I'm not changing my name
I'm getting married this weekend and everyone has been asking me what my 'new last name' will be.
I'm not changing my name. No, I'm not doing a hyphen and as far as I know, he isn't changing his. Yes, we have discussed this. Yes, he is fine with this, I wouldn't be marrying him if he wasn't. No, it has nothing to do with 'family legacy'. No, I don't care what his family thinks, we haven't discussed it with them.
The expectation on women to change their name once married is, in my opinion, outdated. I like my last name. All my debit and credit cards, my loans, and IDs are in that name and in all honesty, I don't want to go through all the hassle to change them. Not to mention changing your name has roots in women being owned like property to their husbands.
If you want to change your name, or do a hyphen or whatever, thats cool. Just don't expect me to.
Take your husband’s last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You’re the husband now.
Can't even think of anything snappy to say. This is just stupid deluxe.
And that's why he's our "Hey, girl"- guy.
I've said it before, I'll say it again.
No amount of protesting, lobbying, campaigning, praying, etc. will prevent abortions more than increased access to affordable birth control.
Looking back, when I was a teenager, I likely wouldn't have bought the magazine on the right because the titles sound too overly preachy, like something you'd see in one of those cheesy after school specials or a pamphlet your guidance counselor would give you. For me, personally, I used magazines as sort of a fun escape to read about fashion and hair tips.
That is not to say that we don't have issue with how we portray romance, body image, and relationships (platonic or otherwise) in media, but this design feels like an overcorrection. There needs to be balance. There's nothing wrong with girls wanting to reading about makeup, fashion, or hair -- those are all fun -- but it shouldn't be solely that. And, honestly, I feel like if the magazine was solely like the articles on the right, it would add more anxiety to many of our overworked and overstressed teens.
Girls who protect each other in bar bathrooms are SO FUCKING IMPORTANT
So last night, I was in a bar and this guy would NOT FUCK OFF. I was as nice as I could be, because I prefer not to be a bitch and often it just causes aggression from them; but he just would not drop it. He even creeped on us in line for the bathroom, but, this bar had this GORGEOUS, thick, tall, total amazon; who just barks at him "hey, what do you think you're doing here?! Keep it moving! Go!"
I legit tipped her just for being so wonderful. Her whole job is to protect the girls getting in and out without anyone harassing them and making sure no girls pass out in there, etc..
And that is just so vital.
Girls helping each other out in bars is just so important.
When I was 21, several years ago, I went out on a date with a guy who was a client at my work. I only went on this date because I was encouraged to make him feel welcome and comfortable and not push him away.
Well, he seemed really normal, I let him pick me up because he was known at the office.
You ever meet someone who after a couple drinks is a whole different person? I like the quote from jaws to explain this:
"Sometimes that shark, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. Y'know the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya. And those black eyes roll over white, and then... oh, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin', the ocean turns red, and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces."
Guys like that, their eyes change, and they see you as prey, as a conquest that they are determined to have, whether you're going to consent or not.
He had taken me to this seedy bar, and was trying to convince me to go to the hotel across the street, after telling me how his WIFE wouldn't notice if he didn't come home. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Started telling me how she can't handle how rough he likes it but that I'm a young thing and I'd like it...
After a while, I excused myself to the restroom and in tears, call my best friend. At this point I'm legitimately terrified that I'm going to be raped by this guy if I walk out the door with him.
He tells me he'll be there soon, and I try to compose myself to go back out. A woman is in the bathroom.. "Hey sweetie, are you okay?" I lost it crying, telling her no and that I'm scared and don't want to be here but I don't have my car (mind you this is in the country, grabbing a cab isn't even an option). She tells me that it's ok, she's going to wait until my friend gets there and that she and her boyfriend will watch out and make sure nothing happens and that he doesn't try to take me outside.
She helped me fix my makeup and squeezed my hand for reassurance as we walked out.
I went back to the pool table we'd been at. And she goes to the BIGGEST MOTHERFUCKER in the bar, and I can see her explaining what's going on. He looks to me and nods. And as he continues to shoot pool with her, he doesn't even look at the table, just keeps an eye on the creep. After about 20 minutes or so, my friend gets there, and he takes me by the hand, swings me around in front of him and walks me right out of the bar.
