subways?

Do you have to pay for space or a license to set up anywhere? Do you honor that?

What is the oddest thing someone has said about your music?

Sorry for barrage lol, the lifestyle interests me and I don't see a lot of people answering amas about it! I'd love to do it myself if I got spare funds for an instrument so I could play again. :0

Long story short, I started thinking in superlatives. I always chased money, once I got a little taste of it I realized it's not what I want. I asked myself would I be happy if I was a millionaire and, surprisingly, the answer was no. If I had a dream job, huge house and a beautiful wife - would I be happy? Surprisingly no, because I'd always crave for the road. I'd always regret not doing what I do now. I wanted to see the world, I always loved traveling and being alone. It simply had to work out. I had my calculations, I planned it for a long time. I was prepared for worst but the world has been kind to me. There was no fear, only huge excitement.

Mostly classical. Some covers really spark people, like Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On (I used to reaaally hate that song). I have some of my pieces but they are no match to the great stuff.

Subways don't bring much money. Busy areas, stations, main squares. Yeah, I heard about licences and stuff but never had any problems. Some security guy once told me to leave, I just picked up my stuff and went to another place.

Oddest thing? Umm, it's a bit hard to tell the story, but a homeless man sat down to me and kept saying I was the ugliest bird he ever saw. It was not meant as an insult, it was a joke. Makes me chuckle when I remember it, what a legend.

Well, if it interests you why not try it? You don't have to go away for a year, it can be a week. Everyone has a week of time. I promise you won't regret it, but you'll certainly have regrets if you don't try. Instruments nowadays are super cheap, I bought my first electric violin for like 200 dollars on ebay. Good acoustic violins go for as little as 100 dollars. Still have it, still play it publicly sometimes. Awesome sound for no money.

Well I pay cca. 10 euros a day on food and usually stay in one place (while visiting surroundings) for a week. So I save a lot on gas, big cities in europe are all max. 100 km apart, gas for 100 km would cost me 12 euros. Let's say 70+20 and I have 120 euros spare. Visit a few museums (20e), coffee every morning (10e), and then something always comes up, you meet someone and blow 80 euros on bs. I don't pay for accomodation, don't have electric bills and rarely pay water.

I have seen a cow before AMA

I have seen a cow before AMA

Are you a young person in the UK?

Relatively young, yes. I see you have arrived from the not the onion thread, lovely to have you here

Was it cooked? Or live?

Awe-struck. Like looking god in the eye.

I have twin 15 year old daughters.. who are both pregnant.. by the same kid. Ask a failed father anything.

I have twin 15 year old daughters.. who are both pregnant.. by the same kid. Ask a failed father anything.

Edit: I'm /u/apartmentwhore. I made this up.

That'll change in about 9 months.

Yes we did. They are just total idiots, apparently.

Dead silent.

My wife isn't letting me leave the house

I just caught a co-worker licking the inside of a drinking cup I just threw away. This is not the first time I've caught her doing something like this. AMA.

I just caught a co-worker licking the inside of a drinking cup I just threw away. This is not the first time I've caught her doing something like this. AMA.I took a couple cupfuls from the water cooler and discarded my cup. I headed to the bathroom and realized I left my phone. When I got back to the breakroom she was vigorously licking the inside of my cup (I could see her tongue because we have clear disposable cups.) She turned red and ran off taking my cup with her.

Now I am pooping.

AMA.

edit: I am done pooping and returned to my cubicle. She is not in her cubicle.    

edit2: She is now in her cubicle. She does not appear to have my cup and is making it her life's work not to look in my direction. We are in eyesight of each other normally.    

edit3: She is on reddit but I'm not close enough to know where. It looks like /r/all    

edit4: Going to a meeting at 1:00 EST, chill co-worker will monitor cubicle. He doens't know what's going on I just said to keep an eye out incase someone comes looking for me. She's still in her cube straining to not look in my direction. Will update during and after.    

edit5: Shortly after leaving for the meeting my coworker messaged me to let me know she was at my desk. He told her I was in a meeting. Battery getting low, will respond after meeting when I get my charger.    

edit6: Went to get my charger from my truck, found this folded on the windshield http://i.imgur.com/D3C5Gnc.jpg . I guess I am going to be murdered now? When I came back to my cubicle she is not at her desk but her jacket and purse is still there.    

edit7: One hour until quitting time and she's still not back. I gave the office a walk around haven't seen her. Also checked my car for more notes and nothing new.    

edit8: She is back but has not returned to her cubicle yet. 30 mins left before quitting time so we'll see. 

edit9: Okay I talked to her, writing up what happened now give me a moment.     

edit10:
Okay so here is what happened. Sorry for no updates for a bit. I was talking to her.    

So I got a call from the CFO to talk about an old project. Went upstairs and he was already leaving for the day. He gives me a packet and tells me we'll talk about it in the morning first thing. So, I didn't mention, but I usually I take the stairs because I am trying to lose weight but thanks to /u/faronpitt giving me the heebie jeebies I took the elevator. So I am taking it back down and get to my floor. Wouldn't you know who is waiting there.     

So and sorry if I am not describing this situation well but its one of those 'lots of mini interactions at once' things. I am at the door, ready to get off because it's my floor and you know how a NORMAL person lets the elevator get out before they get on. Well she apparently is not a subscriber to elevator etiquette monthly because it is clear that I am not getting off until she gets on. Anyway at the same time this is happening she kind of saw me when the door first opened but at the same time was making her way in while diverting her eyes to the elevator buttons.     

She clears the door and the second I can waddle my fat ass by her she says 'Hello' in a normal tone. She is still not looking directly at me. I forgot to mention she has a really high pitched voice so she sounds almost like a child so I was still kind of taken off guard. I say hi and get one foot out the door. She says 'Oh, I have something for you *mumbling* [CFOs Name].' she kind of touches my elbow a bit, I know of course this is bull because I just talked to the CFO a second ago. She hands me a manilla folder that feels like it is empty. I put it with the thicker one I just ACTUALLY got from the CFO.     

