I'm about to turn 26 next month, and I've just figured out how to have an orgasm.
I thought sex was for the male spieces, since you can physically see them release at orgasm. And I thought girls were lying that they could get off, too... In retrospect, I was young and naive. Perhaps even a bit jealous that others loved sex and I thought it was just something fun and naughty to do between couples. I lost my virginity at 16, and the guy I was with for years didn't know how to get a girl off either (not that he tried hard) but he would occionsionally ask if I came. I would say, 'I dont think so?' Or just Plain 'Ole 'no'. He would look hurt after awhile. Bruised ego. So I started lying because I questioned if I even knew if I were getting off during sex. No one ever described how it should feel or how to even do it. Nonetheless, I did this for a decade with different lovers (I'm so sorry previous lovers). I faked orgasms because I just assumed I'd never have an orgasm, or if I was, I wasn't showing it. And I didn't want to hurt my lovers feelings. (I realize, now, how wrong that was....I SHOULD have put some of them to work!) Hehe anyway. Que current lover in my life. He found the spots. The movements. The friction. And the pace. And then, wham bam, thank you, ma'am, my lady bits took off to Andromeda and back within a few, blissful moments. Jesus H christ. This is also where I've begun my own pleasure seeking moments without a lover. Not going to lie, I'm a bigger horn dog now that I've discovered nirvana between the seams. And to the ladies out there that have never had the pleasure of having an orgasm, do not fret. Do not give up! You deserve to have one. It's natural and a part of our anatomy! Enjoy it's grandeur and Keep......rubbing!!!
There was a book called The Sensuous Woman back in the early 70's that told women exactly how to do that -- I recommend it. Of course, when my cousin's mom found her copy of it a week before cousin got married, aunt had a fit and confiscated it and called their minister to pray for deranged sex-addicted cousin.
This is one of the cutest "i finally orgasmed" posts ive read in a long while
And dont worry, i know woman in their 50s that never orgasmed, theres way too much stupid going around that dont like woman knowing how their tingly bits work
I really hope the idea of faking orgasms goes away. A lot of guys want to give their SO's a good experience and the best way to do that is to learn what their partner likes. It makes things so much more difficult if there is faking along the way because then you start doing something you think they like when in reality it does nothing for them. Sex is the most intimate thing there is between two (or more) people. I want to explore your body and figure out what feels good to you.
I understand why faking is around, you want your partner to feel good about themselves. Or sometimes you just aren't feeling it so you fake an orgasm to just have the whole thing be finished... but I think these hurt yourself too much in the long run.
EDIT: Oh, and congrats OP! Glad you found out what works for you! Hope many more orgasms are to come!
"There's nothing wrong with a religion whose laws say a man's got to wear a beard or cover his head or wear a collar. It's when violation of these laws become a crime against the State and not your parents that we're talking about lack of choice."
Aaron Sorkin FTW.
As a Catholic I side with Joe. Look, my family would never get an abortion. But my family is different than others, and we've got more supports than a lot of women who go through this, very often after a guy has left them once they hear she's pregnant.
The real pro life stance that nobody says is "look just don't have sex until you're married". I want those people to point to me in a history textbook, any day that's ever existed on earth where people waited til marriage for sex. It's never happened, it never will happen.
If I want abortion to end, which I very much do, it's got to be done through A) proper sex education and B) contraceptives. What's worse, a baby's life ending or a woman taking a pill? The good news is sex education is already spreading without us doing anything. The cause? Google. No youths ask embarrassing questions anymore. Nobody just goes with the flow on incorrect info (like a bj makes you pregnant) because they just google it and have the answer in seconds. That's a great start, but we can do so much more to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Anti-abortion and pro-choice is a legit stance.
** New law orders Va. insurers to cover 12-month supply of birth-control pills - The Washington Post**
Virginia women will be able to have their insurance provider cover a full year of birth-control pills at once under a bill signed Wednesday by Gov. Terry McAuliffe at an Arlington County clinic.
