ProgrammerHumor

Oh, that settles things.

Oh, that settles things.
Oh, that settles things.

I am an analyst/programmer, or, analrammer, as I prefer to call it.

I downvoted my own comment to help put this one at the top. (Analrammers should always be on top.)

Require medical assistance.

So, what do coders do?

4chan wasn't having it, to be fair I don't think I could bring myself to write a line of Java code either

4chan wasn't having it, to be fair I don't think I could bring myself to write a line of Java code either

Joke's on OP. That is not a valid java class name (Cannot begin with a number).

Haha I hate java too. Everyone hates java right? nervous laughter

public class FourChan {

FTFY

Goddamn 4chan invalids

The neverending story.

The neverending story.

Why is BASIC the only language in the Futurama universe?

Probably because it's funny that it would be the only language there. Everyone seems to be incompetent in that universe, so why wouldn't they write everything in BASIC?

10 HOME 20 SWEET 30 GOTO 30

Competence? No. Masochism maybe.

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Quick fix genius...

Quick fix genius...

error: program exited successfully

If you can fake it, ship it.

#include <iostream> int main(int argc, char** argv) { try { // myprogram(); } catch (std::exception e) { std::cout << "You mad, bro?" << std::endl; } #define FUCK_YOU 0 return FUCK_YOU; }

Edit: It compiles mother fucker. Can you say the same about your code?

Edit: It totally didn't compile. I fixed it now. TEST DRIVEN DESIGN FOR THE WIN!!!

In some GBA Pokemon games, you'll get a notice like "The Save File is Ruined" if the battery backup savegame RAM fails a checksum/sanity check. Then the file will be erased and you'll have to start again.

On pirated/bootleg versions of the game they just changed the message to "The Save File is OK" and added a jump to skip the save file erasure. Sure fire way to spot a fake even if you know nothing about the PCB.

JS....

JS....

Wat

actually issues only in the particular JavaScript engine the presenter was using

wow that sure makes it better

String + object -> string concatenation

String - object -> math subtraction

It's that simple

I remember my professor going through that video in my JavaScript class and explaining why everything worked like that. He even pointed out that a few of the things that were called out in that video we're actually issues only in the particular JavaScript engine the presenter was using. When we tried to recreate them we weren't able to.

Webpack saves me so much time

Webpack saves me so much time

Our codebase has like 400 lines of webpack configuration. It saves time when it works but in the end you can't reconfigure it since it's almost unreadable.

It's hilarious that you're getting downvoted for calling the guy who thinks the Clinton family wants to kill him over his blog and that Hillary winning the election would mean there'd "never be another male president" deluded.

Edit: Oh wait, how could I forget "women not putting out is the primary cause of terrorism."

Edit 2: Scott Adams thinks he's Dilbert but he's actually the pointy-haired boss.

Whoa…I do not recommend clicking on the links to this dude's blog. Guy is full-on deluded. I was not expecting that…

Randall did it better.

Client-side security.

Client-side security.

I think we figured out the last time this was posted that the phone really will only dial 911 but the people in the room were tired of people not reading the sign and then complaining that the phone didn't work.

Which interestingly enough is the reason you apply client side rules to match your other policies.

911? I cut my finger on some jagged metal.

*dials any other combination of ones and nines*

What are clouds made of?

What are clouds made of?

Linux servers running virtual Linux servers

This could easily be an XKCD panel

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you’re referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX. Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called “Linux”, and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project. There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine’s resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called “Linux” distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.

No, Richard, it's 'Linux', not 'GNU/Linux'. The most important contributions that the FSF made to Linux were the creation of the GPL and the GCC compiler. Those are fine and inspired products. GCC is a monumental achievement and has earned you, RMS, and the Free Software Foundation countless kudos and much appreciation.

Following are some reasons for you to mull over, including some already answered in your FAQ.

One guy, Linus Torvalds, used GCC to make his operating system (yes, Linux is an OS -- more on this later). He named it 'Linux' with a little help from his friends. Why doesn't he call it GNU/Linux? Because he wrote it, with more help from his friends, not you. You named your stuff, I named my stuff -- including the software I wrote using GCC -- and Linus named his stuff. The proper name is Linux because Linus Torvalds says so. Linus has spoken. Accept his authority. To do otherwise is to become a nag. You don't want to be known as a nag, do you?