I start walking away again and she says in a slightly annoyed tone 'Aren't you going to read it, what if I need it back?' I tell her I just talked to the CFO and he was leaving and we were going to talk in the morning. She turns beet red and says 'Oh okay...' at this point the door starts closing (Why does this elevator suddenly work quickly when it usually takes a decade for the door to close?!?!?!) I say "no worries" and try to stop the door and she says 'Did you need to see me?' I tell her I need to get my projects closed or something like that. She says 'You needed to see me though.' in a kind of softly-annoyed tone (if that makes sense.) I tell her I'd really rather talk at my desk.

At this point she gives me a stare and I kind of look back at her. Now again, I'm a big fat ass I am not physically afraid of this 110lb person. The elevator door closes. She doesn't press a button but I know any moment it's going to start going up because the CFO was going to be heading out the door a little bit after me.     

At this point I just blurt out:
Me: 'Did you leave a note?'
Her: 'Yes...'
Me: 'On my car?'
Her: '...Yes.'
Me: 'Look I know you were probably just being a silly but that's kind of weird a little bit don't you think?'
Her: 'I was just being sillynice' (her word there, she said this kind of in an overly-sweet way but I cut her off)
Me: 'I mean, after the cup thing' I kind of had a stutter here because the elevator started moving up. I pressed the next two floors buttons to make it delay. This time I think she was a little creeped out instead of the other way around. The next floor opened and closed again.
Her: 'I'm sorry for that um, do you think we can talk tomorrow? You come in early right?' She said this no shame or anything. This is true I do come in early by a bit.
Me: 'Anything I need to know about?'
Her: 'No nothing bad, we never talk is all.'
Me: 'We talk about work stuff all the time.'
The elevator starts moving again and hits the next floor. I hold the door this time.
Her: 'I know.'
Me: 'Look I'm not judging or anything it was just a little weird. I know you know how me and [co-worker] talk. You know we're kinda weird and stuff. I'm not judging just you know.' Obviously me not good word sayer.
Her: 'Okay, you are not mad?'
Me: 'No.'
Her: 'Okay.'
Me: 'Talk tomorrow then?'
Why did I say that?
Her: 'Okay, yes!' She said this WAAAAY too happy.
Me: 'Uh... bye.' I got off the elevator and she went up to, I presume, the CFOs level.    

That was it. I got off the elevator, took the stairs back down to my level. She never came back to her cubicle. I typed up part of this in notepad and then put it on a thumb drive. I clocked out and took my car up to the top level of the parking structure to finish typing it on my laptop and post it. So not to leave you hanging but that is all I got. Sorry for the disappointment. I am either falling into an anime or I am going to be murdered tonight. Hooray. I have a long drive now if you still have questions I might be able to answer one or two.

edit11: I answer all that was up in my inbox now. Driving home will answer more if you guys really want when I get there.    

edit12: Stuck in traffic so answered another batch. Probably going to be my last update for tonight. I guess I have no choice but to update tomorrow. Farewell my friends, if I die please burn the harddrives marked 'Taxes' from 1996 to 2014.    

edit13:    

First to clear things up what /u/xsibleyx08 and 200 other people want to know WHAT'S IN THE FOLDER?!?!?!: I forgot about it completely! I wanted to get out of work so quick but I wanted to type a quick update too. I left it on my desk with the stuff from the CFO. Yeah it sucks, I want to know what is in it too. Also I kinda don't want to know...    

Second: Why didn't I [proper action to take here]?!?! - The answer, hereafter known as Exhibit A: I am an idiot. I have no social skills and I can't think on my feet for anything. Yeah if I was writing a book I'd be all cool and come up with awesome one liners but in real life I can only quote MC FrontALot 'But me here talk good? No, bad talk do!'    

So back to current time: I was driving home and my wife calls me. She wants me to bring home some fancy takeout. I'm thinking great, she'll be in a good mood and I can drop this news on her and have some support and such. Oh hell no. Let me tell you if you were worried about World War III it's nothing compared to getting told off by my wife. Now ya gotta understand, I know where she is coming from. You can see from my conversation above I don't help things along in the 'piss off I'm taken' category but god damn. I'll spare you the details because I know I got a character limit here plus no one on the internet gives a rats ass about a shitty marriage (see: /r/relationships). So I'll cut to the part you want to hear.    

The Poop is About to Hit the Overhead Mounted Air-Cooling System

So one thing related to the event comes out of the conversation: I should have went to HR the first time she was in my cubicle. Yeah, no shit (See Exhibit A) so I'll be doing that. So lets be proactive. I grab myself the finest wine cooler crippling depression can buy and sit down to set up a meeting with HR. Oh ho ho surprise time, I log into my remote exchange client and check my calendar:

Pending meeting invitation with [CFO][Head of HR][/u/regular_boris] and [Cup Licker] @ 9:30AM

...

Accept Without Comments   

On a completely unrelated note, if anyone knows of rental units in Belize that take cash and don't ask questions let me know.

edit14: IF you happen to read this I'll save you some time: I still don't know what's in the folder.    

It is 6:something... just posting a small update. I couldn't sleep much. I guess since I'll be murdered or maybe even worse fired my body decided it can save that for later. I feel like my last batch of posting was a bit dramatic so apologies for that. I blame it on backed up baby batter which I took care of ASAP. Anyway since I was up I decided to head into work way before any reasonable person would show up so I could check the folder. As luck would have it my keycard did not work, but the guard let me in since he 'knew me'... Apparently a good way to get remembered is by being a walking infomercial and tripping on the stairs every other day. I thought I might be fired since my card did not work but why can I still log into emails? That's usually the first thing they disable. Anyway long story short (too late) both folders are missing from my desk.     

Now I am outside sitting in my car in the cold like a moron, but like I said I couldn't sleep.

edit15: Well I just woke up. Apparently I fell asleep in my car and while sleeping managed to turn on the heat full blast. A wonderful aroma that I can only describe as feral cat bukkake flooded my car so I guess now I get to deal with cleaning that when I get home. I'll make sure to write that one down as my new band name.
I went back into the office drenched in sweat and cat love smell. My card still didn't work. I wont be able to respond for a bit until after this meeting since on the off chance I don't get murderfired I actually have some work to do. First though, a bathroom break to go through anything new.

Now I am pooping.

AMA.

edit16: Done pooping, back to work for a bit. Also a quick note guys I am not going to attempt to poison her that's really screwy. At first I did consider putting some of my gross soda in a cup as kind of a joke but I am just going to talk to HR and attempt to be a normal person instead of making things (more) weird. You know I need a job ya?    