McAuliffe (D), surrounded by about a dozen elected officials and more than 50 women’s rights advocates, said he was happy to sign what he called the first positive women’s reproductive health measure to emerge from the legislature in his term.
“I’ve spent these years blocking and tackling, stopping the most insane anti-women legislation you can imagine,” he said after the event at the Arlington County Stambaugh Human Services Center Clinic. “This is why elections do matter.”
The bill-signing had the feel of a campaign rally as the ebullient governor bounded into the packed room to a round of applause and joined a crowd of state and local elected officials at the dais. He was introduced by Lt. Gov. Ralph Northam (D),
McAuliffe touted the candidacy of Northam, who is
“If I lost one Democrat in the House of Delegates, one single vote, I would have been overridden. They stood with me,” McAuliffe said.
When the new law takes effect July 1, Virginia will join five other states — Oregon, California, Hawaii, Illinois and Vermont — and the District of Columbia in requiring insurance companies to cover 12 months of birth control at a time.
The legislation was sponsored by Del. Eileen Filler-Corn (D-Fairfax), who said it will help women avoid gaps in birth-control use. It passed both chambers in the Republican-controlled legislature with large bipartisan majorities.
Representatives for health insurers questioned whether the law was necessary, noting that current insurance policies allow people to get 90-day prescriptions and ask for automatic refills.
Advocates called the 12-month birth-control measure a “common-sense” measure that will make it easier for women to stay on the medication.
They cited studies that say having access to 12 months of birth-control pills could reduce the rate of unintended pregnancies by 30 percent and decrease by 46 percent the odds of having an abortion.
A similar bill failed to get out of committee in 2016. The difference this year was that Filler-Corn personally lobbied Republicans, said Tarina Keene, executive director of NARAL Pro-Choice Virginia.
In addition, women’s advocates, accompanied by three physicians, talked with lawmakers who had opposed the bill a year earlier.
“It just makes sense that women have consistent, reliable access to birth control so they can control their reproductive destiny,” Keene said. “It’s much cheaper to supply a woman with a year’s worth of birth control than cover an unexpected childbirth.”Washington Post articles have 14 tracking cookies and 17 tracking scripts. This comment has none.
I like this comment bot.
So excited and jealous about this! My insurance recently changed from allowing 3 month supply to only 1 month supply at a time. I'm assuming it's because they're hoping 'BC has to be free to consumers' will be changed with the next iteration of the health law.
So, his might be a weird perspective, but I don't consider this to be a women's issue specifically. I think that having freely accessible contraceptives is good for society.
I mean, I'm willing to pay for roads I don't drive on because I think having a good infrastructure benefits society as a whole. I don't have children, but I'm totally ok with paying for public schools because I think having an educated populace benefits society as a whole.
Similarly, I think not having a bunch of unwanted children around is good for everyone. It would be nice if there were more options for male contraception, but in the meantime I'm totally willing to support women's access to birth control.
Maybe if this were presented as a societal benefit rather than a women's issue it would get more support.
If you don't want taxpayer dollars to fund 18 years of healthcare, 18 years of education and 18 years of food stamps, then paying a couple hundred for an abortion would be the fiscally responsible thing to do.
That's the thing the people seem to not be able to wrap their head around. A poor woman that works two jobs and doesn't want to have a kid will use tens of thousands of dollars of government assistance minimum if she has to have one against her will.
Most conservatives would probably prefer a poor woman to both be forced to have a child against her will AND to be denied government assistance. You know, because it's so simple to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you have 4 kids and you live in inner city Chicago.
Funny how people seem to forget that pregnancy is a debilitating, painful and potentially life-threatening condition.
But hey, treating that condition should clearly not be covered, because you did something to get that way, the same way hospitals refuse to treat colds if you went outside and shook someone's hand, or refuse to fix your broken leg if it happened by falling off a bicycle.
You should have to prove that someone non-consensually inflicted a cold on you, or came up and broke your leg while you were minding your own business (and not dressed in a way that would provoke leg-breaking). Only then can you get treated.