(An operating system) != (a distribution). Linux is an operating system. By my definition, an operating system is that software which provides and limits access to hardware resources on a computer. That definition applies whereever you see Linux in use. However, Linux is usually distributed with a collection of utilities and applications to make it easily configurable as a desktop system, a server, a development box, or a graphics workstation, or whatever the user needs. In such a configuration, we have a Linux (based) distribution. Therein lies your strongest argument for the unwieldy title 'GNU/Linux' (when said bundled software is largely from the FSF). Go bug the distribution makers on that one. Take your beef to Red Hat, Mandrake, and Slackware. At least there you have an argument. Linux alone is an operating system that can be used in various applications without any GNU software whatsoever. Embedded applications come to mind as an obvious example.

Next, even if we limit the GNU/Linux title to the GNU-based Linux distributions, we run into another obvious problem. XFree86 may well be more important to a particular Linux installation than the sum of all the GNU contributions. More properly, shouldn't the distribution be called XFree86/Linux? Or, at a minimum, XFree86/GNU/Linux? Of course, it would be rather arbitrary to draw the line there when many other fine contributions go unlisted. Yes, I know you've heard this one before. Get used to it. You'll keep hearing it until you can cleanly counter it.

You seem to like the lines-of-code metric. There are many lines of GNU code in a typical Linux distribution. You seem to suggest that (more LOC) == (more important). However, I submit to you that raw LOC numbers do not directly correlate with importance. I would suggest that clock cycles spent on code is a better metric. For example, if my system spends 90% of its time executing XFree86 code, XFree86 is probably the single most important collection of code on my system. Even if I loaded ten times as many lines of useless bloatware on my system and I never excuted that bloatware, it certainly isn't more important code than XFree86. Obviously, this metric isn't perfect either, but LOC really, really sucks. Please refrain from using it ever again in supporting any argument.

Last, I'd like to point out that we Linux and GNU users shouldn't be fighting among ourselves over naming other people's software. But what the heck, I'm in a bad mood now. I think I'm feeling sufficiently obnoxious to make the point that GCC is so very famous and, yes, so very useful only because Linux was developed. In a show of proper respect and gratitude, shouldn't you and everyone refer to GCC as 'the Linux compiler'? Or at least, 'Linux GCC'? Seriously, where would your masterpiece be without Linux? Languishing with the HURD?

If there is a moral buried in this rant, maybe it is this:

Be grateful for your abilities and your incredible success and your considerable fame. Continue to use that success and fame for good, not evil. Also, be especially grateful for Linux' huge contribution to that success. You, RMS, the Free Software Foundation, and GNU software have reached their current high profiles largely on the back of Linux. You have changed the world. Now, go forth and don't be a nag.

Thanks for listening.

I wonder...

I wonder...

The compiler, that's who.

}

//had to it was eating at me

The compiler always wins :(

Compiletime error - she's the boss

Runtime error - not her problem

Fucked up compiler settings - you get what you ordered.

"Curly boy" is killing me.

Dating a programmer

Dating a programmer

The best date format for use in file names, too! Sorts properly, but is also human-readable.

Tell that to the humans I work with. :/ They also have a thing against 24 hour time.

I don't understand why 24 hour time is such an issue. I mean, it is somewhat difficult for me to get used to, but it's not hard to do it in my head. I even explain to people how I do it, and they complain it's too easy.

If the number is more than 12, subtract 12 and that's the hour. Or ignore the one, subtract 2 and bam. If it's 15:00 just ignore the one, subtract two and you know it's 3.

After a while, you'll look at the number and you'll automatically know what time it is.

It can take a little bit to get used to, but it's not that hard. I much prefer the 24 hour time system, just like I much prefer this date format. Both just make the most sense.

ISO 8601 allows timezone if you use the longhand notation, for example 2017-05-19T11:55:43+03:00 !

Try one of these subthreads