I might post another update if she does anything before the meeting but I haven't been to my desk yet.     

Oh and one last thing. About the card, this happens all the time. I just mentioned it because I was frustrated that it happened today of all days and was venting. I did not mean to imply it was related to the recent happenings.    

edit17: Cup Licker is here and doing that thing again where she strains to not look at me. I didn't attempt communication.
Just got a call from the head of HR asking if I was here today for the meeting. I couldn't punch in since my card wasn't working and forgot punch in online since my stupid windows phone doesn't work with the ADP app. She said to bring the card with me to the meeting and she would fix it. So I guess I am not fired right, or maybe she's telling me to turn it in...
Probably my last update before the meeting, pls baby raptor jesus bring me baby raptor strength...      

edit18: Taking me a bit to summarize this meeting and cut out the extra crap since people were complaining I was typing too much.
subedit18.1: I failed.
subedit18.2: Aaaaand I got bombed with work.
First of all thanks again to Exhibit A I was late to the meeting. It was in this rarely used meeting room next to the breakroom where the cup licking offense took place. This is actually a pretty good benefit for me because it is one of the few rooms that has an interior security camera left over from before the remodel. I doubted anything was going to happen but at least I had that one comfort.
I was expecting everyone to be present but it was just the head of HR, her laptop, and the folder from the CFO. I had no idea how it got there but was more worried that the folder Cup Licker gave me was under it.
HR was kind of annoyed because I was late to the meeting but thankfully she didn't know I was late to work since I couldn't punch in. I gave her my card and she looked really confused. While she is working on that CFO and Cup Licker enter. I did not notice while I was at my desk, but she looks very different today. She's in one of those women's suit/skirt things and actually wearing makeup. She is overloaded with a huge pile of papers in folders thicker than the one I originally got from the CFO. HR is having trouble with something on her laptop and the CFO is looking at her screen. Cup Licker gives me a wink while they're occupied, sadly her back is to the camera. HR gives me my card back and CFO sits.    

Anyway this is my best memory, not verbatim cause I am not a memory wizard.    

CFO: 'Okay so, uh.... regular_borris are you okay?'
I am thinking my hair is matted from sweating this morning still. My heart is definitely racing gut in the floor.
Me: Yeah I just had an A/C problem.
CFO: 'In the office?'
Me: 'No, my car.'
CFO: 'Ah alright, I thought you might be worried about the meeting since it was last minute.'
Me: 'WELL YEAH'
Good job idiot sound more panic'd eh?
CFO: laughs 'Well alright anyway this will be short. [Chill Co-Worker] is no longer with us. We need you to pick up some of his work but... you've been here what six?'
Boris Note: What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....
HR: 'Ten.'
CFO: 'Ten years so I am going to give you a little more flexibility. IT is going to be archiving [Chill Co-Workers] email'
HR: interrupting 'After sanitizing it for personal information!'
CFO: 'Right. And [Cup Licker] is going to send you his outstanding project.'
I am thinking of course this isn't going to work after I talk to HR.
Cup Licker: 'I hope you don't mind seeing me more often.'
Me: 'Well you work in the next cubicle...    '
CFO: 'Good deal. [Cup Licker] will give you his paperwork I uh, think that's it there and HR will fill you in on compensation.'
HR gives the CFO a dirty look while darting her eyes back and forth between him and Cup Licker.
CFO: 'It's fine. I have to meet [new vendor] now upstairs. Oh and regular_borris don't stress yourself if you get overwhelmed let me know. [Cup Licker] said mentioned in the parking lot yesterday working on your laptop. 44 hours cap alright?'     

CFO leaves and HR, obviously annoyed with Cup Licker asks her how long it would be with the papers. Cup Licker says it will be just a few minutes. HR says she is going to run to her office to get some paperwork and for Cup Licker to come get her when she's done. Oh yes perfectly exactly what I want.     

Cup Licker: 'He told me about [Chill Co-Worker] and so I mentioned you... hope that's okay.'
Me: 'Yeah, thanks. Look you know I'm married right?'
CL: 'Where did that come from?'
Me: 'I'm just saying.'
CL: 'Yeah I know. Why would you say that though?'
Me: 'Alright, no more... stuff like that. Around my desk when I am gone.'
CL: 'Maybe. Are you worried about the elevator?'
Me: 'No Maybe, and what about that?'
CL: 'Okay it was just fun.'
Me: 'Look, again, I am not judging or anything just gotta stop alright.'
CL: 'Okay.'
she hands me the folder from today and the CFO one yesterday. I look at the stack briefly but don't see any suspiciously thing ones like from the elevator.
CL: 'Are you going to ask me?'
wtf is she talking about
Me: 'Ask what, wait no, were done I think.' Thanks dumb brain.
Cup Licker seems a little sad now.
CL: 'Are you going to tell [HR] on me?'
Me: 'We talked, there is nothing to tell.'
Thats a damn lie you know HR is hearing about it.
CL: 'Okay sweetie.'
She leaves and kind of touches my elbow again on the way out.
Just a little note here, as many have guessed we're in the south so sweetie and honey are not unheard of although it did give me the jeebies in her high pitched voice.     

So I am waiting and waiting for this HR person to come back when I remember that Cup Licker was supposed to get her. About 15 minutes I go find HR myself. She's not in her office, her assistant says she had to go deal with something in the production floor. I go back to the meeting room. HR's computer is gone but I go ahead and stare at the security camera for another 15 mins like an idiot because it seemed like the right thing to do. 

I get back to my cubicle and Cup Licker has come out of her trance of looking away. She tosses me another wink while I put the folders down. I ignore her and unlock my computer, one new email from HR. 'Please print and sign this when you are back.' It's a scanned copy of the Employee Action Report form (kind of a combined form that has everything from getting fired, written up, a promotion, transfer or a raise on it all in one.) I got a $2000/yr raise.    