I wonder if redpill members are disproportionately politically conservative.
The actual reporting here by The Daily Beast was fantastic and the (very long) article is well worth the read. This guy basically catfished people to create a different online persona but was stupid enough to leave clues that linked all his profiles together.
I, for one, am not surprised in the slightest that a Republican lawmaker was behind an extremely misogynistic and hateful sub.
If you've ever been to visit the sub, yeah
Gotta admit, died a little inside hearing that this person's attitude has been rewarded with modest power and status.
We'd like to think those people never escape the basement. Afraid it just isn't true.
My employer is a religious hospital system. As a result, even though I am fully insured, my anti baby pills are paid for out of pocket. It isn't much, but considering I only use the insurance for an annual physical, I'd prefer to have them cover my prescription. But according to my hospital system, the only approved birth control is an aspirin held firmly between the knees. Continue holding until a baby is desired or menopause, whichever comes first.
Women cannot get a tubal ligation with their Cesarean section here, even if they have outside insurance. Any sterilization procedure such as a hysterectomy, ablation, or vasectomy will not be covered by the hospital insurance except in extreme circumstances. I know one employee who basically almost had to bleed to death before gaining approval for uterus removal to be covered.
Other than the backwards religious principals regarding women's health, reproductive choices, and rights, it is a lovely place to work.
Forgot to add, definitely in the United States :P
My employer is a religious hospital system.
I find this so frustrating. There really is no place for religion or religious exemptions in the medical SCIENCE field. If you're not willing to take care of your medical responsibilities, then don't go into the medical SCIENCE field.
Same for businesses...religion and religious exemptions have no place in business either. If you're not willing to follow the law regarding businesses, then don't go into business. Open a church instead.
US also seems to have no free higher education system, no coverage for a proper maternity/paternity leave, and no free medical support from what I understand from Reddit.
It is weird when you think of it - it is, after all the richest country of the world, yet the tax money is spent on military, and not on the citizens.
edit: grammar Edit 2: a thousand upvotes and several guys defending the honour of the USA from me - guys, I am not attacking or anything.
Yeah, I don't think America not providing free contraceptives is a result of our tax policy. We have no problem paying for fighter jets, aircraft carriers, tanks, and missiles.
I would argue that the problem isn't money but culture. A large swath of the country is morally set against contraceptives.
My ex husband stole my identity after he learned I am pregnant.
My ex husband stole my identity after he learned I am pregnant.
My ex-husband was never very nice to me while we were married and certainly not after we got divorced last year. Part of the reason we divorced was because I wasn’t ready to have children and he was. Eventually, he started drinking more, demanding sex, and I had enough, opting to leave him before it got any worse. I met a new man soon after and I’m happy to say that after a year of dating, we are engaged! Last month, while planning for the wedding, I discovered that I am pregnant. It was shocking but we are rolling with it, the baby is due a few months before the wedding so we aren’t changing our timeline. My fiance told a few of his friends and apparently one of his friends told a friend of my ex, who ended up telling him.
3 weeks ago, my phone started blowing up with text messages, vile, hateful messages about how I betrayed him and so much more. Instead of responding, I blocked his number on my wireless carrier’s website.
On Friday, I received a call from my credit card company asking if I had made an $800 purchase in the last few minutes. I hadn’t and they asked me if I’d like to freeze both of my credit cards. “But I only have one credit card” I told the credit card company operator. He then told me “I” had just opened a new card the week before, the address was my ex husband’s house.
I cancelled the card but I’m still in shock, it hasn’t worn off after 2 days. My fiance is out of town until tomorrow and I’ve just been holed up in the house ever since. I think I just need to be told it’s going to be alright.
I am so sorry this happened to you, nobody should have to go through identity theft.
If he opened one card, he might have opened more. You need to pull your credit reports from AnnualCreditReport.com and see what is on there. Anything you don’t recognize needs to be dealt with immediately by calling the company listed and saying that your identity has been stolen.