The creep is annoyed and tries to follow and coax me into staying. She and her boyfriend had already moved across the bar and they cut him off immediately to prevent him from coming out directly behind us and they then stayed outside until we were in the car and out of the parking lot.
I will never forget how kind she was and caring and so immediately willing and determined to protect a girl she didn't even know, and her boyfriend stepping up to protect me because his girlfriend told him I needed help.
If it wasn't for them, I don't know if things may have escalated when I left, if he may have gotten aggressive.
I've never been in a bar bathroom where girls aren't immediately ready to help each other, whether it's needing help with your makeup, dress, hair, a bad date, holding your hair and handing you paper towels, helping you clean yourself up after losing a few too many drinks, and fixing your mascara when someone made you cry.
So I guess what I'm saying, is that we should all be that girl, we should all be ready and willing to help each other with whatever's going on.
❤️ And thank you, to the bar bathroom girls who've kept me safe and put together when my nights have taken a turn
Where on earth did you work that sends young women alone out with clients for a 'date'?? That is insanely unprofessional and bizarre. I really hope you don't work there any more.
And I'm not saying you did anything wrong and I'm happy that woman at the bar helped you, but for other young women reading this:
Please please stop putting the feelings of strangers before your safety. 'No' is a complete sentence. You should not be worried about looking like a 'bitch' to a random person in the bar that is making you uncomfortable or feel unsafe. Tell them to leave you alone. Tell the bartender what is going on. But do not put their perceived feelings above yourself. You do not have to be nice to everyone.
Don't send your passed out friend home alone in an uber
I'm am uber driver and tonight i had a girl get dropped off by her friend in my car, I wasn't paying much attention and the trip was far so after i got a mumbled conformation of the destination i took off. The girl in the back was asleep the entire ride (~40min) but at 2 in the morning it wasn't anything i hadn't seen before. But when we finally got to her house she was completely out of it and snoring. Nothing i could do could wake her up as much as i tried and she obviously didn't have alcohol poisoning or anything, just knocked out. Luckily her phone didn't have a lock and after trying to get ahold of the people she'd been out with for almost 30 minutes i was able to get through to someone who's couch she could crash on. The fact that she: 1) didn't get a shitty driver 2) had her phone unlocked 3) had a friend who answered his phone (last person she texted, turned out to be in New Jersey) 4) that friend knew someone who lived close by 5) that guy answered his phone Is incredible and she's lucky. I've been in similar situations and been left on the side of the road when i became an inconvenience to a driver. Tl:dr If you are out with friends and they need to go home, don't just drop them off in an uber because you're literally putting their life in that driver's hands.
You did good OP BUT you were also incredibly lucky - It was many moons ago now that I used to drive Taxis but I've seen drivers in your situation have things go pear shaped and end very poorly for them.
If you'd like here are a few tips (you probably know this anyway)
Get yourself an in car camera - I cannot stress how many times I've seen these save drivers from getting into serious shit
Don't take unconscious or almost unconscious fares - there'll always be another passenger and they just aren't worth the risk. Tell their friends to come with them to make sure they get home safely
NEVER let a passenger (especially a drunk one) fall asleep. Open windows, loud music, water for them to drink, talk about bullshit - whatever it takes to keep them awake.
If they do fall asleep do not try to wake them when you are still alone - go to the nearest hospital, police station or major shops and make sure you have plenty of witnesses (and hopefully help) around.
I know you just want to get people home safely and make a bit of money but you need to make sure it doesn't blow up in your face. Unconscious drunks are dangerous for many reasons.
My wife was outed to her father, and he had the most amazing response!
I just want to preface this post by saying that I just discovered this subreddit and I've never posted here before. I am apprehensive about this post because of the name of the group, but I have two X chromosomes, and this is my story. Sorry if this isn't an appropriate place to post this though.
I have never been a prouder wife than as of this very moment. My amazing wife, who is a trans woman, is the kind of person who can change the hearts and minds of prejudiced people just by being the kind, loving, selfless person she's always been. She was just outed to her father after hiding her gender identity from him for decades because he has always been very openly homophobic and transphobic. Of course, his acceptance is of the utmost importance to her since she has always lived her life to make him proud of her.