Somewhere in the depths of my brain that has never been used before I determine it would be best if I just sit in HRs office until she returns. I grab my business card book, the pile of folders, and my phone and leave my desk. But.... I needed some time to clear my head so I head to the bathroom. While I am failing an attempt at balancing the stack of documents on the back of the toilet sure enough there is one, brand new, manilla folder in the middle with nothing in it causing the others to slip apart.     

http://i.imgur.com/OJ9vuyP.jpg

So, here I am 'pooping' trying to call [Chill Co-Worker] and see if he knows anything because what the hell with this day man. FML.    

edit19: No luck, off to HR.
edit20: Well... talked to HR... it went... interestingly. I am off to counseling (unrelated to Cup Licker although I'm sure she'll come up.) Will post HR update when I return. Please don't assume I've been murdered. If that occurs I will be sure to notify you in a timely fashion.

edit21: I just double checked the max character limit because this is seriously the most I've ever written on any account, throwaway or main. I also don't know how much you guys want to know because some seem to want more and some want me to go eat a package of male genitalia. I'm just writing it as it happens and between work stuff so that's all I can give you.     

So HR.... HR came back pretty fast after I showed up from my bathroom phonecall attempts. In hindsight I wish I had gone to counseling first because Cup Licker (hereafter known as Cuppy) did come up and now I feel kinda bad. I know she's a single mom of at least one and I didn't want to get her canned, but I am also sole provider and wanted to make sure that my position was known in advance while I still had a chance. I don't think I'll type out transcript for this part. It's just too much blah blah.     

I told HR that Cuppy had been doing some things to make me feel a little uncomfortable like coming into my cube while I was gone and just kind of invading my personal space and acting odd. She kept pushing me for specific details on the 'odd' part. I just said you know I think she had been digging in the breakroom trash, and stuff. Again specifics so I told her about the pencil. She asked why I had waited to bring this up until I was asked to work with her directly and I just told her it happened recently. I just wanted it known before it was an issue. HR seemed annoyed with me but said she would talk to CFO and Cuppy about it. For some reason I asked if it could be anonymous and she gave me the same look your grandma does when grandpa farts and blames it on the dog. I let her know about Exhibit A and she nodded.    

So I go to counseling which was another exciting part of my life that I'll omit for the sanity of anyone bored enough to read this far. Cuppy came up and my counselor is one of those kinds that is very supportive in the 'well are you gonna bang her or what' way. Thanks doc, but yeah I actually do keep going to her because she cuts through my bullshit.    

I get back to the office, no sign of Cuppy and no urgent jobs for the rest of the day yet. Thursdays are usually pretty slow here. Calm before the storm and all. I pop reddit and write a couple of replies when Cuppy shows up again and I close the window. I forgot to open some 'work' so I had nothing but Windows Hills of Shame staring back at me. Not sure if she noticed, but she didn't look angry so that's a plus. I figure they hadn't talked to her yet, but why would I have anything easy? My phone rings and I notice that I had a few missed calls. CFO.    

Well, nice knowing ya I guess. Still not sure about the pros and cons over being fired vs murdered at this point...    

I pick up and CFO says rhetorically 'Hey how ya doing everything okay on your lunch date?'
HR blabbed awhile ago about my counseling and he's been giving me crap about it since I mentioned I go alone apparently I am 'dating' my counselor.
'I heard you are having a little trouble getting adjusted to the new position with [Cuppy]. [HR] and I talked to her and we're good. We're not going to have any more trouble right?'
I told him no problems and I thanked him the compensation. He brushed me off and hung up. I noticed Cuppy seemed to be watching me from the corner of her eye so I attempt to make a big show of ending the conversation on a friendly note.     

As soon as I hang up Cuppy comes over and scoots my job rack over a bit and sits right on my desk. Not seductively or anything just kind of a casual lean. So, I guess that clears up her feelings regarding the HR conversation. I kind of looked around at this point to see if anyone else saw this but no one was paying attention and the stupid loud plotter was running in the cubicle next to me.    

Her: 'I'm not mad you know.'
Me: 'About what?' I'm the coolest cucumber in the reject bin
Her: 'You know.'
Me: I actually don't remember what I said here because what she was getting distractingly close but it was something like 'I didn't do anything I shouldn't have.', just make it sound really cool in your head because I completely forget.
Her: 'It's okay, we're friends and colleagues right?'
Me: 'Co-workers, yeah.'  I hate that colleagues word just a note, makes my eye twitch.
Her: 'Not friends?'
Me: 'We're friendly, sure.'
Her: 'Good.'     

She hops off the desk and leans in. I scoot my chair back but it gets caught on the mat. I feel like I'm about to tip over so I throw my hands up like I'm Pee-Wee Herman but with the grace of a Murloc. Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm leaving it. She reaches for my one of my collar buttons and 'fixes it'.      

Her: 'I'm glad we're friends 'cause I like leaving notes.'
Me: 'Just email if you need to write something okay?'    

At this point I realize she took one of her hands out of my front pocket and left something there. She half-saunters half-my-leg-is-asleeps back to her desk. I wait until she sits down so she can see me put the note in my trash can without reading it. She just smiles and shakes her head.      

I am going to check with security if maybe there is a camera in here that I don't see but I doubt it. I still haven't gotten Chill Co-Worker on the phone just to see if maybe he can back me up in this... At least HR knows though. All I can do now.    

edit21: Small update, no answer from Chill Co-Worker still but tbh I never really talked to him outside of work so he might not have my number programmed. I left a message though, or maybe he's lurking this thread and thinks I'm a herp derp. Meh.
Probably my last update for the day... Unless Cuppy puts her tongue in my ear or something in the next 25 minutes.
I very much hope she's not reading this and takes that as an invitation.

I don't really know how much more I am going to write. This just feels like it's going to be an ongoing thing for a while...
I just caught a co-worker licking the inside of a drinking cup I just threw away. This is not the first time I've caught her doing something like this. AMA.

I took a couple cupfuls from the water cooler and discarded my cup. I headed to the bathroom and realized I left my phone. When I got back to the breakroom she was vigorously licking the inside of my cup (I could see her tongue because we have clear disposable cups.) She turned red and ran off taking my cup with her.

Now I am pooping.