Next, you’re going to want to go to IdentityTheft.gov which will walk you through the process of possibly freezing your credit reports at least temporarily, and help you make a report for the next step, which is filing a police report. As an addendum, anyone can freeze their credit reports for 30 days but credit agencies can start charging you for it after that, unless you are a victim of identity theft, which you are.
Call the non-emergency number for your local police department and explain the situation and that you have the identity theft affidavit from the FTC. They’ll probably tell you to come in anytime and an officer will file a report for you. You’ll want a copy of this report to give to the companies listed on your credit report that you don’t recognize or that you know have accounts that don’t belong to you.
After following the identity theft plan from IdentityTheft.gov, you will probably want to sign up for a credit monitoring service. There are plenty out there that will be happy to sell you something for $30 a month but there are 2 free ones that do the exact same thing:
Credit Sesame - sends you an email anytime something new pops up on your credit and let’s you see your credit report and score.
Credit Karma - gives you an updated score every week and lets you see two credit reports.
The last thing you want is to have him start opening more accounts either during the investigation (which would be stopped with a credit freeze) or months down the line when you might not be thinking about it.
You are the victim of your ex huband’s jealous, vindictive behavior. However, since you know who took your identity (a lot of people don’t when it happens to them) you should be able to get things straightened out pretty quickly and he’ll be in a world of trouble for it.
Having been a personal banker, please do all of this.
Please do not feel guilty for turning him into the police. This is a VERY serious offense than can ruin people's lives. (Seriously could impede your ability to buy a house, a car, increase your rates on utilities due to your credit score).
A protection Order might be a good idea too.
My sister went through this just two weeks ago. She said even being in the hospital is traumatizing because you are in there alone and the events just play over and over in your head and it takes almost all day to get everything tested. At the end she recived her bill ~1k.
It just makes it seem like it was your fault that you got raped which is pretty fucked up.
Edit: I just want to add that the hospital bill was ~1k, but the meds she was prescribed were $800 total with a $400 copay. And this doesn't include the therapy. It is truly sickening the cost of being a victim.
To prosecute my rapist, who was found not guilty this week, I paid about $1500. Not including the medical costs, where I needed a kit, shots, pills, and blood draws to make sure I didn't have any STDs.
Yup. Went to the er for a miscarriage and all I came out with was "hey your baby is dead" and a bill for $3000 for an ultrasound and 3 hour stay.
Heyyyy... I'm a male. I was molested/raped as a kid. I still see a therapist, and have some issues. I've paid more than $1,000 in copays alone from that. I also have medical problems with my digestive system from the damage done. spent thousands there just as an adult. Not even what my parents spent.
It's not just women.
Edit: thank you random stranger for my first gold.
Dating a rape victim
Women of reddit, I need your advice!
I (m) have been dating a really awesome girl for a couple of weeks. We didn't have sex yet and last night it almost happened, but I sensed something was bothering her. I asked if I could continue and she then told me that she had been raped by a colleague a couple of months prior and that she wasn't ready yet. I immediately stopped my sexual advances, told her I would not mind waiting, that I would be there for her, and we just cuddled through the night. Obviously this changes the whole dating dynamics I'm used to, but I truly don't think less of her in any way.
My question is: How can I help her cope with this situation? What are the Dos and Don'ts of dating a girl who experienced something as horrific as this? I don't want her to feel pitied or different, I just want her to feel good.
I appreciate your comments!
As a rape victim, I applaud and appreciate your concern and your compassion. I second most of what everyone has said.
Just also remember that triggers will happen and sometimes in the middle of sex. You have to be ok with stopping at that point and letting her handle her own issues. Do not get upset with her. It's not her fault.
Also, urge her to go to see a therapist. It's very difficult but will help.
Seems like you're already being amazing about it.
Big easy steps:
Believe her. (if she opens up about it further try to avoid "why" questions, they come off as blamey)
Respect her boundaries. (You already are! Picking up on body language clues/letting her set the pace of the relationship)
Be there if she wants your support. (let her decide when/if/how she wants help then support her in it.)