Just for clarification, my name is Linda. My wife's birth name is Joseph, so her dad calls her Joe since he had no idea until now that she didn't want to be known by her birth name.
This is the email he just sent to us:
"Hi Joe, I hope all is well with you & Linda. Your mom told me about the things you were into and I guess she expected me to be upset. I was not upset - I have come to respect you too much and along with the love I have always had for you, I just want you to know that I wish all the best for you and Linda. Love Always, Dad"
After this year of feeling mostly helpless as far as the bigotry and hatred in the world and even in our own family, I know this is just a small step, but it feels like we've finally started moving the mountain.
Edit: I wanted to say that I am relatively new to reddit, and I'm really overwhelmed by the response to my post. I am really impressed with the depth of discussion that takes place here, and it's been really fascinating to read everyone's comments. I want to respond to everyone who took the time to say something supportive individually, as well as anyone who had a question, but I'm still not quite used to the formatting here, so I'm sorry if I fail to respond to some comments. I am really so amazed at how supportive this group has been. I'm also really grateful for the moderators here for monitoring this group so closely and making sure it remains a safe and supportive space.
I don't want to give any weight to the few comments I've read questioning the validity of my story for whatever reason, but I am happy to verify it with a moderator if that's something that is seen as good etiquette here. If anyone on here can help me figure out how to do that, then I would greatly appreciate it.
So happy for you both!
The overweight girl at the gym
I'm the fat girl.
This is my first week at the gym and every night after work, the same three girls are there. Today I found out they have been snap chatting pictures of me and making fun of me, but I don't mind.
I'm glad that you haven't gone through what I've been through. I use to be in shape, I broke my hip and had to give up all exercise. Then my grandma got sick and I took care of her full time, I couldn't leave her alone because I had no help, so I gained more weight. Then she died, and I ate my feelings and gained more weight. Now I'm a size 22. I don't hate myself, or my body. I love who I am, and that took me my entire life to be able to honestly say those words. I love myself.
It really sucks that society, and your parents raised you that it was okay to try to hurt someone that's trying to better themselves instead of trying to lift them up but I'm not mad. Thank you for reminding me to keep pushing after I had a really long day. In a month when the new year shit has worn off, I'm still going to be dieting and working my ass off at the gym everyday. It's not so you, or anyone else, will except me. It's for me.
I hope anyone else, who feels ugly or is over weight and has decided to make a life change will keep going.
Forget the skinny girls who laugh at you, or the muscly men that tell you you're gross, love yourself.
Let's teach love, today's world needs it❤
As I said on /sub/loseit a little while back...
I've never understood this. Making fun of an overweight person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair.
**UPDATE** the overweight girl at the gym
First of all, I want to thank EVERYONE that had encouraging and uplifting words, towards me or others. Yall proved to me that not all people suck.
If you have messaged me, and I didn't answer, I am terribly sorry. I did not realize that my post would blow up so much. Please never be afraid to messsge me. If you need support, to talk, I don't care. I will help you in anyway I can!
Okay, now to answer common questions:
I live in an extremely small town, I know the girls, and the pictures were in there Snapchat stories. A friend of mine showed me the pictures.
The 'girls' are between 18-21
The gym is owned by a local family, and I did message them last night.
They are going to have a 'meeting' with the girls.
I don't want the girls to get kicked out, I don't want to press charges, and I don't want them to be treated unfairly. They made a bad decision that could of effected my life, others, and there's in huge ways. Being mean to them, will not help me. Being mean to them, will not help anyone. The world will never change if when someone is treated unfairly, they reciprocate in the same way.
The gym owners said they would kick them out, but we decided that telling them they can't have phones is a better option.
Working out had helped me feel so much better, and I've only been doing it a few days. I never want to take that away from anyone.
I just want to add,
Everyone has weight they are carrying. It might be actual weight and it could be figurative weight. Accept them. It doesn't matter. Everyone has a story, don't judge someone because they have a different one than you do.
You are a much kinder person than most. Good on you.