AMA.

edit: I am done pooping and returned to my cubicle. She is not in her cubicle.

edit2: She is now in her cubicle. She does not appear to have my cup and is making it her life's work not to look in my direction. We are in eyesight of each other normally.

edit3: She is on reddit but I'm not close enough to know where. It looks like /sub/all

edit4: Going to a meeting at 1:00 EST, chill co-worker will monitor cubicle. He doens't know what's going on I just said to keep an eye out incase someone comes looking for me. She's still in her cube straining to not look in my direction. Will update during and after.

edit5: Shortly after leaving for the meeting my coworker messaged me to let me know she was at my desk. He told her I was in a meeting. Battery getting low, will respond after meeting when I get my charger.

edit6: Went to get my charger from my truck, found this folded on the windshield . I guess I am going to be murdered now? When I came back to my cubicle she is not at her desk but her jacket and purse is still there.

edit7: One hour until quitting time and she's still not back. I gave the office a walk around haven't seen her. Also checked my car for more notes and nothing new.

edit8: She is back but has not returned to her cubicle yet. 30 mins left before quitting time so we'll see.

edit9: Okay I talked to her, writing up what happened now give me a moment.

edit10: Okay so here is what happened. Sorry for no updates for a bit. I was talking to her.

So I got a call from the CFO to talk about an old project. Went upstairs and he was already leaving for the day. He gives me a packet and tells me we'll talk about it in the morning first thing. So, I didn't mention, but I usually I take the stairs because I am trying to lose weight but thanks to /u/faronpitt giving me the heebie jeebies I took the elevator. So I am taking it back down and get to my floor. Wouldn't you know who is waiting there.

So and sorry if I am not describing this situation well but its one of those 'lots of mini interactions at once' things. I am at the door, ready to get off because it's my floor and you know how a NORMAL person lets the elevator get out before they get on. Well she apparently is not a subscriber to elevator etiquette monthly because it is clear that I am not getting off until she gets on. Anyway at the same time this is happening she kind of saw me when the door first opened but at the same time was making her way in while diverting her eyes to the elevator buttons.

She clears the door and the second I can waddle my fat ass by her she says 'Hello' in a normal tone. She is still not looking directly at me. I forgot to mention she has a really high pitched voice so she sounds almost like a child so I was still kind of taken off guard. I say hi and get one foot out the door. She says 'Oh, I have something for you *mumbling* [CFOs Name].' she kind of touches my elbow a bit, I know of course this is bull because I just talked to the CFO a second ago. She hands me a manilla folder that feels like it is empty. I put it with the thicker one I just ACTUALLY got from the CFO.

I start walking away again and she says in a slightly annoyed tone 'Aren't you going to read it, what if I need it back?' I tell her I just talked to the CFO and he was leaving and we were going to talk in the morning. She turns beet red and says 'Oh okay...' at this point the door starts closing (Why does this elevator suddenly work quickly when it usually takes a decade for the door to close?!?!?!) I say "no worries" and try to stop the door and she says 'Did you need to see me?' I tell her I need to get my projects closed or something like that. She says 'You needed to see me though.' in a kind of softly-annoyed tone (if that makes sense.) I tell her I'd really rather talk at my desk.

At this point she gives me a stare and I kind of look back at her. Now again, I'm a big fat ass I am not physically afraid of this 110lb person. The elevator door closes. She doesn't press a button but I know any moment it's going to start going up because the CFO was going to be heading out the door a little bit after me.

At this point I just blurt out: Me: 'Did you leave a note?' Her: 'Yes...' Me: 'On my car?' Her: '...Yes.' Me: 'Look I know you were probably just being a silly but that's kind of weird a little bit don't you think?' Her: 'I was just being sillynice' (her word there, she said this kind of in an overly-sweet way but I cut her off) Me: 'I mean, after the cup thing' I kind of had a stutter here because the elevator started moving up. I pressed the next two floors buttons to make it delay. This time I think she was a little creeped out instead of the other way around. The next floor opened and closed again. Her: 'I'm sorry for that um, do you think we can talk tomorrow? You come in early right?' She said this no shame or anything. This is true I do come in early by a bit. Me: 'Anything I need to know about?' Her: 'No nothing bad, we never talk is all.' Me: 'We talk about work stuff all the time.' The elevator starts moving again and hits the next floor. I hold the door this time. Her: 'I know.' Me: 'Look I'm not judging or anything it was just a little weird. I know you know how me and [co-worker] talk. You know we're kinda weird and stuff. I'm not judging just you know.' Obviously me not good word sayer. Her: 'Okay, you are not mad?' Me: 'No.' Her: 'Okay.' Me: 'Talk tomorrow then?' Why did I say that? Her: 'Okay, yes!' She said this WAAAAY too happy. Me: 'Uh... bye.' I got off the elevator and she went up to, I presume, the CFOs level.

That was it. I got off the elevator, took the stairs back down to my level. She never came back to her cubicle. I typed up part of this in notepad and then put it on a thumb drive. I clocked out and took my car up to the top level of the parking structure to finish typing it on my laptop and post it. So not to leave you hanging but that is all I got. Sorry for the disappointment. I am either falling into an anime or I am going to be murdered tonight. Hooray. I have a long drive now if you still have questions I might be able to answer one or two.

edit11: I answer all that was up in my inbox now. Driving home will answer more if you guys really want when I get there.

edit12: Stuck in traffic so answered another batch. Probably going to be my last update for tonight. I guess I have no choice but to update tomorrow. Farewell my friends, if I die please burn the harddrives marked 'Taxes' from 1996 to 2014.

edit13:

First to clear things up what /u/xsibleyx08 and 200 other people want to know WHAT'S IN THE FOLDER?!?!?!: I forgot about it completely! I wanted to get out of work so quick but I wanted to type a quick update too. I left it on my desk with the stuff from the CFO. Yeah it sucks, I want to know what is in it too. Also I kinda don't want to know...

Second: Why didn't I [proper action to take here]?!?! - The answer, hereafter known as Exhibit A: I am an idiot. I have no social skills and I can't think on my feet for anything. Yeah if I was writing a book I'd be all cool and come up with awesome one liners but in real life I can only quote MC FrontALot 'But me here talk good? No, bad talk do!'

