Wellthatsucks

Might need a three man bike

Might need a three man bike

I lowkey feel bad for that person when they saw it they kinda looked dejected.

Good bot

I am a bot. FAQ // code

They knew the risks

Had a nice surprise waiting for me this morning

Had a nice surprise waiting for me this morning

File a police report so you can use it as backup when you file your uninsured motorist claim...your insurance company will have a far greater chance of not raising your rates (was told this by an underwriter friend).

Haaaaa :/ I would be soooo pissed if I woke up in the morning only to find out I own a Hyundai.

Well that kinda makes sense. I wouldn't expect them to come to you for something like this if it's not an active situation and nobody is hurt. Just call their non-emergency number to report a hit and run with no injuries and they'd let you know if an officer will come out or if you should simply file a report at the station. I imagine the size of town/city and how busy they are will often be the biggest determining factor in their answer.

Damn dude, I'm sorry

Call your insurance company

They will cover it under the 'uninsured' portion of your policy. It's called a phantom loss. You'll have a $200 deductible but that's better than what you're looking at now.

-worked as an insurance agent before

This oatmeal was a trip. The cumin is now hidden in the back of the spice cabinet.

This oatmeal was a trip. The cumin is now hidden in the back of the spice cabinet.

Words are hard.

I did the exact opposite once. Making eggs and accidentally shook a bunch of cinnamon into them.

Don't worry... I did this to my coffee this morning. Different brand same outcome

Words are not supposed to be part of the very early morning anyway

I was half asleep and I forgot I recently bought cumin and didn’t realize they look so similar. When ur used to your routine sometimes you are on auto pilot in the morning and this shit bs happens

Weak wall couldn't hold TV base

Weak wall couldn't hold TV base
Weak wall couldn't hold TV base

Not sure id be blaming the wall....

hope whoever hung that up is handsome, cause they ain't handy.

Looks like you could use some support

Drifting the tank...

I did the same thing with a car once. The street sign didn’t survive as well as my car. Lesson learned, use a tank next time.

On that day no tanks were harmed. Light poles are another story.

From sergeant to gulag in 10 seconds flat.

Russia.

My parents always thought I was gay

My parents always thought I was gay

If I were you, I'd go buy something on craigslist, bring it home and say that you were buying something on craigslist from the guy. I always meet at a public place like that. Unless you already went with the "I'm gay" thing...

Girlfriend of 1 year? What's this then, OP? Something doesn't quite add up.
EDIT: permalink to comment

Girlfriend of 1 year? Something doesn't quite add up. EDIT: permalink to comment

Unless you already went with the "I'm gay" thing...

LOL ... but I guess he can wait until Christmas, give them a present then tell them that he only went with the "I'm gay" thing so as not to ruin the surprise.

OP will just have to be gay this way until Christmas, before this spins into a web of lies, and OP will have to start bringing random guys home for years so he can keep up with the charade and not get caught in this lie. Don't go down that rabbit hole OP!

nah OP should double down.

Tell them you're not gay but you still had sex with the guy in order to get a discount on the craigslist item you got them for christmas.

Sneezed with a mouthful of water...

Sneezed with a mouthful of water...

Sneeze into your hand/sleeve next time!

Just be happy you have a reason to take a break from Econ homework D:

it was a panic! moment so i swallowed 1/6 of the water in a hurry, reached for non-existent tissues while the nose-tickling, biggest sneeze i ever had erupted. HAHA! but i’ll definitely heed your advice the next time i feel a sneeze this size coming

trudat! but now my glass is half empty ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Skiing.

I have a feeling the bindings might need an adjustment.

I just laughed for a full minute at this....that’s a long time to laugh but holy shit this is funny

For the two seconds he was on his skis, he was pretty poorly in control. On top of that, the tension on his bindings are completely inadequate. I don't think that picking more speeds while staying on his skies would have done any good.

Sliding on his ass all the way down was probably the best scenario here.

Where we're going, we don't need skis.

Just another day in San Francisco

Just another day in San Francisco

How does that happen? Doesn't this bus and the driver always go through the same route daily? Maybe suspension was a little raggedy and bus was super heavy.

Still funny tho

They don't have an app for that yet?

Didn’t this exact thing happen a few weeks ago?

If you jack up the front end, it will roll right back down the hill ......

And I'll be taking that

And I'll be taking that

At least the bird didn't poop in his plate.

Why were they filming?

You don't know that, that bird was a freakin ninja

I can think of at least three valid possible reasons, although there might be more:

This has already happened and they wanted to film it. The main characters lack of surprise seems to suggest this.

Main character was about to try some food he had never had before. Wanted to film reaction. Some people have never had a brat before which seems strange to me.

Main character was telling a joke and was about to take a bite before delivering the punchline with an impeccable sense of comedic timing.

Try one of these subthreads