WhitePeopleTwitter

Great parenting hack

Great parenting hack

☒ Marginally reduce chore workload.

☐ Help child to understand and process emotions to become a functional adult.

"What are you doing? Washing the car? I hate that! Don't do that! EWW"

Smh white people. Just beat your kids until they listen to you. Kids need discipline and consequences

Can confirm

Source: am vacuum

Strangers can be nice

Strangers can be nice

hers looks better than his tbh

True, but his bush probably wouldn't be grey

She was probably just trying to cop a feel... gotta let em though.

That's not the only similar patch of hair he shares with her.

Together.

Together.

'Nothing lasts forever'

Is he dating her? The lucky bastard.

Is math related to science?

"Sweep the leg."

Snapchat filters

Snapchat filters

Holy crap, just googled ”Kylie Jenner before after” and realized that what I thought was the original Kylie Jenner was like her 3rd remodel. She's like a friggin Faceless Man

19 going on 45. She's terrifying on video

I had to find a video after reading that. The first thing that came up was about her explaining why she blew her lips up so bad. It's literally because a guy said "I thought you wouldn't be a good kisser because your lips are so small." So she decided to go destroy her face forever...? Imagine being that stupid and broken.

She went from white to Parmesan?

Hmmm

Hmmm

Did we just discover a missing Baldwin brother?

Another Baldwin. Can't keep up there is too many of them.

They said at the keynote that it detects when you are not paying attention so if your eyes are closed it won't unlock

That problem can be solved by not buying the iPhone X.

How To Teach Your Kids A Lesson

How To Teach Your Kids A Lesson

Anyone else notice that this is a Facebook comment under a tweet? 🤔

I'm guessing, the image of tweet was posted onto FB getting the response in question, where as that image of tweet plus comment is posted onto Reddit, where we're discussing this in comments, which again has potential to end up in 9gag.

It's a vicious cycle.

First rule of discipline. Punishment (and rewards) should be immediate and proportional.

Dog pisses on the rug, you hit them in the nose with newspaper. You do it thirty minutes later after you've already cleaned up the piss, you'll only confuse the dog. If you hit them with a brick instead of a newspaper, the dog only learns to fear you, and may begin to exhibit unwanted behaviors, such as uncontrolled urination in your presence.

Same with kids. Punishing a kid for backtalk by blowing up their minecraft village is both delayed and disproportionate. Instead you should pee on their rug.

"Dad, can I have an ice cream?"

"Remember the village sweety?"

whimpers

"I forgot to tell you what happened on Dance Moms last night..."

"I forgot to tell you what happened on Dance Moms last night..."

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"goodbye"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"uh-huh"

"So anyway, Did I tell you about what your sister said about Jeremy?"

"Yea"

"..."

"Alright I'm gonna-"

"Uh-huh"

"Yea ok"

"Alright-"

"Uh-huh

And Uncle Junior won't come to Kayleigh's wedding because his girlfriend's kids aren't invited. Can you believe that?

I'm avoiding them too

I'm avoiding them too

I'll take my chances death is better than shopping at k-mart.

To use the earths rotation to extend the range. That's why you can fire those rockets only in one direction.

I made that up I have no idea.

It's to show those damm aliens what's what

Where is a Kmart nowadays?

Just Be Positive

Just Be Positive

This sounds like something that would happen in Arrested Development.

Been telling that joke for a month. Few people get it. Many offer sympathy.

We lost him. Sullen look, holds hat to chest

I'm sorry for your loss.

Priorities

Priorities

I ended up renting an office on campus because it comes with a parking space and that is cheaper than having a Parking permit

Leaves me money to spend on other dumb shit

Edit : For the curious, a year permit was around £600 a year and you was not guaranteed a spot while the office had a private car park which you got your own spot and it was right next door to my engineering buildings, I was able to leave my lab stuff in the office so I never forgot it, for £80 a month (I used for 6 months a year)

And now anytime you have a guest you can make a "step into my office" joke. That's three stoned birds.

And now you can use the office as housing. Two birds with one stone my friend.

Please stop killing the birds, sir.

Try one of these subthreads