So back to current time: I was driving home and my wife calls me. She wants me to bring home some fancy takeout. I'm thinking great, she'll be in a good mood and I can drop this news on her and have some support and such. Oh hell no. Let me tell you if you were worried about World War III it's nothing compared to getting told off by my wife. Now ya gotta understand, I know where she is coming from. You can see from my conversation above I don't help things along in the 'piss off I'm taken' category but god damn. I'll spare you the details because I know I got a character limit here plus no one on the internet gives a rats ass about a shitty marriage (see: /sub/relationships). So I'll cut to the part you want to hear.

The Poop is About to Hit the Overhead Mounted Air-Cooling System

So one thing related to the event comes out of the conversation: I should have went to HR the first time she was in my cubicle. Yeah, no shit (See Exhibit A) so I'll be doing that. So lets be proactive. I grab myself the finest wine cooler crippling depression can buy and sit down to set up a meeting with HR. Oh ho ho surprise time, I log into my remote exchange client and check my calendar:

Pending meeting invitation with [CFO][Head of HR][/u/regular_boris] and [Cup Licker] @ 9:30AM

...

Accept Without Comments

On a completely unrelated note, if anyone knows of rental units in Belize that take cash and don't ask questions let me know.

edit14: IF you happen to read this I'll save you some time: I still don't know what's in the folder.

It is 6:something... just posting a small update. I couldn't sleep much. I guess since I'll be murdered or maybe even worse fired my body decided it can save that for later. I feel like my last batch of posting was a bit dramatic so apologies for that. I blame it on backed up baby batter which I took care of ASAP. Anyway since I was up I decided to head into work way before any reasonable person would show up so I could check the folder. As luck would have it my keycard did not work, but the guard let me in since he 'knew me'... Apparently a good way to get remembered is by being a walking infomercial and tripping on the stairs every other day. I thought I might be fired since my card did not work but why can I still log into emails? That's usually the first thing they disable. Anyway long story short (too late) both folders are missing from my desk.

Now I am outside sitting in my car in the cold like a moron, but like I said I couldn't sleep.

edit15: Well I just woke up. Apparently I fell asleep in my car and while sleeping managed to turn on the heat full blast. A wonderful aroma that I can only describe as feral cat bukkake flooded my car so I guess now I get to deal with cleaning that when I get home. I'll make sure to write that one down as my new band name. I went back into the office drenched in sweat and cat love smell. My card still didn't work. I wont be able to respond for a bit until after this meeting since on the off chance I don't get murderfired I actually have some work to do. First though, a bathroom break to go through anything new.

Now I am pooping.

AMA.

edit16: Done pooping, back to work for a bit. Also a quick note guys I am not going to attempt to poison her that's really screwy. At first I did consider putting some of my gross soda in a cup as kind of a joke but I am just going to talk to HR and attempt to be a normal person instead of making things (more) weird. You know I need a job ya?

I might post another update if she does anything before the meeting but I haven't been to my desk yet.

Oh and one last thing. About the card, this happens all the time. I just mentioned it because I was frustrated that it happened today of all days and was venting. I did not mean to imply it was related to the recent happenings.

edit17: Cup Licker is here and doing that thing again where she strains to not look at me. I didn't attempt communication. Just got a call from the head of HR asking if I was here today for the meeting. I couldn't punch in since my card wasn't working and forgot punch in online since my stupid windows phone doesn't work with the ADP app. She said to bring the card with me to the meeting and she would fix it. So I guess I am not fired right, or maybe she's telling me to turn it in... Probably my last update before the meeting, pls baby raptor jesus bring me baby raptor strength...

edit18: Taking me a bit to summarize this meeting and cut out the extra crap since people were complaining I was typing too much. subedit18.1: I failed. subedit18.2: Aaaaand I got bombed with work. First of all thanks again to Exhibit A I was late to the meeting. It was in this rarely used meeting room next to the breakroom where the cup licking offense took place. This is actually a pretty good benefit for me because it is one of the few rooms that has an interior security camera left over from before the remodel. I doubted anything was going to happen but at least I had that one comfort. I was expecting everyone to be present but it was just the head of HR, her laptop, and the folder from the CFO. I had no idea how it got there but was more worried that the folder Cup Licker gave me was under it. HR was kind of annoyed because I was late to the meeting but thankfully she didn't know I was late to work since I couldn't punch in. I gave her my card and she looked really confused. While she is working on that CFO and Cup Licker enter. I did not notice while I was at my desk, but she looks very different today. She's in one of those women's suit/skirt things and actually wearing makeup. She is overloaded with a huge pile of papers in folders thicker than the one I originally got from the CFO. HR is having trouble with something on her laptop and the CFO is looking at her screen. Cup Licker gives me a wink while they're occupied, sadly her back is to the camera. HR gives me my card back and CFO sits.

Anyway this is my best memory, not verbatim cause I am not a memory wizard.

CFO: 'Okay so, uh.... regular_borris are you okay?' I am thinking my hair is matted from sweating this morning still. My heart is definitely racing gut in the floor. Me: Yeah I just had an A/C problem. CFO: 'In the office?' Me: 'No, my car.' CFO: 'Ah alright, I thought you might be worried about the meeting since it was last minute.' Me: 'WELL YEAH' Good job idiot sound more panic'd eh? CFO: laughs 'Well alright anyway this will be short. [Chill Co-Worker] is no longer with us. We need you to pick up some of his work but... you've been here what six?' Boris Note: What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuu..... HR: 'Ten.' CFO: 'Ten years so I am going to give you a little more flexibility. IT is going to be archiving [Chill Co-Workers] email' HR: interrupting 'After sanitizing it for personal information!' CFO: 'Right. And [Cup Licker] is going to send you his outstanding project.' I am thinking of course this isn't going to work after I talk to HR. Cup Licker: 'I hope you don't mind seeing me more often.' Me: 'Well you work in the next cubicle... ' CFO: 'Good deal. [Cup Licker] will give you his paperwork I uh, think that's it there and HR will fill you in on compensation.' HR gives the CFO a dirty look while darting her eyes back and forth between him and Cup Licker. CFO: 'It's fine. I have to meet [new vendor] now upstairs. Oh and regular_borris don't stress yourself if you get overwhelmed let me know. [Cup Licker] said mentioned in the parking lot yesterday working on your laptop. 44 hours cap alright?'

CFO leaves and HR, obviously annoyed with Cup Licker asks her how long it would be with the papers. Cup Licker says it will be just a few minutes. HR says she is going to run to her office to get some paperwork and for Cup Licker to come get her when she's done. Oh yes perfectly exactly what I want.