I've been with my wife for ten years. She told me about her rape after a few months together. So I did as much as you currently do: respect her boundaries, didn't push for details, and made sure that what we were doing in the bedroom was at her comfort level. All good things, right?
Mostly. I wish I could have gone back and encouraged her to see a counselor or therapist. There were so many aspects to her rape that she pushed away, essentially back logging them for a date -to be determined.
Reliving moments in your life, especially the terrifying ones and let's be clear; the victims of rape are in no way thinking happy thoughts as they're violated. She started having dreams again, a couple years ago. Would just start crying out of no where when she became pregnant. Which, I get that some women have heightened emotions while carrying, but heightened emotions AND having a merry go round of bad thoughts floating around isn't healthy. She was put on an SSRI and was hooked up with a counselor.
After they birth of our child, she got super distant. Wouldn't kiss me anymore. Was very angry and was always trying to pick fights for little things like changing the babies diaper twice in a row or getting up with him during the night. Usually something I'd be okay with being angry about, but she was so incredibly bitter that it just put me in a haze.
For the TL;DR, she was having an affair. She stopped taking her SSRI, and she was going through some major postpartum depression. I know that to some, cheating is cheating and that ends everything where its at. I almost left. But in the end, I want her happy, healthy - mentally and physically, and in love with the family we've made.
She's seeing a therapist now. She is a wonderful, caring and loving mother and a great partner.
Long story short, have her talk to someone. Some people need tools to fend off the endless bad thoughts. Some just need to talk. And some need a cast (SSRI's) to get that broken part to heal a little bit.
Good luck, man. You are a good person.
Edit: I really want to thank everyone for the discussion and guilding me. It's the first time I've opened up about it in a public forum. My friends and family still don't know, and probably never will. But that's not important. The important thing, is being a supportive tier to a structure that's just gone through an earthquake. Whatever sense that may be. Be an ear to listen, a voice to comfort, and be strong enough to ask if they might hurt themselves or need professional help. None of what I said will be good advice in your own situation, or some of it will be. Do what you can, with everything you have, and never be satisfied.
Edit 2: So much positive coming from this thread has been making my studies rather difficult. It's been a pleasant surprise to interact with you all. To the Mods, thanks for deleting some of the really nasty ones. I appreciate you.
I did come here to support a fellow Redditor, though. Unfortunately, the discussion has swayed into putting my experience at the forefront and I didn't intend to do that. So please give OP the guidance and influence he seeks, because someone's life was shattered and he's simply asking for advice on the glue. Good luck, OP. I hope you found some help for your new found love.
A lot of the comments are very supportive of you. But I'm also dating a rape victim. I am by no means saying you shouldnt do it. Everything they have said is true. But one thing I haven't seen yet is this:
It will be difficult. And it will be frustrating. Your happiness is important too. If it becomes too much, communicate. Don't let her past experience keep you in something that isn't going to work. Guilt is a big relationship killer.
what if women collectively just stopped wearing (high) heels to work and put on other (stylish and) comfortable shoes instead?
a mass-firing or a very sudden change of heart by the government? they would hardly fire every woman in such a position can they?
i assume not every woman would want to join in on this. because a) some women might like the style and b) other women would use it as a chance to get ahead
"b) other women would use it as a chance to get ahead"
Game theory is why anti-discrimination laws are essential to countries with capitalist economies.
Consider if you were the least racist person ever born; but you owned a restaurant in the 30's or 40's, and assume the competition in your town is fierce.
YOU may want to allow black people, but that might mean that many of your white customers (who also have more money, which actually parallels our gender wage gap) choose the competition over you because they are racist.
You are effectively forced to discriminate to stay in business.
The same thing is true of labor markets. Some companies would fire the woman who didn't wear heels, some companies wouldn't. BUT the women that do wear heels have an huge advantage by catering to the discriminatory individuals; since they aren't really handicapped at all to the employers that don't discriminate they have more job opportunities and therefore more negotiating power. You reduce any "decision" to one singular "stronger strategy".