britishproblems

Ok I've had enough sun and dying inside my non-air conditioned office. winter please come back

Ok I've had enough sun and dying inside my non-air conditioned office. winter please come back

There are too many people out and about. Half of them men with their muffin tops out D:

I used to work in a non-air-conditioned office, with floor to ceiling windows, and 40 high powered workstations and about 50 people generating additional heat. All in the same room. In summer it was damn near unbearable. Manglement's solution? Relax the dress code.

Then the CEO had to use one of our meeting rooms off this little slice of hell for a special project for a week. Halfway through the week, serious air conditioning was ordered. Just goes to show you, making regular people miserable isn't a problem, but make someone "important" miserable and things start happening.

Go and wash your mouth out with soap!!! That sort of language will not be tolerated and if ‘Mr Sun doesn’t stay for the week it will be because you begged for winter back’ (strange echos of my mother there - sorry)

Welcome to society

Our building/site manager gave up his fan so we could have some air circulation...

I miss him.

But we still don't have air conditioning...

When you're actually jealous of the tramps on the street because they get to sit outside in the sun drinking all day.

When you're actually jealous of the tramps on the street because they get to sit outside in the sun drinking all day.

we'll all be there soon enough, no rush.

I was sitting talking to a couple of tramps and both of them swore blind they were on a gap year that ended badly lol

Plus they get to pee and poo where they like, don't pay council tax, car tax, insurance, and utilities, also think about all the garden parties hosted by Cynthia they don't have to go to. Luxury.

Mate, you don’t need to go those parties. You have a doctors appointment, a marriage, or a funeral.

Waited 45 minutes for the meal, still not arrived, want to leave in a rage but still want to pay. Only have a twenty, meal is 12 quid. End up leaving an 8 quid tip for a meal I didn’t eat. That’ll show em.

Waited 45 minutes for the meal, still not arrived, want to leave in a rage but still want to pay. Only have a twenty, meal is 12 quid. End up leaving an 8 quid tip for a meal I didn’t eat. That’ll show em.

Why would you do that?!

Blimey, you're a bit of a twat aren't you?

Exactly. Sometimes I feel I'm crippled by my Britishness, but there's no way I'd pay for something I never received.

British Idiot.

FTFY

When you're at somebody's house and need to leave so you slap your thighs and say "right".

When you're at somebody's house and need to leave so you slap your thighs and say "right".

I just say "well, I best fuck off". Sometimes includes the thigh slap.

For me it's usually the slap, saying "right" and then after a slightly uncomfortable silence following up with "best get a wriggle on".

It's a tried and true method.

It's assuring when they can sense what that slap implies.

Slaps thighs

“right! I’m gunna make like a donkeys dick*

“And hit the road”

finger guns and walk out

'Dame Helen Mirren has said the rise of watching films on streaming services at home is "devastating". If cinemas weren't shit and charged £14.99 for two drinks and 4 bits of popcorn then I'd see her point.

'Dame Helen Mirren has said the rise of watching films on streaming services at home is "devastating". If cinemas weren't shit and charged £14.99 for two drinks and 4 bits of popcorn then I'd see her point.

It's a constant refrain everywhere at the moment, not just cinemas. Nobody bemoaning the 'death' of cinemas or libraries or 'good ol' local shops' is taking into account their various industries' complete failure to move with the changing times. All of these things are important, probably, but if they stick to ancient practices while others are offering more efficient or cheaper or just more convenient options, then they'll fade into obscurity.

Why would I want to go to the cinema to sit in crappy seats, and watch a film for a price greater than the cost of a DVD or Blu Ray, before even taking into account travel costs or the price of any snacks or drinks? Or the ever increasing amount of trailers shown before the movie which makes a mockery of the alleged start times advertised?

Some cinemas might have decent seats but they aren't going to be as comfortable as I'll be at home. And it's not as though it's even really a social experience because you can go with family or mates but you're just sitting in silence (unless you are a dick).

Only reason I can think of is the large screen size and the 3D, for those interested in it. Neither of which appeal to me. Cinemas just don't offer anything I'm interested in.

From the BBC article:

Last year, UK cinemagoers spent a record £1.38bn on tickets, up 6.1% on the previous year.

Admissions don't seem much of a problem either.

Not sure what Dame Helen is worried about. Doesn't seem to be "disappearing" at all.

Totally, completely, comprehensively, absolutely agree. No disrespect, but I don't give a single solitary fuck what Helen Mirren thinks. Cinemas (at least round mine) are a complete rip off. I much prefer streaming.

“Duke of Edinburgh leaves hospital” is not breaking news unless it’s followed by “in a coffin”

“Duke of Edinburgh leaves hospital” is not breaking news unless it’s followed by “in a coffin”

Breaking: old man not dead yet

As much as I agree news about the royal family is not very interesting. He's an old man and he could have died, I'm sure some people are happy he survived and would have liked to know. Whether he is royal family or not it's not really nice to talk about how you're not interested in news about someone unless they're dead.

Treat people as if you know them irl, he's an old guy have some sympathy. Also not to mention news channels are 24 hours a day, it's not like reporting this news is detracting from a more important story, there's time to talk about both.

You think that's bad? They did a breaking news alert for him getting a visit from Princess Anne yesterday.

Edit: added the link to the story

Not going to lie, I'm happy the old git hasn't bought it.

It means we may end up getting a few more PC corkers out of him before he does bite the dust.

Anne strikes me as the kind of person who would tell him to pull himself together every time he complained. My view of her personality has probably been shaped by that 1970s kidnap attempt though.

(Upon being told that she was being kidnapped she said something like "not bloody likely!" and considered punching the guy.)

Trying to book a GP Doctors appointment at 0800 on a Monday morning.

Trying to book a GP Doctors appointment at 0800 on a Monday morning.

138 call attempts.

Mildred is too frail and has to get her shingles medication, but she secretly has a botnet in her basement to auto-call the surgery at 07:59:59 on an atomic-powered clock

Horrible. 07:59:59, voicemail. 08:00:00, you're already in a queue. How is that possible?!

the hacker known as "Four Gran"

Is it an emergency?

I fucking despise this question, if it was an emergency I wouldn't be calling a doctors would I? I'd be calling A&E

The practice of having slowed down versions of classic songs sung by women in adverts really needs to stop. Please let it stop

The practice of having slowed down versions of classic songs sung by women in adverts really needs to stop. Please let it stop

I feel sad that upbeat girl with twangy voice and ukulele is now out of work.

Yes. The Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes one can fuck right off, as can Paloma Faith in her skoda.

At least the OVO Energy ad has the full speed, heavy as fuck, Raining Blood by Slayer.

I would sign your petition. The version of Praise You on some bank advert is the current one on my wick. John Lewis started it with the ironic covers by drippy lasses.

TK Maxx is literally a jumble sale with a roof.

TK Maxx is literally a jumble sale with a roof.

Yeah, except you can sometimes find something that you actually want at a jumble sale.

I went to one in Manchester on the morning it opened and everything was organised and it looked like a normal shop. It was very disconcerting.

It makes Primark look tidy.

Got to say I love my TK max, maybe I'm lucky to have a relatively well organised one but it's great to walk down an entire row of shoes, they are all in your size and see a whole range of brands and styles as options. The clothes are new, branded, and like 40% off the price!

My phone is set to (British) English but it has an “airplane” mode.

My phone is set to (British) English but it has an “airplane” mode.

Where’s my aeroplane mode!?

Android bitches

Mine says 'Flight Mode' in British English and 'Airplane Mode' in Simplified English. Samsung S8+

I do fancy an Aero chocolate bar right now

Surely you can't be serious?

Try one of these subthreads