Cup Licker: 'He told me about [Chill Co-Worker] and so I mentioned you... hope that's okay.' Me: 'Yeah, thanks. Look you know I'm married right?' CL: 'Where did that come from?' Me: 'I'm just saying.' CL: 'Yeah I know. Why would you say that though?' Me: 'Alright, no more... stuff like that. Around my desk when I am gone.' CL: 'Maybe. Are you worried about the elevator?' Me: 'No Maybe, and what about that?' CL: 'Okay it was just fun.' Me: 'Look, again, I am not judging or anything just gotta stop alright.' CL: 'Okay.' she hands me the folder from today and the CFO one yesterday. I look at the stack briefly but don't see any suspiciously thing ones like from the elevator. CL: 'Are you going to ask me?' wtf is she talking about Me: 'Ask what, wait no, were done I think.' Thanks dumb brain. Cup Licker seems a little sad now. CL: 'Are you going to tell [HR] on me?' Me: 'We talked, there is nothing to tell.' Thats a damn lie you know HR is hearing about it. CL: 'Okay sweetie.' She leaves and kind of touches my elbow again on the way out. Just a little note here, as many have guessed we're in the south so sweetie and honey are not unheard of although it did give me the jeebies in her high pitched voice.

So I am waiting and waiting for this HR person to come back when I remember that Cup Licker was supposed to get her. About 15 minutes I go find HR myself. She's not in her office, her assistant says she had to go deal with something in the production floor. I go back to the meeting room. HR's computer is gone but I go ahead and stare at the security camera for another 15 mins like an idiot because it seemed like the right thing to do.

I get back to my cubicle and Cup Licker has come out of her trance of looking away. She tosses me another wink while I put the folders down. I ignore her and unlock my computer, one new email from HR. 'Please print and sign this when you are back.' It's a scanned copy of the Employee Action Report form (kind of a combined form that has everything from getting fired, written up, a promotion, transfer or a raise on it all in one.) I got a $2000/yr raise.

Somewhere in the depths of my brain that has never been used before I determine it would be best if I just sit in HRs office until she returns. I grab my business card book, the pile of folders, and my phone and leave my desk. But.... I needed some time to clear my head so I head to the bathroom. While I am failing an attempt at balancing the stack of documents on the back of the toilet sure enough there is one, brand new, manilla folder in the middle with nothing in it causing the others to slip apart.

http://i.imgur.com/OJ9vuyP.jpg

So, here I am 'pooping' trying to call [Chill Co-Worker] and see if he knows anything because what the hell with this day man. FML.

edit19: No luck, off to HR. edit20: Well... talked to HR... it went... interestingly. I am off to counseling (unrelated to Cup Licker although I'm sure she'll come up.) Will post HR update when I return. Please don't assume I've been murdered. If that occurs I will be sure to notify you in a timely fashion.

edit21: I just double checked the max character limit because this is seriously the most I've ever written on any account, throwaway or main. I also don't know how much you guys want to know because some seem to want more and some want me to go eat a package of male genitalia. I'm just writing it as it happens and between work stuff so that's all I can give you.

So HR.... HR came back pretty fast after I showed up from my bathroom phonecall attempts. In hindsight I wish I had gone to counseling first because Cup Licker (hereafter known as Cuppy) did come up and now I feel kinda bad. I know she's a single mom of at least one and I didn't want to get her canned, but I am also sole provider and wanted to make sure that my position was known in advance while I still had a chance. I don't think I'll type out transcript for this part. It's just too much blah blah.

I told HR that Cuppy had been doing some things to make me feel a little uncomfortable like coming into my cube while I was gone and just kind of invading my personal space and acting odd. She kept pushing me for specific details on the 'odd' part. I just said you know I think she had been digging in the breakroom trash, and stuff. Again specifics so I told her about the pencil. She asked why I had waited to bring this up until I was asked to work with her directly and I just told her it happened recently. I just wanted it known before it was an issue. HR seemed annoyed with me but said she would talk to CFO and Cuppy about it. For some reason I asked if it could be anonymous and she gave me the same look your grandma does when grandpa farts and blames it on the dog. I let her know about Exhibit A and she nodded.

So I go to counseling which was another exciting part of my life that I'll omit for the sanity of anyone bored enough to read this far. Cuppy came up and my counselor is one of those kinds that is very supportive in the 'well are you gonna bang her or what' way. Thanks doc, but yeah I actually do keep going to her because she cuts through my bullshit.

I get back to the office, no sign of Cuppy and no urgent jobs for the rest of the day yet. Thursdays are usually pretty slow here. Calm before the storm and all. I pop reddit and write a couple of replies when Cuppy shows up again and I close the window. I forgot to open some 'work' so I had nothing but Windows Hills of Shame staring back at me. Not sure if she noticed, but she didn't look angry so that's a plus. I figure they hadn't talked to her yet, but why would I have anything easy? My phone rings and I notice that I had a few missed calls. CFO.

Well, nice knowing ya I guess. Still not sure about the pros and cons over being fired vs murdered at this point...

I pick up and CFO says rhetorically 'Hey how ya doing everything okay on your lunch date?' HR blabbed awhile ago about my counseling and he's been giving me crap about it since I mentioned I go alone apparently I am 'dating' my counselor. 'I heard you are having a little trouble getting adjusted to the new position with [Cuppy]. [HR] and I talked to her and we're good. We're not going to have any more trouble right?' I told him no problems and I thanked him the compensation. He brushed me off and hung up. I noticed Cuppy seemed to be watching me from the corner of her eye so I attempt to make a big show of ending the conversation on a friendly note.

As soon as I hang up Cuppy comes over and scoots my job rack over a bit and sits right on my desk. Not seductively or anything just kind of a casual lean. So, I guess that clears up her feelings regarding the HR conversation. I kind of looked around at this point to see if anyone else saw this but no one was paying attention and the stupid loud plotter was running in the cubicle next to me.

Her: 'I'm not mad you know.' Me: 'About what?' I'm the coolest cucumber in the reject bin Her: 'You know.' Me: I actually don't remember what I said here because what she was getting distractingly close but it was something like 'I didn't do anything I shouldn't have.', just make it sound really cool in your head because I completely forget. Her: 'It's okay, we're friends and colleagues right?' Me: 'Co-workers, yeah.' I hate that colleagues word just a note, makes my eye twitch. Her: 'Not friends?' Me: 'We're friendly, sure.' Her: 'Good.'

She hops off the desk and leans in. I scoot my chair back but it gets caught on the mat. I feel like I'm about to tip over so I throw my hands up like I'm Pee-Wee Herman but with the grace of a Murloc. Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm leaving it. She reaches for my one of my collar buttons and 'fixes it'.

Her: 'I'm glad we're friends 'cause I like leaving notes.' Me: 'Just email if you need to write something okay?'

At this point I realize she took one of her hands out of my front pocket and left something there. She half-saunters half-my-leg-is-asleeps back to her desk. I wait until she sits down so she can see me put the note in my trash can without reading it. She just smiles and shakes her head.

I am going to check with security if maybe there is a camera in here that I don't see but I doubt it. I still haven't gotten Chill Co-Worker on the phone just to see if maybe he can back me up in this... At least HR knows though. All I can do now.

edit21: Small update, no answer from Chill Co-Worker still but tbh I never really talked to him outside of work so he might not have my number programmed. I left a message though, or maybe he's lurking this thread and thinks I'm a herp derp. Meh. Probably my last update for the day... Unless Cuppy puts her tongue in my ear or something in the next 25 minutes. I very much hope she's not reading this and takes that as an invitation.

I don't really know how much more I am going to write. This just feels like it's going to be an ongoing thing for a while...

I have several questions, but they're all for your coworker.

It's zookeeper Q&A time!

It's zookeeper Q&A time!

I did an AMA about a year ago that got pretty good response. I've had a couple of request since then to do another. Here it is. I'll be in and out through the day, but I will answer all your questions.

Edit: I need to go run some errands. I will pick up where I left off.

Edit2: Loving the questions. I will answer all (that aren't trolls). I need to go take care of some stuff. Keep the Qs coming. May be tomorrow, but you'll get a response.

When a mother rhino "introduced" her calf to us. She kinda nosed the little toot over towards the gate and stood right next to her as she checked us out.

I am a sixty year old Californian dude who is in a hospice with end-stage pancreatic cancer.

I am a sixty year old Californian dude who is in a hospice with end-stage pancreatic cancer.

Hello. Thank you for reading, if you decide to do so. I have been fighting this disease for three years, and all of the treatments that I have tried have not been successful. I checked into a hospice around two months ago, and my doctor has told me that I have less than four more months to live.

I am alone. I never married. My dearest friends have either passed or moved on. I have known about this subreddit for a while, and I like reading what people have to say.

I am glad that I have lived as long as I have. I have had a wonderful life, and I have come to terms with my impending death. Please feel free to ask me anything.

I'd advise you ease away from your negative characteristics. Fight for what you think that you should be.

Do not fear sophistication and experience. The world is so enormously large that it would be a true shame to not experience its many alleys, theaters, art pieces, rocket ships, beaches, food, and people.

Do not be afraid to make bold decisions, as those are the only ones that will force you out of stagnation.

My girlfriend of 4 years died the day after my grandmother. It's been 9 days, they tell me. I'm answering this time, I promise. AMA.

My girlfriend of 4 years died the day after my grandmother. It's been 9 days, they tell me. I'm answering this time, I promise. AMA.

I was in a REALLY bad place on my last post. I made it alive, and tonight I'm drinking so I'm numbed up enough to participate. My girlfriend of 4 years died from pneumonia the day after my grandmother died suddenly from a heart attack. I've been largely dealing with this in isolation, as I'm a day's drive from my family/friends. Not sure what you'd like to know. But the other night I bailed because I thought no one was going to answer. Maybe you would like to know how I didn't kill myself yet? Or what they were like? How I'm dealing with this as an atheist?

Just AMA please. I need this. You can ask about their deaths and how, etc. don't hold back. Hell I posted to /sub/dirtypenpals the other night maybe ask about that?

!!!!!!!!Forgot to add there was no funeral or memorial service for my girl. Her estranged mother cremated her and wouldn't speak to me or anyone and didn't do anything. Good times. The crematorium even called me to get her social security number. Her mom didn't know but they couldn't even give me any ashes!! Yay! Did you know they could do that?

Would yall like pictures or something? Maybe this just isn't interesting to people. God I'm so sensitive right now.

Okay I'm not going to talk to her on her account anymore, I want to answer y'all's questions. Hello?

My grandmother was the second female police officer in Birmingham, but quit during the riots and civil rights shenanigans. Well my girlfriend worked a the strip club here for a long time, not as a stripper. I can tell some stories of her meeting and hanging out with some famous musicians if anyone is interested. I worked at a venue before her so I've met a few, too. Had a chance to play piano with Willie Nelson and John Meyer, so that's cool. She hung out with Lemmy from Motörhead and smoked pot with Redman for instance. My dad trained Ham the space chimp in the Air Force, that's cool maybe that's of interest? Lots of stories just ask.

Well fuck me this is depressing.

Anybody know where I could post where people would talk to me?

EDIT: I'm back and will take fresh questions. I want it to be known that I don't blame the doctors for this, and from what I understand in the ER they don't run tests based on insurance. I have a ton of questions, but I won't let my grief make me irrationally angry, she would not approve.

SUPER EDIT: I'm 5 minutes into my inbox and THANK YOU SO MUCH REDDIT! I was just bullshitting off the cuff but I really needed y'all! I'm trying to respond to everyone, so if I leave a conversation for awhile please understand. I DO NOT FEEL ALONE TONIGHT THANK YOU

OKAY, SHE WAS NOT A FUCKING JUNKIE, SHE WAS IN THE BEST SHAPE SHE'D BEEN IN IN 20 YEARS. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU PEOPLE BLAME NE/HER FIR BLAMING CAPITALISM OR SOME SILLINESS BECAUSE SHES A JUNKIE? WE SURE AS FUCK DID NOT SHOOT HEROIN YOU PIECES OF SHIT. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. I WENT TO SLEEP AND SOMEONE SAW EASY KARMA AND YOU STUPID FUCKS BOUGHT IT.

Try one of these subthreads